It'd been 2 hours since Hinasuke left her apartment building. She checked the time; 22:05.
She stared at the ceiling a little longer. Her heart was still heavy.
She'd cried all night again yesterday, it seemed like she always cried harder on Saturdays.
She muttered beneath her breath, a phrase, something small, something that...meant something:
"More than you'll ever know."
That phrase. It was the text message she'd gotten from Akashi on Christmas last year.
Her eyes stung again as she remembered his smile, the way he'd start laughing whenever she told him one of her lame jokes. Oh god, she missed him.
She rolled on her side, tears slipping down across her face, sticking to her hair, "Why did you have to leave me, Shi..."
Again, she cried.
Cried for her brother.
Cried for her protector.
Cried for the one who taught her everything.
She needed him. More than she thought she did. And that's what killed her. Knowing that she'd never be able to have him tell her just how much she mattered.
Eventually, thirty minutes turned into an hour. She still wasn't hungry and she could hear Yano snoring in the next room.
She sat up, bones popping as her feet flung to the side of the bed onto the wooden floor.
She barely even lifted her feet as she shuffled to the living room with nothing but an oversized shirt on, Akashi's shirt.
She slumped onto the couch, her long messy hair tangling around the couch like cobwebs. Her hand slid to her side, picked out her phone and for two minutes, just stared at her reflection.
Disheveled hair. Tear streaked face. Dark circles around her eyes.
She looked drained of color. And purpose.
Her phone pinged.
It was Hinasuke.
Hina: "You alright? I bought some sushi and put it in the fridge. I asked Yano to put some Ohagi by the table for you in case you wanted some when you slump on the couch."
Her eyes slid to the table next to her after she read that. She didn't even notice that the Ohagi was even there.
She stared at the text.
Then.
"Thanks."
He replied immediately:
Hina: "No problem. Just don't do that again, okay? Otherwise I'll drag you back here."
She smiled a little at that.
"Think I could do that with Akashi?" She whispered to herself.
A few notifications popped up. Mostly junk mail.
Top 10 funniest videos.
Cats that saved people's lives.
Ishiki Kazuki saves 2000 people from Junchiki Shrill attack.
What to do when you miss your period—
"What the?" She thought, reading the last bit, before she opened up Gallery.
She started scrolling through the multiple pictures of her and the crew.
One of them was of Yoshida trying to beat Akashi in a dumpling eating contest. He lost obviously.
Another was the day Hinasuke actually tried to beat Yoshida in the ring. That match ended with half the fighting room painted green and gold.
But there's one that caught her eye.
Akashi and her. Just sitting by a fountain in the city park. She was lucky to had even run into him that day. He was in a hurry from the way he was rushing, but he always made time for her even in the busiest of situations.
Ah, the tears were coming again.
"Gosh, what I wouldn't give to know why you did it, Shi..." She whispered so faintly it broke halfway.
Truth be told, she didn't want to know, but the more she started thinking to herself, the more it hurt.
But then...
( "Oh and remember. Life's too short to have to worry about what comes tomorrow when it hasn't happened yet, okay? Lighten up. Enjoy the now. Besides, the day I die, it'll have to be in a grand way.")
She chuckled, half sobbing, her forearms covering her eyes, "Oh it was grand alright..."
The memories came back again.
That night.
Holding his corpse in her arms, blood all over.
Hold on...
Blood all over?
Her sobs slipped into his quiet shaky breath as she actually started piecing things together...
And the more she thought.
The more...things just didn't add up.
Why would Akashi kill himself?
"...Shi," she whispered to herself, "I don't get it. Why? What we're going through that—" her voice cracked, the tears were still falling, "...that made you wanna kill yourself?"
Just then, her phone buzzed again.
She didn't pick it up right away, but when she did, she saw a notification from Yoshida.
Yoshi: "Hey, Aki. Sorry I couldn't stay, I had some stuff to take care of. I hope you're alright now. If you see this and are still alive, lol, then text me back. It can be about anything and nothing. You know I've always got your back...promise."
She stared at the words and a small, shaky smile crept up her lips. Her heart burned, her breathing was shallow, soft and unstable.
God, what did she ever do to deserve such friends?
