Oh, hello there, I'm back again. Roommates is it? Ah, yes.
So after that whole Samuel thing, which I managed to clear up, thank God. They kept on and on about my manipulation. Agreeing to them wasn't enough for them I think. But how did they make me agree? Now that was the problem. Another story, yes.
Bullying is quite common these days, it comes in many different forms. But then it actually doesn't. Most people would classify minor abuse as bullying. Why? Because it's minor, so insignificant. It doesn't matter because no harm comes of it. Wrong!! But people tend to run their mouths and give opinions however they want without caring about it, because they're not the ones experiencing it. They aren't the ones at the receiving end of this "minor, even playful abuse. Hm.
So, what exactly did my roommates do to me? Well, teasing. Laughed about things no one laughs at.
So what exactly am I talking about, you may be wondering.
It must have been my first semester in that school. My roommates went on and on about my apparent "girlishness". As if that wasn't bad enough, the seniors were also torturing me. Full-on bullying, for reasons I couldn't interpret. I was annoying, they said. But no one was treated like that simply because they were annoying. At least that was my opinion. So the roommates right?
This one time, they were asking me questions that made me uncomfortable. I could not answer those questions, why? Because I didn't want to. Pro tip, if you ask someone a question and the person feels reluctant to answer, leave the person alone!
You can persuade the person lightly, as a friend. If that fails too, fuck off!!
So yes, they tried to persuade me, and I honestly can't remember what I said, but I'm sure it was something along the lines of I won't answer that question. Samuel was there, before I forgot to add him. He was the one who did it. He took a belt, tied my neck around the bed tightly and refused to let me go if I did not answer the question.
Does that sit right with you? Huh? To be treated like an animal, some goat or cow, simply because you couldn't answer the question. My roommates stood by and laughed. It was funny. I was so angry. That was my dignity, self-respect being toyed with like that. It made me so pissed. I left, to clear my head. I hated feeling angry. I hated it so much, honestly. I went to go and stand at the back of the house, over the edge of some pit, looking at the city over the wall, missing my home. I left, not knowing where to go, but I wasn't going back there, not now, at least.
I met him at the entrance, Oliver. He was apologising, and I held no grudge against him. I wanted nothing to do with him at all. I honestly just wanted him to stop apologising. That made me angrier. I can't remember anything after that. Relating to how I returned and prepared for sleeping. Julius, never apologised. Samuel did something quite stupid. I went to the room right beneath mine to pass the time, to wait for darkness before I returned to my own. Samuel came there, this other boy, another roommate of mine. They were six, in fact but the only names, which aren't even their real names, are the ones who hold no importance in my life yet managed to leave scars.
So one roommate of mine was another child. In his foolish attempt to play superhero, he told me to demonstrate exactly what happened. Crazy right? Like what the actual fuck??!!! He said it with some finality, as if the world would end if I didn't so of course, I did. Oh God, how stupid I must have looked. I wish that never happened, honestly. But I didn't put myself in that position, so I suppose I'm supposed to hate those who put me there. But hate is such a tiring thing, and so is anger. And for me, who has so little energy already, why would I waste it on being angry and hateful? That's why I can't stand it when I get angry. I'm a calm person, but when someone or something tries to disrupt that. I get annoyed.
I digress.
As I was saying, I demonstrated how it happened to "Superman". Samuel came there, said some shit I can't remember. And yes, next day. The end. That's all they ever did to me. Because that's it isn't it? Anyone would stop bothering someone after something like this. Wrong!!!!
Before I continue, though, I would like to commend myself for still thinking Sanuel liked me after pulling shit like this. Honestly, I deserve an award, for my unwavering stupidity and naivety. Hm.
I should have sat down and evaluated all their characters earlier, honestly. But in that first year, we weren't really talking much, and I didn't even speak to any of them the whole of the first semester. So to pull this on me the next semester was a shit move. But Boys, hm, they're quite stupid. No surprise there.
What was I saying again? Ah yes, if I sat down and evaluated their characters, I would've worked on steering clear from the beginning. Not getting close to them later and regretting it. No accountability, those two.
So yes, this belt thing has happened. I'm trying to put it behind me. But they don't let me. They laugh about it, like it's funny. It is, and never will be something to laugh about. Suicide is no joke. Whoa!! You're surprised, aren't you? I never said I was going to jump into that pit when I went to stand there. What did I say? That I was thinking of home. Yes, that was it. That was all that was in my head.
Kill myself? Because of some pigs who have nothing better to do than ask questions that don't concern them and bully me? That would be a bigger insult to me. Stupid little fuckers!!!!
So, when did this happen exactly? Oh, how I wish I could give you a date, if only there were one single one. Which is to say, it happened on several occasions. Quite a number at that too. Laughing that I was going to kill myself because I went to stand at the edge of a concrete elevation overlooking a pit was, hm what was it. I can't find the words to describe it. Nobody makes a joke out of suicide!!!!! I thought that was a universal rule or something??? Like what the actual hell???!
It is not funny. It made me so pissed, like really really angry.
This one time, I burst out and shouted that he should stop saying that and laughing about it. That is was not and had never been funny. What did they do? Julius and Oliver? They laughed. Said they were trying to control themselves but I looked too funny. I was done, honestly. All I wanted to do was sleep at that point. Oh, we were seniors then, the juniors got to see me go ballistic. The icing on the cake, honestly. Anyways, Oliver didn't leave me alone then, came back apologising a lot. Which made me more annoyed.
Why are people like this? Why do something and apologise for it when you can just avoid it entirely? Why why why?
I can not remember how long he apologised for. But as usual, I wanted nothing to do with him. I wish I had never met him in the first place, all of them. I wish I never went to that school.