In the pin-drop silence that followed, all Jaemin could do was stare.
Fated. He had heard the term before, a word relegated to tabloid gossip and fairy tales. He knew some people dreamed of being part of a fated pair, but he had never imagined that it could be real, let alone a concept that could apply to someone such as himself.
There was already so much about being an omega that he didn't know, didn't want to know, especially after all that had happened in Vienna. He had only sought out the bare minimum information to find a solution to hiding that part of his identity before it could invite more trouble.
And now, this doctor was telling him that this part of himself, which he had always regarded with fear and a measure of hate, was… destined to bind him with Do-hyun?
What… What was going on?
His mind reeled with a frantic swirl of questions, too many that he didn't even know how to begin asking. His mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to find the words that could clear his doubts regarding this single, impossible truth.
He wanted to ask what this all meant for them now, what he should do, but all that came out was:
"Why… why didn't you tell me?"
In his seat on the other side of the bed, Do-hyun stiffened. As he fumbled for a reply, Dr. Lee's pager issued a series of loud, insistent beeps.
"Sorry." She quickly silenced it, but she sounded relieved as she said, "Please excuse me for a moment. I'll be right back."
She exited the room hastily, leaving the alpha and omega alone in the silence of the ward.
Do-hyun could feel Jaemin's eyes on him, the omega's gaze like a searing brand on his face. With effort, he forced himself to look up and meet it, his face filled with a complex agony. His cedar scent, sharp with the emotions warring within him, offered no comfort.
"I didn't mean to keep it from you," he mumbled, his wounded hand gripping his knee. "It's not… It's not something that I thought you should have to deal with, not with all that's been going on. And, I…" his voice dropped lower as his hand came up to wipe his face, which held a bone-deep exhaustion, "I didn't want you to think you were bound to me by some fantasy notion of some decree of destiny. I wanted you to choose me freely."
As the words settled between them, Jaemin's amber eyes searched Do-hyun's dark brown ones. Yet, his tension didn't ease.
"But," he whispered after a long pause, his voice trembling, "I could only have done that if I had been conscious of it. Now… Now I'll never know." He looked down at his hands where they lay in his lap, his voice growing even smaller. "I spent… all this time… thinking I was broken, that all I had left to give you was… damaged goods…"
Do-hyun's throat seized. In the whirlwind of all that had been happening around them, he had never stopped to think of it that way. And in trying to be noble, he had let Jaemin suffer on in silence.
The strain of defeat in the cedar scent bloomed stronger, permeating the ward. Do-hyun's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, the muscles working in his jaw, but before he could find any response, there was a distant flurry of sound from the corridor outside.
"Room 604, 604… Is it this one?" Jaemin's mother's voice travelled muffled through the walls. "Jaemin? Jaemin, are you in here?"
Jaemin turned to Do-hyun. "You told them?"
Looking like he had resigned himself to taking all the blame, Do-hyun gave a slow nod. "They tried calling you several times. I thought they should know."
The irony of his words made Jaemin's features shift into deep disappointment, but before he could say anything else, the ward door flew open.
"Jaemin? Abeoji, he's here! Jaemin darling, oh dear heavens, there you are!" Seo Soomin rushed into the room and shot straight for her son, a torpedo of parental concern. "What happened?? Are you alright??"
"Omma. Abeoji." Jaemin put on a stiff smile. "I'm alright. Sorry to worry you."
"Oh my sweet child…"
As Jaemin endured his mother's fussing, Do-hyun slowly rose, pushing himself out of the chair and onto his feet, a show of respect for Jaemin's parents that took a good deal of energy he felt he didn't have.
Seo Taejun stood by the door, his face pale and grim, his deep worry evident in every rigid line of his posture. He didn't speak, but his gaze, heavy with accusation, fell upon Do-hyun.
Do-hyun looked away, unable to bear the silent judgment. He quickly slid his hands into the pockets of his trousers, concealing his bruised knuckles from scrutiny, but could still feel the weight of his failures pressing heavily down on him.
He had promised, countless times, that he would keep Jaemin safe, but he hadn't been able to stop Choi Seungcheol from invading the rehearsal space, or from issuing the command on Jaemin. He hadn't been able to catch Jaemin from ambling towards the one person he knew the omega never wanted to return to… wasn't able to prevent the shock of it all on his mate's body, sending him into seizure.
What good was he, as an alpha, if he couldn't even protect those he loved? First, his own father, and now, his mate.
