Because the prologue of Hannah Montana hooked everyone so well…
Even though many people normally skip opening songs when watching shows, some even find them annoying…
Right now, everyone watched seriously.
The theme song of Hannah Montana is called "The Best Of Both Worlds."
Translated as "Having the Best of Both Worlds."
The meaning of the song is very simple, it talks about Hannah Montana's double life: on stage, she's a trendsetting star, and in her everyday life, she's just a small-town girl. Although having two separate worlds and two lives is strange, the joy of living between them is something ordinary people cannot imagine. And she loves every bit of it.
When the upbeat music started…
Viewers in front of the TV perked up their ears again.
After listening for a bit—
Maybe it was because they were concentrated?
Or maybe because the song was just that catchy?
Soon, many people began swaying along to the rhythm.
The three-minute song ended in a flash.
As the main episode began, plenty of people shouted—
"This is cool~~~"
Some sharp-eyed viewers noticed the transition credits.
When "Songwriting: Lily Zeller" appeared again, the fans cheered—
"Wow~ she wrote this song too?"
"Oh my god! She's amazing!"
"This song is so good!"
However, two seconds later… something felt wrong to the fans—
"Wait!"
"So when Isabella said at last year's Azkaban premiere that she doesn't like releasing singles… could it be that she HAS written lots of songs but just doesn't want to release them directly? Oh! Isabella, how could you do this to us?!"
The fans scratched their heads with their toes.
In that moment, they felt like they had just uncovered something monumental!
This discovery also cast a shadow of painful howls across all of North America in an instant!
Because many people started thinking Isabella's behavior was a bit shady—
You clearly HAVE new songs, yet you won't release them?
Do you not know that we miss your new work so badly we're wriggling like worms every day??
Of course, even more people blamed Eminem—
If Eminem hadn't dissed her before, slapping a random label on her, accusing her of cash-grabbing by releasing songs without filming music videos…
Would Isabella really have stopped releasing EPs and singles?
Right?
Yes!
"It's all Eminem's fault!"
Anyway, back to "The Best Of Both Worlds."
Just like Girlfriend…
This song was also "made" by Isabella.
Or rather, once she told people she was making a music-themed TV show, literally EVERYONE assumed she would write the songs herself… so she went ahead and "made" several songs for Hannah Montana.
And it wasn't difficult for her.
First, in her previous life, she originally did music anyway.
Just grab that "past life memory" little bastard by its legs, flip it upside down, and shake it a few times…
And she could instantly assemble an entire soundtrack for the series.
Second, she could play and sing The Best Of Both Worlds backwards.
Because this song was extremely popular in her previous life. Even though it wasn't well-known in China due to language barriers, in Europe and the U.S… its soundtrack was the first TV series OST in Billboard history to debut at No.1! Calling it "popular" isn't enough. It was unstoppable. Gods and Buddhas both had to move aside!
It burned through Europe and America like wildfire!
However, even though the opening song of Hannah Montana was worthy of savoring…
Sadly, viewers didn't have much time to appreciate it.
Because as soon as it ended, the main plot of Hannah Montana began:
Scene picks up right after the opening.
Location: School cafeteria, lunchtime.
Hannah's friend asks her why she won't go with her to the Hannah Montana concert.
Hannah can't answer, stumbling over her words trying to dodge the question.
At that moment, a handsome guy appears.
This is Hannah's secret crush at school.
The moment she sees him, Hannah zones out.
By accident, she gets ketchup all over her hands instead of her fries.
Her lovestruck expression completely stuns her friend.
Just as the friend is about to tell Hannah to stop going into heat like a fool…
Suddenly, two pretty blonde girls appear in their field of vision and greet the crush.
After chatting for a bit, one of them opens her purse…
Takes out a sticky note and writes something on it using lipstick.
When the blonde girl hands it casually to the crush, and he accepts it like it's nothing after glancing at it…
Hannah boils with jealousy.
Because any normal person could tell that what she gave him was her contact info.
That sight shuts down the friend's attempt to tease Hannah.
No choice. The scene was too brutal.
The friend comforts her:
"Oh, Elizabeth, don't mind those girls. They're all bitches!"
Hannah says:
"I'm not angry."
