I had just seen Autumn and Carter in their backyard. It was the night after I brought Eleanor back to life and returned her to the living world. Well, I made the trade, but it was the dark hooded Entity that actually gave my life to her.
The Entity, or Being as I came to call it, was the one who pulled the strings. Jon, the creature before me, had told me of my chance to escape the monster I had become. It would be a way to return to my life and family. I would have been free. However, I gave all that up to save Eleanor from her death. I felt responsible since it was Phineas, one of the three immortals, who killed her. The three immortals had come for me, and my adopted family got caught in the crossfire. They found out about the Wicklow gypsies somehow, and that linked them to the Chasses, and in turn Eleanor's demise.
So, I made the trade. Now, I was the monster… period. It was the only thing that kept me alive. If I didn't have the beast inside, then I'd pass on. Yet, I found myself not wanting the death I craved for so long. I wanted life more now than I wanted death before. I had a new hope in my future after the Chasses knew the truth and wanted me around. My "Plan B," finding a way to die, had fallen to the wayside, and I wanted to stick around.
After leaving Carter and Autumn in their backyard, I met up with Martin in his bar. This was the first time I had gone to the vampire on my own. After everything that had happened, I knew he'd help me with what I wanted.
I made my way to that part of town about an hour after I left Autumn and Carter. I went straight from their house to Martin's Bar. To my surprise, the bar was lively. People were walking in and out, the neon signs were lit up and glaring across the darkened parking lot that was littered with vehicles. The me from a few months ago would cringe at the thought of tempting the monster with so much life. But I had been tempered in the last few months, and I could be around people a tad more easily.
I walked into the structure for only the second time in my life, blending in with some young college-age kids who looked like they were already having too good of a time. Then, as I came inside the large room that rumbled with loud voices that were drowned out by the music, I could smell something familiar. Concentrations of blood swirled the atmosphere of the building as far as my senses could reach. It was vampires. I glanced around the room, but I couldn't tell who they were. There were so many people packed in the small building that the scent of the blood combination was blurred by the humans. It was almost like a camouflage… hiding in plain sight.
I made my way through the expanse of tables and chairs to the bar, keeping my eyes out for any vampires that needed killing. I couldn't understand how there were vampires and humans in the same confined spaces so close together. Why did Martin allow this?
Behind the bar was a woman with very long hair that was obviously dyed red. It was too red to be natural. Her arms and back were covered in tattoos. The only skin showing that wasn't inked over was her neck and chest, which was revealed in a very low-cut tank top. Then, once I stood in front of her, I knew what she was. She had a posture and a look that drew people in, especially the young frat boys who wandered into this place. She was a vampire. The smell of many others came from behind the bar, right out from her. The sea of people behind me cloaked the patrons in a massive cloud of conjoined scents, but she was far enough from the crowd by herself to stick out. The concentration of her blood was an extreme that I hadn't experienced before. Standing in front of her felt like I was in front of a horde of human beings.
I knew what she was, but she had no idea what stood before her.
"You gonna order something, or just stand there staring?" she asked.
"No," I replied. "I'm looking for Martin. Is he back there?" I asked, secretly plotting to kill this murderous bitch. How many humans had she killed to get her blood level so concentrated?
The girl looked surprised that I knew Martin, even more, that I knew he'd be behind his massive door that kept him hidden from the world.
"And how do you know Martin?" she challenged. She seemed like she was protecting him.
"We have mutual friends."
She looked hesitant for a moment, judging the size and musculature of my human form, but then sighed, "Well, it's your funeral."
She thought I was human; she could sense nothing about me that led her to the supernatural like her, so she did not worry about her boss. She picked up a little phone that was lying flat on the counter behind her. I heard through the chaos that littered the air, only one ring sounded through the speaker.
"What's your name, guy?" she asked with no real care, staring daggers into me with her green eyes.
"Just tell him, Sam's here," I told the red-haired vampire.
She didn't say anything else and didn't really seem to care either way.
"Hey," Martin's voice reverberated through the little phone.
"Hey," she greeted quickly, turning away from me as she spoke. "Someone's asking for you."
"Who is it?" Martin asked.
"He said his name was Sam," she told him.
There was only a pause for a second, and then the phone hung up. She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at the screen. She raised her eyebrows, curious why her boss had acted the way he did at the sound of my name.
Then, the large metal door squealed from behind the kitchen corridor that hid the secret living quarters of the old vampire. As Martin passed by the small food window that connected the kitchen and bar, he glanced at the bartending vampire, and then right at me. His eyes went wide, and his steps almost stuttered. It was enough of a reaction to my presence that made the bartender notice. She was curious about Martin's response to me.
Martin pushed through the double doors and into the large bar area. His medium build and dark skin could have passed as the average, middle-aged bar owner. But I knew his secret. He was a vampire hiding in plain sight. Though he controlled himself, unlike most that I had met. At least, that was the story so far.
He looked at the vampire, "Thank you, Alex."
Alex, the red-haired vampire, nodded to him, eyeing me more carefully now.
"Sam," Martin said. He didn't know what to say and was probably still unsure about my status. He probably never thought he'd see me again after the violent encounter with Phineas and Mercy, let alone Eleanor coming back from the dead. On that note, I was still unsure what they all knew. Carter had said her memory was spotty.
Martin glanced around at all of the humans and vampires. "Why are you here?"
"I actually wanted to see if I could get your help," I honestly spoke.
His eyes looked hesitant, but willing to hear me out. He motioned towards a table just a few feet away from the bar. Nobody was sitting there since it was right beside the kitchen door, which would swing open and smack the side of the table every time Alex passed through to get something from the back.
