Raya Marin
Tears covered the whole floor. My tears. I'd withdrawn into my corner, blocking out anything beyond my awareness from reaching me. But I knew those voices would find me anyway, like they always did. My will wasn't strong enough to stop them. I wasn't strong enough. I lifted my head from between my knees and stared at the scene before me. Klein and Nico were fighting each other, and because of their fight Alora had taken refuge with Rain. And yet the blue-glimmering aetheric particles kept dancing however they pleased. I wanted to stand and stop them, but my legs wouldn't let me.
"Don't be this pathetic."
A voice rose at the edge of my mind. It came from the dark alley behind me.
"You're not done. You still have a lot to do. Or is this 'freedom' you talk about nothing but tears?"
I tucked my head back into my knees and wrapped my arms around myself like a hive.
"Raya Marin, are you really this weak and stupid? Fate isn't complete yet, none of theirs is."
I couldn't answer, but with every passing second I felt the voice draw nearer.
"Did you forget your promise so quickly?"
I couldn't take it anymore and tried to push back against the angry voice.
"The promise I made to that damned thing was idiocy!"
The voice first tittered, then laughed like a maniac, mocking me.
"I'm not talking about that promise. I'm talking about the promise you made to Grey Nirmala. The date you said you'd go on with him. Did you forget that this fast? Or was your search for freedom only ever those tiny steps?"
The voice grew harsher, more terrifying:
"Are you going to let aether run your life? Or are you going to control aether? You're the one who will choose."
"And you?"
Pathetically, I asked the darkness:
"I'm only a shadow. I am only Humanity's Shadow."
The voice vanished, slipping back into the pit of darkness it came from. But unlike it, I had no pit to retreat to. I wiped the tears that remained and forced myself upright. I walked toward my friends on uncertain feet. Rain was the first to notice I was coming.
"Ra…ya…"
Rain looked about as pitiful as I did. Alora's eyes were full of fear. And the two idiots fighting still hadn't even seen me.
"Oh, fuck you!" Nico yelled at Klein. No matter how hard Klein tried to restrain him, it wasn't working.
"Nico…"
I set a hand on the hopeless boy's shoulder.
"Please, just stop."
Nico opened his mouth to snap back, but when he took in the state I was in, he shut it without a word. My eyes moved from Nico to Klein. Maybe the most hopeful among us had become the most hopeless and lost.
"What do we do now?"
Klein asked bleakly. His dim green eyes were locked on me, searching for some hope to reflect back, but he would never find it. Not now. I gave him the only answer I had, one that would never satisfy him.
"I… I don't know."
"I see…"
Klein took his eyes off me and slowly sank to the ground.
"Grey said we were supposed to meet a kid named Sunny after school. So where is he?"
Klein asked, grim. I didn't know the answer to that either. What kind of person Sunny was, what he looked like, or why he could see aether… I had none of those answers. But I did know one thing: I had to ease the pressure inside me, or I'd be crushed under my own heart. I turned to the three frightened kids behind me and didn't hesitate.
"You need to go."
I spoke to Rain, Alora, and Nico in a voice stripped of feeling. If they followed me and something happened to them, I would never forgive myself.
"Wait—what?"
Nico's voice rose.
"After everything we've just been through, you're going to toss us aside like nothing happened?"
I understood why he pushed back, even if I was the one saying it. I wasn't angry at what he said, but I didn't pity him either.
"Nico, I think you've had enough for today. So please, don't throw yourselves into things your bodies can't take."
Nico clenched his jaw but didn't argue further; he nodded and moved away from me. Rain and Alora did exactly as I said without picking a fight. Those two had suffered enough today. I still didn't know how any of the three could see aether, but that was a question for another day. I turned my focus back to Klein, bent a little ways in front of him, and sat down quietly. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Rain, Alora, and Nico, but when they left my field of view, I sighed and finally decided I had to talk to Klein.
"He'll probably be here soon…"
I tried to sound calm and hopeful, but it came out the opposite. Klein lifted his head and stared at me with empty eyes.
"Do you think he's alive?"
I couldn't answer. I was afraid to. Because whatever I said, I didn't know.
"I'm not sure yet."
"Does it even matter?"
My eyes went wide and I lunged at Klein in anger. I grabbed him by the collar and… nothing. What difference would it make? Attacking Klein wouldn't change a thing. I'd only be taking my anger at myself out on someone else. I let him go and dropped to the ground. Students leaving school looked over at us, but I didn't care. None of them were coming to help anyway. Maybe Lulu and Maki would have, but who knew where they were. I wasn't sure, and I was afraid. Tears gathered in my eyes again. No matter how hard I tried to wipe them away, more kept coming. Klein watched me with those dim green eyes. Maybe he was trying to comfort me, but he hadn't even managed to comfort himself.
"I don't know! I don't know anything! I don't know if Grey is alive or not! What do I know at all?"
Fear and anxiety filled me down to the last cell of my body. Humanity doesn't fear death or God the most. No, what humanity fears most is the unknown. At the core of everything lies uncertainty. That's why we ended up like this. Because none of us dared to look behind the door. Because before we even realized it, we let the unknown pull us in. I let it happen.
