The drive back to the Shadow division's branch in the capital always felt long after a general meeting. The halls stretched in quiet lines of steel and pale blue lights. Patrol units moved in steady groups. Their boots hit the floor with the same rhythm. The air smelled of cold metal and recycled water.
Kaerin walked through the main concourse with Verrik beside him. His body ached from the mission he had completed only a week before and his head throbbed from the meeting. He kept his face calm. All while carrying himself in that perfect posture that made soldiers straighten when he passed. His eyes held no warmth. That cold look had become a warning across the entire branch.
A few soldiers stopped and saluted. They kept their chins high, but their eyes followed him with the same mix they always had: wariness, admiration, and a touch of fear from the ones too young to hide it.
A group of trainees passed him near the strategy hall. One swallowed hard when Kaerin's gaze brushed over him. Another straightened so fast that his boots scraped the floor.
Their thoughts were never quiet. There goes the famed heir. There goes the iron general. There goes the blade of the capital. A monster in noble clothing.
Kaerin ignored them.
Verrik glanced at him repeatedly, his energy and need to talk barely contained. Kaerin almost felt sorry for him. The man could talk endlessly if given a chance.
They reached the inner wing, where access changed to higher clearance. The guards stiffened as Kaerin passed. One guardsman bowed so deeply that his forehead almost brushed the ground.
Kaerin's jaw felt tight. His temples pulsed with the weight of the day. These reactions tired him more than any mission.
He opened his room and stepped inside with Verrik. The door sealed behind them. The lights rose to a soft glow, indicating the soundproofing was active.
Verrik turned on him with full force.
"I swear, you looked like a ghost in that meeting. I thought you would tip over. You should have seen your face, you were white…like really white and pale, you know."
Verrik always talked...sadly. Verrik filled the silence while Kaerin filled the space with presence alone. The two created a sort of balance. A loud orbit around a silent core.
Kaerin removed his gloves and placed them on the table. His fingers trembled for a brief moment before he steadied them. Verrik did not miss it.
"I am fine."
"No, you are not." Verrik planted his hands on his hips. "I almost jumped across the table to grab you. You cannot walk around like a noble statue waiting to crack. It makes me want to scream."
That was an exaggeration, and they both knew it. Kaerin had, however, given up on attempting to object to such thoughts and sentiments these days. He now learnt to suffer from the nagging in silence these days.
He sat on the edge of the bed. His back ached. He pressed a hand to his temple. "The mission needed my attention."
"You just wanted to escape the capital." Verrik let out a dramatic groan. "Just say it. I know you. I know exactly what you do. You take the furthest assignment on the list, run headfirst into danger, then return like nothing happened. You need rest. Actual recovery, not those healing pod sessions you do. You came back from a full sweep only a week ago."
Kaerin looked down.
The moment he entered the capital, a cluster of nobles had tried to corner him at the gates—questions about succession, alliances, contracts…marriage. He had cut through them with short replies and walked straight to headquarters. Staying in the capital felt like standing inside a net. Work kept him out of reach. He preferred the border. At least insects attacked with clear intent.
…There was no denying the accusations. It's true. He preferred fighting, the thrill of it always made him satisfied.
However, it seemed he was a bit too skilled in it…hence the extremely senior position in the army. That only meant added responsibility, which he hated. Plus the added advantage of choosing missions, so who would mind it that much? Apart from the meetings with his fellow leaders, that is… which he sorted quickly after one too many snide remarks.
But there was no reason his need to escape should seem like a crime.
A small pulse throbbed behind his eyes. "Work is simpler than arguing with them." he admitted silently.
Verrik froze for a second, then pressed a palm to his forehead.. His voice softened. "Kaerin, you may be the strongest zerg in the Dominion, but strength does not cancel exhaustion. You cannot operate like a machine. You will break your mind at this rate."
Kaerin stretched his neck. His muscles cracked. His thoughts were blunt and tired. Missions are better...less politics.
"I finished the mission. I returned. That is enough."
"No, it is not." Verrik pointed at him again. "You stayed at the border for half an year. Not one night of rest. You arrived at the capital and walked straight into another meeting. You treat your life like a checklist. You act like you cannot stop, or something will explode."
Something will.
Verrik pulled out the data pad and began ranting about logistics. They worked through supply reports. Kaerin gave short replies when needed. His focus wavered. His gaze drifted to the wall more than once. He blinked slowly to keep his thoughts sharp. Moments like these were relaxing.
Then his personal terminal buzzed on his wrist, a very specific ringtone he'd set in order to purposefully ignore.
Kaerin silenced it.
It buzzed again. Then again. And again. The soft vibration crawled up his arm like an unwanted insect.
Verrik snapped his head toward him. "Who is messaging you like that? You don't have friends!"
First, rude. Second, "No one important."
"Let me see."
"No."
Verrik jumped onto Kaerin's bed with vigour. Much to Kaerin's displeasure. The man snatched his wrist before Kaerin could stop him. The bangle came loose, and a holographic screen unfolded.
Verrik's eyes widened. His jaw dropped.
"Rin." He said almost breathless. That nickname he detested.
"This is from the MZA."
Kaerin crossed his arms. "They can send whatever they want."
"This is a date invite. A date invite! From a top-level male. And you declined it." Verrik pressed the screen to his own forehead like he needed strength. "Why would you do that?"
Kaerin rubbed his brow. "I am not interested."
"Not interested!" Verrik's voice shot up so fast the walls almost echoed. He was promptly kicked off the bed with minimal force. Kaerin ignored the indignity, but the sentiment still reached.
