"Previously on Hakuna, so the boy was busy being lovey-dovey with his girlfriend, the absolute idiot. Now we're gonna have another crucial meeting. This mushy-mushy nonsense must stop immediately! I will not allow this, he will follow the ways of The Jeff—the path of supreme, singular focus—even if it's the last thing I do to him…"
Ooookay, that's the last time I get guest recappers. The sheer, unearned aggression is exhausting.
Departure and the New World
Fade in.
Hakuna is seen getting ready to go somewhere important, performing his mandatory set of pre-flight checks. He stands in the middle of his room, ticking off items on an invisible list. "Alright, phone, other phone, wallet, watch… oh, right, I forgot the watch, the one Bernice gave me… anyway, uhh…" he pauses, trying to recall the final essential item.
Max chimes in, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed. "Jacket. It's getting colder now that winter is setting in."
"Oh yeah," Hakuna says, grabbing his jacket.
"And don't forget your mask. The government is serious about compliance this time," Max adds, tossing him a black fabric mask.
"Ugh, do I really need that useless thing? It's stifling," Hakuna asks, catching it begrudgingly.
"Yes, you really do. Plus, it's against the law not to wear one in public now that we're trying to stabilize the pandemic. We don't need the Prince of the Letebele clan getting arrested for a health violation, so take it," Max argues, his tone firm.
"Fine. I hate the new world order," Hakuna mutters, pulling the mask on. "When do you think Mom's coming back from visiting her side of the family? It feels like she's been gone forever."
"I really don't know, Hakuna. She seems to really miss her home Kingdom, and with all the tension from the Citadel, she probably feels safer there for the time being," Max replies, the answer slightly evasive.
"As long as she's enjoying her time there, I'll be on my way now. I can't be late for the gathering," the prince concludes, his energy flaring in anticipation of flight.
"Stay safe, and have fun. But mostly, stay safe," Max says, a note of sincere caution in his voice.
Hakuna flies away, shooting vertically through the open roof of the palace with a sonic boom.
The New Caliber of Conflict
He arrives in the bustling city center, landing softly in an abandoned square.
"He lives! The great and powerful Prince has finally returned from his hibernation!" Enzo declares dramatically, stepping out from behind a ruined statue.
"Yes, I very much do. I was busy, not hibernating," Hakuna responds non-sarcastically, though he knows the dramatic flair is a standard greeting.
Super lands next to them in a rush of wind, a surprisingly controlled maneuver.
"Since when do you fly, Super? I thought you were strictly grounded travel," Hakuna questions, genuinely surprised by the new ability.
"Since you became an idiot and stopped showing up to our scheduled training sessions. I had to evolve to keep up with the chaos," Super replies, crossing his arms.
Eh… hard to argue with that logic, honestly.
Hakuna continues, shaking his head. "Oookay… new powers noted. Now, how are we gonna spend the day—?"
A loud, unfamiliar roar, thick with malevolent energy, reverberates throughout the entire city center, shaking glass facades and rattling loose debris.
"Oh, come on! I just got back to civilization!" Hakuna yelps, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
A grotesque, seven-foot-tall figure covered in chitinous armor lands roughly several blocks away. It is clearly a demon, but somehow... different.
Psycha chimes in, her voice sounding unusually energized within his mind. "Alright, we are officially back in business! Let's do this, vessel!"
"You seem highly enthusiastic today, Psycha. What's up with the sudden pep in your step?" Hakuna denotes, curious about her shift in mood.
Psycha replies, her mental voice vibrating. "I don't actually know why, I just sense something big heading our way—something that gives me the chills. This fight feels like a prelude to a much larger game."
A derelict car flies past Hakuna, tossed casually by the demon, narrowly missing his head.
Hakuna mutters, staring at the car tumbling end-over-end. "Uh… I hope that wasn't the 'something big' you were referring to."
Psycha interjects with a heavy dose of mental sarcasm. "Of course, that's not what I meant, you big idiot. That's just collateral damage. Now go kill that demon and let's see what this 'prelude' is all about."
"Alright, fine. Duty calls," Hakuna says, launching himself into the air and flying towards the demon.
He meets Bodega already engaging the entity near a collapsed highway junction.