I sat calmly, and he followed. I glanced over to Alex, who eyed us intently as she pretended to focus on cleaning used glasses and pitchers.
"I have a lot of questions for you, Sam," the old dark dark-haired vampire said.
"I'm sure you do. However, I only have one for you," I took control of the conversation. I didn't want to get into any of his questions with the eavesdropping ears behind the bar.
"What do you want from me?" Martin asked inquisitively.
"I need a place to stay. I'm not living in that abandoned factory anymore. That time is over. I want somewhere that I can actually relax, not hide from the world."
"Okay…" he had a million things running through his mind. "Have you spoken to Carter?" he whispered to not let Alex hear through the humming voices and music.
"Yes. I just came from there."
"And?" he wanted more.
"We're on the same page, but our relationship is…" I tried to put it into words. "They have a lot of questions too, but I don't have the answers they're looking for. They know I'm something, like you, but they don't know anything about me." I added, "He knows I only want to protect them like you, but in my own way."
"So, they want you around…" he pondered on the thought, lightly tapping his finger on the table.
"Yep, so if I'm going to stick around, I want somewhere to live where animals and bugs don't have free roam. I figured you might be able to help me out there," I honestly spoke. "I'm supposed to be dead. I can't just put in an application at an apartment complex."
He smirked as he nodded, "Pretty difficult to get something like that set up for someone like us. Not without jumping through many logistical hoops." Martin laughed and glanced with a smirk towards Alex for some reason. "I think I have an idea." He led me back into the depths of his hideout within the bar.
Alex, the bartender, eyed us as we disappeared into the back. She was curious.
Martin told me of a place he had used as a kind of safe house in the past. He had it for times that he needed to stay off the grid, when he thought he was being hunted by other creatures of the night.
As I was leaving the bar, I asked Martin, "Why are there vampires and humans inside this place. Aren't you just letting them become a free meal to these vampires?"
Martin almost looked insulted, "Do you think I would protect the Chasse family as fiercely as I do, and then condone the hunting and killing of humans out of my very own business?"
I probably looked dumbfounded, "I don't know… You tell me? That girl, Alex, she's a vampire, and she looks like she's just waiting on one of these dumb college guys to fall all over her so she can suck the life out of them." I showed no mercy in my words.
Martin sighed, but then softened his stance on the subject. "I guess it does look that way when you don't know anything about this place. So, let me educate you. This place is a middle ground for humans and vampires. The humans don't know what is going on, but every vampire that sets foot in here knows that they cannot kill anyone in this place. They are mostly younger and much weaker than I or Alex. If I find out that one of my kind has hunted someone from here and killed them somewhere else, I will deal with them."
"What about her?" I asked about Alex.
"She's different… like me. She doesn't feed on humans; she never has. She's had a very dark past, and I offered her a place here. She helps me run this bar and keep order when things get out of hand. She's a very special kind of vampire."
"How so?" I asked, very intrigued.
"She is what we call an Anthropophagus. She's as strong as she is rare. It's a type of vampire that only feeds on other vampires. It can only happen when a newborn never tastes the blood of a human, and only drinks the concentrated blood of vampires. If she drank from a human at any point in the first few years of her life, she would have lost that strength. It can never be regained once it has been lost," Martin explained.
"How does that happen when you're that new? Aren't newer vampires weaker than older ones?" I asked.
"Yes. Older vampires gain strength with age as the blood concentration intensifies. I still don't know everything about what happened to her, but she was found by other newborn vampires. From what I know of her story, they did unspeakable things to her. Then they turned her so she could never escape the pain of this life. I think they thought they could keep her around as some kind of toy."
"I didn't know vampires were that fucking deranged. I thought all they wanted was blood?" I was shocked by what Martin told me.
"These were newly created, very newly created vampires that didn't know how to manage their emotions and urges that are so potently charged at the beginning of this second life. They were on the loose and thought they were invincible. When she awoke after being reborn as a vampire, her anger and rage against them were too strong for them to fight against. She killed and drank them all until there was nothing left. She hates vampires. If she ever knows of one that breaks our rules, I usually don't have to do a thing. She'll hunt them on her own. She's always looking for one she can lure in to kill. She doesn't feed as often as a normal vampire, but she still has the need. The intensity of vampire blood sustains her for much longer."
Strange… I never read about vampires like her in the bestiaries. I was curious just how strong she was. I made a note of that in my mind.
After Martin gave me the keys to the hideout, I left the buzz of the nightlife behind. Alex and Martin eyed me intently from behind the bar as I left their establishment. I knew he'd tell her what he did know about me. I'm sure, now that my secret was out with the Chasses, that he'd tell his trusted companion about me if only to protect her. They seemed close. I wondered if Carter or any of the Chasses knew about her.
I made my way to Martin's safe house. It sat in the densely grown trees directly west of St. Louis. I left the city on my recovered motorcycle and headed west on 44 out of town. I didn't turn off until I hit the exit for Allenton Road. Down in those trees was my new home… for now. In a little piece of land just off the small road was where I stopped. It was very well hidden in a thickly covered plot of land. No driveway branched off from the main road, just two tire tracks that carved into the dirt. Only the occasional driver turned around here because they had gone too far down the wrong path. The small house was totally blacked out. No lights were on, and the trees and brush had grown over the place so extensively that I was starting to have flashbacks of the abandoned factory where I used to live.
"Thanks a lot, Martin," I huffed as I examined the new dump that I'd call home. "You have got to be kidding me."
I sighed and just walked to the front door, catching a vine or some kind of plant to the face as I pushed through the growth. I came onto the porch and felt the surprising sturdiness beneath me. Then, I placed the key in the deadbolt and turned over the locking mechanism. When I opened the door and entered the front room, I was astonished. The whole place on the inside was insanely modern and clean compared to how the outside appeared. I shut the door quickly as if I had left it open too long, someone might see how nice this dump was on the inside.
