Silence.
It's always been a thing I craved but at the same time something I've greatly disliked. Silence always meant time to yourself for me. Time to reflect. Time to breathe. Time alone with your thoughts.
A moment of quiet.
But that's also what I hated about it. Whenever it got too quiet my thoughts always got louder. And they always had a nasty habit of twisting on me.
Funny thing about thoughts: they start off harmless, even funny sometimes. Then they twist. Rot. One second you're laughing at a dumb meme in your head, and the next you're wondering if maybe everyone would be happier if you weren't around. Maybe that's just me.
Reaching my hand out to mute my alarm again, and just like that I'm left in that same silence I like and hate.
Today was Monday. And not just any ordinary Monday. It was a school Monday. The kind of day that made you question whether Hell was actually real, because if it was, I was already living there.
God, I fucking hate school.
I hate the place. I hate the teachers. I hate the endless busywork. And I most definitely hate the other learners there. Most especially my classmates. The whole place felt like it was designed to grind me down. To remind me I didn't belong.
What was the point of school anyway? Most of the things taught there anyway are useless and won't help me with anything in my life. Seriously, what's learning who started what war in which year going to help me with? Besides giving me a fucking headache. It does nothing.
I also despise how school ends up defining you as a person by how well your doing in your grades. Like how if you aren't passing enough then it's your fault. You're just lazy. You're not reading enough. Why can't you be more like Daniel?
See him, he's set for life. Won first place at the national math quiz. Might end up being Valedictorian or something.
And what's worse is people giving up on their dreams of actually becoming something in their lives just because their GDE isn't good enough. Oh look, your score doesn't allow you study Medicine. Guess you can't be a doctor anymore.
And don't get me started on the motivational speakers the school keeps bringing. They're all the same. " You can do it!". "Never give up!" . "It's in you."
To this day I still don't understand what's in me. Or maybe I do. Maybe it's….
" Wake me up! Wake me up inside..." my alarm blared again. Amy Lee's beautiful vocals filling the room.
I wish I could stay home today. And it's not like anyone would miss me at school. Got no friends after all. My parents definitely won't mind. Sure, they'd get a call from the school and will complain a little about it later.
But that's all I'd get. They're too busy dealing with their own stuff to worry about why their daughter missed one single day of school.
And their prodigal son Daniel, I'm sure is already there doing what he did best. Impressing them.
I don't really hate my younger brother, he's one of the few things that actually make me happy, he's like a golden retriever but I'm starting to get sick of all the compliments he gets and the questions I keep getting on why I don't do as well as him.
".... Bring me to life."
"Ahh…. I heard you the first time!" I groaned out while finally getting up and turning off my alarm.
Even though I really wanted to stay today, I couldn't. I had a test. One, I couldn't miss.
Was it bad to wish the school would just burn down? No one has to die or get injured. Just the school and the school alone.
Probably.
I kicked the blankets off me before stretching my body out. I stretched, bones creaking, thin muscles loosening…. Well, feeling whatever muscle on my skinny body loosen up has always been a great feeling.
I wish I had more muscle.
After stretching I waited silently listening for any noise throughout the house. And what I got in return was nothing. So, I was currently home alone.
Taking my Dallas stars jersey from the side of my bed( somewhere on the floor), I casually put it on and made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine.
Which isn't much really. Unlike the other girls in my class. The pretty girls who wake up an hour earlier than me. The ones who go through the many complicated routines with so many steps that begin the night before and carry on to their morning.
But I couldn't really judge them that much. Society did love drilling in unrealistic beauty standards on women.
And I ain't gonna lie. Some girls did look hot. Unfairly hot. If my here and there staring was anything to go by.
Not that it mattered. Not that I'd ever say anything.
Damnation thoughts aside, I should really hurry up if I want to get there on time.
Afterwards I rushed through my miniscule "morning routine" dressed up and went downstairs for breakfast. My phone was playing music besides me the entire way.
It was a distraction from my thoughts and something more. Music has always meant more to me.
If I want to cry myself to sleep, find a good Billie Eilish or Juice World song. If I needed to feel alive, Eminem always did the trick. Each genre, each singer had their own flavour that just did things to my mood. I don't know where I'd be without music.
And reading.
