Of course. This is an interesting chapter with a great blend of action, dialogue, and world-building. The core ideas are strong. Here is a proofread version followed by a complete rewrite that aims to improve the flow, clarity, and impact of the prose.
Proofreading Notes (Focusing on Grammar and Clarity)
· Tense Consistency: The original text sometimes shifts between past and present tense (e.g., "he sensed" vs. "he then immediately goes"). The rewrite will maintain a consistent past tense.
· Word Choice & Phrasing: Several phrases are awkward or incorrect (e.g., "playing their happily" should be "playing there happily," "shocked stillnesses," "she seemed like she glass started to crack"). These will be corrected for smoother reading.
· Dialogue Flow: The dialogue is good but can be tightened. Punctuation like commas and periods within quotes will be adjusted for better rhythm.
· Show, Don't Tell: Moments like Robin's emotional breakdown and Kaito's anger can be made more powerful by showing the character's physical reactions and dialogue tone rather than just stating the emotion.
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Rewritten Chapter
Here is a rewritten version that incorporates the proofreading suggestions and aims for a more polished narrative style.
Chapter X: Alliances and Legacies
Kaito arrived in Rainbase and immediately sensed two powerful auras emanating from beneath the city. Without hesitation, he descended toward the source, finding himself at the entrance of a casino adorned with a gaudy crocodile logo. Inside, the air was thick with smoke and the frantic energy of gamblers.
He played a few hands, biding his time, until he felt one of the two powerful presences begin to move away. Cashing out his winnings, he stepped back into the desert sun just as the other presence drew near.
The woman who appeared before him was Nico Robin, though she looked younger than he'd imagined, her hair cut in a practical ponytail. She moved with a purpose, heading away from the city. Kaito followed silently.
Robin, a veteran of evasion, sensed the pursuit. Several times she paused, using the eyes spawned by her Devil Fruit to scan the empty dunes, finding nothing. Each time, she chided herself for being paranoid and pressed on.
Hehehe, impressive, Kaito mused, floating high above. Before joining the Straw Hats, she really was an expert at running away. She doesn't have Observation Haki, but her instincts are razor-sharp.
Finally, far beyond the city limits, Robin produced a whistle and blew it. A giant crab emerged from the sand. As she climbed onto its back, Kaito decided it was time to reveal himself.
With a faint zap of displaced air, he materialized directly in her path. "Hey there. It's nice to meet you, Nico Robin."
Robin froze, her body locking in shock. For a few seconds, she simply stared at the hand he extended, unable to process his sudden appearance. Then, instinct took over. She launched herself backward off the crab, putting distance between them.
Kaito vanished from the crab's shell and reappeared, hovering effortlessly in the air beside her. "Calm down. I just came to talk. I wonder if you're willing to listen."
Seeing the golden mask and his ability to fly, Robin's eyes widened in recognition. "You are the Vile Tempest."
"Oh, we're using nicknames? Then, nice to meet you, Devil Child," Kaito replied, a hint of amusement in his voice.
Nico Robin was silent for a moment before a practiced, diplomatic smile graced her lips. "Do you need something from me?"
"I do. But first, can I ask why you're with Crocodile? Surely you could have found a better partner."
"Are you offering?" she deflected.
"I would be honored to have you aboard, but I haven't decided to form a crew yet."
"What a shame."
"You say that," Kaito noted, "but you seem relieved. Anyway, I know some friends who have been searching for you day and night since the Ohara incident. They were Clover's colleagues, and the tragedy affected them so deeply they formed a revolutionary army. They even have a nickname for you: 'Light of the Revolution.' Can you believe that?"
Robin's smile shattered. The carefully constructed walls around her heart cracked, and a raw, vulnerable pain flickered in her eyes. She looked away, afraid of what he might see behind the facade.
"Should I tell them to come for you?" Kaito asked gently. "It's your choice."
It was a long time before she spoke. "Are you with them?"
"It's not simple. Our goals align, but I have my doubts about their methods. I don't believe they can win. When Roger stood at the top of the world, he learned the whole truth. But he judged the world wasn't ready. He chose to wait for the next generation, starting the Great Pirate Era with his death. The answer he found lies in piracy, not revolution."
He explained his debate with Dragon and Rayleigh's refusal to break Roger's final order. "So, I've concluded I must be a pirate. But to be honest, I don't give a damn about being Pirate King. I'm waiting for someone special to appear."
"How will you know who it is?" Robin asked, intrigued.
"Easy. I'll watch the pirates who carry the initial 'D.' and join the one who impresses me."
