"I'm sorry."
This word was ringing loudly in the royal officer's ears. Cold like the sea water, fragile like the ice melting beneath the heat hurting the hand holding it rather than cooling it, meaningless like a dry well; won't quench one's thirst, only scorching his throat more. That was how the words were spoken, never loud enough to overcome the words of the unfulfilled promise of a dead father.
"My father's promise, eh?"
Albert murmured with a short faint laugh, it didn't matter for him anymore. He'd discovered an interesting thing he had not realize before, or rather realized but didn't dare to admit openly. It seemed to him that after all, his dear father wasn't that of a good man; he sacrificed himself for someone else. Well, this is a very noble act from any person but when someone sacrifices his life and leaves his family collapsing from the heavy debts he owed, this act turns into stupidity and selfishness, the meaning behind it becomes detested. Alex is the worst man ever; he couldn't even show his regrets properly to the distressed family, he gave them his back and was satisfied with his emotionless "Sorry". The hand that saved his life with the bullet it shot was actually grasping on his neck, choking him... he couldn't say to him "Thank you" now, not even coldly the way he said "Sorry" back then. It was too humiliating... so unfair... this debt he owed him was pressing on his breaths like there's a stone on his chest. He grasped the chair and threw it on the ground breaking one of its legs cursing the second Alex saved his life, wishing if his head had been cut instead of owing something, even if it was trivial, to that spiteful mad man who wants to obliterate a whole family along with the suffering people of his kingdom.
He then recalled Alice, she was crying because her dear captain was raving with a woman's name. He was probably raving with his fiancé's name Claudine. Albert bowed his head that was burdened with sadness and pity but was it for her or for himself? If Alice were to know what will be done in retribution for that woman's death would she hate Alex? He hadn't told anyone about this yet, because he respected the way the crew admired their captain and didn't wish to spoil his image despite everything that had happened between them, it was not the time to raise an uproar, and no one would believe him over their captain despite his new found respect among them. Also, because he loved how Alice's eyes sparkled every time that man passed in front of her, he didn't want to be the dark wind that blows out the light in her eyes. The question that remained was why did everyone who he'd met on this ship trust and adore him? This fact irritated him more than everything... this thought alone was enough to make Albert's heart blaze with the tears falling from his sleepless eyes unable of putting out that fire.
Albert collapsed on the bed panting; he heard noises on the deck but wasn't interested in what was happening. He stared at the ceiling as the sailors' cries touched his ear. It seemed there was a boat that needed help and the ship stopped for assistance. Albert though that maybe this was his chance to gather his stuffs and leave this whole dirty ship, as it seemed in his eyes at that moment. He really got up and walked like a drugged man to the door but when he heard the boat's destination, a brilliant idea crossed his mind like a lightning scattering all the dark clouds and clearing the sky.
His hand was trembling with the pen he reached to in an flashing instant; his eyes didn't dare to look directly at the empty paper on the desk. He did not even sit down to write properly. His sighs were so strong that they moved the paper's top part. Albert put the pen's head on the paper but he didn't write anything, the pen tip fixed on the paper made a point that started to spread across the paper with the passage of time. Albert watched the blue point spreading like a drop of water, its blueness was no darker than his heart at that moment still, that point couldn't cover the whole paper, he stared at the little left whiteness... what should he do? This was his only chance if he were to send a message... the blue point spread even more as his tears fell on the paper. In Albert's eyes, this would usually seem like drops of rain falling on a scattered wave but he was unable to see such things anymore, he convinced himself that he didn't need to. Recalling everything that had happened from the beginning of this trip, he had every right to write the message he intended to send, he was doing no mistake, it was rather for the general benefit, including the crew of the ship even if he were to be detested by everyone later, even by Alice perhaps. He looked quickly at the boat preparing to leave, he only got a little time left. He gripped another clean paper and as he did this, his father's vice commander's words jumped into his head: "He died to save that young man, the one he loved so much the way he loved his you...". Albert collapsed at the chair staring at the ceiling with blurry eyes... he was riding the boat of memories and his tears were the sea where it sailed... the tears fell leaving their saltiness on his lips that were almost too chap from his loud sighing. He knew this, his father was never selfish or fool to throw his life leaving his little family to some unreasonable death, he did it because that man really meant something for him and now, he, the son, is about to bring an end or destroy that man's rank and status but deep in his heart, he knew he can stop this, he still had the chance to carry on his father's will and respect the choice he made but there was no reason to do so, not after what he had heard from Alex himself. His father will for sure understand his motives, the reason he did this for... that man was simply bad and rightly deserved not the kindness he'd been shown, he deserved nothing, not this fancy ship, not his reputation as the most famous and brave captain. This time, he will be the one to win, he's the one with the the upper hand; Albert thought this as his hand grasped the pen and wrote these few words:
{Your majesty:
I've been watching what's going onboard the Amphitrite and it's become
clear to me that Alex Walcott cannot be trusted; he obviously has other intentions for this trip, intentions that are not in your majesty or the kingdom's benefit. That man fears not to declare openly his underestimation to your authority. I hope you'll consider my letter and do what should be done.
