Dear Diary,
I'm standing outside Mrs. De Wit's office. My heart is beating twice as fast as normal, and my stomach hurts terribly. For a moment, I doubt I want to do it, if this is really the best option. Maybe I can do it myself after all? But then my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I see a message from Maya: "You got this! <3." I take another deep breath before knocking on the office door.
As soon as I enter, I sit on the other side of the desk. Mrs. De Wit has decorated her office nicely and even somewhat homely. She asks me a few standard questions like my name, age, location, etc. I quickly realize she's a very calm woman, she gives you her time, and is incredibly warm and understanding.
As the conversation progresses, I slowly and carefully tell her more about my panic attacks: how suddenly they can come and go, what their potential triggers are, and how often they occur. To my surprise, Mrs. De Wit doesn't look surprised at all. She's simply understanding and listens to my story.
As soon as I've finished, she looks at me calmly and says, "What you're experiencing is completely normal after trauma." I let it sink in and nod calmly. So it's not strange how my body is behaving; it's even normal. Mrs. De Wit asks if I'd like to schedule another appointment to discuss this further, see how this came about, and from there we can explore possible solutions. I think about it for a moment but ultimately agree; it's the only solution I have at the moment.
When I leave the office, Maya is already waiting in the hallway, and seeing her there is such a relief. We walk out of the school together and agree to go to the ice cream parlor. We chat about movies and music; for a moment, everything feels normal. This feels good.
- G