"'D.'?"
"Yes. An interesting name, isn't it? 'The Enemy of the Gods.' Quite a title."
Robin considered this. "After I read the Poneglyph in Alabasta, I will contact you."
"You want to read the Alabasta Poneglyph?" Kaito repeated.
"Yes. I've been here a long time. I wouldn't want that effort to be wasted."
"...Very well. Let's go read it, then."
"You know where it is?"
"Of course. Let's go."
He produced a pair of rubber gloves, instructed her to hold onto them from behind, and took flight, jetting toward the royal palace. Under the cover of night, they slipped directly into King Cobra's chambers, where he was meeting with Igaram and a young Vivi.
"Hey, I'm back," Kaito announced.
Igaram and Cobra spun around, startled. Vivi let out a small gasp and hid behind her father.
"Little princess, you remember me?" Kaito said. Vivi only clung tighter to Cobra. "We need to talk again."
Cobra dismissed Igaram and Vivi, then eyed the masked figure beside Kaito. "Who is this? A friend?"
"Nico Robin. She wants to read the Alabasta Poneglyph."
Cobra stared, dumbfounded. Robin was equally shocked by the bluntness of the request.
"You want me to guide you to it?" the king finally managed.
"How else do you expect to learn what it says?"
After a moment of heavy silence, Cobra sighed in resignation. "Okay. Follow me."
Guided by the king, they descended to the hidden chamber. Robin immediately began translating the ancient text, which revealed the location of the ancient weapon, Pluton.
Cobra was grim. "What do you think?"
Kaito's masked face turned toward him. "It's clear. This text holds the weapon's location, and the message is for your family: be ready to fight the world. Pluton is hidden in Wano, and your lineage is likely the key to activating it."
"You're saying we must go to Wano and awaken Pluton?" Cobra asked, aghast.
"You?" Kaito's voice was flat. "No. You are far, far too weak to even mention Wano in the same breath. The hope likely rests with Vivi. Should I kidnap her?"
"Never!" Cobra roared, stepping forward protectively. "I will never allow that!"
"I'm kidding. But this is valuable information. If the World Government can activate Uranus, we won't be completely helpless."
As Cobra nodded in grim agreement, Robin stared at them. "King Cobra, are you truly going against the World Government? You know what they will do if they hear this. He hides his identity for a reason. That should tell you everything."
Kaito rounded on her, his voice sharp with sudden anger. "You're mistaken, Robin. We aren't going against them; they are coming for us. Do you think Ohara was punished for simple disobedience? What about God Valley? The World Government is trying to erase it because the Celestial Dragons were hunting humans for sport that day! That is the organization you're defending. We fight because the alternative is to live as prey. I would rather the world end than share their air."
He stepped closer, his presence intense. "What happened to Ohara was a tragedy, but their sacrifice must mean more than submission. If you don't want to carry that burden, then at least teach others. Thousands of us are willing to carry the legacy of Ohara proudly."
Robin paled. The words struck her with the force of a physical blow. The walls crumbled completely, and she sank to the floor, tears streaming down her face in silent sobs.
Cobra looked at her with deep pity. "I'm sorry, child. You have carried a heavy burden. But I am not acting out of bravery. I, too, hide a secret that would doom this country. I choose to fight out of necessity, not to wait in fear."
After a long while, Robin's tears subsided. She looked up, her eyes holding a new, steely resolve. "I understand. I will stop being afraid. I will fight, too."
"Good," Kaito said, his anger gone as quickly as it came.
They escorted Cobra back to the palace and made for the port. As they walked, Kaito asked, "What will you do? Join the Revolutionaries officially, or become a pirate?"
"I've been thinking about what you said," Robin replied. "I believe you are right. So, I will wait for you to tell me when you have found a captain."
"Absolutely," Kaito said with a smile.
He then called Kuma. "Hey, busy?"
"Where are you?" Kuma's calm voice answered.
"Free up some time. I found someone to help me locate that city of gold I told you about."
"Nico Robin?"
"Yes. How about a trip to Skypiea, big guy?"
"...I can't leave for that long."
"Then come and get her."
"Okay."
Robin, in turn, made a call of her own. "Hey, Miss All Sunday. You've been out of contact. Did something happen?" Crocodile's voice was a low growl.
"Yes. I'm leaving the organization," Robin stated calmly.
"...What?"
"I've realized my dream isn't here. I called out of respect for our partnership."
"You're betraying me?" The threat in his tone was palpable.
"No. I am ending our contract."
"You think you'll find a better protector than me?"
