"My first memory is me being on the ground. Sand was everywhere except beneath me, where the cold stone made my naked body shiver."
With all those cake evenings, I decided to move the small garden table next to the bench left of the fountain. Yona was sitting there, eating silently part of the second piece he brought me today. I may be a cake enjoyer, but two pieces??
"I didn't know where I was or how I ended up there. I vaguely remember two men lifting me off the ground, but nothing more. The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a large room with white walls. I was lying in the middle of a wide double bed and a single figure stood beside it. It was looking at me, a small child, expressionless and rigid. Its dark brown hair was covering its eyes, I can't recall their color even after all those years. It was the current emperor, the kid. "
"What was uncle Erzion back then?" Yona asked me while chewing.
"Has your mom told you anything about when they were younger?"
"No."
Ah, I see. Miriam probably considers her childhood stories to be irrelevant and unnecessary.
"Well... From what I remember, both of them were not getting along with each other. They were fighting a lot and your mom was always trying to make your grandparents punish him, so both of them were fighting over that as well. They loved your uncle, you know. He was supposed to be the next king, so the late queen was never too rough on him. To be honest, his father wanted him to become a true man. Once, he locked Erzion in the dungeon for a month without food, only water, because your uncle had laughed how some kids from his school couldn't afford better clothes."
"How did uncle Erzion survived that!?" Yona exclaimed in surprise.
"Well... He didn't. I was bringing him food when he couldn't take it anymore."
"So you saved him!"
The Gods may be merciful, as I am merciful to Onet.
But I have never been to him.
This happened two years after I became human. Each week I watched Erzion weaken from thirst and hunger, and I felt something close to satisfaction. Because he suffered. I was deciding when he had to endure and when to end it. Keeping him alive gave me a sense of measure too.
By that time, I have understood what he was. His body was a vessel, no different from my own human one. It was another place where my power resided, another form it had learned to inhabit. If I let him die, I would lose more than him. Probably. I wasn't aware of the consequences and didn't want to test it any further than I had already tested.
I carried a small, quiet anger toward Erzion for six years in this human body, until that incident happened. But I will tell you about it another time.
"Yes, and no. The late king was both harsh and fair. I was summoned to take care of his son, he told me once. To bring light to his mind, help him rule fairly and achieve great victories. So when he saw me taking care of his son during those weeks, he praised me saying I have changed a lot."
The fountain in front of us murmured steadily, like a patient listener to my memories. Yona shifted on the bench, the creak of wood sounding loud in the quiet.
"The king… he rewarded me for doing my job, for taking care of his son. But afterwards, he beat Erzion badly just because he had accepted help instead of finding a way out on his own, like a 'true ruler', which was the second time your uncle got beaten by his parents because of me."
For a moment, neither of us spoke. The air seemed heavier, pressing gently on my shoulders. A moth circled the lantern above the table, its soft wings tapping against the glass. I remembered Erza lying on the ground, his body covered in deep wounds, his clothes soaked in blood. The memory was sharp, clear as if it had happened yesteday.
"That's when the late queen started hating me as well. She blamed me for her son getting beaten so badly he couldn't walk straight for days. But the young boy never pointed a finger at me, he may not be the most moral person, but he never did anything too serious to offend me or this body..."
"Will you ever marry to uncle Erzion?" Yona interrupted me.
"Marry??" Did you hear what this kid just asked me? "I would never marry him! I am trying to get back to my old self, not marrying him?!"
"But I once heard mom telling uncle to quit teasing you and just marry you already!"
"She said what??" I almost choke on my own breath, staring down at the kid. The child blinked up at me innocently, swinging its legs as if it haven't just detonated a verbal bomb.
"I mean…" Yona shrug, "she said it after you and uncle were arguing again on dinner. Mama said, 'Why don't you two just get married and get it over with?'"
I felt a hot wave rush through my whole body, like every nerve had suddenly been set alight. Miriam?! Miriam had said that?! I never would've expected her to make such a tasteless joke, especially in front of her own son!
"She really said that." I asked, though it came out more like a rasp than an actual question.
He nodded, eyes wide and sincere. "Yeah. She said that. And then uncle Erzion laughed! "
"That..." I lowered my hand and pointed a finger at the kid, "...was a joke. A bad one."
"I understand..."
Yona tilted his head a little, curiosity flickering across his face. In the warm light from the lanterns, I could see how much he resembled his parents. His auburn hair mirrored Miriam's, but his wide, bright green eyes were clearly his father's legacy.
"You don't look like a god," he said after a moment, not mocking, just stating it the way children do, honest, unfiltered.
"Yeah," I murmured, looking away. "I don't feel like one either."
Yona's fingers were tracing invisible patterns on the table, like he was building up the courage to ask another question.
"Is that why you're always so angry?" he finally whispered.