Bodega then speaks, his face grim. "How nice of you to finally join us, Hakuna. Now we are dealing with a new caliber of demon. However, in this caliber, they are only considered Level 4."
"Wait, when did you get here? Hold on, what? There's a new variant of demons with a new categorization?" Hakuna asks, landing next to him.
Bodega continues, pushing himself back from the fray. "Yep. Since the death of Merca, demons with more intelligence and structure came about. They're stronger, more strategic, and far more difficult to defeat than normal ones. We still don't know how they are able to create these ones, but let's just focus on capturing this one without killing it for immediate analysis."
"Capture? I don't know how to do that. My entire fighting style is geared towards finality," Hakuna says flatly.
Bodega then replies, "It's easy, Hakuna. Just hold back the final death blow. Use controlled force."
"Okay, I guess I can try," Hakuna says, approaching the demon.
Hakuna attacks the demon, pulling his punch significantly. He thinks to himself, "Holding back. That should be easy, right? I do it with Max all the time."
"Maybe," Psycha says, sounding unsure for the first time in a while.
Hakuna throws a punch at the demon, aiming for its chest, but he misses entirely as the demon sidesteps with unnatural speed and precision.
"What the…?" He mutters, shocked by the dodge.
The demon, moving like a practiced martial artist, lands a powerful, crushing punch on his face.
Hakuna then thinks to himself, "What the…? That actually connected!"
Hakuna is sent flying into a distant skyscraper, impacting the concrete with a heavy crash.
Super, observing from a vantage point, comments to Enzo. "Hmm, these ones can actually hit him. That's a massive problem."
Hakuna comes out of the building, shaking the debris off his shoulders and flying towards the demon again. "Alright, this time you won't be so—Oof!"
Hakuna is sent again flying into another distant building by another perfectly timed counter-punch.
"Okay, this is getting annoying really fast. My auto-dodge mechanism is clearly failing," he says, climbing out of the rubble.
Hakuna walks out of the building with a blank, frustrated expression.
"How is that demon landing punches on me? I should be anticipating its movements automatically!" Hakuna asks Psycha.
"This is weird, something is fundamentally off in your sensory output. Try hitting it again, but just focus on the contact," Psycha says, mentally urging him on.
He flies towards the demon, preparing to throw a controlled punch, but the demon dodges again and slams Hakuna on the ground with a powerful judo throw.
Hakuna then speaks, his frustration boiling over. "I seriously feel like my training did the opposite of what it's supposed to do! I'm getting owned by a Level 4!"
Psycha chimes in, her voice sounding frantic and analytical. "No, you can't sense any killing intent from that demon, Hakuna. It's there, but it's off, almost as if the demon is not intrinsically evil. Your reflexes aren't triggering because the threat level is misread."
"Like you, then? You don't try to kill me," He asks.
Psycha then continues, "No, this is something else, something completely different. My malice is a controlled factor; this is an inherent behavioral trait."
The demon, weary of the game, throws Hakuna away again with a tremendous heave. He lands on his feet this time, sliding to a stop.
"Alright, no more holding back. I need to understand this anomaly," he declares, flaring his energy to an intense purple.
He attacks, unleashing his full speed and power. Just as he's about to land a devastating punch…
"Oh no, I know what this is," Psycha says, horror creeping into her voice.
"What? Tell me!" Hakuna asks, mid-strike.
The demon lands multiple punches on Hakuna, a rapid-fire succession of blows, but now he isn't thrown back. Hakuna raises his head slowly with a chilling, dangerous look on his face. He's seriously pissed.
Psycha continues, explaining frantically. "The reason this demon is in a different caliber, and the reason you can't dodge it, is because, it was made from the blood of a fallen angel! Angels have no killing intent! They just have a sense of justice! That powerful sense of justice must be shadowing the killing intent, which is why your anti-threat mechanism can't seem to dodge its attacks!"
Hakuna then speaks, his voice a low, terrifying growl. "Wait, what do you mean, fallen angel?"
"I'll explain everything later, vessel. For now, this thing is an abomination of creation. Kill that demon immediately!" Psycha demands.
Hakuna's eyes start to glow a bright, murderous yellow.
Bodega yells from the ground, recognizing the look of pure lethality. "Don't you do it, Hakuna! We need it alive!"
