By the time I get back to the apartment, I feel like someone wrung me out and forgot to put me back together.
The place is dim. Only the kitchen light is on. Josh is sprawled on the couch with a bowl of noodles, the TV playing some old action movie at low volume. He glances at me when I shut the door.
"Yo," he says, like he has not been waiting for me at all.
"Hey," I answer, toeing off my shoes.
I walk past him, drop my bag by the chair, and sit down. My shoulders feel stiff, as if they are still bracing for someone to yell at me. Josh slurps noodles loudly, which somehow makes the silence feel louder. Alice is visiting her parents tonight, so it's just me and Josh here.
After a bit, he clears his throat. It is not subtle or natural. It is the kind of throat clear you do when you practiced in the mirror and still got it wrong.
"So, uh. Mom called."
I blink. That is not even on the list of things I expected to hear tonight.
I lean back. "Okay...?"
He twirls noodles around his fork like he is stalling for time. "She wants you to come to her place next week. Something about a small event. A product launch party, to be exact. And she wants you to meet her fiancé."
There it is. Dropped into the room like a rock.
I stare at the carpet for a second, trying to process it. It has been three years. Three years of almost nothing. And now suddenly she wants me at a family event.
I try to keep my voice light. "Why does she want me there? I mean, she never even made a phone call since the divorce."
Josh snorts. "She did not say. She just told me to tell you. And..." He hesitates before finally looking at me. "I do not want to go alone."
Ah. That part I understand instantly.
I rub the bridge of my nose. I don't want to go. I really don't. But Josh looks genuinely uncomfortable, and he rarely admits he needs backup for anything involving Mom's new life.
"Yeah," I say quietly. "I will go."
He nods, relieved but pretending he isn't. "Cool. Thanks."
We slip back into our usual roommate silence. Yeah, he rarely ever goes back to his mother's house. He resumes eating. I stare at the wall while my mind replays every awful moment from today.
After a minute or two, I stand.
"I am gonna call Grandma before bed."
Josh lifts his hand in acknowledgment without taking his eyes off the plate.
In my room, I dial her number. She picks up on the second ring and immediately scolds me for calling late, though she sounds happy to hear me. We talk about small things. Her plants. Dad forgetting to buy milk again. The weather. Nothing deep, but it steadies me.
When I hang up, I sit on the edge of my bed and let the quiet settle around me.
It has been a long, confusing day. And next week is not going to be any simpler.
I lie down, exhale, and hope sleep shows some mercy.
⟡ ✧ ⟡
The campus looks almost unreal in the morning light. Too bright, too normal for the chaos in my head. Students are scattered across the grounds, lounging on benches, leaning against trees, talking about weekend plans and assignments they definitely have not started.
It feels like I am drifting through the living like some kind of ghost. Coffee in hand. Backpack hanging off one shoulder. Heart caught somewhere between exhaustion and numbness.
I wait outside the lecture hall, pretending to scroll through my phone, when I feel someone watching me.
I look up.
Lena.
She is walking toward me slowly, as if each step is being debated in her chest. Her hair is loose today, falling over her shoulders in the same easy way I used to love. She looks nervous. Not tired. Not angry. Nervous. Soft around the edges, like someone carrying a secret that hurts to hold.
Her eyes meet mine, and something inside me stutters.
She stops a foot away. Her scent hits me first. Lavender shampoo. The same one she always used. My chest tightens painfully at the familiarity.
"Ash," she says quietly. Her voice is gentle. Too gentle. Too familiar. Too dangerous.
"Can we talk for a second?"
It hits me how long I have wanted to hear those words. Even now, after everything, my heart leaps at her voice like a loyal dog that never learns.
I open my mouth.
The universe, however, has a personal vendetta.
"Ash!"
Alice's voice cuts through the moment like someone slicing a fragile thread in half.
She appears from behind Lena with fast footsteps and a level of confidence that belongs to people who have no idea they are ruining a life-changing moment. Before I can react, she grabs my arm and pulls me half a step closer.
Then she turns to the small crowd forming around us and raises her voice.
"Guys. Since everyone here clearly likes gossip more than studying..."
A few students laugh.
"...let me clear this up before anyone invents another rumor."
I blink, confused.
Alice lifts her chin with a queen-like glare and announces:
"Ash is my boyfriend."
The courtyard explodes with reactions.
A few people cheer.
Some whisper.
Some stare like the semester just got interesting.
My brain shuts down.
What…
What!
I turn to Alice, ready to say something, but she squeezes my arm, silently begging me to go along.
Then I remember the ugly rumor. The one about me sleeping with Alice to get rent benefits. The one that never died, even after the investigation proved my innocence in the matter with Ms Clarke.
And Alice. Proud. Tough. Reckless.
But also someone who hates being reduced to a rumor.
She is trying to protect her reputation. And mine. And she trusted me enough to tie her name to mine in public.
I owe her.
So even though my pulse is crashing against my skull, and even though Lena is right there watching this, I force myself to nod.
"Yeah," I say. My voice feels hollow.
"She is right. We are dating."
The crowd hums.
Alice beams, a little too brightly. Armor disguised as confidence.
And Lena…
Lena looks like someone just yanked the ground out from under her.
Her eyes widen.
Her lips part slightly, like she tried to speak but the words collapsed.
Her face shifts from shock to pink embarrassment and then to a blankness that looks like it hurts to hold.
She steps back.
One slow step.
Another.
Her shoe scuffs against the pavement, the faintest sound in the world, but it hits me harder than shouting.
She tries to mask it, tries to swallow the hurt, but Lena has never been able to lie with her eyes.
And right now, her eyes were showing her shattered soul.
My stomach twists.
Why do you look like that?
You chose Samuel.
You told me it was your choice.
So why are you looking at me like I am the one betraying you?
I am still staring at her when she turns away. Her shoulders are tight. Her hands are clenched. She walks quickly, like she needs distance before her expression breaks entirely.
Alice finally lets go of my arm and exhales.
"Well," she mutters, flipping her hair. "That should shut people up."
But her voice barely reaches me.
All I can see is the look on Lena's face.
Shock. Hurt. Jealousy she could not hide. I can't understand it. She was the one who walked away. She chose someone else. So why did she look at me like I had just broken her heart?