I glance at him sharply, but there was no judgment in his eyes. Just that same soft, unshakable curiosity. "Something like that," I answered. "Gods don't like feeling restricted, feeling powerless."
"But uncle is here beside you! You have the strongest empire behind your back!"
Yona may be just a kid, but he was here now, listening. He consumes every information about me that I tell him, every piece of my story, with interest. I reached out and ruffle his hair gently, my palm rested for a moment on the crown of his head, feeling the warmth of him.
"Go to bed now, Yona. We will continue tomorrow."
***
Morning. Three days later. Do I even need to say where I am at the moment?
"You started waking up so early, I can't make it on time to even come talk to you!"
"Is this why you are my personal alarm clock now?"
"Maybe."
"Alright."
Since I don't sleep, getting to Alet's room early was easy. The tricky part was timing it before leaving for the morning workout.
"How are the palace guards?" A question I didn't care about the answer to, but I asked it anyway.
"There aren't that many, but they are good warriors." he said while fixing his bedsheets.
"The emperor is capable of defending himself. Most of the troops have been reassigned to the army sectors."
"Got it."
I watched him carefully as he adjusted the sheets, his movements precise and almost mechanical.
"You know, we have maids who take care of stuff like that?" I walked to the edge of the bed and smoothed the corner of the duvet.
"I prefer to keep the place where I sleep tidy myself."
He stretched lightly and walked towards the bathroom with his usual confident stride, the morning light catching the light grey highlights on his horns. Halfway there, he paused, a frown flickering across his face. His hand reached for the towel rack but froze midair. Then he started looking around the room, eyes scanning every corner, every hook and drawer. His usual composure faltered slightly as he muttered under his breath, "Where did I put the bath towel…"
I picked up the white cloth from the chair beside me and stepped closer to hand it to him.
"You've got time before training, right" I said, breaking the silence. "Want to walk around with me?"
Alet shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Only if you need an escort."
I raised an eyebrow. "Is it that bad that I want to talk a little more with you?"
He shrugged, eyes glinting with that bright deep shine. I could see his entire soul, but at the same time I couldn't see any clear figures as I dived more and more in. "How old are you?" He asked suddenly.
I let out a short laugh, shaking my head. "How dare you ask a lady about her age!"
Alet smirked and tossed the towel over his shoulder. He headed towards the bathroom, leaving me to watch the familiar rhythm of his morning routine. He hadn't asked me to leave this time. Maybe he doesn't mind me staying in the room after all. Probably he stopped caring about it.
Before he could turn on the shower, I decided to answer, "I remember only the last ten years. Nothing before that."
Just before the water started, I heard him say softly, "Likewise."
Did he once exist in another form, as I did, before becoming who he was now? I wanted him to find something to occupy himself here, but the full-day trainings took all his time and I barely spoke to him at all. I had enjoyed myself with Onet over the past few days, yet I still wanted more of his attention. Maybe I will tell him I need a special escort and ask him to act as my guard for the week of Erzion's birthday celebrations...
The sound of running water filled the room for a few minutes, and I found myself watching the steam curl along the edges of the bathroom door. When it finally stopped, the door creaked open and Alet stepped out, droplets glinting along his skin and black hair plastered slightly to his forehead. With a towel wrapped at his waist, he shook the last drops from his long hair.
"Is it hard to shower with the horns? How do you even clean them?"
He glanced towards me, an almost mischievous glint in his bright yellow eyes. "Did Yona enjoy the cake that evening?" he asked with a casual voice.
I smiled softly, remembering the boy's delighted expression. "He did. But he got sick, so we haven't had any of our cake nights for the past few days."
"Sorry to hear that," he said, stretching slightly. "I wash my horns with soap the same way I do my body, using a sponge. And yes… it can be hard sometimes."
I giggled. "You mean… it's hard when you are showering?"
"Well… if my hair gets tangled in the sponge, I-" He froze mid-sentence, realization dawning a moment too late. "Alright, that's enough, get out."
"But... but... How hard is it?"
His jaw ticked. "If you weren't a woman, I would punch you."
I grinned. "Don't worry. If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't be asking about that." I stepped towards the door, hand on the handle, then paused and glanced back over my shoulder. "See you tomorrow morning. I won't be able to bother you today since I will be busy with Erzion."
He let out a low, exaggerated sigh, leaning back slightly against the wall, his towel slipping just enough to reveal a line of damp skin. "Ohh, how unfortunate," he said.
I chuckled softly, smoothing my plain white skirt as I turned fully to leave. "Yeah. Take care, and have fun at the training," I called over my shoulder, letting my tone carry a hint of teasing.
"Yes, ma'am."
But teasing him felt different from teasing with Erzion. With Erzion, every word he throws at me leaves me with a nauseating mix of anger, disgust and the uncontrollable urge to kick him. Anyways, it was time to go with Erzion to that lake...