Hakuna then says, his voice shifting slightly, sounding ancient and resolute. "It is an abomination. Mutative occurrences such as this compromise the natural order. And there is only one reasonable solution to combat such mutative occurrences… ERADICATION."
Hakuna moves with unimaginable speed, dodging the demon's incoming attacks with effortless ease now that his objective is lethal, and lands a powerful punch that destroys the demon's arms immediately.
"You won't be so lucky next time, Prince," the demon says, its voice ragged, the pain irrelevant to its sense of mission.
"Are you even sure if there is a next time for you?" Hakuna asks, raising his hand.
The demon then continues, laughing maniacally, a broken, wheezing sound. "Hahahahaha, you'll see, ahahahahahaaa! We are only the beginning!"
Hakuna the says, his voice flat. "Interesting. Then I will finish the beginning. Kihimurra!"
He vaporizes the demon instantly with a simple, focused shockwave. Nothing is left but a faint, silvery dust.
Beards and Brotherly Banter
Super thinks to himself, "He's stronger than before. Way stronger. That was terrifying."
Bodega then reprimands Hakuna severely. "I thought I told you not to destroy the demon! It was our only way to gather intelligence! Now how are we supposed to know what they are made of?"
Hakuna then answers instinctively, the angel blood intel still fresh in his mind. "They have the blood of a fallen angel. That's why these ones are so strong and hard to read."
Bodega stammers, rubbing the back of his neck. "Eh… you know how they're… made? Okay, but listen properly next time and save the evidence."
"Where were you in the last two months, Hakuna? No one heard from you," Super questions, flying down next to him.
Hakuna replies, pulling down his mask. "I was out of the country. Some boring royal stuff and very cold training."
Super comments, looking closely at Hakuna's face. "Hmm, you have hair on your face. A small patch, but it's definitely there."
"Yeah, it's not much, really, but I do have facial hair now. Finally, some proof I'm growing up," Hakuna says, running a finger over his chin.
Super takes his mask off, revealing a shocking amount of growth.
"What the…?" Hakuna yelps, staring at Super's chin.
"Huh, yeah, I got some too. It grew while you were gone," Super says, smiling proudly.
Bodega chimes in, walking up to them. "That's not 'some' facial hair, Super. That's a full beard. A magnificent, thick, well-groomed beard."
They all stand shocked, staring at the sudden, impressive growth.
Hakuna thinks to himself, "Show off. I trained for two months and got five fuzzies. He got that?"
Psycha chimes in, laughing inside his head. "Looks like someone's a little jealous of his friend's sudden jump into hyper-manhood."
"Shut up," Hakuna says under his breath.
Psycha then continues, "I still can't wrap my head around the fact that you can talk to me without moving your lips. It's still spooky."
Hakuna retorts mentally, "Says the ten-thousand-year-old demon who lives in my head."
"Touché," Psycha says.
Enzo questions, approaching the group. "How the hell did you grow that in a matter of two months, Super? That's inhuman!"
"It just happened. My mom says it has to do with me being part Tsonga, something about powerful genes kicking in late," Super says, stroking his new beard smugly.
"Lucky bastard," Hakuna mutters.
Super then continues, shrugging. "It gets annoyingly itchy, though. Now, has each and every one of you done anything to get stronger? Or were you all as unproductive as Hakuna?"
Freddie chimes in, popping out of nowhere. "Yup. I've been training. I can take you guys on now, easily!"
Hakuna interjects, ignoring Freddie for a moment. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Super. I'm always training, but I did take it to the next level."
"What do you mean, 'next level'?" Enzo asks.
Hakuna continues, his voice serious again. "Lesotho has mountains, very cold mountains. And well, training there, forcing my body to maintain optimal temperature in sub-zero conditions, improved my energy control by a lot. Meaning, by now, in my base form, I'm as strong as my second form was two months ago. It was a massive leap."
Rems murmurs, stepping out of the shadows. "Impressive. That kind of exponential growth is unheard of."
Hakuna yells, spinning around. "Where the hell have you been, Rems?! I haven't seen you since school closed!"
"What are you talking about? I was right here," Rems asks, confused.
"I want more One Punch Man! The boredom was intense!" Hakuna says, his priorities shifting instantly to entertainment.
Rems then speaks, sighing. "Hey, look, sorry but for now there's only those two seasons. You'll have to be more patient for the next animated drop."