I found the light switch and flipped it on, only to reveal how much nicer it was. This place was a very well-kept secret out in the shadows of the forest. I paced every room of the small house. It felt more like a small apartment than a home. The kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, and the little closet with a washer and dryer looked like it was built for only one person. That person is probably Martin.
I wondered if the Chasses made it through their company, CWT Construction. It had a similar style to the things I saw built in my short time working for them. That was when I was pretending to be the unsuspecting human employee by day, and the monster hunter by night. All while hiding the truth from them, that I was a merciless killer of killers. A monster of unknown origin and power.
I sat on the living room couch and felt a sudden calm wash over me. I felt relaxed. For the first time since all of the chaos of my secret being exposed, I felt like I could just sit still. I closed my eyes and decided to go to sleep. I didn't need to sleep anymore, but it was nice to escape the world for a while.
This was the start of my absence from the Chasse family. I wanted to go to them so bad. I wanted to see Autumn again, to figure out our relationship now that the cat was out of the bag. She said things would be different, and she didn't know if they'd ever be like they were, but she and Carter both wanted me around. They didn't want me to leave. So, I stayed away, but close enough if they needed me, or just called to have me come over.
I wanted to see Eleanor badly, as well. I felt something strange about it all. I wanted to give Eleanor space after everything that happened, but I worried that it wouldn't stick. I needed to make sure that the deal I made was real, and nothing would slowly happen to her as time went on, with her living off of my life force. I had also heard that she didn't remember everything about what happened in the fields, the place between places. That is where my "maker" maintained his control… power balance, or whatever the hell they meant.
I knew what Jon had told me, but I also knew that he was waiting for me to be ready to fully take the mantle of the monster from him. A part of me began to think everything that had happened was just a ploy for me to take over as this ruthless killing machine. He told me that the Being would offer me a way out, and then Eleanor just so happened to get killed. I started to think that it was all made to happen that way. Jon said that our maker could manipulate things to occur on Earth from the fields, so maybe he made that happen. Maybe they even knew I'd make the trade and stay as the beast when confronted with Eleanor's death. There were a lot of questions that came up after everything that happened, once the dust had settled. I wondered who the Being, Entity, or person was… if he was a person. Maybe I was just being played…
The witch, Mucia, also known as Mercy Lewis, could do all manner of strange and formidable things with her power. I started to wonder if this Being was just some other kind of witch or something like it. In any case, I was stuck now. I was the monster; I killed and fed off the deaths of others. That was the only thing that satisfied the beast within me. As soon as I killed, I could feel the need fade. But when I was given a name and a vision by the one in the fields, it was my only goal in life. I had to find the person he sent me for. I had to transform into the unstoppable monster I had been made into, and I had to kill them without hesitation.
I waited those few weeks for the Chasses to call, but also for Him to call. If I received a vision and a name, I would be up and moving as soon as it had passed. So as much as I wanted to be with the Chasses, I also had to be ready to leave at a moment's notice. I hoped I'd get a vision because if I didn't, I knew I'd have to hunt my own prey. It wasn't a problem; I just knew if I had a target, I would satisfy the beast in a way that was far more powerful than my own hunting.
Yet, as time passed, I realized that the visions were not coming as soon as I'd hoped. So, I took many trips into the city to hunt for possibilities, just as I used to. It took a few days, but I was able to find a corner of the town that had been frequented by a particular drug dealer. I felt all nostalgic like I was going back to my roots. Drug dealers and criminals weren't on my radar for a while now, but when times get tough, I guess you have to make do. I only watched him for a few days before I came for him. This man looked rough, like he lived a hard life. He had blonde hair that looked coarse and dirty. A few tattoos lingered on his knuckles and neck. He was the epitome of a drug dealer. I had heard things about shootings and disappearances in that part of town, and sure enough, it was him. Drugs were the initial starting conversation, and then things got a little more twisted. He wasn't just a drug dealer.
One night, I trailed him through the city. A storm was brewing; lightning traced across the sky, and the wind had picked up pretty drastically. Every few moments as I shadowed the movements of this creep, a flash of electricity would bounce back and forth between clouds. As the light flickered and streaked overhead, my figure was revealed to the world for a fraction of a second while I paced and stalked the rooftops.
Eventually, I witnessed a drug deal that took a strange turn. The transaction was made with a man who looked like the typical suburban dad. He had a beer belly that was covered with a stretched blue polo, tightly tucked into his khaki cargo shorts. His flipflops really made him look like a stupid asshole in the middle of this part of town. He looked too leisurely and calm to be on this side of town, buying drugs like he was at the farmers market.
Money was exchanged for some kind of mind-altering substance, but then another conversation started. The drug dealer I had been following had something else to offer. The man followed the drug dealer behind a building to a pocket that the surrounding buildings hid from street view. There was a van parked back there. Only one other person was there, standing guard in the silent area around the large vehicle that was tucked away out of sight. I could see it fine from the aerial view I had atop the building. The dealer walked past the larger guard and slid open the side door to show multiple people bound and gagged in the back of the van. Boys, girls, teens, and adults were a variety of people in the van against their will. The other man, the quiet and massive mound of muscle that was on guard, held the guns on them one by one as he pulled them in and out of the large vehicular prison. They were showing the wares they had to offer the man. The things they were selling were… people. They had been kidnapped, for God only knows how long, and were being forced into some kind of trafficking ring. The suburban dad actually pulled more money out of his wallet feverishly, like he couldn't pay them quickly enough. He knew what he was doing out there, and he had been there before. He picked a girl out individually, like he had been with her before. He was just as bad as the others there.