"I don't know. I simply wish to follow my dream."
"...Hmph. Dreams are for fools." The line went dead.
"It seems you've made Crocodile angry," Kaito remarked.
Robin offered a faint, genuine smile. "He isn't a bad man. Just lost, like I was. We understood each other."
"Getting crushed by Whitebeard will do that to a man."
"Whitebeard?"
"Yes. He challenged him and became obsessed with the idea that only an ancient weapon could defeat such monster. I suspect the defeat broke his spirit and thus became unable to use his Haki."
Kaito spent time explaining the concept of Haki to an fascinated Robin.
While talking Robin asked.
"What can you tell me about the revolutionary army.?"
Kaito remained silent for a second then said.
"They are strong people with pitiful past. They all have a heavy sense of duty and responsibility. You will understand more as you spent time with them.
The guy that's coming here is one of the most heartache past I've seen. But he started to get healed recently, I respect his will to fight even after going through all of this.
So Robin, don't think you are alone in the sea. There are countless people who are like you."
After a few hours of talking, Kuma arrived.
"It is nice to meet you, Nico Robin," the large man said gently.
"Likewise," she replied, a little wary because of his size.
"I'll leave her in your care," Kaito said.
"Okay. Where are you going now?"
"Home for a while. I plan to lay low."
"Be careful. Shanks stole something from the Government and is heading for the East Blue. They are making a fuss over there but can't pinpoint his location."
Kaito immediately faked that his interest was piqued. "Stole what?"
"A Paramecia Devil Fruit. The Gomu Gomu no Mi."
Kaito was silent for a long moment. "Any other details? The price? The escorts?"
"Why?"
"A hunch. Check it for me."
Kuma made a call and relayed the information. "Five billion berries. It was being transported by CP9."
"Interesting. The World Government values a simple Paramecia that turns the user to rubber at five billion? It feels like a cover up or a trap, perhaps for me. Are they trying to counter my fruit?. An honor, really. I think I'll try to take it from Shanks."
"Be cautious. CP9 may be watching."
"With Shanks' strength, it would be suicide for them. They'd need at least two Admirals to contain him. I'll be careful."
After saying his goodbyes, Kuma sent Kaito to Shimotsuki Village. He spent a few days there, testing Zoro and Kuina for Conqueror's Haki. Zoro, as expected, possessed the talent. Though Kuina's age made the test inconclusive, Kaito was confident she had it too, given her fierce will.
When no new information on Shanks arrived, Kaito decided to explore the East Blue because he can't just go the Dawn Island and meet someone by chance. He could only wait until the information reached the underworld so that he can go and pretend he was trying to make a trade with them.
Keeping travel.His travels led him to Crown Eagle Island, famed for a fearsome bird that attacked ships. Remembering a vague detail, he investigated, defeated the eagle, and found a treasure chest in its stomach. Inside was the Mera Mera no Mi.
"So that's why. This should be the bird that Ace and his companion fought and after Ace defeated it, he obtained this fruit.
Mmm, while this fruit was powerful, Ace depends on it too much. Or did his defeat from whitebeard broke his spirit that he couldn't use Haki anymore.
Either way, I think I now have enough chips to pretend that I only met Shanks to trade with him only."
Time passed when finally the information came through.
Finally, word came: Shanks had been sighted on Dawn Island.
Kaito flew there immediately. He arrived just as a bandit group, the Mountain Bandits, confronted Shanks and his crew, taking a young boy hostage. Kaito knowing that Shanks is talking it easy and will pay for it, he immediately appeared behind the bandit leader and knocked him out with punch.
"Hello everyone, It's nice to meet you all."
The bandits were startled but before they move, a conqueror Haki was unleashed and they dropped unconscious one by one.
The red-haired pirate looked up, his gaze locking onto Kaito with terrifying intensity after his conqueror Haki is still being unleashed . "Who are you?"
Kaito kept his distance. "Just a fan of the late Pirate King's crew. I was surprised to hear you came here, knowing this is Garp's home island. I came to meet you. I heard you... acquired a Devil Fruit. I'm interested in trading for it."
Shanks' Haki intensified, a suffocating pressure that made the air hum. Kaito felt his Observation Haki being overwhelmed, so he immediately retreated leaving behind an Electric current and a confused Luffy.
"You are the Vile Tempest," Shanks stated as he saw the thunder powers and came to Luffy side.
"Are you even human? Attacking with Conqueror's Haki and killing Observation at the same time?" Kaito grunted. "I said I came to trade. If you refuse, just say so."
