Bonus Story:
Liam's Harem Plan
WHAT IS REQUIRED to be an evil lord? Money, violence...and women.
Since I'd obtained the alchemy box, a total cheat item, money was no
longer a concern. I'd been able to pay off my debt without issue. That was
one objective down.
As for violence: I'd acquired a most wonderful swordsmanship
technique known as the Way of the Flash, and though I was sure I still had
much to learn in that area, I figured I'd become a pretty decent knight at least.
This meant I'd cleared my second objective as well.
"The only thing left is women!"
Thus, I prepared a room in my new mansion for this one. At a glance, it
looked like an audience chamber a king might use in an RPG. I had set up a
lavish throne for myself at the far end, and ridiculously ornate pillars
supported the high ceiling, with a pool at the room's center. I'd created this
ostentatious room while thinking Evil lords are all about debauchery! It was
here that I planned on having beautiful women in swimsuits attend to me.
When it was ready, I invited Amagi and Brian inside to show off, but
they didn't react very well to it.
"I see you have engaged in another of your silly little projects, Master."
"Master Liam, what do you intend to use this room for? I do not
believe I heard anything about this project."
Well, I didn't think they'd respond well if I told them I wanted to make
a harem chamber, so I kept it from them, but I'm not going to restrain myself!
I'm an evil lord, after all.
"Why, this room exists to fulfill my dream."
Amagi tilted her head cutely. "Your dream?" she asked.
"That's right. This room exists to realize a dream I've long held. Have
you heard the phrase 'conspicuous consumption'?"
Brian put a hand to his chin. "I believe I have."
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"That's what I'm gonna do! I'll fill a whole pool with alcohol, hang
meat from the pillars...conspicuous indulgences like that! Then I'll get a
whole gaggle of girls and make a harem!" I spread my arms wide and gave a
loud laugh, while Brian and Amagi looked on coldly.
Heh. I wouldn't expect these two to understand.
Amagi eventually moved her gaze from me to the empty pool. "Master,
if you fill a pool with alcohol, it will evaporate, which is dangerous."
"Huh?"
"What purpose is there in filling the pool with alcohol in the first
place? To drink it? It would be filthy."
I was a little flustered by Amagi's reasonable questions, but I'd put a
good amount of thought into my plan.
"I-it's fine—the pool has a filter. And I don't think I'd drink that much
of it anyway."
But now that I think about it, do I really want to drink alcohol people
are swimming in? Uh, no. I'd rather have a normal drink than scoop
something out of a pool.
"The mansion's filtration system would simply remove the alcohol and
leave the pool filled with fresh water."
"Huh?"
Amagi's sound arguments kept on coming. "In the first place, what is
the point of making a pool? If you would like to swim, it is safer to swim in
water, and if you fill it with alcohol, it will just get filtered into water
anyway. If you turned the filter off and left it as alcohol, it would not be
healthy to swim in."
Having heard all of Amagi's points, Brian clenched his fist and said, "I
must protest, Master Liam! And what do you mean by hanging meat from the
pillars anyway?" So now it was Brian trying to rain on my parade.
"Wh-what's wrong with that? I can at least hang the meat, can't I?!"
"You cannot! What are you going to do with such unhygienic food,
anyway? Eat it? If you want to eat meat, please only eat it once it's been
properly stored and prepared!"
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When I really stop to consider whether I'd want to eat meat that's just
hanging around on the walls... Eh, I dunno if I would.
"Now that you mention it, maybe this is a little too conspicuous."
"You're exactly right. I urge you to reconsider these plans."
Then again, evil lords are supposed to be wasteful, aren't they? Even if
there's no point to the trappings and they involve something unhealthy, I'm
gonna make this a reality one way or another! Amagi and Brian may try to
stop me, but I will amass a harem in this chamber!
"I'm not gonna give up on my dream of owning a harem, though! I am
going to have women wait on me and entertain me in here!" My voice echoed
through the huge room.
I'm sure these guys can't understand, but I won't back down on this
one.
However, Amagi reacted unexpectedly to my passionate words. "I do
not see an issue with that."
"What? You don't?" I thought they'd shoot down my plan for a harem
right away too. They'd had so much to critique about the booze and the meat,
but nothing about the harem? I eyed Amagi suspiciously, but she had all her
usual composure.
"Is it really okay? All right, well, I'm gonna make one, then. The
biggest harem there's ever been." I looked to see if she'd budge, but she
showed no signs of speaking up.
On the other hand, Brian was getting worked up again. "You are the
head of the family, Master Liam—a count, and the ruler of this planet. It is
only natural for you to have a harem."
"O-oh?"
Brian started ranting, as if he were venting criticisms of me that had
been building up in him. "Do you know how much I have worried about how
modest you are, Master Liam? At first, I thought you were just too young to
be interested in the opposite sex, but then you go and fall for honey traps left
and right!"
Wait a second! When did I fall for a honey trap?
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"Hey, I've never—"
"Have you forgotten Engineering Captain Nias, Master Liam? You
ordered an entire fleet from the Seventh Weapons Factory just to appease that
one woman!"
Now that he mentions it, I have bought quite a lot from Nias. I just
purchased that new flagship from her, in fact.
"Sure, sure, whatever. But I can really make a harem? 'Cause I will,
you know!"
Brian looked incredulous. He leaned forward and began to lecture me.
"Pardon my frankness, Master Liam, but you should already be involved with
several women at this point. If something should happen to you, the family is
done for. It might be a little early, but you must produce an heir."