Rage boiled in me so fast that I didn't even think before I reacted. I dropped like a rock from that building's edge, smashing into the pavement so hard that it got all three of the men's attention. I ran in human form straight at them. The large one with the gun got off only one shot as I ran at them like a wild animal.
I didn't transform since there were innocent people present. I had to keep my identity a secret as well as the monster's existence. I couldn't have more immortals sent from the pits beneath the city for me. The ancient elders down there thought that I had been taken care of. So, I charged as a human to end these people. The shot rang out and hit me in the cheek as I ran. Blood erupted from my face as the bullet glanced off my hardened skull and ricocheted down an alley.
I never stopped. I hit the one with the gun first, caving in the side of his skull and sending him flying away from the van. Before the dealer could recover from the shock of the gunfire right beside his head, I pulled my silver blade from behind my back. I stuck it up through his bottom jaw and into his skull from below. The fat belly under the blue shirt bounced away as the goofy-looking guy fled in his flip-flops. He only got a few steps away before I moved like a wraith to his side and kicked his right knee. He screamed in agony as his leg folded over on itself, bringing him to the pavement in a flat thud. He screamed as he held his leg, still scooting away with his remaining three limbs. I couldn't have that. I stepped over to him and stomped his left hand flat, turning his bones to dust.
I slowly walked back to the van where the drug dealer lay motionless just outside the door, with my blade still wedged up through the palette of his mouth and into his brain. I pulled it from his grey matter and used his dusty jacket to wipe the blood from the knife. I also picked up the gun that lay only a few feet from where the first guy was standing when he still had a skull that held its form.
With the two dead and the fat man disabled, I calmly walked to the van filled with terrified eyes. They watched me as I slew the men who took advantage of them. They saw me kill their captors, but they didn't know what I intended for them. I walked up to the entrance of the open van and calmly reached out for the closest one's hand. All the rest wedged themselves in the furthest corners of the vehicle as they could. They were scared of me. The one that didn't move looked frozen in fear.
As I stood in the open door's frame, I reached up and pulled the cloth gag out from the girl's mouth.
"Please!" she begged. "Please don't hurt us… We won't tell anyone!" She was scared and crying.
I never said a word to them. I just reached up to her hands and pulled her rope bindings towards me. She slowly eased forward as I pulled, too scared to stop me. I put my silver blade against the fibers of the bindings and sliced right through them. As soon as she realized she was free, I stepped to the side and let her out, guiding her out of the van with my right hand. Once she was standing beside me, I looked back at the others and held out my hand. One by one, they all slid forward, and I cut them free.
"What do we do?" one of the older women asked me.
I turned and paced over to the drug dealer, who I knew had a phone. I saw him use it multiple times and put it back in the same pocket of his jeans since I had been following him. Just as soon as I reached into his pocket, I pulled it out, dialed 911, and handed it to a teenage boy I cut free. Then I grabbed the gun by the barrel and gave it to one of the other girls standing right beside the boy with the phone. Her hand shook nervously as she reached for the gun, still scared of the demon that came from the shadows, even though I saved them. They saw what I did and how I moved in human form. They saw me take a bullet in the face and keep on moving. They also noticed that the facial wound had already healed and was completely gone.
As the police dispatcher answered the emergency call, the girl was armed with her pistol, and I backed away into the shadows. I faced them the whole way out of the scene, watching them watching me.
"You never saw me… You heard them scream, and you heard something kill them." Then I looked at the last of the three men lying out across the pavement with his two shattered limbs. "All of them," was all I said before disappearing into the shadows.
It was only moments before I heard a loud shot rip out across the night. The bullet found its way inside Mr. Suburbia. Then, not shockingly, the girl emptied the rest of the clip into him in an emotional fury. She then started crying. They all did.
I waited that night for the police to arrive. It took a while since none of these poor souls knew exactly where they were, but they were found. Once the authorities had them taken care of, I vanished from the area. I faded away under the cover of the encroaching storm, yet surprisingly, as soon as I saved them, it seemed like the winds died down, and the lightning had vanished. It was calm in the city, and the monster was quiet under the surface. Almost like the storm mirrored what was going on inside of me.
My first visit with the Chasses was about four weeks after I had seen them. Only a week had passed since I killed those two human traffickers and the one man looking to buy. My adoptive family had gotten wind of what had happened and had their suspicions that it was me. Eleanor was feeling better and, after seeing the story on the news, asked Carter to give me a call. I chomped at the bit to get back to them, excited to return to the way it had been before. Yet, I could quickly tell that things weren't the same. I felt different after I made the deal to save Eleanor's life. I still felt like myself, but there was something different. Something I couldn't put my finger on, but anytime I got close to returning to the Chasses, the feeling returned to my mind.
As soon as I entered their massive, old family home, I saw Eleanor and Carter waiting in the living room. They were exactly as I remembered. Carter was subtly strong and honed after years of fighting supernatural creatures. His dirty blonde hair and blue eyes carefully studied me as I entered their home. Eleanor was an older version of Autumn, dark brown hair bordering on black fell around her face, and her deep brown eyes widened at the sight of me. Eleanor jumped up as I entered the house. She ran to me quickly and threw her arms around me.
"Sam… I'm so glad you came," she said.
When I hugged her, I felt something weird. It wasn't the monster… it was me. Just looking at her and talking with her made me feel something unexpected. Something about her seemed odd as well.
"I'm glad I'm here too," I forced out. I was analyzing myself so hard to figure out what was happening in my mind.
"I'm sorry we haven't had you over sooner. We've just wanted El to adjust a little more before seeing you," Carter explained.
