Hokage Building.
Sarutobi Hiruzen glanced out the window. Every now and then, several of Moku Kairen's shadow clones in gray short-sleeved shirts passed by, stopping at random objects all around the village.
Sarutobi Hiruzen frowned. "What on earth is Moku Kairen doing? His shadow clones are everywhere."
Feeling something was off, he turned to the ANBU beside him and ordered,
"Follow Moku Kairen and see what he's up to."
"Understood!"
"From here on—let the world feel pain!"
A loud shout echoed from atop the Hokage Rock.
Sarutobi Hiruzen looked up. On the rock stood Kairen in a flame-patterned cloak, arms raised, shouting "Kōnmi! Kōnmi!" over and over again.
"What the hell is he doing?!"
...
On Kairen's end, he was doing a handstand on the ground, moving forward slowly on two fingers.
Meanwhile, the voice of the system echoed endlessly in his head.
"Furniture: Table recorded successfully!"
"Plant: Cactus recorded successfully!"
"Furniture: Toilet recorded successfully!"
Kairen froze.
Who the hell recorded a toilet?! Don't tell me it was that clone who acts just like Zetsu…
"Small Creature: Mouse recorded successfully!"
"Small Creature: Black Cat recorded successfully!"
"Medium Creature: Husky recorded successfully!"
Kairen paused for a moment.
Behind him, the clone was cracking a whip furiously.
"Faster! Don't stop! Keep training!"
"Yes, my King!"
(◎_◎;)
From inside the house, Tsunade secretly watched through the window, puzzled.
Strangely, the more Kairen got whipped, the more obedient he became.
So this is how to tame him… got it.
...
At a training field in the northeast of Konoha.
Two figures, one large and one small, both wearing tight green jumpsuits, shouted about "Youth!" while pushing through extreme training.
The older man wore a yellow scarf and had a small mustache. Watching the younger Kairen—who was furiously punching a wooden training post while shouting about youth—he smiled warmly.
Might Duy praised, "Kairen, I'm glad to see your youth burning so brightly! Let our youth explode together!"
Kairen shouted back with passion, "Yes! My youth will never fade! My youth is mine to command! My youth defies all norms!"
He spouted a dozen more quotes about youth in a single breath.
Might Duy and his son Guy stopped what they were doing, pulled out a notebook from who-knows-where, and began jotting down Kairen's quotes.
"Good, good, good! That one's great! Very useful. 'My youth will never fade!'"
Might Duy nodded in satisfaction, giving Kairen a thumbs-up.
"Since you've taught us so many words of youth, I'll teach you some Taijutsu techniques in return. When striking the wooden post, you must channel your strength like this..."
"You're right! That's youth! Burn it all!" Kairen shouted, overflowing with boundless energy like a youth-powered spider.
Simply put, he was gradually turning into a mini-Guy.
But with that level of movement intensity, his chakra was soon completely depleted.
...
Kairen paused as the chakra information from Youth Kairen's clone surged into his mind, wrapping him in a blazing aura of youthful energy.
He looked at the clone with renewed determination.
"My King! Please, drive me harder! I must grow stronger!"
"As you wish!"
"Pa! Pa! Pa!"
The sound of whipping filled the air.
It was as if Kairen had swallowed a miracle pill—his entire body overflowed with power.
He retracted one hand and pointed a finger at the ground, bouncing forward as he walked.
Now I'm invincible. The more pain I take, the stronger I become.
...
At a street corner in Konoha, a boy wearing black ninja garb and a mask crouched gloomily beside a utility pole, a short blade strapped to his back.
Obito rubbed the swollen bump on his face, fuming over Kairen's dumb idea.
Just earlier, he had transformed into Kakashi and pulled down his mask in front of Rin—only to reveal Guy's face underneath.
Without a word, Rin had grabbed a broom and beaten him out of sight, easily seeing through the trick.
Rin was obsessed, convinced that beneath Kakashi's mask lay an impossibly handsome face.
A Kairen clone wearing an orange spiral mask walked up to Obito and said comfortingly,
"Come on, stop fooling around. Let's start the Eye of the Moon Plan and create a world where you can ride Rin all you want."
Obito stood up and shoved the clone away. "Get lost! Don't bother me."
"Obito, we have to embrace the darkness. We must stop caring about everything!"
Obito picked up a rock and hurled it at the clone.
"Idiot! There's plenty I still care about!"
...
At the Dango Shop.
Anko was happily eating her sweet, colorful dango when she suddenly spotted a familiar figure.
Without hesitation, she threw the stick of dango at him.
"Kairen, you bastard! You got me drunk last night?!"
The shadow clone's forehead protector had the words "Save Anko" scrawled on it—he was called Dango Kairen.
Dango Kairen lectured her seriously, "Stop eating sweets! You need to maintain a slim figure. What's so great about these dango anyway? Too sweet, too greasy, and unhygienic to boot!"
(ꐦ°᷄д°᷅)
The shop owner glared coldly at Dango Kairen, quietly reaching for a kitchen knife.
Dango Kairen gave him a sharp look.
"I'm not naming names, but your dango shop should shut down soon. Can't let it affect my dear Anko."
"You bastard!" The owner roared, grabbing the knife and charging out of the shop in anger.
Dango Kairen scooped up Anko and vanished with a Body Flicker Technique.
"Kairen! Put me down right now, or I'll feed you to my snakes!"
"You think I actually want to hold someone with an A-cup? My king doesn't even stir for that! I'm going to purge your sugar-craving personality once and for all!"
...
Deep within Root's most secret base, Kairen approached carefully with his Byakugan activated.
Two masked Root operatives blocked his path coldly.
"Moku Kairen, get lost. This isn't a place for you!"
Cough, cough...
Kairen coughed a few times, then, like a speechmaster, gathered power in his mouth and fired off at the two.
"You two are way out of your league! Go tell your boss to come see me himself!"
The two masked Root members just stared at him in silence.
Kairen continued, "What's wrong? Is your leader, Danzō, too scared to come out? I'm just a lowly Genin blocking your door, and he still won't face me!"
"I can't take this anymore!"
One of the Root ninja snapped, slashing at Kairen with his blade, white smoke trailing behind it.
Before exploding, Kairen shouted his final curse, "Idiots! Trash! Go lick old Danzō's filthy feet in the mud where you belong!"
The Root ninja cursed under his breath.
"Damn it! Just another shadow clone!"
The other ninja touched his head and asked, confused,
"Why does my brain feel fuzzy?"
"Hmm... let me ask you something. What's one plus one?"
"Uh... two, I think?"
"Idiot. One plus one equals three."
"Oh... ⊙_⊙?"