Her fingers moved across the screen, hesitant and slow, her fingers twitching over each letter till she finally sent:
"Hey, Yoshi. I'm... trying to be better. I'm not gonna promise that I'll be better anytime soon though, but... for what it's worth, thank you. For everything you've done for me."
She sent it.
He read it immediately.
Then replied with a simple sticker of a cat mascot in yellow giving her a thumbs up:
Yoshi: "Always. Though, if you don't mind me asking. You coming to campus on Monday? The professors have been on my ass for the past 3 weeks now."
"I'll be there...soon."
"Sure."
She stared at her screen. The background being a picture of her with all her friends and Akashi next to her, smiling. Happy.
" Hey Yoshi..."
"?"
She hesitated, biting her lip as she wiped her face.
"Did Akashi...ever seem strange to you?"
"Nope. Not once."
"Yoshi..."
"Mhm?"
She took a deep breath, her eyes sharpening a little:
"Why do you think Akashi killed himself?"
On the other end, Yoshida, sitting on the couch, legs crossed with Hinasuke punching the life out of the new punching bag, hesitated when he saw that question.
"Woah. That's a heavy question," Yoshida muttered.
"One of your girlfriend's?" Hinasuke said, swinging hard hits to the bag.
Yoshida chuckled beneath his breath, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, "No. It's nothing, Hina..."
He then typed:
"To be completely honest, I don't know. I know he didn't have an easy life—both of you—but...knowing him, that just wasn't enough reason for him to kill himself. It honestly doesn't make sense..."
"Do you think...maybe it wasn't suicide?"
His eyes softened a little.
"Ah geez. You're still in shock, huh, Aki?" He whispered.
But before he could reply, she sent another text message:
"Because I know he'd never do that to me, Yoshi. Never in a million lifetimes. Something just doesn't add up..."
"Aki, listen..."
"No, just hear me out. What if there's more than what meets the eye? What if someone did something to him? You know it's not impossible for him to get manipulated by someone with the experience to. Maybe he got caught and then someone tried to silence him —"
Before she could go on, Yoshida sent another text:
"It's not impossible for him to want to kill himself, Aki. Maybe he just had some problems that we just...never saw."
"—and when they tried to silence him, they made it look like suicide!"
On the other end, when Akira saw that message, she paused for a second.
"Want?" She whispered to herself, hands shaking, "How can Akashi want to kill himself?" Her voice was barely above a whispered and yet underneath it, there was a undercurrent of denial disguised as anger:
"You think my brother wanted to kill himself?"
"That's not what I'm saying, Aki. I'm just...maybe it isn't to ridiculous to believe that the Akashi we knew just... wasn't him."
"Bullshit." She hissed at her phone, "That's bullshit!"
"Are you telling me that I, his SISTER, don't know MY own brother?!"
"That's not what, I'm saying, Aki, please listen. It's just—"
Before his text got sent, Akira threw her phone on the wall, shattering it completely.
The noise woke up Yano, who was just in the other room sleeping.
Akira's chest was heaving, crashing up and down as she stood up and went into her room.
A few minutes passed and then Akira heard a knock on the door, "Aki? You alright? I heard something break..."
It was Yano Yubanai, Akira's closest—and probably only—female friend from High School.
She wasn't usually the gentle type, but ever since Akashi's death, Yano became a whole lot softer to Akira, almost as if she was always walking around a wounded animal.
"I'm fine, Yano. I just...I need time to think," Akira croaked, throat thick with emotion.
"Okay, if that's what you want... I'll give you space."
She took a few steps, and when she saw Akira's phone smashed on the phone, Akira heard a faint sigh from the door before her own closed.
For a long time, Akira just stayed curled up in bed. The thought of Akashi, her own brother, doing such a thing just was something he'd ever do. She knew that, she truly believed it too.
Something happened that night.
Something had to have happened that night.
"I don't know what you went through, Shi, but I swear...I swear I'll find out the truth," she whispered to herself between sobs, "I know you wouldn't do anything like that. I just know it."
And then, just before she drifted into a deep slumber, she whispered one last time, as if already promising the world: "I will find out what happened. Even if it kills me."
Then, she fell asleep, still clinging onto the hoodie that was once her brother's.