"I still don't remember everything about what happened," Eleanor said. "I wanted to talk to you, if you were open to that."
"Annabelle has offered to open her mind up to relive the experience, but we're not sure if we want to do that. She might be repressing those memories for a reason," it was a statement from Carter that was actually geared more like a question.
"You want me to tell you what happened?" I knew what they wanted, and just the thought of it brought up an emotional response in me. I felt something strong building in me, and I didn't want to talk about it.
"Yes," Eleanor jumped at the question, hopeful.
"I…" I shook my head with apprehension. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't explain it, but standing in front of them made me feel like I was back there in the fields giving my life away again.
Just looking at Eleanor started making me angry. Not my monster side, but my human side. I knew what it was now. Just seeing Eleanor, walking around, breathing, talking, living her life… it made me jealous. She was walking around with my life. My life had been taken from me at many steps of my existence: that night in the woods back in Dallas, the first time I left my family, the second time when I learned of Caydee… my daughter, the third time when the Chasses found out my secret and changed everything I had, and then the last time when I handed my life over to the Being to give to Eleanor.
I knew, in the back of my mind, that I was the one who decided to do it, but I still felt manipulated by Jon and the Entity. I realized that I was putting all of my anger and frustrations into Eleanor. I wanted to stop… but I was too angry. I couldn't figure out what else to do with it. Something was happening inside of me, and I couldn't stop it. Then I felt a switch in my mind flip.
"I can't do that," I said coldly with no emotion.
Eleanor was shocked. Her eyes were wide with concern that they had offended me, but also disappointed that I refused. She was stuck in a kind of fog of her own that she hadn't been able to escape since she came back. A part of me, the good part, wanted to help her, but the angry part didn't give a shit what anybody wanted, and I wasn't going to help anyone but myself… at all. I had given enough in my life.
"She can't sleep," Carter said sullenly, trying to convince me. "She hasn't been able to escape those thoughts of that day. It's like she's stuck there… in that place." Then he started telling more than Eleanor wanted to reveal, "Some days, all she does is sit out on the back patio and stare at the woods. It's like she's still there… waiting for you to bring her back again." He was interrupted by Eleanor.
"Carter, that's enough!" Eleanor barked at her husband. "If he's not ready to tell us, then we won't push."
Just then, Autumn came down from the second floor. Her eyes were wide with excitement at my arrival. She tried to maintain her emotions since she wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel about someone like me, but I could tell she was eager to see me again. Still, she quickly reigned in her distinct emotions since it was only the first time that we had seen each other after we were all on the same page. She could also sense the tone of the room.
"Hey," Autumn said to me like she always did. She was beautiful. Her long hair was tied back in a braid that hung over her left shoulder. Her scent wafted over to me and filled my lungs. I wanted to move in on her the moment I saw her, but I knew we weren't in the same place as we once were.
"Hey," I responded, a little too much edge in my voice from the anger towards Eleanor and Carter.
I really fought the feelings, but they just flooded me as I looked at her. She had my life.
"What's going on?" Autumn asked, aware that something was off.
Eleanor answered earnestly, "It's nothing, sweety. It's just going to take a little more time."
"Why?" Autumn asked quickly. She looked taken by surprise and a little annoyed. "We're all aware, we know you're not human," she belted out too quickly. I think she realized how it sounded as soon as she said it, but it still pissed me off. "I thought we were all in a good place. Why can't you tell us?" She wanted answers for her Mom, who was in apparent mental torment after everything she went through.
"It's complicated…" I raged inside, and my voice showed it. I wanted this conversation to be over. I realized that it was a mistake to come over so soon.
"What do you need? We want to help you…" Autumn was showing her frustration openly, but was still right here to help. She wanted me to step back into the family full force like before. I could tell from her voice… her eyes. It was unmistakable.
But… I struggled. Everything hit me. Jon's words, the entity's deal, my own choices… everything. I was angry. I felt like I was a tool to be used and not cared for. I was getting angrier. Just hearing Autumn's tone set me even further over the edge. I felt like everyone was against me, everyone wanted something from me, but I never got what I wanted. I felt stripped down of everything I ever had in my life, and it had all been building up to this very moment. At first, it was just me, but then the monster's natural fury started feeding my rage. It was like a bad friend who hyped you up to do something you'd regret later.
"Sam, I told you I wanted you around. I told you that you could protect my family in ways I couldn't. This is one of those ways. You can give Eleanor something I can't. You can give her the answers to what happened. You can give her peace," Carter tried to reason with me.
I snapped, "What about me? When do I get peace? When does this end for me?" I barked in fury. I was yelling at all three of them. My eyes pulsed out quickly as the first bit of my strange transformation warped my face.
We all stood in silence for a moment. They were visibly shocked by my explosive attitude. They knew the kind of bestial power I had, and they feared it; they were right to. My eyes had fully blackened, and I could feel my mouth burn as my teeth started to shift. It all happened very fast, but I quickly reversed the process, shocked and ashamed of my anger towards them. I turned so they couldn't see my twisted face.
"Sam… it's okay. I don't want to push you," Eleanor tried to calm me. "Only when you're ready… we just haven't seen you… I'm sorry."
There was another silence between us all. I stared at the ground, ashamed of the outburst towards them. I just had so much anger and rage inside. The monster was fueling it… I could feel it.
"How are you, Sam? We saw on the news… about the human trafficking. We figured that was you who saved all of them."
I nodded, trying to shake the anger. "Yeah… that was me." I shook my head, but I couldn't leave behind the anger. It crept into every thought, everything I saw between the three of them. I was formulating lies in my head, things that probably weren't true, but the monster riled me up, making me spiral and want to slip into a rage that I was scared I couldn't control. "This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come over."
