The school day dragged on like chewing gum; the morning and the ride there had, for once, been quiet.
The teachers' voices sounded muffled, as if coming through water. My notes turned into messy lines that hardly formed words anymore. I blinked, trying to focus but every shadow in the corner of the classroom seemed more alive than the voice at the front of the board.
During the big break, I sat alone at the edge of the schoolyard, aimlessly scrolling through my phone. Through old chats, old messages emptier than ever.
Then: a ping.
A new message, from an unknown account. No name. Just another string of numbers.
[unknown_messager]: "Nice sweater. Blue today, black yesterday. Suits you better."
My blood froze.
I instinctively looked down at myself. My sweater really was blue.
My gaze darted frantically through the crowd students laughing, standing in groups, none of them looking directly at me.
And yet I felt naked. Watched. Like under a microscope.
I wanted to take a screenshot but as soon as I tapped the screen, the message was gone. Deleted. As if it had never existed.
Only the short push notification on the lock screen remained, a faint proof that I wasn't losing my mind.
"You okay?"
I flinched. A classmate was suddenly standing next to me, half a sandwich in his hand.
"You look like you've seen a ghost."
I couldn't bring out a single word. Just a nod.
He chewed, then casually pointed with his chin.
"Hey, who was that standing in front of your house this morning? That person was there for ages. Thought I'd tell you, since you never get visitors."
My breath caught.
"…What?"
"I only saw them from behind. Dressed in dark clothes. I know there are three of you living in your apartment, but none of you ever get visitors. I've known you long enough, so I figured you should know."
Then he went back to his group after exchanging a few words.
The next class began.
I buried myself in my book, thinking about the message until suddenly I was pulled out of my thoughts.
My teacher called on me to read aloud.
All the students turned to look at me. I felt their eyes on me, and my heart began to race.
I saw the faces of my classmates. Some looked neutral, others didn't even bother turning their heads and then my eyes met two of them.
They were staring at me with a wicked, almost beastly grin. My heart stopped.
I felt their eyes strip me bare. I tried to ignore it and kept reading, as the teacher asked.
We switched classrooms, but I couldn't forget their faces. They followed me.
The next hour passed in a blur; I didn't hear the teacher anymore. Everything faded, like being underwater.
When I looked up, those students were grinning again. My breath caught. Goosebumps spread across my arms; my chest tightened until I couldn't breathe.
I bolted from the classroom, muttering that I needed air.
(Caution: The following section contains sensitive content. Trigger warning advised.)
I hid in the bathroom and then sat in the stall, safe from view. Not even three minutes later, I heard the door open and then saw two feet under the door. A knock on my stall sounded >>"Uh-huh, it's occupied..."<< came from me uncertainly >>"Oh, Rin... We know that ~ and that's why we're here ~"<< a classmate replied shadyly.
Suddenly, he tried to force open the door, and I resisted. He was almost too strong for me, while I tried to hold it shut, and then I had to press myself against the wall. However, the boy wasn't alone; I suddenly heard a voice next to me. My heart stopped for a moment. I knew what was coming. My vision became unfocused, and I looked up at the cubicle wall next to me.
>>"Well, look at that... Who do we have here? Hello, Rin~"<< Boy B said with a broad grin. I shook my head in disbelief. >>"No, no, no..."<< I begged. He jumped over the wall and pushed me against another wall, away from the door. He grabbed me in a full nelson, pinning my arms behind my head.
The boy in front of the door (Boy A) then broke it open >>"Finally"<< he said in an annoyed tone, approaching me. I tried to kick him away, but he grabbed my leg and punched me in the stomach. I thought I was going to lose consciousness after that blow. My legs immediately gave way, and I could barely breathe. My vision blurred, and then my eyes filled with tears. The pain was extreme.
He came closer and first touched my cheek unusually gently, then suddenly grabbed the back of my head by the hair. In a bestial voice, he whispered to me: >>"I want you to enjoy this now, Rin, as much as I'm going to. I have to do this, you have no idea the pressure I'm under."<< My heart skipped a beat and I looked at the boy in panic, shaking my head in disbelief. Tears continued to flow as the pain of the blow lingered.
I started to take off my panties while B held me tightly in his grip. I tried to fight back with my legs but the grip tightened, so tight that it hurt my shoulders slowly went numb as did my hands, all I could manage was a moan of pain.
Boy A opened the zipper of his pants, took out his penis and started to jerk off but he didn't get hard, not even from the sight of my exposed lower body. The second boy behind me told him he had to do it and that he wanted me. My eyes widened at this information. Someone wanted me as a... girlfriend, but why? I'm not good enough... for anyone! I thought that to distract myself a bit... but nothing helped, I saw him standing there with his flaccid penis. The second boy gave him instructions, the instruction that they should swap, he let go of me for a moment and I tried to escape but was too slow. The second boy hit me in the face which made me stagger.
Tears ran down my face, everything hurt... The first boy positioned himself behind me and held me strongly but gently, but I still couldn't resist. The second boy pulled out his already hard penis and smiled angularly as if he enjoyed it, he ripped my legs apart and rammed it in. I screamed in pain, it hurt... it burned... I saw blood dripping down me and my panic increased and I started to cry... All that came out of me was a sniff and a painful moan.... Meanwhile, the grip became lighter, I looked up with moist eyes and a face contorted in pain.
The face of the first boy who held me was etched with remorse and a tormented heart. He looked me in the face and made a silly gesture that sounded like "I'm sorry." The second boy was nearing his end, and I could feel it pulsing inside me. I just thought to myself "Please, not inside me, anything is better than inside me... >>"Please... not... in...me."<< I said in a broken, tearful voice.
The second boy laughed bestially and showed me no mercy, he wanted it. Just as he was about to come inside me, the first boy pushed him away so that he slid out of me and came on me and not inside me. He became aggressive and hit the other boy in the face when he tried to put me down on the toilet seat. He fell back and slipped on my blood and the rest of the people underneath me and was on all fours when he tried to stand up. Slowly he looked up when he noticed that his hands were covered in blood and then he saw me. I felt empty, disgusting, broken and powerless.
He could read everything written on my face.
Every emotion fear, confusion, disgust, pain it was all there, bare and unhidden.
His eyes flickered between shock and frustration, guilt carved deep into his expression.
Then, without another word, he turned and ran off with the other boy.
I just stood there, staring at the floor beneath me, the world around me fading into silence.
My thoughts spun faster and faster until the pounding in my head became unbearable.
And yet, even as I tried to steady my breath, I couldn't erase that look from my mind
that shattered, frustrated stare he gave me before he ran.
Why…?
Why did he look at me like that?
If he didn't want this… if he really didn't mean it… then why did he do it?
When I finally came back to my senses, I was lying in the nurse's office.
The curtain swayed gently, voices murmured just beyond it the nurse and a teacher.
The nurse was on the phone, her tone quiet but worried.
She was speaking with Mr. Yoshikage, the school counselor.
"…She's still unresponsive," I heard him say faintly through the phone.
The pain was gone.
I could only assume they had given me something for it.
But the emptiness stayed a hollow ache that no medicine could ever touch.
I'm sorry this chapter took a while to write.
Life got… complicated, and I needed time to find the right words again.