"Then why…" The friend points to Hannah's hand.
Originally, Hannah only dumped ketchup on her hand…
But after seeing her crush accept the blonde girl's number, she went further and squeezed the entire burger into a ball.
If you had to describe it—
The lack of a burger shape showed her anger
The sauces spewing in every direction showed her combat ability
At this point, anyone could see Hannah was on the verge of exploding. If provoked further, she might just lose it, charge forward, and yeet her rival's skull into orbit.
However…
The friend calling it out made Hannah feel awkward.
After a brief pause, she tried to cover it up and said nervously:
"Oh—you think I'm angry? No no no—"
"I squeezed the burger because I learned a new way to eat! When all food enters the body in crushed form, the body can absorb the nutrients at maximum efficiency."
"And the finer the food is crushed, the better its texture. It becomes even more delicious—"
As she was speaking, she casually took a bite of the burger-ball in her hand.
Even though her mouth was covered in various sauces, looking creepy like a vampire who bit the wrong person…
Her expression showed enjoyment.
Her stubborn denial made everyone at home burst out laughing!
"Oh—Elizabeth is really lying through her teeth—"
Inside the show, her friend curled her lip and said:
"Hannah, do you know what you look like right now?"
"You look like Patrick Star."
"You clearly know you're wrong, but still insist, 'Oh! SpongeBob! I! Did! Nothing! Wrong!'"
When her friend imitated Patrick's stubborn voice, Hannah froze completely.
And the viewers at home slapped their legs—
"Hahaha~~~ Patrick Star??? That analogy is genius!"
Just as Hannah was about to retort, her friend made another move.
She took out those concert tickets again—the ones she couldn't give away yesterday, or just now—and asked Hannah again to go with her. This time, the wording was even more savage—
"Elizabeth, you said you refused because you don't like Hannah Montana?"
"Oh, then I'd like to say: even if you don't like her, you're still going with me to her concert today."
"Hannah Montana has a song called 'Girlfriend,' did you know?"
"Uh… okay, maybe you don't."
"But that doesn't matter, because Girlfriend is about a girl who likes a boy but the boy already has a girlfriend… so don't you think the lyrics kinda match your situation right now?"
"Don't you want to get some strength from that concert?"
"Because in that song… well, you know…"
"The little bitches all get kicked away."
The friend's persistence stunned Hannah!
Not just because her friend's ability to strike at the perfect moment is insane…
But also because—
Not wanting to talk further about her crush, Hannah raised her hands and blurted out:
"Hey—do you really like Hannah Montana? Have you actually LISTENED to Girlfriend? Have you WATCHED the Girlfriend music video?"
"In the music video, didn't she play both roles herself?"
"Black-haired Hannah accuses red-haired Hannah of stealing her boyfriend!"
"Isn't that basically saying men in this world are all the same, they only like a girl's 'good' side, but can't accept her other side, and expect all girls to stay pure and perfect?"
"Oh??? Elizabeth??? THIS is what you call 'not liking Hannah Montana'???"
Her words made the friend jump up in shock and shout:
"You OBVIOUSLY love Hannah Montana! You even know her music video! So why won't you go to the concert with me?"
"Is it because the tickets are expensive?"
"Oh—my god—I already said I'd pay—"
"Or… is it because you don't want to go to the concert with me… but with HIM instead??"
As she said this, the friend pointed straight at Hannah's crush.
Because she spoke too loudly, the moment "Hannah Montana" and "concert tickets" popped out…
The school cafeteria exploded in chatter, and countless people turned their heads to them with curious looks.
As soon as everyone realized Hannah's friend was actually pointing at a boy, Hannah and her crush instantly became the center of attention for all the teachers and students. In that moment, lots of people wanted to know: do they have something going on?
Of course, curiosity about someone else's private life was only one emotion filling the school cafeteria.
The second was…
The boy Hannah liked was also the dream guy for a lot of other girls.
So when they realized some little b*tch was trying to steal their man, you could hear a loud rustling and scraping sound as a bunch of them stood up and slowly walked toward Hannah. Everyone wanted to "have a chat" with her.
The scene looked like a gang closing in on someone before a fight, which scared Hannah's friend a little.
"A—O—" she yelped, her legs going weak as she collapsed back into her seat.