Autumn's face fell quickly out of her angered expression and into one that looked unsure and numb. Carter looked unhappy with the results of our first encounter, let down, even. Eleanor was even more regretful.
I pulled the door open quickly. I felt my hand clench around the doorknob so hard that I crushed the fancy metal orb. I was angry at myself for letting this unexpected feeling take me over as it had.
I never looked back at them, I only said one thing before I left their house, "I'm… sorry." I left before anyone else could say a word. I had to get out of there. I had to cool down and think.
"Good job, you fucking stupid piece of shit," I berated myself as fled into the shadows of the trees.
Then I went into quite the tailspin. One night, shortly after my first encounter with the Chasse family, I found myself back at Martin's bar.
It was barely open for the night when I came in. I was pacing the city and approached his place on foot right at about sunrise. Then, I had a question pop into my head. So, I walked right inside, and who did I find behind the bar? Martin, the vampire.
"Sam," he said after spinning too fast at the appearance of his first customer.
"Can you get drunk?" I asked, hopeful, ready to forget my problems and hoping the universe would allow it.
He eyed me curiously for a second, "Drunk?"
"Yeah. Can we get drunk?" I amended it. "I've never really tried since I turned into this, and I could really use that right about now."
"Well… there is a way for vampires, but I'm not sure if it will work for you…" He was thinking about something. "Is this about what happened the other night? Carter told me," Martin informed.
"It doesn't matter. What do I need to do?" I asked curiously.
"Um… sit down, I suppose," Martin waved to a seat and disappeared, too fast for a human's eye to see, behind the kitchen. When he reappeared beside my table, Alex appeared just as quickly behind the bar to greet the first patrons into the establishment.
"What can I get ya'," she asked as two older gentlemen stepped inside. She shot a quick glance at me as I talked with Martin.
"This is a concentration of a special herb that hunters used to use as a poison for vampires back in the old days. It's called Mentzelia Laevicaulis, or Blazing Star. They'd concentrate it into a powder and then use it for various traps and weaponry; until they discovered how much more effective silver was than this," Martin explained as he dropped a couple of pinches of yellow dust from a small vial into a glass of water. "Now, a little bit will put a vampire on their ass in a few drinks… so I gave you double."
I laughed, "You gonna charge me double?"
Martin stared at me for a silent moment. "What's going on with you?" Martin asked, obviously concerned. "This isn't the Sam I've seen over the past few months."
I tilted the cup of water back and drank the entire thing. Every speck of the yellow dust flowed down into my stomach and started doing something strange. I felt it almost instantly as I set the glass back on the table.
"Holy shit," I exclaimed as I felt a strangeness invade my body. I felt it spread through my bloodstream quickly as my heart pulsed and pushed it further throughout my body. It almost felt like an adrenaline surge, but then it trailed a slowness behind it, and a thudding pulse that echoed in my tissues and made me relax… weakening me. "Oh, I feel it!"
Martin continued to eye me with curiosity, "What happened that day… with Eleanor?"
I looked up at the ceiling, feeling buzzed for the first time in a long time, "You too, huh?"
"They just want to make sure Eleanor will be okay. Can't you help them… give them some kind of answer?"
"Eleanor will be fine," I assured with a sigh.
It was annoying how I felt like I couldn't escape this line of questioning, no matter where I went. It wasn't that they were asking the questions, but it was that I did want to say the words out loud. I couldn't. It would make me have to acknowledge the truth… that my life was gone, and it was bound to the monster that craves the rush of extinguishing a life more than breath itself.
"She's not the one who had to give something up." I stopped myself before I spoke too much, but it was too late.
"What? What did you give up?" he asked quickly.
"Look… I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to sit here… and drink more of this shit," I spoke slowly, really trying to relay the message that I didn't want to be fucked with, and I would speak about it when I was ready.
"Okay," Martin agreed, "you can stay here as long as you want. I'll bring you a pitcher of water, and just sprinkle a little bit into your glass at a time. You don't want to overdo it. A little bit goes a long way."
His warning meant nothing to me, and he shouldn't have told me I could stay for as long as I wanted. I fell off the deep end, hard!
I spent a few weeks in Martin's… literally. Every day, I would sleep in the booth he sat me down in, I'd wake up about mid-afternoon, only to continue my daily bender to escape from the world I hated at the moment. It was a very destructive few weeks of doing absolutely nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I stopped going to the safehouse altogether, except to shower and change clothes. Any other time, I was going to be as close to the source of the yellow dust as I could so I could escape the world for a while.
Almost every night, I'd grab a new vial of yellow dust, a pitcher of water, and an empty glass to bring to my secluded table in the back corner of the room. There were a few times that people got too close to my table, curious about the hooded guy who always drank by himself and wanted to investigate. Vampires and humans alike would wander over from time to time over the lengthy bender I was on, but Martin would ward them off quickly. A few times, even Alex stepped in, at Martin's request, to keep people clear of me. I wasn't sure how much she knew, but she did as Martin asked. She even refilled my pitcher a few times. She didn't question why I was sleeping there, or how the herb affected me when she sensed me as only human.
A few nights before I poisoned myself at Martin's, I skulked the shadows outside of my friends' homes. I follow Carter and Eleanor around town, watching them continue with the business, the hunting, and the family life after I left. I traced Autumn's steps as she continued living out her life with her family and friends. She'd go to school at the University, come home and train, and later on in the expanse of time I was absent, she started going out with friends. She was moving on… and I hated myself for it.
I came upon Frank and Jane one day, realizing that they had started to live together in Frank's house. Jane splits her time with the pack and Frank pretty evenly now. She was very much in love with the red-haired hunter. After everything that happened with the family, they both just decided to jump in with both feet. I envied them.