If music was a mood controller. Then reading was light that burned every other remaining shadow in my head. The embodiment of tranquillity and peace. Stories meant escape. That for once I didn't have to live in this boring and sad reality I call my life.
" …And my cereal's gone soggy. Just great." I muttered outloud staring at the aforementioned cereal. I really didn't like it when it was soggy.
With a sigh, I ate everything quickly before grabbing my car keys and the house keys and locking the door before making my way to my car.
My magnificent and beautiful car that I really like— no love. A silver Jeep Wrangler (JL) and a gift from my late uncle.
I hate cancer.
Sliding into the driver's seat, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. It was finally time for school. Yay, me.
🎧
The Jeep's engine rumbled to life, and for a moment I almost convinced myself to turn the wheel the other way. Not toward school. Just… away. Anywhere.
But I didn't.
Because that's me. The responsible disappointment. Always showing up. Always doing what's expected, even when it hurts. Even when I sometimes, wish I could crawl back in bed and just stay there forever.
Asleep. Peaceful.
The drive wasn't long but it felt endless. I passed through the same streets, the same traffic, even through the same noise as every other day. I was sure at this point I was moving purely on autopilot. Nothing much really required my input anyway.
The only thing that kept me from doing something stupid was the music blasting through my radio. I didn't recognise the song but I really didn't care about it either.
Eventually, I arrived. As I pulled into the lot, I saw the usual crowds gathered in their familiar spots. Like always.
Group of friends clustered together. Laughter and jokes flying around. Stories of who had the most exciting adventures during the holidays. And plans for after school.
I know it's been years now, since I officially gave up on fitting in. But sometimes seeing this, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous.
Why wasn't any of this mine, too?
I remained in the car for a moment longer watching people as they passed by and soaking in whatever peace I could get before classes began.
I thought of sleeping a little but was snapped out of the decision by someone tapping the passenger side window. The tap on the window felt like a jolt to my already frazzled nerves.
I rubbed my eyes as if it might somehow make the world feel a little less blurry, like maybe I could slip back into the peaceful quiet of the for a few more minutes.
When I looked up from the world's most uncomfortable pillow, the face staring back at me wasn't one I'd expected.
It was my brother Daniel. Genius Daniel. Good Daniel. The favoured child. The one who can: Do no wrong.
He had bright smile on his face as he waved at me. Then he shrugged as if waiting for me to decide whether I was going to unlock the door and let him in or let him awkwardly wait outside for awhile.
I thought of it. Just a little.
I sighed, before unlocking the doors of the car.
"What do you want?" My voice came out sharper than I intended it to.
Daniel, perfect Daniel took no offence to it. I knew he could tell that I didn't want to be here. Instead, he opened the door and took a seat inside.
"You looked like you were about to fall asleep. Didn't wanna you know, leave you hanging around here." He mentioned while gesturing vaguely at the parking lot.
I blinked at him for a second. His smile was blinding so early in morning.
"Aren't you usually in class by this time?" I asked.
His smile then turned sheepish. "Uh…."
"Uh?" I parroted his words back to him with an eyebrow raised.
"You see… I'm- uh… kinda avoiding someone." He muttered shyly. Then his hand rose to scratch the side of his cheek.
It was nervous tick of his.
But what he said, now had my full attention. I stared at him longer and watched as face slowly flushed. My smile was almost a smirk.
"It's a girl isn't it?"
Daniel froze, his cheeks immediately turning a deeper shade of red. It was almost comical how easily I could make him squirm, but I didn't want to let it slide too easily.
"Maybe…" he mumbled, avoiding my gaze like it was the hardest thing in the world to face me right now.
I couldn't help but chuckle, though it was more out of amusement than mockery. "Wow, Daniel. A girl, huh? Who would've thought?"
He shifted uncomfortably in the seat, rubbing the back of his neck now. "It's not a big deal. I just... don't know how to talk to her."
I raised an eyebrow. "Don't know how to talk to her?" I repeated, like I couldn't believe those words were coming from his mouth.
"You? Mr. National Math Champion?" I mocked, though there was no malice in my tone.
Daniel frowned, his expression turning defensive. "It's different, okay? Math doesn't require, like, actual… talking. You can do your thing without worrying about how people feel about you. But, you know, with a girl…" He trailed off awkwardly, the usual confidence in his voice faltering.
