I don't like crowded places, because they are very noisy. I prefer solitude. But I agreed to join these girls during lunch break. Since I probably won't be able to participate in their gossip, nor am I interested, I'll just listen to it. It could help me understand girls better, who knows?
"Hey, Mike. You're always alone. Since you're here, shouldn't you at least try to join us? I know you're not interested, but maybe try introducing yourself to them?"
I guess I should at least try introducing myself.
"Uh...You know my name. I prefer solitude over hanging out with people."
"Well...we all could have guessed that...Tell us something new."
"There's not much to know about me...I like reading existential philosophy books, if that information seems relevant, somehow. "
"Boring," said Mary.
"Well, I find you boring as well. It's a mutual feeling."
"Oh yeah? I don't care what a loner like you thinks about me. Everyone wants to be my friend, unlike you."
"I was just expressing my own feelings towards you, just like you were." She seemed furious, her fork pointed at me. She is dangerous!
"And I don't care about a nobody's opinion."
"Hey, Mary and Mike! Stop fighting over nothing!" said Elisa. I wasn't fighting her, though...
"Okay..." Phew. I'm saved.
"Whatever."
"Can we all just get along instead of fighting? Mary, it's your turn to introduce yourself," said Amelie.
"Okay! My name is Mary. I'm the most popular girl in this high school. I like to watch anime, read romance or fantasy novels, and learn about fashion and sweets!"
Calling herself the most popular girl...Very narcissistic. I guess it kinda makes sense. She really is very popular among the students and admired by them, and is always surrounded by people. I don't know what's so admirable about her, though.
"That was a great introduction. It's my turn now. My name is Amelie. I transferred here a week ago, because my parents moved here due to work. I like to read romance and fantasy novels. I hope I get along with you guys."
Romance novels, huh? I have never read any of them. Should I try? They could give me some insights into what this emotion called romantic love is, and how it is different from the other kinds of love. To be honest, I never understood what love generally means, either. Is it caring for someone without asking anything in return? But don't they want their loved ones to love them back? That sounds paradoxical.
"It's my turn now, then! I'm Elisa, as you all know. I like learning about different cultures and religions. Don't mind me if I start yapping for no reason. Hehe. I also enjoy singing and hanging out with friends. I'm looking forward to spending more time with you guys."
Interesting hobbies. Pretty meaningless, but so is everything else. Gotta enjoy this absurd existence, I guess!
"Mike. Why are you staring blankly at me?" said Elisa.
"Huh? Oh! I must have zoned out. I'm not a social person, you see. I get lost in my own thoughts."
"No, it's alright. I just feel uncomfortable when someone stares at me like that."
"Sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I'm used to solitude, so I never really thought much about this."
"No. No, it's alright. Just try not to stare at me, or anyone, when you're around people."
"Okay. I'll try."
"Anyway, let's all eat and chat!" said Amelie.
Let's see what girls my age like to talk about.
"Do you guys have a crush on anyone? I mean, we are teenagers. It's normal to have crushes, right? We can be honest with each other, since we are friends now," said Mary.
I don't think we are friends yet. And as far as I know, most people aren't comfortable talking about this subject. I'm curious, though. I've never liked anyone, but I wanna know what makes someone likeable to girls. I know I'm not likeable, and I don't try to be likeable.
"Uh...but Mike is here with us. Should we talk about this stuff in front of a guy?" said Amelie.
"Why not? He's our friend now. So, it should be fine," said Elisa.
I'm not a friend. I'm just...I don't know. I wanna fade into the background.
"He's always zoning out. He'll forget about it, anyway. And if not, it doesn't really matter, because no one's gonna crush on that gloomy ass."
No lies detected.
"Hey! That's not a very nice thing to say to someone! He is very handsome, even though he looks like he doesn't get enough."
I'm handsome? Yeah, right...
"Elisa, you have a really bad taste in guys if you think he is handsome."
Why is Amelie looking at me like that? Am I actually that ugly?
"I also think Mike is quite handsome. He is also very smart. Why can't someone have a crush on him?"
Wait, what? This escalated quickly... My ear feels hot. This is new. I wanna disappear.
"Why are we even talking about Mike's likability? We were going to talk about who we like, not the possibility of someone having a crush on Mike."
"You're right. We're probably making him uncomfortable. So then, Mary, since you brought this topic, it means you like someone. Who's he? Or is it a girl?"
"No! I'm not into girls. I have a little crush on a senior. He's in his third year of high school. He's perfect! Athletic, tall, handsome, and smart."
"Wow! What's his name?" said Amelie.
"Joe. He is in the football team as well."
"Joe? I heard he already has a girlfriend," said Elisa
"Yeah, I know."
" Then?"
"I love him. I won't give up. He might choose me someday."
What is love to this girl? Can you really love something or someone you don't even know much about? When you refer to a person, you refer to them as a whole. "I love x" means you love everything about them, including the things you might not like. You accept everything about them. At least that's what I read in books. I've never loved anyone, but I did read about it. It's a pretty complex emotion.
I'm feeling sleepy. I wanna sleep...The break is almost over.
"Love is absurd, like the life we're all condemned to live. Maybe that's why we obsess over understanding it."