All of a sudden, he's telling me to have a kid, but I just literally became
an adult! In fact, I'm at an age in this world where some people are still
treating me like a kid. It's way too soon for me to have a child of my own.
Besides, I haven't even finished my education, so I'm not considered a full-
blown noble yet either.
"That kind of came out of nowhere, don't you think?"
"It did not! You absolutely must produce an heir! If you take a formal
wife, then the other potential heirs can form branch families. House Banfield
doesn't have a single branch family!"
Well, there's plenty of things I'd like to say about this heir stuff, but it's
true that House Banfield is in trouble without any branch families. In game
terms, it's like we've got zero lives banked, so if we die once, it's game over.
I'm kinda surprised House Banfield lasted long enough for me to be born
into.
"How is this my fault?"
"All I am saying is: it is your responsibility to provide the family with
an heir as soon as possible!"
Lately, more and more people in my domain were using artificial
insemination and even growing their babies in test tubes, but it was still
deemed preferable for a mother to grow her baby in her own womb. I didn't
know much about these topics beyond that. Did I really need to start thinking
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along these lines?
Amagi quickly got us back on track about the harem. "There is no
problem with your having a harem, so please go ahead and indulge yourself
to your heart's content."
"No problem, huh?"
"Correct. But as for 'conspicuous consumption,' there are many
hygienic concerns."
"So that one's a no go."
I'd figured they would both be against the whole harem thing, but it
truly looked like they were both in favor of it. I'd thought for sure they were
going to say something like "You must not fall prey to lust!"
Well, if it's fine with them, then that cinches it. I'm gonna collect as
many beautiful women as I can, and have all the fun I like as an evil lord!
"Well, let's get to it, then. Bring on the beauties! I'll start by carefully
selecting each one myself..."
But just as I started fantasizing, Brian interrupted me. "Please wait,
Master Liam."
"What is it? You were all for it a second ago, but now you're gonna
complain?"
"No, I just wanted to ask exactly what scale you are envisioning for
this harem."
Heh! I bet these two are thinking in realistic numbers, like ten women.
That'd probably be considered large for a harem, right? But I'm an evil lord
—I dream big! I mean, if I'm gonna exploit my subjects, I should have at
least a hundred women.
"A hundred."
"One hundred!" Brian's eyes widened in surprise.
He's probably gonna tell me it'll be too much trouble to have that
many, but I refuse to compromise on—
"Just one hundred?"
"Huh?"
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Apparently, Brian had been surprised by something else.
"Will you really be satisfied with so few?"
"Uh, what? Isn't a hundred a lot? It's a lot, right, Amagi?"
In response, Amagi brought up several screens around me. They all
showed profile pictures of women with short bios attached.
"I've taken the liberty of collecting some candidates myself. I have ten
thousand here, and I was thinking that you could invite at least a thousand of
them to live in the mansion."
"A thousand?!"
I was off by a whole digit? Do you really think I can handle that many
women all on my own?
"Are you guys crazy? What would I do with that many?"
Trying to have a businesslike conversation about something so
personal as the legion of women who'd be pleasuring me was becoming a
little too embarrassing.
His expression grave, Brian tried to persuade me. "The number is not
the issue. What is important is finding women who will please you. What
matters is not the box, Master Liam, but its contents."
By "the box," I guess he means this chamber I've made. Instead of
making a room to contain my harem, I should be collecting the contents of it
first: the women.
"A thousand is too many, though!"
"None of this would be an issue if you invited women to the mansion
yourself, Master Liam! For all your talk of a harem, you haven't chosen even
a single woman to be beside you!"
"That's not true! I have Amagi, don't I?"
My butler cast a helpless look at Amagi, but even she seemed a little
exasperated with me. "Master, I cannot bear your children."
"That's got nothing to do with it."
Brian covered his face and started to cry. "This simply will not do,
Master Liam. If you would at least keep a few women you were fond of by
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your side, I would be able to rest easy."
"Shut up! You said it yourself: the number is not the issue! It's quality
over quantity for me, and I'm not compromising on that!"
"Well, then I don't see your harem ever happening! Please, at least take
this opportunity to meet some potential candidates."
Apparently there were plenty of oddball women who would easily
volunteer if I said I wanted a concubine or mistress.
But that's not what I want! As an evil lord, I want to compel unwilling
women to keep me company. Arata said that's what bad guys did in the dirty
manga he read. What was the genre called? NTR? In my past life, my wife
was stolen from me, but this time I want to be the one doing the stealing! I
can't just have women offering themselves to me.
"I want women with good looks and plenty of talent, but they can't just
be subservient!"
Brian's expression finally turned to full-on despair. "What? You're the
ruler of this planet, Master Liam; most women would do whatever you told
them to!"
Amagi agreed with Brian. "You are very popular, Master."
Is every single person on this planet an idiot? Why the hell are they
worshipping a villain like me? Well, jeez, that complicates things, doesn't it?
I might not be able to find a single candidate for my harem on this planet.
"I can't choose them from my domain, then," I muttered, and Brian and
Amagi both narrowed their eyes at me.
"I am beginning to doubt you're serious about creating a harem, Master
Liam. To tell the truth, I am extremely worried."
Amagi added, "You have yet to make any sort of move on any of the
mansion staff as well. I had expected you to pursue at least a few of them."
Why would I do that? I'm gonna customize my own harem. Like hell
I'll just take somebody someone else has prepared for me! Come on, I'm an
evil lord!
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