Klein Cylrit
Raya was shrouded in darkness. If the students around us saw us as a pair of raving lunatics, I couldn't blame them, because we were coming unhinged. Not knowing whether Grey was alive was maddening. I couldn't say we'd always gotten along, but I'd begun to think we were starting to care about each other. Grey had opened a door to a part of myself I hadn't known. But now… where was he? I didn't want to lose my friend. I knew it wasn't my fault, and yet a part of my brain screamed at me in pain. I tried to distract myself by focusing on Raya, but seeing her like that only hurt me more. Students came and went. Teachers glanced at us for a heartbeat and moved on. I clenched my teeth in anger. What was wrong with these people? Two kids were writhing on the ground and no one even tried to help. I'd helped people my whole life. I helped because I wanted to do the right thing. That's who I am; I can't change it. I like helping people. I want to see smiles on the faces around me. Why is it such hard work to build a world where no one suffers, no one sheds tears? Why is it impossible to build a world where everyone lives together in peace? Without helping one another, we'll never climb out of this cramped, limited life. There is a finish line for humanity's ascent, but the starting line hasn't even been drawn.
"Klein…"
The moment I heard my name, I snapped back. In the battle I'd been fighting with myself, I'd completely forgotten Raya was there.
"If he's dead, how am I supposed to explain that to his family? This uncertainty terrifies me."
Her voice was weak, but she was trying to hold herself up. It hadn't been long since her crying had stopped, yet she was still trying to pull herself together. Maybe I should, too. Raya forced herself up from the curb and wiped away the last of her tears. I couldn't tell whether her pulling it together so fast was good or bad, but I didn't want to waste time on that question now. Before standing, I took one last look at the students and teachers around us. When I saw none of them coming to help, I pushed up on my knees and got to my feet.
"Are you okay?"
Raya asked without looking at me. Her eyes were lifted to the sky with a kind of awed admiration.
"You should be the one I'm asking."
I answered with a smile. Raya shook her head and turned her eyes on me.
"No."
"Yeah… I know. Me neither."
Raya shook out her tousled hair and let the warm wind rush through it.
"Why does everyone have long hair?"
I muttered to myself, but Raya answered anyway:
"Because the people of Lineage City are complete idiots."
She giggled.
"Everyone's hair reflects their will. At least, that's what I think."
"Interesting philosophy."
I tried to tease meaning out of what she'd said, but it wasn't easy. Long hair meant next to nothing to me. People could wear their hair however they wanted. What kind of quote was that supposed to be?
"Anyway, don't overthink it, Klein. We've got things to do."
I sighed and pushed my thoughts aside.
"Alright. What now?"
Raya's smile faded; her face turned serious.
"I'm going to believe Grey isn't dead, and act like it. We're going to find him, bring him back, and take revenge on that bastard who calls himself the Organizer."
At her plan, I involuntarily took a step back. I'd never heard words like that come out of Raya's mouth, and I wasn't ready for them.
"Sounds like… a good plan. I guess."
I wanted to make a plan of my own, like Raya. I wanted to do whatever I could to help Grey. I wanted my friend back.
"The Organizer, or whatever that thing really is, what if there are more like him? What if he isn't the only one?"
Raya blinked, tilting her head.
"More like him? What even is the Organizer? A god—or something beyond a god?"
I shook my head.
"I don't know, but I saw a vision in the street. There were five beings that looked like the Organizer. And one of those five felt very familiar to me. Its eye colors were different."
"Gold and violet," Raya finished for me.
"Yeah… gold and violet."
I'd figured she might know something about that being; most of what we'd gone through had been the same, after all.
"Destruction," Raya went on. "It's visited me a few times. I actually saw it in a dream this morning."
"This morning," I echoed. "Then why did you ignore me this morning?"
I hadn't even meant to ask that; it just slipped out. But it was a question I wanted answered. Raya's eyes widened.
"I saw you for the first time today at the assembly."
"W… what?"
But I remembered very clearly that we'd met earlier today, assuming that really was Raya.
"What if the Organizer was controlling you then?"
I didn't know if it was a good time to throw a question like that on the table, but it felt like the kind of thought that might lead us somewhere.
"Damn it!"
Raya swore, furious.
"How could I have been so blind? Those dreams and everything else—he was preparing us for this, and he's still preparing us."
"But why? What could he possibly want from us?"
Raya sighed. She opened her mouth to say something, then hesitated.
"For a larger purpose."
Purpose, a word I'd been wrestling with for a long time. Was our purpose to serve his grand plan? If so, then everything had to have a reason. Everything.
"We're tossed around in a never-ending storm. Whatever we do, in the end we're the ones who pay. We get lost."
Everything I said was true, though I wished it weren't.
"What a wonderful world," I laughed, bitterly. "If only…"
Raya exhaled.
"But if I had one more chance, I would choose to be born into this life again. Because then…"
Her words were cut off by a loud argument flaring up behind us. We both turned and saw two people fighting. One was a black-haired boy about our age with dark circles under his eyes. The other was a girl. She didn't look much older than us, but that didn't mean she wasn't. Her hair was brown, and her eyes were gold, like Grey's. Raya took a step toward them, and as soon as she did, aetheric particles blossomed in the air, their colors shading toward green.