"Why do you want that fruit?"
"I'm interested in anything the World Government values highly. I'll buy it for five billion berries
Also this fruit is my nemesis so I have a bit of personal interest.."
"Not possible," Shanks said calmly.
"Ten billion," Kaito countered.
The young boy, Luffy, began to wail, realizing what he had eaten.
"Not possible," Shanks repeated.
"Final offer. Ten billion, plus the Mera Mera no Mi," Kaito said, producing the Logia fruit.
Shanks was taken aback. "You offer a Logia and more money?"
"It's an excellent deal for you."
Shanks shook his head. "Not possible."
"Shanks, I'm sorry! I ate your fruit! But I don't have any money " Luffy cried.
"It's okay, Luffy. It's just a fruit," Shanks reassured him.
Kaito threw his hands up in frustration. "Are you fucking with me? Someone already ate it? What a waste of time!" He turned to leave, then paused, looking at the boy. "Hey, kid. What's your name?"
"I'm Monkey D. Luffy!"
"Monkey D. Luffy? As in Monkey D. Garp's...?"
"Yeah, he's my grandpa!"
Kaito stopped in his place for a second as if he was surprised. Then asked with a serious tone as if he was worried about something.
"I see. Going to be a marine like him?"
"No! I'm gonna be a pirate!"
Kaito feigned surprised then burst out laughing. "A pirate! Your family is something else. So you three took three different roads. As expected from a D family.
Hahaha
Okay, I like you. How about you join my crew when I make one?"
"No! I'm gonna be the captain!" Luffy declared.
Shanks looked surprised. "Luffy, you don't want to join my ship anymore?"
"Nope! I'm gonna be the Pirate King, get a bunch of comrades, and beat you!"
"What changed your mind?"
"When that guy said you were on the Pirate King's ship. I liked the name, so I'm gonna be the Pirate King!
Also Shanks you were on the pirate king ship, that's amazing, tell what was it like."
Shanks said while smiling."It was Fun."
Luffy laughed as he said.
"Yosh, I'm going to be the Pirate King."
Shanks looked at him and said.
"Ooh, but you are still kid. I bet that you will never be a pirate."
Luffy got angry and said.
"No, I will show you. I will gather friends and then beat you and surpasses you guys. I will definitely be the pirate king."
Shanks saw that then said.
"You will surpass us?. Then I will leave this hat with you until then. It's very precious to me."
Just as he put hat on Luffy head. Luffy started crying.
Kaito laughed again. "If you pull that off, the world will go nuts. I like your style, kid.... no Luffy, I'll join your crew."
The declaration sent a wave of shock through Shanks' crew. They knew exactly who the Vile Tempest was.
"But I want to test something first," Kaito said, his eyes shifting to Shanks for permission. Shanks gave a curt nod.
Kaito approached Luffy and focused his Conqueror's Haki on the boy. He immediately met an immense, stubborn resistance. He looked at Luffy in shock.
"What are doing?. ," Shanks said, frowning. He had felt the pressure but had not intervened.
"Kid... Luffy," Kaito said, his tone serious. "Are you serious about being the Pirate King?"
"Yes!"
Kaito turned back to Shanks. "What is that fruit, really? I don't think it's a paramecia."
"Why?." Asked Shanks.
" I've a method to test for Conqueror's Haki in children by layering it with Observation Haki. A slight resistance indicates the potential. But Luffy's resistance is immense. I have tried it in different people and found that they have conqueror Haki potential. But Luffy resistance is crazy. I believe the fruit's own will is amplifying his but for the fruit to have a Will that is something only found in Zoan fruit ."
Intrigued, Shanks asked for the technique and Kaito told him.
Shanks grasped the technique quickly. He focused his Haki on Luffy and felt the same formidable resistance.
"You may be right," Shanks admitted, his expression grave. "But why would the Government hide a Zoan fruit?"
"Exactly. A very interesting question," Kaito said. "Did you really not know anything about it?"
"I'm a pirate, I saw a ship then attacked it to rob it it was this simple."
"A pirate. What does that word even mean? Better yet What did 'Pirate' mean to Gol D. Roger?"
Shanks met Kaito's gaze. "To Captain Roger, a pirate was the man on the seas that seeks freedom ."
Kaito was silent for a moment, then let out a short, sharp laugh. "Hah! Of course. In this world, you have to be an outlaw to be free. That's the origin of pirates—people who want freedom. I wish I could have met him. He must have been a fascinating man."
Shanks smiled, a look of fond memory in his eyes. "He was."