The increasing crowd also made Hannah nervous. She looked around anxiously, not knowing what to do.
Viewers watching on TV couldn't hold it anymore and burst out laughing.
"Hahahaha! This show is seriously hilarious! Hannah's friend says she likes Hannah, but she doesn't even understand the real meaning behind Hannah's songs? Oh, is that what she calls 'liking' her?"
"So in episode one Hannah not only has to reveal her identity, she also loses her best friend? Wow, that's rough…"
"Oh! Cool! So much conflict right in the first episode! This is really fun to watch!"
"It's kind of childish but… Oh… Olsen sisters' little sister is so beautiful and cute! She looks like a chipmunk! Her cheeks puff up when she gets mad! I just wanna kiss her! Hehehehe!"
"..."
When creating Hannah Montana, Isabella couldn't remember the original storyline anymore. So the current version follows her general ideas, and then professional screenwriters fill in each episode's content.
Well…
Screenwriters get credited, obviously.
Even though that big-name screenwriter's methods are very common in Hollywood.
We mentioned that before.
But even if Isabella didn't copy the original Hannah Montana plot…
The public still liked this show that only shared the name with the original while being completely different in every other way.
Nothing could be done about that. The show's biggest selling point is the heroine's "double identity."
As long as the production team can bring out the contrast created by her double life, make sure that in every mini-story there's a risk her identity will be exposed, and when she tries to hide it they give her silly actions and facial expressions… the show is basically guaranteed success.
Same lesson as always:
American capitalists make TV shows to make money. They have no duty to enlighten the public.
So no TV network requires creators to add "depth" to a series.
As long as you can entertain the audience and keep their eyes glued to the screen, even if every line is innuendo, capitalists will help you pass the censorship.
One more thing: a lot of anti-intellectual elements in American shows are done intentionally by the creators.
For example, medical shows often have very unrealistic treatment methods.
The reason is simple. It's not that the writers don't know the truth. It's not that they can't research. It's not that they can't consult professionals. It's that medical monopolies and pharmaceutical capital don't want the public to learn self-rescue skills.
Any team that dares to include real medical science in mainstream shows will get destroyed by pharmaceutical capital.
Literally destroyed. No one survives.
That's the real reason Luigi is still alive.
Public opinion alone couldn't protect him. The only reason he's alive is because pharmaceutical capital is so evil.
So evil that when you compare them to financial capital, financial capital seems like a saint.
So evil that when placed next to military capital, military capital looks like it's just "starting a few wars, no big deal."
So evil that a lot of people want to tear them down.
Back to the point: Isabella truly grasped the core selling point of Hannah Montana. Because of that…
The 24-minute episode flew by.
While the silly scenes were repeatedly tickling the audience's nerves, all of North America plunged into a sea of joy.
"Oh! I declare now! Hannah Montana is the best show this year!"
"My god! The drama is insanely addictive!"
"If you don't watch it, you'll regret it! Especially Isabella's fans!"
"Aaaahhh! The full version of Girlfriend is so good!!!"
"When's episode two coming? I'm dying to see what happens next! Hannah threw the celebration cake onto her own face to avoid being recognized backstage at the concert? That's genius!"
"What? Two episodes a day? Three days a week? Oh my God!!! Since when was Disney so generous? Wait… does that mean the whole season is already finished? Otherwise why air six episodes a week?"
"Ahh—I think I know why Isabella dropped Resident Evil! If she can make a show this fun, continuing to invest in crappy movies would be a crime!"
Yes, according to Disney Channel's schedule, Hannah Montana would air two episodes every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night at 8 PM until the whole season was finished.
The reason for this was simple.
It was Barry Meyer's request.
Originally, Robert Iger planned to air the show weekly, even though the whole first season was already completed. Since there were 26 episodes, it could extend from this year into next year.
If Hannah Montana could cover half a year, and people liked it, and wanted to keep watching, Disney Channel could earn a huge amount of subscription revenue. Then Robert Iger could talk to "those people."
Ahem.
Actually, recruit them.
But once Barry Meyer asked for the show to finish faster…
Robert Iger decided to do his old friend a favor.
Of course, Iger wouldn't sacrifice his own interests.
