Days went by.
And Xiao Zhi noticed something she didn't like at all.
Ruhan wasn't around.
She wanted to tell him about her new ingenious plan. About the sleeping pills. About how they would save her from Kabil assault. And she also wanted to ask him if he had been the one who gave her the pills in the first place.
Not that she had counted the minutes or anything, but usually… he was always "around." It was impossible not to notice him. Delivering tea with a quiet smile, slipping fresh sheets onto her bed, or just somehow bumping into her in the garden like fate itself had scheduled him there. He existed as a constant background in her life, a presence she had come to… rely on.
But now?
What, three? Four days? No sign of him.
It shouldn't bother her. She tried to tell herself that. It was just a few days. Nothing catastrophic. She wasn't, definitely not, missing him.
…Right?
Her heart thudded uncomfortably at the thought, and she rolled over, burying her face in the pillow.
"Stop it," she whispered to the fabric. "Stop thinking about him."
But the moment her eyelids closed, his face appeared. That infuriatingly composed smirk she remembered back in Hua, the gentle tilt of his head when he said her name, the way he always seemed aware without even trying, the way he always knew how to comfort her.
She rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Blank. Well, not really blank, her brain refused to shut up.
Why does it bother her so much?
"Why… am I even missing him?"
"A eunuch!" She groaned loudly, muffling her face against the pillow. "Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Why am I feeling… longing? For a side character in a fictional novel?!"
She flailed her arms over her head. Then she accidentally touched her old bruise, the one Kabil left. She felt it. The leftover pain was real.
And if the pain was real… does that mean her feelings were also real? Was His presence also real?
She wouldn't admit it, but the thought brought a light of hope. Maybe, even while barely enduring this cruel fate in a world she didn't know existed, she could find some happiness.
Maybe instead of frustrating herself over whether or not things are real, she could just… enjoy it? Pretend this world is real. Pretend that everyone around her was real… including him.
Then her thoughts went a step further.
Oh, boy..
What if he notices she's been… noticing him?
She shivered. Not from cold, but from the sudden, very real thought that maybe, somehow, he would. And what then? Would he laugh? Roll his eyes? Pretend he didn't care?
Too many possibilities. Too many dangerous, heart-fluttering possibilities.
With a groan, she sat up and ran a hand over her face. "Okay. Breathe. It's fine. "
She tried pacing, a modern habit that somehow carried over in the palace's silent corridors. Back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes pacing helped organize thoughts. Sometimes it just made her feel like a caged animal. Tonight, it did a little of both.
Her mind wandered stubbornly to the garden. Ruhan usually walked there at dusk, tracing the same paths she often took. Always… noticeable without meaning to be.
The idea of wandering there alone made her chest tighten.
Yet the next morning, she found herself doing exactly that.
Aimless steps took her past the garden, past the Khan's quarters, past corridors that didn't lead anywhere useful.
Her steps slowed near the entrance to the Khan's private wing. She paused, toes brushing the threshold.
A warning bell rang in her head: If anyone sees you here again, rumors will spread. Wild, scandalous, destroying rumors.
And if Kabil found out… she would not see another day.
But curiosity, or perhaps stubbornness, held her there for just a moment too long.
And then:
"Princess Lian Zhi?"
Startled, she spun.
A familiar figure appeared, but not the one she was hoping for.
"Ah..Arkan! I was just...uh...walking," she said too quickly, flapping her hands like a bird.
He raised an eyebrow, expression faintly amused. "Near the Khan's private wing?"
Her cheeks warmed. "It's… a large palace. I got lost. Totally lost."
"Again?" His chuckle was light, almost teasing.
She crossed her arms, pretending to be stern. "You sound just like Ruhan."
At his name, Arkan hesitated. "Ruhan?"
"Yes. Err… by the way… have you seen him lately?" She tried casual, but it came out a little too sharp.
Arkan rubbed his neck. "Ah… he's not here."
Her chest deflated. "He's not?"
"He… went back to his hometown," Arkan added quickly, "for a few days. Some family matter."
"Oh." She tried to sound neutral. "I see."
He tilted his head, gaze lingering. "You seem… disappointed."
"Why would I be?" she said too quickly. "He's just a servant." Her voice sounded hollow even to her own ears. Pretending to build a wall she knew wasn't there.
"Of course," Arkan said knowingly. "Just a servant."
Her frown deepened. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing at all, my lady." He bowed slightly, eyes sparkling with amusement. "But if you keep wandering here, people might start to think otherwise."
She glared, flustered. "I wasn't wandering! I told you, I was lost!"
Arkan laughed softly, a sound that made her bite the inside of her cheek. "Then I'll escort you out…before you get lost again."
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but her curiosity made her glance back at the quiet courtyard. Empty. Still.
Yet somehow… it felt like someone was watching.
From behind the heavy drapes of the Khan's chamber, a pair of eyes followed her every move. Mask hiding everything but those sharp, unreadable eyes.
He exhaled slowly.
"Foolish woman," he murmured, voice low, almost a hiss. "Why do you make it so hard to avoid you?"