MATHIAS
¿Amigos otra vez?
—What do you feel? —I already knew what he meant, I knew where he wanted to go.
—What do you mean? —I just said. He just looked at me, knowing I wouldn't say it out loud since I had caught it the first time, so I turned my gaze to the window—. It's like… on the surface, it looks like paradise, promising you an eternal life of happiness, but over time you discover that in that place lives a monster hiding, thirsty for blood, screams, and evil, stealing away everything beautiful that my naive eyes first saw.
—And why do you stay in it? —I looked back at that man's face, who watched me cautiously.
—Maybe because I have stupid hopes that monster will be defeated someday and I can finally enjoy paradise.
—How long have you been feeding those hopes?
—Every time… —Every time she cries while fully asleep and asks me in a whisper not to leave her. Those words only shrink my heart, as if it hurt me the same way if she just left my side or even abandoned me.
—What?
—I think I'm getting worse, right? —It's obvious I don't want to keep this topic, not today.
—You're not getting worse. Actually, you've improved. —That made me smile cynically.
—I've improved? I look the same.
—Maybe you don't see it. You've taken small steps you'll soon notice. —Honestly, I wanted to believe him, although something told me to save those hopes for later.
—Can I leave now?
—Yes, I'll see you next week.
I just nodded in agreement and left that place. I had something important to do. Literally, I have to get my brother back, the only asshole who tolerates my mood swings, who understands me better than that pathetic psychiatrist.
So I headed to the university, making sure with his mother that he would be there. I didn't even take the time to call him simply because he would ignore my calls.
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When I arrived, I looked for a place to park the car. It didn't take long to find one, then I got out and snuck through those halls completely unfamiliar to me until my eyes spotted him among the few people there. He saw me, turned halfway around, while I hurried to call him, telling him to wait, though that was totally useless.
—Henry, please, stop —I said as I grabbed his arm to stop him.
—Fuck, Mathias! What the hell do you want? —he snapped angrily.
—My friend, my brother. That's what I want.
—Your friend? Your brother? Only when it suits you, huh.
—Oh, come on, Henry. I know I messed up, okay? I screwed up badly.
—Fuck you. —With that, he freed himself from my grip and walked away.
—Henrisiyo —I shouted to catch his attention, though I also caught more eyes from the other students nearby. He turned and looked at me weirdly.
—You know I love you and couldn't live without you. —Then I knelt down, trying to hold back my laughter at the embarrassed look on his face. Then I said—: Will you marry me? —He quickened his pace toward me.
—What the fuck, Mathias? —he whispered between his teeth as he helped me up.
—Marriage fixes everything, right? —His face clearly said he wanted to kill me.
—You're ruining my image, asshole. —I didn't know where the hell he was taking me, but I just knew he wanted to get away from the few people still watching.
—Your image? You've always been a damn gay —I said laughing.
—Don't test me with Nefertary, okay. —My body tensed, the fun fading—. See? It's not funny at all. —He laughed.
—You're not her type anyway.
—What do you know? Maybe she'll stop liking brunettes —he shrugged, while I rolled my eyes at his absurd stupidity—. Mathias, do you really love her? —That made me stop.
—Why do you ask?
—You know why. But I'll say it anyway: you, the great Mathias Ludwig, have never mattered this much to a girl. You never felt jealousy or mood swings like these, not that I remember. You used to just live for fleeting loves. Now tell me, brother: what did you find in that girl you didn't find in others? —I simply couldn't find the words, everything I already knew… hearing it from him was like waking up to reality again—. Ludwig, I just want to understand my brother.
—Smith, I don't even know how I got to this point, you know...? —I wanted to break down, but just took a deep breath—. I don't know when I started needing her, or how I fell into this web. I only know I can't get away from her no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to… I just can't. It's like I found my own drug, creating an addiction that's inexplicable. This goes beyond love. It might sound ironic, but it's like I belong to her not only in body but also in soul.
—Alright —he sighed—. You're forgiven, idiot. You're already like a Romeo, huh —he punched me.
—Asshole —I said rubbing the smack he gave me on the back of my neck—. Got any classes left?
—In two hours, so there's time for a couple of burgers.
—I agree. Begging you opened my appetite.
—As long as you pay, remember I'm your fiancé, okay, my love —I turned my face away as he leaned in to kiss me.
—Do I have any other choice? —We both burst out laughing.
That's how we spent the time, catching up on our lives, 'obviously omitting information on my part, not wanting to involve Henry in this world.' After that, I dropped him off at his faculty like the cute Cinderella who's late for class. Now I had only one place left to go: the Ziegler mansion.
