Despite the unpleasant acquaintance with the werewolf spirit I was now bound to, Kaandor had become my only companion and support in a world where I had to learn to hide my true face and thoughts, even from those who, not long ago, could easily have been considered close and dear. It seemed that if Kaandor wanted, there would be nothing left of the real me. He could easily take over the body like an empty shell, and he had already demonstrated that once when he decided to end the main source of my troubles and suffering — Nik. The vampire poison had changed my life, breaking the curse my mother had placed on me right after my birth. This curse had held back my werewolf nature, inherited from my father, for seventeen years, but the seal cracked for the first time when the witch's triad was disrupted and my grandmother died, and it broke again, this time more thoroughly, when Nikita, being a vampire, tried to make me like him by putting poison into my blood. That day, if the curse hadn't weakened, I could have become like the Karimovs and the Smirnov family. Kaandor had managed to fight back and protect me from the fate of those he hated with all his being. However, as I now knew, the poison's influence had left its mark on him as well, making the spirit inside me unique. Incorrect. Thirsting to taste the blood of its natural enemy.
Kaandor could easily push my true voice and desires into the depths from which there is no return, but even when the dark companion was so close to his goal, he allowed me to choose. I will always remember how Nikita lay beneath me on the bluish snow in the night light, accepting his fate, waiting to see if I would decide to end his life or not.
If only I had never met Nik, my old life would have been safe. Blaming him for all the sins and being angry that because of him, my eleventh grade in the new city didn't go as planned seemed easy. The feeling of hatred helped me, at first, avoid accepting the simple fact: I could search for blame around me as much as I wanted instead of taking responsibility for my destiny and starting to live by new rules. To step forward, taking on the heavy burden, and accept reality with my head held high. Others, after all, somehow managed.
The restaurant door opened, and the wind outside brought with it a palette of familiar smells. I turned and noticed a familiar group of vampires entering. Arthur held the door, letting the others go ahead, while he was saying something with a smile to Diana. She laughed in response, looking so carefree and light at that moment that another weight settled in my chest like a heavy stone, causing my heart to painfully tighten. I missed talking to her, our friendship, but I knew full well: things would never be the same again. Not after that time when I had wanted to drink her blood. That was the strange feature of my spirit: unlike other werewolves, I suffered from thirst, dreaming of pressing my fangs into the vein of any vampire and drinking their life to the very end. After yesterday's meeting, I understood well that she remembered what happened too, and there was nothing she could do with the fear that still lurked within her, though, as I thought, she might have been trying.
Following Diana, Viоla entered, and behind her, Stas and Maxim, engrossed in an argument. Max held an open book in his hands, and Stas pointed to a line, frowning, trying to explain something to his brother, though I couldn't hear it, despite trying. Stanislav was so absorbed in the conversation that he didn't notice anything around him, including me, and as he passed our table where the girls and I were sitting, he casually turned his back.
That was fine. It made it easier.
Lastly, Nik appeared in the doorframe. The one who had caused me so much pain and broken my heart. The one because of whom my life would never be the same. It's good that the books, in describing how beautiful love is, didn't lie about at least one thing: time heals wounds. The events of autumn, with its tastes, smells, joys, and sorrows, dissolved in the summer dewdrops, promising the beginning of a new chapter where the story would finally turn to the bright road. And yet, even though I felt myself filling up with the full bloom of nature, I couldn't find the strength inside to fully forgive and let go of what had happened. At least, I could rejoice in the fact that I no longer felt the burning hatred from within — only tolerance toward Karimov and pity remained.
He pulled the long sleeves of his black sweater almost to his thumbs, and Nikita's arms lay crossed over his chest, as if it were not the beginning of summer but something entirely different. The golden-haired boy had turned into a pale shadow of himself, losing much of the brightness and beauty that vampirism had once given him. Vladimir Smirnov's experiment hadn't left Nik unscathed, but at least it had kept him alive, which couldn't be said for the doctor's wife.
Now, in Nikita, I saw much of the simple and human: the scent of his skin, the way he stood against the backdrop of the other guys — and yet, he could not be mistaken for an ordinary person. He now had very little of the vampire left, but he still chose their company, and I could understand why: if Stas hadn't stopped me when Kaandor had taken control of my body, Nik would have long since been lying beneath three meters of wet earth in the cemetery, and my soul would have been forever stained by my first murder.
And with Stas, I could no longer interact as I had before, even realizing the mistake I had almost made. At that moment, in his usual manner, he intervened at the very last moment, deciding for me what was best, and by doing so, he crossed a line. Perhaps that was why I couldn't fully let go of what had happened. Live through it properly, allowing the pain to overflow. I had to find the strength to decide: to let go of Nik, after everything he had done, or instead — to kill him, to erase the last reminder of where it all began. In the end, Nikita had taken so much from me — he had not only changed my life, but he had also destroyed my belief in the love I had wanted to know and experience for the first time. The love that was sung about in so many beautiful novels I had read.
After the open house day, I became incredibly weak, under Kaandor's influence, and there came a moment when I first turned into a wolf. I almost took the monstrous step and was preparing to sink my teeth into Nik's neck, who seemed to understand better than I did that what was happening was inevitable. He was ready to accept death for me. To allow me to start a new life by ending his own. To give me the most precious thing: the chance to stop looking back at the one who once changed everything.