The logic was simple:
First, Michael Eisner had already left Disney.
So as long as Iger held tightly onto Pixar, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Voice, and ABC, he would have enough time to handle internal affairs at Disney.
Second, if Barry Meyer won this time, he could try to take control of CNN.
In the news world, CNN was far more famous than ABC.
So if Barry Meyer could get rid of Ted Turner and take CNN, then in the future…
Whatever big things happened in North America or even globally, wouldn't they get to decide how it's reported?
The logic is simple, right?
Worldwide, there are only a few influential media outlets.
Once I have one, I'll dare to fight anyone in a media war.
Once I have two, nobody can out-shout me.
Once I can touch more than 30 percent of the market share, if I call you a rebel, then you are a rebel.
To Robert Iger, how Hannah Montana aired was a power game.
But to the ordinary public, Disney looked like a true saint this time!
Not only because six episodes per week was more than enough to make viewers happy.
It also saved them money!
No show would be longer than 30 episodes, right?
Disney airing six episodes a week?
They'd finish the show in just five weeks!
Even if their math was terrible, people knew two months of subscription fee is less than five months of subscription fee!
So even though there were five minutes of ads between episode one and two, nobody switched channels. After they finished the second laugh-filled episode…
North America howled once more.
Before, people were in pain because Isabella supposedly had no songs coming out.
Now, they were in pain because two episodes a day weren't enough.
"That's it? Why is it already over?"
"I was just getting into it! Now you tell me it's finished? This feels like being constipated, halfway through, and then suddenly your butt feels cold and everything stops! Even my hemorrhoids are crying!"
"Wait? It's only nine o'clock? Only one hour passed? Why are Isabella's episodes so short?"
"OMG! Hannah Montana is only 24 minutes per episode? No wonder Disney can air two per day! Each episode is only half as long as other shows! Who makes shows like that?!"
"This is ridiculous! Two episodes of Hannah Montana equals one episode of other shows? If people next door see this they'll think we can't afford the full subscription! Who is this content supposed to satisfy? Give us ten more! Ten each! Even early access is fine! It's not like we can't pay!"
When the audience really loves a show, even if they binge it all in one go, they still feel unsatisfied.
So North America's reaction at that moment was perfectly normal.
While viewers were scratching their heads in frustration, wanting more, Disney's "peerless duke" Robert Iger sat in his office anxiously waiting for Disney Channel's data report.
Paid channel viewership doesn't rely on Nielsen.
Each network can just check their backend and see how many subscriber accounts were connected during the show to know if it's a hit.
Theoretically this makes data transmission faster.
But Hannah Montana started at 8 PM and ended before 9 PM.
Yet it wasn't until a little after 10 that Robert Iger's phone rang.
That fact made his eyebrows furrow.
But as soon as he answered, his gloom vanished instantly.
Because the person on the line shouted excitedly:
"Bob! It exploded!! Hannah Montana blew up!!!"
"The first episode averaged 10.7 million viewers! 10.7 million!!"
"Even though the second dropped, it still had 9.37 million!"
"We made history! We made history!!!"
"Phew—"
Disney Channel's official data made Robert Iger exhale in relief.
On the surface, 10.7 million doesn't sound amazing.
Lots of shows like CSI or Friends had tens of millions of viewers.
But those shows were aired on public channels.
The audience didn't have to pay.
Disney Channel, where Hannah Montana aired, was pay-to-watch.
So a paid channel achieving public channel numbers?
That alone already screams "terrifying and unstoppable."
Even more shocking: before today, or rather, since Disney Channel was created, they had never made a show whose premiere episode averaged more than 5 million viewers. And today, Hannah Montana hit 10.7 million?!
That means its debut more than doubled Disney's previous best start!
To put it harshly, Hannah Montana just shattered all the legacy Michael Eisner built in twenty years with one punch.
And…
Even if episode two dropped in viewership…
Compared to the old record, it still stood far ahead!
When this fact sank in…
Robert Iger sat in his boss chair silently for a long time.
Even as he tried hard to control his emotions, his face still brimmed with joy.
"Isabella's influence is insanely powerful…"
"10.7 million average viewers for a paid-channel premiere?"
"What kind of monster is this?!"