Oh, I did know but I wasn't telling him that.
"Right. Talking," I muttered under my breath, only half-joking. Then I tilted my head, suddenly curious. "So, who is she? I didn't know you had a thing for anyone."
Daniel was visibly torn between answering me or trying to dodge the question. His eyes flickered around like he was scanning the parking lot for an escape route. But in the end, he sighed in resignation.
"Her name's Lucy. We… uh, we've talked a few times." He glanced at me cautiously, waiting for me to react.
Lucy. I didn't know a Lucy. But the way Daniel spoke her name made her sound important, more than just some passing crush. I leaned back in the seat, processing the information.
"Is she in your class?" I asked, trying to hide the fact that I was secretly enjoying this more than I should've.
He nodded, though there was something off about his expression.
"Yeah… she's smart, funny. A little, uh… she doesn't fit in with the popular crowd, so I don't know. It's just complicated."
"Of course it is." I said dryly, rubbing my temple like I was the one who needed a moment to digest this.
My genius younger brother had a crush on a girl who didn't "fit in," and now he was getting all tangled up in his own head about it?
I almost found it funny, but the truth was, it felt... nice. It felt like he was the one stuck in a messy situation for once, not me.
"Well, have you talked to her since, you know, you started avoiding her?" I asked, leaning forward and folding my arms on the steering wheel.
His face flushed again. "No… I mean, not exactly."
I almost snorted. "God, Daniel. You're so screwed."
He shifted nervously again, eyes darting around as if he was trying to dodge the whole topic.
"Look," I sighed, "You just need to be honest with her. Tell her you're not great at talking to girls or whatever, but you want to. Stop overthinking it."
He blinked at me. "You really think that'll work?"
"Probably not. But at least you won't come off like a nervous wreck," I shot back. "Seriously though, what's the worst that can happen? She says no, and you move on with your life. But if you keep avoiding her like some weirdo, you'll never know."
Daniel looked at me for a long time, like he wasn't sure whether to take my advice seriously or laugh it off. Eventually, he broke into a grin.
"Alright, alright. I get it. You're right. I just… I don't know how to not be a mess around her."
"You'll figure it out. I'm sure you're not that bad." I said, almost teasing, but there was something genuine in my tone, even if I didn't feel it for myself. "Just be you. Whatever that is. Just don't be weird about it."
He gave me an exaggerated roll of his eyes before unbuckling his seatbelt. "Alright, well, thanks for the life advice, Sis. I'll go tackle my social problems now."
I just shook my head, watching him get out of the car. "Yeah, yeah. Go work your magic, Casanova."
"Thanks for the pep talk!" he called over his shoulder before closing the door behind him.
As I watched him walk off toward the school building, I felt a strange mix of emotions. Part of me wanted to laugh at how awkward and out-of-place he seemed. But another part, the part I rarely acknowledged, felt... proud of him.
He didn't have it all figured out, but he was trying. He was putting himself out there in a way I was too scared to do for myself.
I thought about my own situation for a moment about the silence that followed me everywhere, about the school, about my place in the world or lack thereof. But I wasn't ready to go there just yet.
Instead, I put the car in gear and pulled out of the lot. I had a test to fail, a school day to survive, and an endless stream of thoughts waiting to twist themselves into something more.
But for now, at least I knew Daniel wasn't the only one feeling lost in the mess of life.
🎧
I parked, locked up, triple checked. Before moving away from the car with my hands shoved into my hoodie. And head down. Just another ghost drifting through the hallway.
The hallway was the same as always, blaring fluorescent lights above, lockers lined up like rows of teeth, and a faint smell of something that didn't quite belong but was somehow permanent.
I had my headphones on blasting music loud enough that staying like this longer would risk hearing problems later on, so any and all sound: people laughing, shouting and some others shoving each other like animals, became background noise. A distant hum. I was happy I had protection against the noise but disgruntled that my nose didn't.
The smells of the place were unavoidable. Every inch of the hall was soaked in some unpleasant scent, a mixture of body spray, sweat, someone's food and body odour. It clung to the walls, the floor, the air.
It all came together to form a nauseating scent.
It wasn't long before I reached my locker. Of course, there were people hanging around. A group of loud, obnoxious kids who seemed to think their drama was the most important thing in the world. I tried not to make eye contact, my gaze shifting quickly to the floor as I spun the combination lock with practiced precision.
