Somewhere, March 1940.
She was covered in blood. The moment I saw her held by Jeff, being subjected to all of that, my heart broke. I didn't think I would see her suffer — well, I hoped not, more than anything. But I didn't expect them, that he, would do that to her. I had to beg the doctor to treat her, stressing that we needed her for the work.
– Hmm.– What's wrong? Is it serious?– Not really, the scissors didn't damage much, she'll recover.– That's it? No medicine?– I think it's already a favor that I'm offering her a consultation, isn't it, Mr. Vollmer?– Hmm yes, yes of course, and thank you — I don't know what we would have done without such a useful Jew. I laughed.– Yes, of course. I'll leave you — I have more important things to do.
Despite that reassurance, I was still afraid. What if it happened again? What if it had already happened? I feel so dirty; I have the impression that what she's living through is also my fault, though I never wanted it. When I learned the Jews would have to leave their homes to begin a march to who knows where, the very next day I was called up to become a soldier — everything happened so fast — but through it all I only thought of Ruth. Where was she? Had nothing serious happened to her? And when I saw her for the first time after all this time, I thought I was hallucinating, but no — it was really her, only different, changed. When I learned the roles we were to play in this war, I first thought it was a bad joke, but no one else seemed amused. So I followed the orders, and I regret so much having had to hurt innocents who had done absolutely nothing to deserve it. At least I wanted to be here, to protect the only person I have left: Ruth.
Two hours later
I heard faint moans; my gaze met hers, but nothing came from her mouth.– How do you feel?– I'm fine, she whispered.– The doctor told me everything will be okay for you.– All right.– I'm sorry for what happened to you — if I had been here sooner it would have been less bad.– Were you the one who brought me here?– Yes. I had to force the doctor, but yes, I brought you here.– Thank you.
A warmth flooded me all at once; that single word made me feel so good, but it will never erase what I did. Suddenly a knot tightened in my stomach.
– I guess I'll have to go to work.– Unfortunately, yes. If I could, I would keep you here with me, safe.– I'll go then — thanks again.
The door of the room was already closed before I could react. I can't stand seeing her like this, in that state. I have to do something — can I do something? I must.
Hours later.
In my office — well, more like a broom closet — I thought about every possible way to get Ruth and myself out. But none of them allowed us to leave discreetly and, importantly, alive. Maybe making her come with me on an errand could go unnoticed, but what kind of errand would need her help and leave us alone together in a room?
– Heinrich, in ten minutes a shipment of bandages and medicine arrives, and you have to take charge of it.– Okay, no problem, I'll take care of it.– Ah, by the way — aren't you in need?– Need of what?– Well, you know, of getting laid.– Ah, uh, hmm, I'll admit I haven't really thought about it.– You should — besides, you've got plenty to choose from, he said, winking.– Oh yeah, you're right, but I don't see where I could go to be alone, I said, an idea forming.– Oh, simply go to the barn behind here, nobody's there.– Great, thanks for the tip.
He left smiling like a pervert, but nevertheless he helped me find a way for Ruth and me to escape without anyone noticing — now we just needed her to cooperate.
That same evening
– Ruth, get up.Her eyes opened; a kind of light appeared and vanished as soon as she sat up, as if she'd just realized what had happened.– Yes.– You have to come with me. Everything will be fine. You just have to follow me in total silence, okay?– All right.
The trip was silent; for the moment everything went as planned. I even caught soldiers' glances — they winked at me, as if they knew what I was about to do, as if it were normal here. It disgusts me. I spotted the barn, and for now there was no sign of life; we were alone, finally.
– This is it.– So, what do I have to do?– What are we going to do, rather.– What do you mean, we? she asked, panicked.
I realized the wording of my sentence and how she must have understood it, and it made me smile faintly.
– Oh no, I — I didn't mean it that way. I meant you should know that you and I, the two of us, are going to leave from here.– What?– I've thought about this all day. I know it's fast but I trust my plan.– Heinrich, where do you want to go?– I don't know yet, but we'll find out.– We won't find anything — we're trapped here, I'm trapped.– No, I promise you we'll get out of here together.– Heinrich, it's not possible.– Ruth, do you trust me?– I... I don't know.– Do you trust me?
Her look suddenly became the same as the very first time we met; I felt like she was trying to remember before, before all of this.– Yes.
I grabbed her hand and we left the barn. Still no one in sight. A car I had noticed two days earlier was parked abandoned — I hope there's still gas. Ruth got in the back; my rifle lay by the passenger side, the smell of leather completely overtaken by the scent of dry, stale earth. For now, the only thing that worried me was the noise the car would make when I started it with the cut wires. We might be noticed, but if we go fast enough I'll turn immediately to the right and they won't even see the vehicle. Otherwise we risk being caught, and I don't want to imagine what we'd suffer — especially with a German soldier leaving alongside a Jewish woman. It would be such a shame for them. The engine purred; without realizing it I had already pressed the pedal and turned the wheel to the right. They hadn't noticed us — we were now on the run.