I listened in on a conversation once between Wayland, Clara, and Carter. Clara and Wayland didn't like the idea of my continuing to be around the family. Clara was more hesitant about writing me off completely, but Wayland was very protective of Delilah. His little daughter meant everything to him, and he wouldn't risk her around me, especially after my outburst in the Chasse house when I let a little bit of the monster slip out and twist my face in rage. I had done severe damage to my relationships with them in that single slip-up. I didn't help that I cut contact with them while I hid away in my drunken pity party. I even made Martin keep my presence a secret. I told him if he told Carter where I was, that I'd burn down his bar… with him in it. I was drunk when I said it, but I'm pretty sure in the moment, I really meant it, and he believed me.
I sat in that booth countless nights, reliving memories that played through my mind. I'd whisper to myself like I was speaking to my brother, Seth, or my wife, Vicky. I'd talk to Caydee inside my mind sometimes, apologizing to her for what I was and for abandoning her that night. Then there were other times when I'd replay the memories I had with the Chasses before they knew I was a monster.
I regretted so much how I treated the Chasse family on my first trip back to their house. I hadn't spoken to them since that night. I was ashamed mostly, but then sometimes I'd feel the resentment charge back into me. Carter called, Autumn called, Eleanor called, and even Frank called. They were all looking for me. They wanted to know if I was okay and try and figure out what had happened that night. They knew that something was off with me, but couldn't figure out what it was. They wanted to talk to me and help me through it. They still thought of me as family… maybe. Maybe that was just my hope hanging on. Perhaps I was just a friend now… or an acquaintance, or maybe they were just scared of what I'd do now that I didn't seem so friendly. However, their calls faded over time and eventually stopped. I felt alone again.
I had ruined it. I just knew it. I sat in that booth now almost every night, reliving my time before I fucked it all up. I didn't think they could trust me anymore.
On a random night, Martin came and sat down at closing time. It was about three in the morning when they closed. Usually, he'd let me stay until I decided to leave, but this night was different.
"Sam," he said as he sat across from me. "This has gone on long enough. Almost every night, you're in here wasting time. I know what you want, and I know that you think you've lost them all, but you haven't."
"What are you talking about?" I spoke through my welcomed haze.
"Carter, Eleanor, Autumn… you can still be a part of everything. I know you think you ruined it. I hear you talking to yourself every night you sit in this booth. But I can guarantee you that if you just come with me, and we talk with them, they'll accept you back just as you were before."
"Just leave me alone, Martin," I pleaded with him through my haze.
"How long can you keep this up?" he asked. "If you wait too long… they might move on. You'll just be a memory of a strange time they had with a strange man. Is that what you want?"
His words hit me harder than I thought they would in my drunken state.
I shook my head, "No…"
"Well then, get up, come with me, and let's just go talk to them," he said insistently.
I had been coming out of the darkness that had cast itself over me since giving my life away. At first, it didn't hit me, but after some time passed, everything started to set in. The reality of losing my life and having no escape darkened my personality. It angered me beyond words. With the way I was living, I should have just returned to my hole in the forgotten structure. But… I didn't want that, not really. These past few weeks of isolation had cleared my mind, not to mention the yellow herb that I had been consuming. It made me feel and think things that I'd usually keep tucked away. I began to think I was finally ready to tell them the truth. To tell them what happened that early morning, when Eleanor came back from the dead.
"Okay," I agreed.
"Wait… really?" Martin was shocked at my response.
I was tired of feeling the way I did, and the herb was making me forget all of the reasons I told myself to stay away. I needed to get everything off my chest. Maybe… just maybe if I told them what I did for Eleanor, I could return as I had before. But if I did tell them everything, then they'd know it all. Could I do that? Should I?
"I'll do it," I told Martin.
Martin smiled at me, "Okay, son, let's go right now. I'll take you there myself." Martin stood from the table.
I readied myself in the booth, nodding my head as I made the final decisions to do it. I put my hands on the table to lift myself from the seat. Then, all my plans were destroyed.
There in the emptiness of Martin's bar, I locked up. My hands gripped the edge of the table, crushing the wooden tabletop as my body froze into position. My muscles flexed and went rigid, stealing my ability to move. It overtook me before I could say a word. For the third time in my life, I got a vision.
The world was ripped away, and I was in darkness. Then images ripped and scrambled my active thoughts, force-feeding me information.
A man stood in the privacy of his own home, cleaning a large, bloodied hunting knife. The crimson-coated, stainless steel knife glimmered in front of his face, reflecting the flames that roared in his fireplace. His evil eyes reflected in the mirror finish of this weapon.
Then I saw him swinging the blade somewhere else, slashing a blonde woman's throat in the damp greenery of the woods. Then he was in a crowded subway station, shoulder to shoulder with everyone as they boarded a subway car. He pushed the blade violently into a young Hispanic boy as the subway lurched to a stop and everyone began moving. He faded away into the crowd as the boy dropped into the stampede of feet. The images flooded my mind. He killed, over and over again. Taking and taking, destroying families and lives. He hid in crowds, isolated his prey, and remained untraceable by police. He was a chameleon, blending into crowds and the environment after the murders to never be suspected.
He was standing in front of the fireplace again, the knife shiny and clean. There was an altar of wood with strange symbols carved into a circular pattern. The knife was stabbed into the altar. The man spoke strange words that I've never heard before. The knife became red-hot like it was just pulled from a fire, and smoke arose from the altar as the wood smoldered and then burst into flames. The symbols were glowing with power from the flaming wood. He reached out shakily, into the flames, for the blade he had killed so many with. He was hesitant about what would truly happen when his hand touched the weapon. Ultimately, he grabbed the blade. Then, everything returned to black.
