Rouge stretched lazily on the deck of the Going Merry, watching the horizon where Alabasta would eventually appear. The gentle rocking of the ship and warm breeze made for a peaceful morning.
Well, it would have been peaceful if not for the chaos happening around him.
"MEAT! I NEED MEAT!" Luffy wailed dramatically from where he lay sprawled on the deck.
"The kitchen's right there, you rubber idiot," Zoro muttered from his usual napping spot.
"But Sanji said no snacking before lunch!"
"Then wait for lunch!"
Rouge chuckled at their banter before standing up and dusting off his crimson coat. Time to have some fun with his crewmates.
"Alright everyone!" he called out in an authoritative voice that made them all turn. "Sit down please."
The crew exchanged confused glances but slowly gathered around him on the deck. Even Bon Clay, still tied up nearby, wiggled closer to listen.
Rouge stood with his hands on his hips, looking incredibly pleased with himself. "It's time for our first council meeting for the Strawhat Pirates!"
"Strawhat Pirates?" Nami raised an eyebrow.
"What's a council meeting?" Luffy asked, tilting his head.
Rouge ignored their questions and continued dramatically. "Now then, I've established our official council. Listen carefully!"
Zoro merely raised an eyebrow. Sanji lit a cigarette, exhaling a plume of smoke with a skeptical scowl.
"As the most strategically-minded and, let's be honest, strongest person here," Rouge continued, pacing before them like a professor addressing a particularly slow class, "I've taken the liberty of organizing our internal structure."
He paused for dramatic effect, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"Rank 1: Me. For obvious reasons."
He gestured grandly to the others. "Rank 2: Navigator-san, for her brilliant financial acumen and Princess, for her diplomatic importance."
"Rank 3: Curly-brows, for flexible cooking and fighting, and Mosshead, for brute force."
Sanji's cigarette nearly fell from his lips.
"Rank 4: Long nose as our sniper and ... a somewhat technician, and chopper, the doctor."
"And finally," Rouge concluded with a flourish, "our dear Captain, Luffy, at Rank 5."
The deck went dead silent.
Everyone stared at Rouge like he'd completely lost his mind.
Zoro was the first to react, standing up and walking over to press his hand against Rouge's forehead. "Hmm, you don't have a fever."
Sanji took a long drag from his cigarette and sighed. "Maybe it's his brain. All that magic must have fried something up there."
"Oi oi, what do you mean 'fried'?" Rouge protested. "This is a perfectly logical ranking system!"
"YOU PUT THE CAPTAIN IN LAST PLACE!" Nami shrieked.
Luffy, who had been picking his nose, finally looked up, completely missing the point. "Does Rank 5 mean I get the fifth-best piece of meat? I want the biggest piece!"
"See? He gets it!" Usopp declared, nodding sagely.
A vein throbbed on Sanji's temple. " AND, YOU DAMNED WIZARD?! WHY AM I THE SAME RANK AS THAT MARIMO BASTARD?!"
Rouge heaved a dramatic sigh, as if his brilliant plan had been foiled by lesser minds. "Sigh. Fine. Everyone at Rank 1. Your loss."
"Actually, before we continue this meeting, I as co-leader.." he paused for dramatic effect, "need to take care of something."
He walked calmly toward the cabin door, his movements precise. He knelt and retrieved a small, cleverly hidden Den Den Mushi from behind a loose floorboard. He held it up for everyone to see.
"A den den mushi?" Nami said, suddenly alert. "What are you going to do with it?"
He said quietly. "I noticed it fall from our ballerina's clothes when I kicked him."
Nami's face went pale. Vivi gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. The implication was immediate and terrifying: their plans, their destination, every word they had spoken could have been broadcast directly to their enemy.
Zoro's hand was already on the hilt of his sword. "Tch."
Tied to the mast, Bon Clay began to sweat profusely. "I really don't know anything about that! It must be Crocodile! I told you he didn't trust anyone!"
Rouge looked at the tied-up okama with amusement. "Oh I know. And Mosshead, listen to everything first before you scare our new friend here."
He turned to Bon Clay with a mischievous grin. "Don't get scared. If you want to mess with him, just take his face and kiss our cook here. He's so in love with him."
Zoro and Sanji both took deep, measured breaths, their faces turning red with barely contained rage.
Rouge observed their reactions with scientific interest. "Look, now they're breathing heavily! Oh my, I didn't know you two were interested in our new friend. Congratulations on your third partner, everyone! Let's clap!"
The crew burst into laughter despite themselves, clapping along with Rouge's ridiculous announcement.
Usopp, never one to miss a comedic opportunity, leaped to his feet. He puffed out his chest, mimicking Zoro's stoic posture, and blew a dramatic flying kiss toward Sanji.
"Hahaha! Look! I'm Zoro!"