Get the hell off my bed!
He'd learnt to ignore those warnings; on a good day, he got away with just that and a minor smack in the head. On a bad one…
He looked at the profile of the male zerg and promptly gasped.
"You got IRELL!!" He swooned and announced with a shout that grated Kaerin's ears, "IRELL!!"
"Shut up!"
"He is perfect; gorgeous, famous. My dream. I applied to him five times. Five. He rejected me every single time. And you get an invite without trying. And you reject it."
Kaerin's jaw tightened. He could feel irritation rising in his ribs. "I do not want him."
Verrik paced in a frantic circle. "Rin, listen to me. You need a male Zerg partner for soothing. You know this. You have been refusing treatments. You have been using artificial soothing that does not match your constitution. You will hurt yourself. I hate it."
Kaerin kept his voice calm. "I do not want a male zerg in my estate. They see me as a status prize. They would try to claim control."
"Not all of them." Verrik clutched the terminal to his chest. He also knew he was blatantly lying. "You cannot keep pretending your mind is fine. I see every it. Every headache and attack. You think you hide it, but I notice all of it. You carry too much pressure. You will crack."
Kaerin swallowed. He felt the strain, but he would not be bound to someone weak who would leech his power while using it to treat others.
"I do not need one."
"You do." Verrik pointed at him with both hands. "You need soothing. Machines cannot do it. Random volunteers cannot do it. Kaerin, your constitution rejects most of them. You know what happens if you go too long without proper support."
Kaerin's silence answered the worry. Of course, he knew well. The fate of the soldiers and people who went berserk and had their mental scape collapse. A permanent vegetable who'd be killed off no matter the rank to prevent the risk of influence of others.
His breathing had grown heavier. He had not even noticed.
Verrik stepped closer. His voice cracked. "Please. Pick someone. Even a subfemale. Someone strong, who can handle your mental scape. I do not want to watch you fall into a frenzy and tear your mind apart. Just get mated to a male zerg for goodness' sake!"
Kaerin lifted his gaze. His eyes held a quiet warning. "Do not mention mating me to a male zerg again. I will not hand over my estate. I will not tolerate a weak zerg using my name while he fills my home with attendants who live off my resources. I refuse to live like that."
Verrik shook his head. "You make it sound like every male zerg is a parasite."
Kaerin didn't answer. They both knew his views.
Verrik paced in a circle. He looked ready to collapse from stress.
"You are impossible. You want freedom, yet you avoid the one thing that would keep you alive."
He got no reply
Verrik seemed to give up. His face fell. His shoulders drooped. "I only want you alive."
Kaerin felt a slow sting in his chest. Verrik cared with reckless honesty. It was tiring. It was grounding. "I'll work something out eventually, okay…maybe find someone willing to agree with my terms,"
They both knew how impossible and rare that would be for a male zerg. It was basically sentencing himself to death.
Verrik sank into the chair beside him. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Irell is the one who sent that invite. I saw the signature. You turned down Irell. That is insanity."
Kaerin narrowed his eyes. "His acting is dull."
Verrik gasped, ever the self-proclaimed number 1 fan. "How dare you. He is incredible."
Kaerin let a sigh slip before he could stop it. It came from deep in his lungs. He felt the annoyance leave with it as well.
Irell, Verrik's age-old crush and, coincidentally, the poster child of all Kaerin hated in a male zerg. Yet due to his friendship with Verrik, he tolerated Irell enough to act as a wingman. Too bad Irell got attached to the wrong person.
Never had Kaerin met such an obnoxious, obsessive person. Verrik must be wearing pink-tinted glasses not to see. Then again…Kaerin's views were always deemed unique, so to say. So, who knows…maybe he was the problem.
Verrik stared at him with a wild look of disbelief. "I am serious. Your mental state is sliding. You cannot keep walking this line. I am scared for you. Besides, Irell is an S+ class male. You might have a high compatibility score. He might be able to do something. I'm even willing to not get jealous if you marry him…maybe recommend me as an attendant?"
Kaerin rolled his eyes and leaned back slightly. The movement revealed a short wave of exhaustion across his face. Verrik caught it at once.
He stepped forward and dropped to a crouch. "Rin, you get quiet in a dangerous way. Your eyes go empty. You breathe too slowly. That is not normal. You need someone who can soothe you."
Verrik sank further into the couch to get comfortable. "I will stand with you. Even if you make choices that kill me from stress."
Kaerin closed his eyes for a moment.
"I know. I will manage."
"No, you will not." Verrik took a deep breath and then spoke with absolute seriousness. "If I must go to the border galaxies and kidnap a male zerg from the black market to save your life if you want a submissive male, I will."
Kaerin stared at him with open disbelief. "Do not do that."
"I will do it." Verrik puffed his chest out. "I will drag them to your house, kicking and screaming. I mean it."
Kaerin let his hand fall over his eyes. He felt a cold ripple of shock and frustration. He didn't want that. Besides, a discovery like that just meant public execution. Harming a male zerg in any way was illegal. Not that the borders cared, they were very careful about it, though, but careful did not mean safe. "Do not even think about it."
Verrik crossed his arms, stubborn and dramatic. "Then take care of yourself."
Kaerin dropped his hand and gave him a flat stare. Verrik met it without blinking.
The room grew still. The tension eased little by little.
Kaerin let out a slow, tired breath. "We will continue the logistics review tomorrow."
Verrik nodded and remained beside him like a watchdog waiting for danger.
The quiet settled. Kaerin's eyelids felt heavy. His thoughts slowed at last.