Entering that door, I could feel my body tense up. It was as cold as my father's mansion, not to mention the people: everyone in their own world. The noise coming from the garden drew me there, where I could see Nefertary with her new hobby: boxing. She had started it last week and I must admit her first class was spectacular. For a moment I wondered why she was taking it, but then I understood that to be the best you always have to perfect your techniques. Dedication is something she can't lack. I'm still puzzled how she finds time for everything.
—Young Ludwig —my attention toward that girl was interrupted by the young woman who works here—. This envelope arrived for you —she said, blushing as she handed it to me.
—Thanks —I said, taking it and noticing the letter only had my name, no address or anything—. Do you know who sent it?
—It came with the other mail —I nodded—. With your permission. —She left the room.
I sighed lightly. I just hoped it wasn't that letter. Not another one. I headed to my room. Once inside, I finally opened it, and seeing those letters cut out of paper... it was simply another of her warnings or declarations...
Letter:
Mathias Ludwig, I thought my warnings were proof of the danger you run with that girl. Don't you care anymore about the death of an innocent just out of jealousy? The death of another for disobedience and two more for being a nuisance in her life.
Why do you keep breathing the same air that monster breathes?
That was a harsh truth I had always been avoiding, dodging it like it was nothing but a damn nuisance to my peace, wanting to break down that wall containing my fears, which are getting closer and closer to breaking free and dragging me down into that misery I have been... pretending are new dawns.
I went to one of the furniture pieces in my room, opened a drawer and pulled out the box with more anonymous letters. Hearing the sound of the door handle, I quickly put the letter down and pushed the drawer back in, making a noise closing it. I turned to see who the intruder was, whose gaze first went to the furniture then to me. Those penetrating, intimidating eyes tried to see beyond my poor soul.
—What are you hiding? —Her voice was so neutral, without a hint of emotion.
—Nothing —I tried to imitate her tone.
—Nothing? —She started walking toward me—. You still need practice to lie —she stopped in front of me—. Your eyes betray you, Ludwig. They hold chaos, fear, and doubt. Now tell me, what are you hiding?
I had seen how she reacted to people lying to her for a second time. She simply reacted so aggressively I doubted she thought about her actions. 'Who could guarantee I wouldn't be the exception?' So I moved away from that spot so she could open the drawer. She didn't take long to understand and do so. Once she saw the box, she opened it and looked at the contents. When she looked back at me, her gaze reflected a fury only felt when killing. That part of her was the only one that made my hair stand on end... and the silence didn't help.
—Since when? —And if not only her eyes reflected that rage, so did her voice.
—A month... a month and a half, I think —I said, trying to control my nerves.
—A month and a half?! Why didn't you tell me?
—Is it a lie?
—Not exactly, but don't you see they're just trying to mess with your sanity?
—As if I had any. —I sat on the couch; she followed, sitting next to me—. I just don't understand your actions. What did Reneth have to do with this? —Her gaze stayed fixed on the door. She grabbed my chin to make me look at her again.
—If I had to end someone just because they made me jealous or slept with you, I wouldn't think twice, Miathias. —That made me laugh bitterly.
—And you can sleep with Osoclu and Lorenz? That's fine, right? —I didn't try to hide my disgust.
—What happened with Demir was before I met you. Besides, Michael was just a fling.
—The same fling I had with Reneth.
—Ludwig!
—Ziegler. —She looked surprised I called her by her last name.
—You know I hate being called that.
—I didn't know, Ziegler. —Ibagon clenched her jaw, trying to hold back her fury—. I just found out.
—Well, you shouldn't keep doing it.
—Why, Ziegler? Why can't I call you that? —I said defiantly. She took a breath before replying.
—I don't want to... I can't... Mathias, I don't want to unload on you.
—Just do it, prove to me I was never your exception and show me once and for all you only care about your own well-being, Ziegler. —She looked away, stood up, and paced the room before stopping.
—Do you really think I'm like that? Haven't you seen all I do for you? —I didn't answer, so she continued—. Yes, I ended her, Lucia, and provoked Lorenz. I only freed him. Why? There were nuisances tormenting my peace. Of course, each of them had options. Your dear Reneth... that damn bitch could have chosen someone else. Lucia... my Lucy could have listened to my fucking advice. And the Mendes only had to obey without objections. Now tell me, was it too much to ask? Or did I have to fall? —She came toward me, kneeling. I was a mess, but I wasn't the only one... she was too—. Answer me, Mathias. —It was more a plea than an order.