Click. Click. Click. The locker door swung open.
But before I could grab my books and escape into the relative comfort of my first class, I felt the weight of someone's eyes on me. Not a glance. Not quite a stare. But a glare.
I looked up, only to find a pair of familiar, emerald eyes watching me from the other side of the hallway.
Valerie.
I felt my stomach churn, but I couldn't stop myself from locking eyes with her. She always did have beautiful eyes.
She didn't say anything. She didn't need to. Her eyes were speaking for her. The pure hatred she had for me was palpable.
I think it all started two months ago when her boyfriend tried to hook up with me. And I being the person that I am, rejected his advances harshly. He didn't take to kindly to it. So, instead of telling Valerie that he's a cheating asshole. He instead told his friends and Valerie that I tried to ask him out.
And the rest was history. Valerie and her gang made it their purpose. No, their reason for living to make my life miserable. But Valerie has always disliked me. Even at middle school.
Who knew teenagers could be so petty?
I couldn't tear myself away from her gaze for a moment. It was like I was trapped in some weird tug-of-war between wanting to disappear and wanting to run toward her. But I didn't move. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of making me feel... something.
How am I supposed to tell her that I'd rather marry a goat than try to kiss that piece of shit she calls a boyfriend? That I'd rather be with her than that living, moving waste of space?
So, instead, I grabbed my books and slammed the locker shut with a little more force than necessary.
I kept my head down as I walked past her, feeling the heat of her stare burn into my back.
And somehow I made it into my fist class unscathed. Somehow, I made it through that hallway just like any other day.
But for some reason, as I sat down at my desk and pulled the headphones back over my ears, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe... just maybe... the silence I craved wasn't the same as the one I needed.
My first class was History. Which, of course, meant an hour of half-listening while Mr. Donovan droned on about treaties and revolutions.
"… and that's why the Treaty of Versailles…."
I tuned it out. My notebook filled with doodles instead. Jagged lines. Names of bands. A lyric half-remembered.
I used to love history when I was younger. I wanted to grow up and become a historian or an archaeologist. Until my parents told me that it wasn't a realistic career and should choose something else.
And over the years Iost interest in it.
When the bell rang, I was the first out. Not because I was excited. Just because if I lingered, Grace might notice me and start something. And that was worse.
Second class: Math. My brother's kingdom. Teachers still liked to remind me how "your brother could do this in his sleep."
Yeah, thanks, Mrs. Chang. That helps.
And what do you know? Remember the test I mentioned that I had to come to school for. Yeah, that was a Math test.
I didn't hate Math. I never did. The subject could be quite fun sometimes. But my parents and Teacher always find a way to suck the joy from whatever I find myself liking.
If they found a way to ruin reading for me. I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself.
The test wasn't that hard. It was never was. Even though I only remembered that I had it after I'd gotten comfortable and ready to sleep last night.
I'd probably get a 50% and above. Nothing above 80% like my parents wished but it was still a pass. And a pass is a pass.
When I was done, I neatly put my pen aside then rested my head on the table. Mrs Chang could glare at me all she wanted from her desk but there was nothing she could do about it. Including the fact that I also didn't give a shit about her glares.
And I'd grown used to them by now.
It was during my third class that I felt a little worried. Someone was paying very close attention to me. I could feel it through the way my spine suddenly became itchy. And the way the air suddenly felt too warm around my neck.
Sombody was once again watching me.
And it wasn't with admiration. Not curiosity. It was a glare.
I didn't need to look to know who it was from. There's only one person in the entire school that doesn't like me that much at the moment. I'd already caught her earlier in the morning. And also through the edges of the hallway throughout the day.
The attention was starting to unnerve me. What was she planning? Why hasn't she done anything yet?
All I've gotten so far, are a few here and there slurs from her and her group of sycophants. Some shoves in the hallway. Being ignored. And having the honour of being specifically targeted during one dodgeball game. And that's highschool stuff only.
I turned a little, giving Valerie a side glance. Our eyes met once more. She didn't stop glaring. I held her gaze a moment longer before looking away with a sigh.
By lunch, my chest felt tight the same way it always did. The cafeteria was loud. Too loud. I grabbed a tray, found a corner, and pretended the food didn't taste like cardboard and something else I couldn't describe.