"OI USOPP!" Zoro roared.
"Hai! I don't know anything!" Usopp immediately hid behind Chopper.
Rouge clapped his hands together. "Okay, calm down everyone. Let's have some fun with our lizard friend here. Hehe."
But before he could do anything clever, Luffy grabbed the den den mushi right out of his hands.
"Moshi moshi! Crocodile!!"
Rouge's jaw dropped. A flicker of genuine shock crossed his face before melting into an amused, exasperated sigh. He snatched the snail back.
"Luffy, you… whatever. The cat's out of the bag now." He held the receiver to his own ear. His voice became a purr of condescending amusement.
"Moshi moshi, Lizard-san. Can you hear me? Of course you can. Hehe. Guess who this is?" He paused. "Oh, you can't speak through this one? Then it's no fun."
With a casual flick of his wrist, he tossed the Den Den Mushi over the railing. It hit the water with a tiny splash and was gone.
***
Meanwhile, in his casino office in Rainbase, Crocodile sat in stunned silence. All this nonsense, all this childish banter, and he didn't even know what to say about any of it.
The sheer audacity of these pirates was beyond his comprehension.
***
Back on the Going Merry, Rouge turned his attention to Bon Clay with renewed attention.
Sanji emerged from the kitchen carrying cold drinks. "Here, everyone needs to stay hydrated in this heat."
"Sanji-kun, you're an angel!" Nami gushed, gratefully accepting her drink.
"Anything for you, Nami-swan!"
Rouge watched this exchange with amusement. "Curly Brows, your devotion is admirable. Misplaced, but admirable."
A vein popped on Sanji's forehead. "What was that, you freaky wizard?"
"Nothing, nothing," Rouge waved dismissively. "Just observing the local wildlife."
Zoro snorted with laughter. "He's got a point, cook."
"You want to fight too, moss-head?"
"Bring it on, dartboard eyebrow."
Rouge turned to look at Bon Clay. "Swan-san, time for you to earn your keep. What exactly is Crocodile's plan?"
Bon Clay's expression grew troubled. "The boss... he's been manipulating both sides of the civil war. Making the rebels and the royal army fight each other while he consolidates power."
Vivi's hands clenched into fists. "I knew it. But the people won't believe it. They see him as their protector."
"That's the beautiful cruelty of it," Bon Clay continued sadly. "He's positioned himself as the hero while orchestrating the destruction."
Rouge's eyes glinted dangerously. "And where does he keep his base of operations?"
"Rainbase," Bon Clay replied. "His casino, Rain Dinners."
What followed was a rapid-fire briefing. Spurred on by pointed glares from Nami and Zoro, Bon Clay spilled everything: the locations of the top Officer Agents, their Devil Fruit abilities.
Rouge listened intently, synthesizing the new information with his own knowledge. "Hmm. So we have a sand lizard who's a Logia. He ate the Suna Suna no Mi and can't be touched without Haki."
"That's the main issue," Rouge agreed. "But Logia types also have weaknesses. Sand's weakness isn't just water - there's also extreme heat. You know where I'm going with this, right?" He grinned confidently. "I am the best explosion you've got."
Vivi looked hopeful for the first time in days. "So you can actually hurt him?"
"And the Navy will definitely come too," Rouge continued thoughtfully. "We'll just ignore them if they don't get in our way, but I'll see what I can do about them if they were going to be aggressive.. As for the rest..."
He pointed at the crew's two main fighters. "Zoro, Sanji. You two take care of the top executives left."
Rouge turned to Nami and Usopp with a sly grin, "Now, Navigator-san and Long Nose, I've got a secret mission for you two. But you'll find out all about it once we reach Alabasta. Try not to lose sleep over it, okay?"
"As for you, Luffy…" Rouge turned, expecting to see his captain's eager face, ready for a fight. "…oh, who am I kidding? You can do whatev—"
He stopped short. Luffy was fast asleep, curled up against the railing with a snot bubble inflating and deflating with each peaceful breath.
A long, weary sigh escaped Rouge's lips. The sheer, impossible weight of managing this crew settled on his shoulders for a fleeting moment. He turned to Vivi.
"Okay, Vivi. You, Luffy, and Chopper can handle the rebel army and try to stop the civil war."
Rouge looked around at the assembled crew. "So, any questions about the plan?"
Silence greeted him.
"No? Good. Then this council meeting is adjour—I mean, the meeting ends here."
And in the distance, the desert kingdom awaited, along with the most dangerous enemy they'd faced yet.
What could possibly go wrong?
***
***Author's Notes:***
Here's Chapter 12! I tried to capture Rouge's playful but strategic personality, the crew's established dynamics, and set up the Alabasta confrontation while keeping the pacing varied as requested.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think about Rouge's style and the crew's reactions.