Dudley's words were so shocking they could've stopped a Hippogriff in its tracks.
Even Snape's eyes widened. I was just giving Gryffindor a good tongue-lashing, and you've gone and dragged the other three houses into it?
Dumbledore, however, seemed intrigued. "Please, do enlighten us."
Instead of answering directly, Dudley posed a question of his own. "I've been at Hogwarts for a few months now, and I've come to understand a little bit about each of the four houses. For instance: Gryffindor is brave, Ravenclaw is wise, Hufflepuff is loyal, and Slytherin is ambitious."
"Of course, there's also the... less flattering view. That Gryffindors are nothing but reckless troublemakers, Ravenclaws are all boring know-it-alls, Hufflepuffs are a cowardly and worthless bunch, and Slytherins are simply evil."
"Professor Dumbledore, is that how you see them, too?"
Dudley laid out both the good and the bad in one breath.
"And is it not?" Dumbledore countered, a deeper glimmer of interest in his eyes. He seemed to know exactly where Dudley was headed with this.
"Of course not," Dudley said, shaking his head with firm conviction. "There's a problem here, a very big problem."
There are failures in Gryffindor who betray their friends for their own gain, just as there are brave and just wizards in Slytherin who stand against the tyranny of Voldemort.
People are complex creatures, far more than the simple traits of the four founders. Their personalities change over time, too. A timid child might grow up to be a brave adult. To sort young witches and wizards based on just four personality types is unscientific, even for magic. It simply isn't rigorous enough, unless wizards are meant to be separate from the very concept of humanity.
It's neither scientific nor particularly magical.
This is why, after graduating, some witches and wizards feel utterly out of place in their former houses.
"First, let's talk about the allocation. You, for instance, Professor Dumbledore, if I'm not mistaken, were a Gryffindor. But I've never seen a shred of Gryffindor recklessness in you. Based on your personal history, I'd say you're more suited to the wisdom of Ravenclaw."
Dudley then recounted a brief history of Dumbledore's life, mentioning his knowledge of multiple non-human languages, including Mermish and Gobbledegook, his incredible talent and achievements in Alchemy, his many collaborations with the great alchemist Nicolas Flamel, his discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and, of course, his defeat of the 19th century's greatest dark wizard, Gellert Grindelwald.
Dudley even left out a few details. In his own opinion, Dumbledore was a combination of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. In his younger days, Dumbledore was driven by a great ambition when he and Grindelwald first came together. He had both the ambition and the power, and if not for the tragic accident involving his sister, the entire wizarding world might have been completely changed.
It might have been for the better, or for the worse.
But one thing's for sure: the wizarding world would not have had its greatest White Wizard.
"I agree completely," Snape sneered, not holding back an ounce of mockery. "Perhaps his brain mutated in some bizarre way?"
Dumbledore, as usual, ignored Snape and simply winked at Dudley. "But I'm not a dreary know-it-all, am I?"
Dudley suddenly asked, "The Sorting Hat, I imagine you have that here, Professor Dumbledore?"
The moment he spoke, the Sorting Hat's distinctive voice echoed through the Headmaster's office. "Hey, you cheeky little fellow, who are you calling 'that thing'? I am not a 'thing,' I am the great magical hat, and there is only one of me in the entire world."
Dudley followed its lead. "Right then, not-a-thing Mr. Sorting Hat."
"...I feel like you're insulting me."
Dudley didn't bother to respond but instead asked, "If I'm not mistaken, when I put you on, you said that in most cases, you sort students based on their character, right?"
"That's right," the Sorting Hat admitted readily, with a proud tone. "I follow what the young witch or wizard's heart desires."
"Then am I to assume that the Sorting Hat's decisions aren't really all that accurate?"
"Now, that's a very rude thing to say!"
It was only a complaint, not a real rebuttal, which meant Dudley's point was valid.
"If it's not accurate, then there's no need to have four houses. It's just a foolish system."
This is where the historical context of the four founders creating Hogwarts comes into play. It was an era when witches and wizards were hunted. They built Hogwarts as a sanctuary to protect the magical bloodline and pass on the knowledge of magic.
But that was a thousand years ago. The once-shelter is now the biggest and best school in magical Europe. After so many years, Hogwarts shouldn't just be about passing on magic and preserving the bloodline.
To put it nicely, it's preserving culture. To put it less nicely, it's a refusal to progress.
Now, without that pressing need, splitting the school into four houses seems inappropriate and unnecessary. Even if it must be divided, it shouldn't be based on personality or traits.
Disciplines can be sorted, but personalities cannot. That's the basis of being a person and of learning.
"But the four houses have their own purpose. Maybe a witch or wizard will come along who inherits the spirit of those four great founders," Dumbledore said.
The words Dudley used, and his insight into human nature, made Dumbledore stop treating him like a mere child.
And as for Snape? He'd been teaching the boy for months and had already come to this conclusion. He treated Dudley as if he were a seventh-year Lily, though this was only true for potions. Why a seventh-year Lily? Because that was as far as his memory of Lily went.
"But how many young witches and wizards can truly inherit the spirits of the four founders? Most simply want to live a peaceful life."
"I don't know if you've noticed, but the atmosphere at Hogwarts is terrible, absolutely terrible... especially between the houses."
Dudley believed the four-house system has far more disadvantages than advantages. First and foremost, the sorting itself creates a rivalry between the houses.
"For example, Gryffindor and Slytherin," Dudley said, citing a classic example.
"Those two are clearly enemies, and that's the main reason this whole incident came to a head. If I were a Gryffindor and not a Slytherin, Hermione, who's quite close with me, would have only been isolated for her personality, not actively bullied."
People only remember that Gryffindor and Slytherin parted ways over a difference in ideals, but who still remembers that Godric and Salazar were once the best of friends, sharing their lives together?
The Sorting Hat claims Slytherin is a cesspool, but aren't Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw the same in their own ways?
"And then there's Hufflepuff..."
How many young witches and wizards who arrive at Hogwarts secretly dread being sorted into that house?
From what Dudley heard from many students before the sorting ceremony, they did not want to go to that house.
Many even equated Hufflepuff with mediocrity, stamping anyone who joined with the label of a 'waste of magic.'
In the Hogwarts hierarchy, Hufflepuff is at the very bottom.
But do young witches and wizards start out with this prejudice and contempt?
"No, they don't. It's something that happens after they're sorted..."
"Cedric Diggory, a third-year Hufflepuff, is the most outstanding wizard in his year, as far as I know."