—Who are you? —Those words were stupid, but I didn't know what else to ask. There was nothing else, just that.
—I'm Nefertary Serene Ibagon Ziegler, daughter of Vanessa Ziegler, the most popular girl at Alpin Beau Soleil School in Switzerland. My whole fucking life pretending in front of those filthy animals, pretending to my family something I'm not. I've killed, tortured miserable rats either out of obligation or anger, stopping feeling remorse. And in all this shit... I only care about three people. I already lost one, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost the other two, the ones who keep me somewhat sane. Maybe it's not love, but who said love is better than obsession with a good dose of sex? —That irony she had at first turned to sadness in the end. 'Who would have thought those were Nefertary Ibagon's most sincere words.'
—I don't hate you, Serene —I gently grabbed her face, holding it close—. I... Mathias Ludwig am at your fucking disposal, whether in damn abundance or miserable misery.
Without thinking twice, I kissed her. She responded instantly, with soft movements, unusual for her, as if wanting to prolong the moment. She intensified the kiss just when I lifted her off the ground to place her on my lap. We barely parted to breathe, and as soon as I caught my breath, I started kissing her neck, moving down to her collarbone. She leaned back, giving me more space, while her hands slid skillfully to my crotch, shamelessly stroking the growing erection.
I slid my hands to the bottom of her sweater, took it off, and tossed it aside. My eyes dropped to her perfect breasts before looking at her again. She held my gaze with a daring spark and, removing her hands from my bulge, calmly unhooked her bra, as if she knew exactly what she was provoking. As soon as she let it drop, I pulled her back in for a kiss, only to interrupt it and devour her breasts. Her warm skin, fast breathing, soft moans... everything turned me on.
While I sucked one nipple, my hand firmly massaged the other. Impatient, she took my belt in her hands, forcing me to lift myself a bit to help her pull down my pants. Within minutes, we were both getting rid of what was left between us.
Her hands started moving up and down my member with a tempting rhythm, while my fingers found their way to her wet, warm sex, drawing circles that made her moan loudly. Her moans were my fucking downfall. Suddenly, she pulled away. I looked at her confused, but she was already kneeling in front of me. As her tongue ran over the tip of my erection, I let out a hoarse moan. She didn't take long to take it all in her mouth, making me tilt my head back, fully surrendered to the sensation.
Her tongue, her lips, her hands... were driving me crazy. Without thinking, I took her head to set the pace, and she didn't resist. She just let herself go: compliant, wild, perfect. I came in her mouth with a rough gasp, and once I was sure I had given everything, I let her go. I got up from the couch, gently lifted her, kissed her before laying her on the bed, positioning myself on top of her.
Her intimacy was soaked. More than before. I took a moment to rub my cock against her pussy, torturing her a bit, enjoying every shudder of pleasure running through her.
—Mathias —she said in a breathless voice.
—Beg, only like that, darling —I said, breathy. She always liked having control, but right now it was me. She hesitated a bit, but her desire was stronger.
—Please, Ludwig.
Without thinking, I did it. I penetrated her in one go, and the moan we both let out feeling that warmth was pure fire. I started moving slowly, in and out at a slow, almost torturous rhythm, causing spasms that arched her body. She wrapped her legs around my waist, silently begging me not to stop.
I didn't take long to speed up, increasing both speed and force. Her moans grew more intense, wilder, and her nails dug into my back, leaving marks that burned like her body. The room filled with whispers, gasps, and skin slapping skin.
—Ludwig... —she whispered breathlessly.
That was the sign. I knew she was about to come. I kissed her forehead as my only response and let go, losing ourselves together. Our orgasms exploded at the same time, filling each other, collapsing into that instant of absolute pleasure.
We stayed like that, unmoving, trying to catch our breath, our bodies still trembling. I didn't pull out immediately; I did it slowly, just to prolong that last sensation, that delicious release that bound us even after climax.
I lay beside her, eyes fixed on the ceiling covered in shadows. She was still there, next to me, her body relaxed.
—Tired for another round? —she asked, voice a bit more steady. I looked at her again.
—I was waiting for you to ask. —She rolled her eyes then laughed. Those were the few times I saw a genuine smile.
—Nefertary.
—Yes?
—How do I not go crazy with you?
—You already have, fool —she said barely in a whisper.
Hearing those words, I knew which path I wanted to follow in my life because I was already going crazy. Why keep denying it?
'I was already crazy'