"Damn," the prince mutters, disappointed.
"What's that? What are you guys talking about?" Super asks.
Hakuna then explains, "This really cool anime about this really bald guy who defeats all his enemies with just one punch. Kinda like me with my Kihimurra. Pure, decisive finality."
"Stop the cap. Right now, Prince," both Rems and Bodega say in unison, cutting him off instantly.
"Say what now? You don't think I'm that strong?" Hakuna says, slightly offended.
Bodega then continues, laughing. "The only way you're able to even reach half of One Punch Man's strength is if you can play with the moon like it's a soccer ball without breaking a sweat. It's an impossible comparison."
"True, that man is on another level entirely. I just really wanna know what happens after that fight with that giant bug creature," Hakuna says, relenting.
"Just read the manga, Hakuna," Rems says flatly.
"Manga? What's that?" Hakuna asks, genuinely ignorant.
Psycha snaps back, equally surprised. "There's a Manga? Why did no one tell me?"
Bodega chimes in, shaking his head at their lack of cultural knowledge. "Yeah man, every great anime has a manga. It's the original source material. We've been over this."
Oh yeah, kinda like this manga, right here. 4th wall tings innit? Sorry, Enzo taught me how to speak like that. [1]
Hakuna, his mind now fixed on getting the source material, disappears instantly.
"And he's gone. Without a word. That's Hakuna for you," Super says, sighing. "Let's discuss whatever intel we found here somewhere else. This place is too open."
The Vow of Vengeance
…Meanwhile, in a nearby alleyway, observing the aftermath…
Rorisang is seen spying on Hakuna through a crack in the wall, her expression tortured. As he flies away, she emerges from the shadows.
Rorisang asks herself, tears welling in her eyes. "How am I going to bring myself to kill him? I just can't do it. He was so kind to me, despite my ridiculous proposal."
"You love him quite a lot, don't you? Despite the humiliation of your father," A smooth, unsettling voice echoes from the shadows.
Rorisang replies, immediately going on guard. "Uh, yeah. Who's there? Show yourself!"
The voice answers, sounding amused. "An acquaintance. A possible friend, might I add, who can offer aid."
"Where the hell are you? I don't see you," The princess asks, looking around frantically.
"Relax, Princess. I won't bite, not yet. But you do have major competition if you want to win his heart, or avenge your father," the voice says.
"What do you mean, competition? Who is it?" She asks, her curiosity piqued.
The voice continues, its tone chilling. "A girl. Princess Nolitha. She is the one who has absolute reign over his heart, and she is far, far more dangerous than she appears. The Xhosa Princess is your true obstacle."
"So, what do you suggest I do about that? I won't just stand aside," Rorisang questions, her royal pride flaring.
"Eliminate the competition. Simple. However, as you are right now, you are no match for her. You saw what she did to your father's pride," the voice says, heavy with condescension.
"How are you so sure? I have trained extensively in the Tshabadira disciplines," She queries.
The voice then sighs, a theatrical sound. "Arrogant, like your father. The girl is constantly above Hakuna in raw power and speed. And you, not being able to match Hakuna, puts you in a place that no one wants to be—vulnerable to his protectors."
"Ohh, damn. That's true," she realizes, the reality of her power deficit crushing her.
The voice chimes in, sounding helpful and seductive. "Worry not, princess. I can be of assistance. You want to match her? You want to be worthy of him? Or strong enough to destroy him?"
A small, hideous demon, pulsating with dark, concentrated energy, appears in front of Rorisang.
"Ah! What is that thing?" She recoils, fear overcoming her.
The voice states, its volume increasing to a roar. "This will help you even out the scale! This is the edge you require! Take it! Hahahahahahahaha! Ahahahahahaha! Aaahahahahahahaha!"
The maniacal laughter carries on as the small demon is absorbed into Rorisang's body, its dark energy coiling around her core.
As she stands, her eyes glow momentarily, and she has a maniacal look on her face, the conflict replaced by ruthless power. "I feel… stronger! This is… brilliant! Aaahahahahahahaha!" she laughs, her voice echoing the terrifying madness of the demon she just absorbed.
Fade out…
End of Episode 30…
[1] [Note: The story of Hakuna will soon be released as a manga, for all those interested, stay tuned.]