"Come in."
A low, gruff voice echoes, resounding in the hallway.
My heart trembles as I hear the voice. I take a large gulp of saliva, pushing it down my throat as I clench my fists tightly.
I unclench my right hand and place it on the door handle, opening the door immediately.
The creaking sound of the door is eerie, feeding the fear in Ralyn's heart.
I take one step in, my knees trembling even though I haven't yet seen his face. My head is low, eyes focused on the cold, ceramic tiled floor. I take another step in. I'm fully in his office now.
My skin tingles as the air around me increases in temperature.
I'm standing just next to the door, looking down. I want to raise my head, to look that man in the eyes, but my neck won't let me. My neck is frozen in place.
I grit my teeth, enduring the tension radiating within my heart, causing my body to quiver subtly.
"Won't you take a seat?" His gruff, loud voice cuts through the thick silence like a sharp blade.
My heartbeat spikes immediately when I hear his voice, and my breathing becomes increasingly heavier, my chest rising and falling in that same rhythm.
I force my neck to move. Ralyn's body fights back, but I still force it, waving off that dreadful sense of tension.
My neck makes a crackling sound as I finally look up.
Fear is a mind thing. The mind projects fear, the body only feels it. And for fears that have grown over a long time and taken a permanent place in a person's mind — it's no longer fear — it's trauma. And trauma is not just a mind thing. It also involves bodily reactions. I understand that. But why would a body that has lost its original soul still feel its fear? Yes, the traumatic reactions are understandable, but that should be to a degree.
I am not Ralyn. I am not afraid of this man in front of me.
So why?
Or is this feeling really fear? This strange feeling that's shaking me down to the core of my soul?
My whole body's quivering, my mind... my mind is..
I don't even know.
It feels like I've entered the jagged maw of a wild beast. A beast that isn't supposed to exist. I feel like I've been trapped. Like I've been caged.
That's why I can only stare at this man with widened eyes.
And he's calmly staring back at me. Looking me dead in the eyes with those white, narrow eyes devoid of pupils.
His fingers are interlocked, and his chin rests on them as he sits on the chair behind his desk. His long white hair pours down to the back of his blue robe.
I want to speak, to greet him as the Patriarch, but as I open my mouth, only babble escapes.
"Seat." He utters. Just one word.
My body that refused to obey me all this while moves immediately, grabbing the visitor's chair at the front of his desk, and I sit on it.
He releases his interlocked fingers and leans back on his chair.
My eyes are fixated on the heaps of books and documents on his desk. I refuse to look him in the eyes again.
At this moment, it feels like we're the only things in this room. Nothing else exists apart from the two of us.
A loud exhale rings out. It's him. He sighed.
The sweat that's been dripping on my face drops down on my lap. Just one drop, and I swear I heard the sound of it landing.
"What should I do with you?" He finally speaks. His index finger is tapping on the desk rhythmically as he speaks.
"Dinan told me everything."
My breath hitches as he says those words. My eyes widen as I barely stop the gasp from escaping.
What does he mean? Everything? Then, does he know that I.. No, that Ralyn snuck out to train with Dinan?
"Not only did you leave your quarters when I ordered you not to, but you also begged the vice captain of the family's forces to teach you." He pauses, then he hits the desk with his knuckles. "Look me in the eyes when I speak to you, you disgusting thing!"
My forehead wrinkles immediately, and my lips curl into a grimace as a hot sensation swirls within my chest, swimming toward my throat.
Disgusting?
I let out a soft sigh.
Then I raise my head, an annoyed expression plastered on my face as I look him straight in those white eyes of his.
As if betraying the aggressive tone in his voice, his face is straight. The wrinkles on his cheeks are the only interference with his straight face.
My eyes narrow as they lock with him, and I shoot a glare at him.
His nose twitches slightly. Then he continues, "You should know your place, Ralyn. You are not a child of this family. No son of mine would have a Chi as low as yours. No one knows that you exist, not the rest of the four major Marquise families, nor the Duke. Nobody important knows of your existence because you are a mistake. A mistake that I intend to correct."
I wonder how many times Ralyn has heard this same sermon. People like this man make me sick.
"And now, I hear that you've lost your memories." He leans closer to the desk, closer to me.
My body quivers, and I feel a non-existent weight press down on me as I stare into his eyes.
And I don't know if I'm going senile or not, but I could swear that I saw a cold blue gleam in those white eyes of his.
My skin floods with goosebumps as I feel that weight press down on me.
It's this feeling again. This... this is more than just fear. What the hell is this?
"Losing your memories means that you have lost any worth you ever had. It means that I can't even use you during that tournament. It means that you'll die. So I want to ask you, Ralyn," The gleam in his eyes boldens, and the weight I feel increases. "Have you lost your memories?"
At this very moment, the overwhelming feeling of fear that's been gripping my heart dissipates, and it's replaced by something... by something wilder. Something hotter, something primal, something more heart-pounding.
Anger.
Anger at this man. Anger at everyone in this entire household.
He wants to dispose of Ralyn after all he and his family have put him through.
Haha.. I see. I never wanted to do this. I just wanted to leave this house in peace. To grant Ralyn's wish quietly. But how can I? After knowing everything. After knowing all that Ralyn has suffered.
Right here and now, under the eyes of the sun and of the four walls of this office, I am no longer Viriel Radcliffe. I am Ralyn Steelheart. And I carry the name of Ralyn Steelheart until I put an end to this man and to everyone in this family who has ever brought him distress.
I will destroy the cage that trapped Ralyn. That trapped me.
And so, I ignore that weight pressing on me. "Lost my memories?" I reply with a light tone.
"No, I have not." My light tone grows higher, and I lean forward, toward the Patriarch, and his eyes widen.
"I have not forgotten about the pain that you have caused me." My tone rises, "I have not forgotten the way you caged me, nor have I forgotten the joy of youth that you have deprived me of."
I stop myself from yelling at this point, but the boiling anger in my voice is still present.
"But I do wish that I'd forgotten them. Because now I have to live my whole life straying from the path I intended to walk just to destroy the source of those dreadful memories." I declare coldly, my voice resounding loudly in the hot room.