Mmh… interesting.
You're still walking, darling.
You don't turn around. You don't say anything.
You pretend I don't exist.
Oooh~, what a pathetic act!
But I know.
I know you feel me on you, like a knife resting against your skin.
I know that every step you take is stiffer, more forced.
Ah, you've always been good at pretending.
But with me… with me it doesn't work.
I see you.
You know what's devouring me now?
Memories.
Oooh~, what a curious spectacle memory is!
Memories never arrive whole, no, no, no.
They come in pieces, broken fragments that spring out without order.
A smell, a color, a laugh… a scream.
And then everything blends together.
And I decide what to remember.
Mh…oh, there was a night.
Yes, I remember the room.
Dim light, curtains closed, your warm breath close to my ear.
You were laughing.
Or crying?
Ah, what does it matter!
Maybe both.
I was holding you by the wrists.
Or by the waist?
Maybe I was kissing you.
Maybe I was threatening you.
Mh… what a lovely game!
It's never the same version.
Each time I change a card, and the ending is different.
Oooh~, such chills!
And then there was blood.
Mmh, yes!
Dark, gleaming in the light.
Was it yours?
Or was it mine?
Oooh~, I don't remember.
Maybe both.
But again… what does it matter?
Blood has always been part of our performance.
And your hands were trembling.
Or laughing with me.
You know, trembling hands and laughing hands… they look the same, if you watch them the right way.
Hihi~
I could tell you that you were in love.
That you desired me like no one else.
That you would have done anything just to stay with me.
Oooh~, yes, I could.
Or I could say that you hated me.
That you wanted to run, you screamed, you cried to escape.
Mh… I could say that too.
Do you know what the truth is?
That both things would be right.
And wrong.
Because the truth is only a mask I choose to wear when it amuses me.
Oooh~, your eyes…
Ah, how I adored them.
So full of life, so ready to break.
I remember them shining, wet, as you stared at me.
With fear?
With desire?
Oooh~, what difference does it make?
Tears and pleasure have always had the same taste on my tongue.
You walk ahead of me and you don't turn around.
You fake strength.
You fake indifference.
Ah, how amusing you are!
And yet I know.
I know that inside you there's that knot tightening your stomach.
I know your heart is beating faster.
And I… I beat with you.
Every breath you take is a note in our melody.
You know, there are days when I think I truly loved you.
Oooh~, what a ridiculous word on my tongue!
"Love."
Mh, maybe it was love.
Maybe not.
What is love, if not the desire to slowly destroy something, savoring every crack?
Oooh~, then yes, maybe it was love.
MY kind of love.
Oooh~, another memory…
I see you under the rain.
Your hair wet, your dress clinging to your skin.
You were laughing.
I shouted something at you, I don't remember what.
You were running.
I was chasing you.
And then I caught you, lifted you off the ground, and you screamed.
A scream.
Or a laugh.
Mh, what does it matter.
It sounded wonderful.
And yet, I could swear that in that instant it was you who kissed me first.
Oooh~, what a delicious lie!
Or maybe it was true.
Oooh~, what confusion...
I don't even know myself anymore.
But that's the beauty of it: confusion entertains me more than certainty.
You walk and I follow you.
The crowd around us flows like dirty water.
All these anonymous faces don't matter.
They don't see it.
They don't hear it.
They don't understand that the real scene is between you and me.
They're only extras.
We are the show.
Oooh~, darling…
What a pathetic act of yours.
Pretending I don't exist.
That I'm just a shadow of the past.
No, no, no.
I'm here.
Always here.
And even when I wasn't… I was still there.
Inside you.
In your scars, in your dreams, in your nightmares.
Mh… maybe you've built yourself a new life.
Maybe someone holds you now.
Kisses you, caresses you, calls you by sweet names.
Oooh~, how boring.
I can almost see it: normal hands, normal smiles, normal nights.
How disgusting!
What a farce.
Because no one will ever laugh with you the way I laughed.
No one will break you and hold you together at the same time the way I did.
No one.
Mh, and that excites me.
Knowing that deep down, no matter who's beside you.
I remain.
Always me.
The ghost that never leaves you.
The shadow that follows your every step.
Oooh~, darling… do you realize?
There's no way out.
And I, walking behind you, amuse myself by remembering.
Not the facts.
Not the truth.
No, no, no.
I remember the sensations.
The warmth of your skin, the trembling of your lips, the sound of your heart beating too hard.
The rest… I invent it.
I change it.
I bend it.
And every time it becomes sweeter.
Oooh~, darling, how many times have I let you go?
Mh, none.
Even when it seemed so, it wasn't true.
Even when I turned my back, you were always there.
Always mine.
Always part of the game.
I call you "ex," but what a huge lie.
I don't have exes.
I only have toys I haven't finished breaking yet.
And you… you're my favorite.
Oooh~, yes, yes!
Still my favorite.
Walk, darling, walk.
Pretend indifference, pretend strength.
Every step you take is a card I slowly turn over.
And I… oh, I love to reveal the cards one by one.
I'm in no hurry.
Never in a hurry.
That's the beauty of it.
Watching you, following you, remembering you.
Holding the blade a millimeter from your skin, without ever sinking it in.
Oooh~, yes… what a sweet torture!
And in the meantime I think:
how long will you last before you give in?
Before you truly turn around?
Before you speak to me?
Mh… it doesn't matter.
I can wait.
Wait and laugh.
Wait and remember.
Wait and… play.
Oooh~, the game has just begun again.
And I… I'm already enjoying myself.
Hihi~