I sat alone in my corner and watched. People have always been easier to deal with from a distance.
There was Valerie, the Queen Bee. In a kinda literal sense. Her father was the school's principal. Wait, if her father was the principal and the school his honourary kingdom. That would make him the King. And her the princess.
So, is she the princess bee? Do bees even have a princess? What's the Queen Bee called before they become the you know?
Anyway Valerie was surrounded by her usual satellites. There was Kimberly. A childhood friend of mine. We drifted apart during the late years of our sophomore year.
It was mostly my fault but who cares.
Then there's Grace. My unlucky Biology partner. Do you know how hard it is to complete any assignments together? It's easier in class because there's a teacher on patrol. Any homework we get together, I end up completing it alone.
Cause God forbid, Grace West lowering herself to my "level" just to come to my home or her letting me come to hers. I'm sure she'd rather watch the world end than do that.
And another person worth mentioning was Allyson. Quiet, reserved and pretty Ally. We share an art class together and she draws or paints the most beautiful things in class. The entire class, the teacher and me all adore her.
And do you know what she does with all the attention? She blushes and looks away. I just wanna pet her sometimes.
I still don't understand how she ended up in this group. I know Grace and Valerie were friends in middle school. Kimberly did a complete 180 turn on her personality.
Now she likes everything Valerie likes. Dresses up like them. And even speaks like them.
The other members at their table weren't worth mentioning but there was Jason, already retelling a story for the fifth time.
Louder every time.
Another person was the shit stain. He had his arm around Valerie and when he caught my gaze he smirked and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then he stared at me like I give a fuck about him.
I'm not really a hateful person. And I sometimes take my parents religious teachings to heart. That's how I know where I'm going when I leave this Earth.
But this person I hate him. I hate his face. I hate his hair. I hate the way he dresses. I hate his personality. I hate his very existence.
A soda can cracked open at the next table. And laughter rippled the room. I wondered if it was about me. It usually was.
I checked my watch again for the nth time. There was 4 hours, 15 minutes and 24 seconds till I could go home.
"Hey Dallas," someone shouted out.
I hated that nickname. Just because I wore the Stars jersey sometimes, they thought it was funny. Like I was some wannabe sports freak.
And I didn't even like sports that much. But this nickname was still better than what Valerie and her girls call me.
I didn't look up. And that only made them push harder.
"Dallas! Don't ignore me, c'mon. You're our mascot." Laughter. A tray clattered too close to my table.
I clenched my jaw. Stared at my food until my vision blurred. If I reacted, they'd win. If I ignored them, they'd get bored.
That was the theory, anyway. It worked for Her.
But looks they haven't read the memo. Cause when I chanced looking up, the table I enjoying by myself was suddenly filled.
I froze as Jason placed his arm around my shoulder. I choked a little as I got a breath full of his body spray that he put on way too much.
"So Dallas, you comin' to our game Saturday." He mentioned with a smile that was trying to hard to seem charming.
I tried to brush him off, shaking my head slightly as I shifted away from him. "No, I'm not interested."
The words came out almost too softly, drowned out by the cacophony of the cafeteria, but I hoped he heard me.
"Oh, come on! It's gonna be wild!" He laughed, nudging me playfully.
The smell of his hair gel mixed with that overwhelming body spray was enough to make my stomach turn. "You could be our good luck charm! I mean, if we lose, it's totally your fault for not showing up, right?"
My heart raced as I felt the eyes of their whole table fix on me. I didn't want to be here; I didn't want this attention.
I just wanted to sit in my corner, mind my own business, and avoid being a punching bag for their jokes.
"Yeah, or maybe I'm just not a fan of your team," I shot back, trying to muster some confidence. It was feeble, but I couldn't help it.
The laughter that erupted was immediate and amplified, and Jason looked like he was enjoying it a little too much. "Aw, c'mon! Don't be like that, Dallas."
"Yeah Dallas, don't be such a bitch. Come show your school some support for once." My lab partner said.
"I-I'll be busy this Saturday." I mentioned. This time shrugging his arm off me.
Valerie's eyes narrowed from across the table. "Doing what?"
"Things that don't concern you." I snapped. Soon regretting it afterwards. Valerie didn't like it if anyone raised their voice against her.
Another girl who did so, last year got suspended for some time, I think.