Your loyal officer,
Albert Hudgson.}
He folded the letter, and gave it to the boat owner secretly, telling him to preserve it and deliver it with carefulness. As the boat sailed away, heading back to the capital, this whole matter was beyond Albert's hand anymore. He looked at the table; the message was there no more, but his thoughts still remained bouncing between the thin line of regret and rightfulness.
*****
Like a small boat lost and toyed with by the wild waves was Albert, with thoughts darker than the night which engulfed that boat, he couldn't stop it from roaming within one circle, unable to find the exit from it, or more precisely, preventing it from seeking it and directing it with oars of anger toward the whirlpool. The letter was sent already and he was happy to write it, it was the only way he could have revenge at Alex still, the royal seal he was given along his appointment letter remained on his desk unused. He didn't seal the letter with it; this could note that the sent letter is of no urgency. It was now up to the king's interest and Alex's fate. He didn't know why he did this; he did it unconsciously... perhaps he's still a naive soft - hearted idiot after all. He laughed at his own weakness loudly and suddenly he felt saltiness on his lips, he was crying again. Going back to the days of childhood, this saltiness coming from his tears could only be erased by the saltiness of the sea... looking at it, wading into it, and venturing it through his dreams. He looked at the sea but his tears didn't stop, it flowed more strongly leaking through the locks he had put on his heart. Up until now, all what he cared about was travelling the known seas and discovering new ones, meeting new people from different cultures and now he was onboard the most famous ship ever, the ship that's described as the heaven for any ambitious sailor, Amphitrite, so why was he not happy? Why did he care no longer about this dream? Did these many years of waiting and planning turn him into a terrestrial turtle or is his heart that engulfed itself in the narrow dim shell? Albert looked at Alex's room; there was no sign of a living being and the door was closed and probably locked drowning the room in darkness, but in Albert's eyes, that man was trying to drown everyone around him in the darkness he created and everyone was just so blind to see it... every time he recalled that incident, deep in his heart, he felt jealous of him... just thinking that his father chose him to take on that trip, and died to protect him amidst the storm... although it was childish, this feeling of jealousy, the same thing he pitied Serena for having toward her sister, grew inside of him with every step he made in his life. Having this fancy ship, travelling all the inhabited places... in short that man was living his dream on his father's account and he was the one watching, a mere bystander all along...
"Are you all right?"
That soft worried voice pulled the confused young man from his the qualms tossing his mind. Albert turned at the girl... most of the men were lulled by the swaying ship into sleep. No one noticed or felt the whirlwind he struggling through yet she was standing there, she alone felt his pain and sorrow, she felt his weltering on his bed of contemplation. This time, he was not fine... he really was not fine that he could not lie about it. Albert turned his face away again, he didn't wish to gaze at her eyes yet they were staring at him with deep sincere concern. Alice approached from him then stopped, she couldn't cross the distance between them, she could only call his name, dropping the titles:
"Albert... "
But Albert didn't move from his place. From where he was standing, she was so far that his calls would not reach her. Nevertheless, the girl persisted in her efforts at soothing her childhood friend.
