Celine's chest heaved. She gasped for air, flapping her arms and kicking her legs weakly.
Lucian loosened his hold a bit, quickly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand before smiling at her, "Good morning, My Lady."
"...hah..." Celine struggled to breathe, trying to push her face away from Lucian, "...hah…"
She got away from him and rolled onto her side, coughing violently. She retched, her eyes wide and terrified, but nothing came out of her mouth. She clutched her heart, nails scraping the skin, and Lucian had to pry her fingers away.
"No, no. Stop hurting yourself," he held her wrists firmly.
He could feel her pulse beating erratically under his touch. She wasn't thinking straight. Her eyes were unfocused, darting around frantically. When she recognized him, tears began to stream down her cheeks.
"Shhh. You're safe. You're fine, you're safe," Lucian stroked her back soothingly.
"I...I was dead," she stammered, "I was dead."
"What are you talking about? You are alive. See? Alive. Breathing."
"I was dead! I know! I-I," she began to look around her body again.
Lucian held her closer, trying to calm her down. "It was just a nightmare," he patted her back, "Just a nightmare. It's alright. It's alright. It's alright."
"Where's Edmund?"
"I don't know. He left you in my care and then went away to deal with the mess."
Celine's breathing gradually slowed as she calmed down. Cold sweat clung to her skin, and her eyes still had a glazed look to them, turning distant every now and then. But at least she wasn't panicking anymore.
He rubbed her hands and blew on them, trying to warm her up. She didn't seem to feel it, though. She didn't seem to feel anything, her mind still trapped in the nightmare.
He offered her water, but she didn't respond. He tried to feed her something, but she wouldn't eat. She just stared at him with a blank expression.
Lucian offered his back, "Come, we need to hide from the Royal Army."
Celine hesitated at first, but eventually, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He lifted her up onto his back and started walking.
Lucian picked up her spear he hid earlier and carried her deeper into the forest.
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The eerie shadows and trees loomed above them, making the forest look like a giant creature that could swallow them at any second.
Rain started to fall, a cold drizzle that chilled them to their bones, and the wind picked up.
Lucian spotted a hollow of a tree that was big enough for them to hide in, and picked up his tempo to reach it.
They huddled inside the small space.
Lucian wrapped his arms and legs around Celine to keep her warm. His hands slipped under her shirt to create some friction on her back.
Celine didn't seem to appreciate it and immediately pushed him away. She distanced herself as much as the tree trunk allowed her and lifted her knees to her chest. Her fingers dug into her elbows, "It's not proper to touch a Lady in such a manner."
Lucian blinked in confusion at the rejection. Why did she care about being proper after all they had been through?
'Is this Celine even real?'
His Celine would never reject his advances, and she would be more than happy to touch his body. She would never refuse an opportunity to feel his warmth.
He didn't want to push it and reached out his hand instead, offering it to her, "Hold my hand. You will feel better."
Celine's fingers dug deeper into her elbows, not moving to take his hand, "I remember you asking for my hand in marriage in that nightmare as well. I want to return to it."
Lucian remained silent for a few seconds before responding, "But I don't."
He put his hand down and positioned himself at the entrance of the hollow, finding other ways to keep her warm, "We will take turns to sleep and keep watch. I'll take the first shift."
Tears pooled in his eyes as he kept his back turned to Celine.
She hid her face in her knees, "I finally understand your loyalty to your little wife in your heart. I want to stay loyal to my little husband from my dreams too."
A vein appeared on Lucian's forehead in disbelief, "Is marriage an ultimate proof of love to you? Do you need me to marry you to love you? Is our love so weak?"
"You don't even want to be seen with me in public. How am I supposed to take it as a sign of commitment?"
"We have just survived a massacre, Celine. We are being hunted by the Crown. Can't we talk about marriage later?"
"Excuses. You have always wanted to marry me later. Later, later, later," she repeated the word as if it had a bitter taste, "It's always later with you. But later, I might be dead, or you might be dead, and it would be too late to talk about it. I want to have a family with you before it's too late. Before the next disaster strikes. Before one of us is gone."
She always lived as if it was her last day. That's why she always went to the extremes to get what she wanted.
"If you use your family's connections to marry me," Lucian started, not bothering to look over his shoulder, "Then you better be prepared to marry into my grave, because I would rather die than live with no will of my own."
"Why are you talking like I want to control you?" Celine's tone was filled with despair, as if she couldn't understand why Lucian thought of her as his jailor. "I'm not trying to turn you into my pet, Lucian. If it's my reputation, I will improve it. Every single man in the world will be jealous of you, not pity you. Nobody will dare to talk bad of me or you, so we can walk in the streets together with our heads held high."
She was becoming more persistent and desperate to convince him, as if she could die at any moment and this was her last chance to change his mind.
"Is that love or your pride talking?" he asked.
"Do you really want to compare my pride with yours?" Celine asked in disbelief that he dared to call her prideful when he was the one putting his pride before her, "If you loved me, you would have already married me!"
"If you loved me, you would have been satisfied with what we have!" Lucian yelled back at her, "If you really loved me, if you really loved me..." He repeated, his voice choking up, "Then why are you so eager to die?! Do you know how scared I am of losing you?! Do you want to marry so you can die in peace?! Do you want to die as my wife?! Is that it?!"
Celine backed away, her back touching the tree, "...I..."
"Just stay by my side until I find a way to keep both of us alive!" Lucian slammed his fist against the tree, making it crack, his breath coming out in ragged gasps, "You are all I have! Why is it so hard for you to understand that you're my whole damn world?! You are not just someone to marry, to me, you are everything! I care about the future and I will make sure you will be in it with me, so stop rushing into it like you can't wait for it to end!"
Her lips trembled as she tried to speak, but the words didn't come out. Her blue eyes looked like a child who just found out that they had done something wrong, and they didn't know how to fix it.
Lucian wiped his face with his hand, groaning in frustration.
He blamed her again when she had already made a lot of compromises for him, and yet he kept asking her to do even more.
He had no idea where all the anger and desperation were coming from.
All he knew was that he couldn't let her go. He kept giving her false hope instead of letting her find someone better for herself.
He was too selfish to do the right thing. It was a never ending cycle of blame and guilt, and it was killing both of them. Slowly and painfully, it was tearing them apart.