The voice spoke from the darkness, "Timothy Grant!"
My eyes returned to the world of the living, seeing Martin standing just as he was before the vision took me from this world. I sucked a rush of air into my lungs as I exploded backwards into the booth, cracking the seat and wall behind me. A loud thud reverberated down the wall as I came to a stop.
"Sam," Martin rushed to my side. "What was that? Are you okay?"
Alex rushed close to Martin, unsure of what I might do. She was there to protect Martin from me if needed. She didn't know anything, but she knew from the way Martin acted that I should be feared. She had no idea what had just happened, either of them.
After a few seconds of recoil from the vision, I stood. I never spoke a word to them. I got up and started moving towards the door.
Martin followed me into the parking lot, feverishly trying to figure out what had happened to me just then, but I never responded. I didn't feel the need. I only had one need: to find Timothy Grant… and kill him.
Once in the clear air of the parking lot, I stopped. I felt the beast pulse out a wave in my mind. I knew what it was; my senses were opening, and I was searching. In only the time it took me to take in and expel one full breath, I knew which direction I needed to go.
I never looked back or spoke to Martin. I just ripped forward in a rush of speed, never slowing or stopping. I left the city of St. Louis behind me and was going to the only place that mattered. I was hunting.
Visions came, bodies piled up, and I stayed away from my friends for a long time. After Timothy Grant, I thought I'd go straight back to St. Louis, but I didn't. They kept coming; more visions, more killers that needed to be dealt with. All of them involved in twisted, supernatural shit to make themselves more than they were supposed to be… it never ended. There was way more of it in the world than I ever thought or imagined.
After maybe five names or so, I had been back and forth across the country a couple of times. San Francisco, Detroit, New York, small towns I'd never heard of, I went everywhere on these hunts. When I found them and the drive to kill cleared, I realized that no matter what I wanted… this was my life now. I would always be on the move, unless the Entity gave me time to rest.
So… I stayed on the road. I lived out of wherever I could. I didn't have to wait long before the visions came again. Names and images were constantly flooding my head now. I only ever had maybe a week, two tops, before a new person had their fate sealed and the minutes numbered until I could get to them.
I was more in tune with the monster inside now than I ever had been. I had been doing this nonstop for about six months or so, give or take a few weeks. It was hard to really keep track of time when I was in one of my hunting states. Time wasn't a concern anymore. I had nowhere to be, no matter how much I wanted to be other places… with other people.
I felt like there was a constant atmosphere of rage and death around me when I got the back-to-back visions that were only separated by the deaths that punctuated them. I felt buried under a mountain, unable to breathe fresh air and come up from all this slaughter. There were moments between hunts, but they were fleeting… until something changed.
One night, when I was free from the call of the being, I rested against a large oak tree in the middle of some nameless woods. As I sat on the ground, I opened up a small bag I had with me. In it were the few things I couldn't part with. They kept me human, reminding me of the good things I had in my life at certain points. The bag helped me remember that there were things other than this life of killing. I had become very protective of my bag. I made sure to hide it in places when I knew things would get bloody. I had a few pictures of the Chasse family and a few other mementos that reminded me of good memories. I stole the photos from their house at the beginning of my drunken haze at Martin's. I was creeping on them, feeling sorry for myself, and saw an opportunity to rush in while no one was looking. I just wanted something to remind me of them. Maybe it was a little weird.
I looked at a picture of Autumn. I reached out and touched one of her more recent photos. I missed her, not just the physical attraction, but I missed the way I felt when I was around her. At first, it started out as just a reminder of how I felt around Vicky, but it had evolved into something personal with her. I no longer compared her to Vicky in my mind. My time with her was precious and personal. I wanted it back. It had been a long time since she had seen me… and I honestly didn't know if anything would still be there if I ever found my way back to St. Louis. I didn't know if she, or any of them, would recognize me anymore. I was different after so much killing, and so much time living as the behemoth monstrosity in pursuit of death. I was scared that if I came back and knocked on their door, they'd see a stranger… and they'd not welcome me anymore.
Then, I glanced at a family picture from years back. It had her whole family, even her older brother, Allen. Carter had told me that he had passed away on a hunting trip with the family. I felt horrible for them the night he told me that. They had lost a lot in their lives as well. They were just trying to survive.
Then, I felt a pulse in the back of my mind. The monster inside was feeling something.
I picked up the picture and held it closer to my face. I was drawn into the image of Allen for some strange reason. When I looked at his face, I felt something. It was like a force that I could feel emanating from the small photo. A small ringing in my brain began piercing into my perception and invaded my thoughts. I knew what it was in an instant. It was almost as powerful as when I felt a name being given to me by the being. It wasn't a death that was required. When I looked at Allen's face in the photo, I felt life. I couldn't explain it, but I knew he was alive, and I could feel him… somehow.
I was so focused on what I had just uncovered that I hadn't realized I was already returning the items to my small bag as I started walking. I had already formulated a plan and was about to carry it out.
I knew Allen was alive, and I was going to get him back. I felt something in me that manifested quickly. I was going to get Allen back for them, no matter where he was or what was going on. They were my family, no matter what they thought of me, I loved them all, and this was someone that they loved. I'd go get him and bring him back, even if they didn't want me around afterward.
I saw everything so clearly now that I couldn't understand why I was so angry at Eleanor before. I made that decision… not her. I'd make it again, right now if I had to.
I wanted to do this. I had to do this for them. I had to do this for Allen, too. I didn't know what had happened to him entirely, but it didn't matter. I'd find him, and I'd bring him back from the dead to live with his family. I had been killing for so many months on the road that it felt beyond good to know I was going to do something to directly save a life.