"You haven't been yourself lately... the men told me about it, is it all because the captain... helped you?"
"Saved me... you do not need to word it in another way."
Albert muttered bitterly. His words were choking in his throat that they were probably difficult to be heard, he didn't want to go on but he couldn't bear it anymore.
" To think that I was saved by him... the man who..."
Alice looked at him, he was a like a jar being filled with water, troubled water that kept flowing into it cracking the jar while it struggled to prevent the water from being spilled. She interrupted him feeling his agony:
"I knew the captain won't leave you alone although I can't understand why he put that act; he's that type of men!"
Alice chimed pretending cheerfulness to ease the tension, but Albert still did not look at her, fixing his eyes at the distant horizon line merging with the night sky.
"You don't understand! He was trying to make me submit to him but I won't! I'll stay the royal officer onboard this ship!"
Albert seethed with this idea, striking the wooden edge with a trembling grip only to be countered by Alice shouting at him.
"Albert, he saved your life, there's no place for your stupid pride or hatred!"
Alice yelled in sorrow for the lost young man, she couldn't tell if he was saying this from the bottom of his heart or if he was trying to convince himself that this is how he really feels since he hadn't looked at her yet. The yell left Albert speechless, and after both of them cooled down, the girl went on more gently:
"Your father died for that man's sake! This in itself is an enough reason for you to respect him or otherwise, you'll be disparaging your father's insight! Your father knew as we all do that captain Alex is a very good man, everyone on this ship owes him something that's why they all follow him with respect! All these lives onboard this ship is saved by him one way or another. His ship is a refuge for those who once lost sight of themselves!"
If her words were meant to open Albert's eyes and calm his heart, it had
quite the opposite effect. Albert could not see this nor understand it, he was incapable of believing it.
" I'd rather be dead than being alive now owing my life to that man!"
Alice fisted her hand as if she wanted to punch someone... to hear this while she was about to tell Albert how glad she was because her dear friend was safe and unharmed was so hard and painful, her feelings weighed lightly in the scales of the nobles and the aristocrats where only pride is the matter. Still, she preferred to remain the prudent one, and released a deep breath to disperse her anger then raised her head to calm her friend but the state he was in rendered her shocked... Albert was pointing at Alex's room while looking at her with angry eyes as his breaths become faster and louder because of the agitation, almost foaming at the mouth like a mad dog, a flame agitated by the stormy wind, burning everything around, burning the old transcribed image of the gentle kid who would point with his hand as if the sea was spread in front of him, and look at it with pure eyes while speaking excitedly about his dreams of venturing the seas with a heart so sure and certain that this will become true one day...
"Just, what do all of you see in him? He actually cares for no one... that man is a corpse living on its hatred... the air he breathes is his revenge! Just what do you see in him? Why are you travelling with him? Does your stupid dream blind you from seeing his black heart?"
He shook her from her shoulders harshly like he's shaking a tree to make the fruit he desires fall into his hands, but that fruit was bitter tasted only of disdain at it fell into his lips.
" I adore him!"
Alice declare this simply, without shyness or fear, even her cheeks were not reddened by such forward confession. Her honesty crumbled his hopes, yet she didn't look into Albert's shocked eyes at that moment, she bowed her head and moved his hands away of her shoulders gently then glanced at him nodding her head in sorry and pity:
" It seems I was wrong, Albert... you've changed so much... you're no longer the kid I made a promise with... these are not the same eyes that used to look at the sea with the bright of admiration..."
She said this and ran back to her room. While turning to go, tears were scattered on the shocked young man's cheek... like a wave crashing on a rocky cliff, the wave is scattered on the air leaving few drops that quickly slip back to the sea but this time, these drops were enough to soften the hard rocks, crumbling them to small pieces and dust that were carried away by the wind, prevented from touching the pure blue water...