Xiao Zhi woke to a silence that felt cold and dark at the same time. Yesterday should have changed everything. Usually, when a girl confesses and gets the same feelingin return, she's supposed to feel happy and over the moon. But Xiao Zhi felt anchored to the earth. There was none of the fluttering, girlish giddiness that had followed their kiss at the hot springs. This was different. It was quieter, and it was terrifying.
Ruhan's confession kept looping in her mind. His words had been quiet and simple, different than any grand confession scene in the dramas she watched. It was just his honest voice, admitting to a truth that clearly cost him everything. But it was more than enough for her.
"You aren't alone."
"I love you too."
Her fingers curled into the sheets, pulling the fabric tight. She had told him that "knowing" was enough. She had meant it at the time. She'd wanted to be the noble one, the one who could survive secret affection, a hidden love.
But lying here in the light of dawn, she had to admit the truth.
Knowing was not enough. Not even close.
She had finally found someone she loved. Not just someone she relied on for safety, or a familiar face in a strange land, but someone who looked at her and saw her. And she knew it had been real, because a side character like Ruhan was not supposed to fall in love with her. They were not written to have mutual feelings for each other. But it had happened. And now she should pretend it hadn't?
Was she really supposed to just turn the page and go back to being strangers? They should spend the rest of their lives smiling politely across courtyards, pretending their hearts weren't breaking every time they caught each other's eye?
She felt a sharp and ugly twist in her chest.
No.
She sat up abruptly, breathing to calm the rising emotion inside of her. The fear was there, of course. The palace was not kind to love or any form of happiness. She had seen enough blood to know that affection was a liability here.
Ruhan had nearly died because of her. That truth was still there. She had the stain of his blood on her sleeves as solid proof. She knew being near her was dangerous for Ruhan.
That realization made her throat tighten until she couldn't breathe.
She had been such a brat. She'd punished him for pulling away, acting like a spoiled kid because he had distanced himself. She hadn't seen the heavy burden he was actually carrying.
But now, everything was clear. She had seen what it cost him with her own eyes.
And yet,
It did not extinguish the love. If anything, it made it sharper, more urgent. It turned the feeling from a luxury into a necessity.
Her hand pressed against her chest. She could feel it.
Was she really supposed to accept this? To love quietly until the story demanded her death and took him with it?
Her gaze hardened, focusing on a single, unmoving point on the floor.
She had accepted too many things since coming to this world. Accepted the palace, the torture, the narrative that she was meant to endure rather than choose. This was the first thing that had ever felt truly hers. And she wasn't going to let the "plot" take it without a fight.
Watch me, Lin Rui. I'm rewriting your story. I'm going to change this tragic disaster of yours into a beautiful romance. It'll be so cheesy and sweet you'll want to throw up just by reading it.
She got out of bed and began to pace. Her mind started racing, combing through every story, every drama, every historical tragedy she'd ever read. What did people do when love became a death sentence?
Romeo and Juliet had died for their forbidden love, so no… she didn't want that ending.
But then again, they died because of some stupid misunderstanding. They did not plan to die. They planned to escape.
And that's exactly what she and Ruhan should do.
Elope.
It was the one answer the "story" would never expect. Forget rebellion. Forget coup. They would just… vanished.
They couldn't survive here in Tughril. The Khan or Kabil would hunt them down to every corner of the land. But Hua… Hua was beyond Tughril's reach.
There should be some place beyond the capital of Hua, beyond the palace, where the Tughril influence did not reach. Places where names meant nothing and titles held no weight.
It was a terrifying idea. A reckless, impulsive gamble. But it gave her a thrill that made her heart jump. She was thinking more than just about surviving another day, she was thinking about how to live just a little bit longer than that.
I don't want "knowing" to be enough, she admitted silently. I want more. I want a life…. with you
Her mind continued to work, even sharper and clearer now. She needed a plan, practical and logical. If they escape, could they really be safe?
Juliet was using the poison to fake her death. And that's what Xiao Zhi planned to do. She just needed to make sure, unlike Julilet, to tell Ruhan about it. So he didn't make the stupid mistake Romeo did.
If they were truly gone…
If the palace believed they were dead…
No one would look for them.
Her hands shook, but not with doubt. It was the weight of the choice.
She wasn't naive. She knew this could fail. She knew they could be caught and executed before they even reached the outer gates. But staying meant a slow death anyway. Leaving meant a chance.
She pressed her palm against the wooden frame of the window.
"I refuse," she whispered.
She refused to love him in silence. She refused to be grateful for a tragedy.
The next time she saw Ruhan, she wouldn't beg for another secret kiss or ask him to stay close. No. She was going to ask him to throw it all away. His job, his safety... his whole life. It wasn't some romantic dream. It was a suicide mission
She was going to ask him to become a ghost with her.