I watched as the table went quiet and Valerie's smile turn predatary.
"Careful Dallas, I just wanted to make sure you weren't out there trying to steal other people's boyfriends," Her voice cut through the momentary silence. " Other people won't be as kind as me you know?
Things happen to girls with bad reputations. You wouldn't want that to be you one day, right?"
I said nothing. Just nodded and prayed she'd let it go.
She gave me one long look before starting another conversation.
Valerie's group had turned their focus back to Jason, and I used that brief moment to escape. I stood up abruptly, clutching my tray, and made a beeline for the exit. My heart hammered in my chest as I bolted toward the nearby trash can.
With a swift motion, I tossed my uneaten food into the bin and hurried outside into the cool air.
The cafeteria doors swung shut behind me, muffling the sounds of their giggles and jeers.
I leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. Outside, the air was fresher, but the school building loomed like a fortress behind me, reminding me of the uncertainty that awaited when it was time to go back inside.
The sunlight felt good on my skin, and for a moment, I let the warmth seep into my bones, allowing all the noise to fade away. But the peace was short-lived. I heard footsteps behind me, and my skin prickled with the familiar sensation of being watched.
"Hey, Avery!" The voice was lighter and more melodic than Jason's obnoxious baritone. It was also familiar.
I turned around, forcing a smile despite the lingering tightness in my chest. "Hey."
"Is everything okay? You seemed… well, you know." Kimberly looked down at her shoes and then back at me, her face slightly flushed.
I first looked at her in confusion. Why was she showing concern for me? We haven't talked to each other for awhile. She avoided me and I did the same.
"Yeah, just the usual," I shrugged, attempting to play it off. "You know how it is."
The problem here was that she has always been able to see through my bullshit.
"Not really," she admitted softly. "But… I don't like seeing you down. You're… you're really nice, and you don't deserve to be treated like that."
I blinked at her, taken aback by her genuine concern. I couldn't remember the last time someone had defended me, particularly not someone who belonged to Valerie's crew.
"Thanks, Kimmy. It's nothing I can't handle." My old nickname for her easily slipping out before I could stop it.
She bit her lip, looking uncertain. "Maybe you should talk to someone? Like a teacher or a counselor? I know they can be annoying, but… it might help?" Her voice trailed off, her brow furrowed with worry.
I considered it. In my mind, the idea of dragging an adult into this mess felt like admitting defeat. I didn't want to be seen as weak or incapable of handling my own problems. And if asked for an adult's help. My parents would eventually be called into the matter. I definitely didn't want them involved in anything that concerns me.
But Kimberly's earnest eyes gave me pause.
"I'll think about it," I promised. "But let's be real. This is high school. Petty teenage Drama is just part of the package."
Kimberly's expression shifted. "It shouldn't be, though."
She took a step closer, and I caught a hint of her floral perfume. One only she used. "You shouldn't have to deal with it alone."
"Thanks, Kimmy." I didn't know what else to say, so I shifted awkwardly, the moment unsettling but oddly comforting at the same time.
"If you ever need to talk or ….I don't know, maybe doodle together during lunch or something…. let me know," she said, her shyness reappearing.
"Sure." It was a small offer, but it felt like a tentative lifeline. Unlikely as it was, maybe I could find an ally here, someone who didn't see me as just a target.
The bell rang, jolting us both. "We should probably head back," she said, glancing toward the entrance.
I shrugged, repressing the knot that coiled in my stomach at the thought of facing Valerie again. "I'll see you in class?"
"Yup," I said, almost relieved at the prospect of being around Kim, if only for a little while.
We walked back inside together, and I could feel a faint flicker of hope starting. It was kinda good having my best friend with me again.
God, part of me wanted to hug her. The other part remembered how fast she ditched me the first time.
The rest of the day blurred. English. Science. More teachers reminding me I wasn't Daniel. More whispers. More eyes.
By the time the final bell rang, I felt hollow.
Walking back to the Jeep, I wondered if anyone would notice if I never came back tomorrow. Or the day after.
The silence in the car was too heavy. I turned the music up until it rattled the mirrors. Evanescence again. Amy Lee's voice cutting through everything.
"How can you see into my eyes, like open doors?"
I turned up the volume letting Amy drown out my thoughts. Silence is hell.