Inside his trouser pocket, his aching hand balled into a tight fist. For all his practice in emanating alpha aggression in his words, tone of voice, and mannerisms, he had never actually socked someone in the jaw the way he had done to Choi Seungcheol only yesterday. The physical venting of his rage had felt liberating at the time, but in the quiet darkness of the clinic ward as he kept vigil through the night, he had remembered the antagonistic conductor's parting words, and knew that the media frenzy around the SPS, himself, and Jaemin, was only going to spiral further.
And unlike the other speculative rumours, they would now have nothing to rebut the accusations that were surely on their way to the press by now.
How was he going to shield Jaemin from the fallout? Would he even be able to defend himself?
Sure, they could reveal that Choi Seungcheol had used commands on Jaemin to disrupt their rehearsal. But the thought of publicly admitting that his mate had answered to another alpha's command brought another sting entirely.
Which brought him right back to the issue at hand.
As much as he had dismissed the idea of being Jaemin's fated mate, despite being told by a medical professional—a specialist, whose business it was to know these things—he realized now that he had subconsciously placed some measure of faith in the diagnosis. How else could he explain turning away, time after time, from the nape of Jaemin's neck, the milky white skin soft and vulnerable under his fangs?
Instead, he'd trusted that their connection would be enough to bind Jaemin to him, would be enough to rewrite Jaemin's past, and that they had all the time in the world to seal their bond.
How arrogant.
Now, in the light of day after yesterday's events, that trust had been almost completely shattered. The "ultimate connection" wasn't magic that worked passively. It was a potential that he had failed to actualize.
But in doing so, he hadn't liberated Jaemin; he had left him defenseless. His mate had been helpless to fight the other alpha's call because Do-hyun hadn't given him the biological shield he needed.
Fate hadn't failed. Do-hyun had.
Still, he realized now that he should have told Jaemin about it. It was his right. He made up one half of this relationship. Do-hyun wasn't lying when he said he'd withheld the fact so that Jaemin would have the free will to choose, but…
Had it actually ended up achieving the very opposite? By hiding the truth, he had denied Jaemin the choice to have the freedom he truly wanted.
What makes me any different from Choi Seungcheol? The other alpha had trapped Jaemin with force; Do-hyun had trapped him with silence.
The thought sent a shiver down his spine, a chill that invaded into his bones and lodged deep inside his chest.
He had to get out of here. He couldn't let Jaemin and his parents see him like this: pathetic, weak, powerless to protect anyone or anything with his poor decisions. He needed to be someplace quiet and removed, where he could review everything and come up with a plan to fix things before he could face any of them again.
And if, in that time, Jaemin decided that he had had enough of being trapped by alphas… then so be it, fate or no fate.
With a shuddering breath, he opened his mouth to excuse himself, but Seo Soomin's voice cut through the air, pulling him back.
"Let's get you back home, yeah, shall we? Kang Do-hyun-ssi, how long will Jaemin have to stay here? Can he leave, now that he's conscious?"
Do-hyun forced himself to focus. "Jaemin has been stabilized, Eomeonim. He should be ready for discharge immediately—" He hesitated, then added quietly, meeting the amber gaze that came to rest on him, "—that is, if he wishes to leave."
Seo Soomin sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. Then he can come back with us now. We'll have one last meal together, yeah? Before we fly back home tonight with the twins. You too, Kang Do-hyun-ssi," she added quickly, reaching for Do-hyun's hand before the alpha could make any excuse not to join them. "You must be starving. I'll cook something for all of us to eat at home, some of Jaemin's favourites from our hometown. Shall we, yes?"
Her pleading eyes made Do-hyun automatically slip his hand from his pocket to take hers, forcing himself not to react to the pain when she squeezed his bruised knuckles. He met the eye of Jaemin's father, who remained silent by the door but watched him with unwavering intensity.
He was too exhausted, too guilt-ridden, to put up a fight, to think clearly. He only knew that once the Seo family left, the buffer would vanish. There would be nothing left to distract them from what he had done.
Maybe it was better this way. Maybe he should let Jaemin return to safety, away from Do-hyun and his bad decisions. After all, Choi Seungcheol had left Jaemin alone for years until Do-hyun had come into the picture. If Do-hyun was the provocation, then perhaps his absence would be the cure. Jaemin deserved peace after all he had been through, not a war fought on his behalf by an incompetent general.
But for now, the least that he could do was help Jaemin send his parents off with their minds at ease that their son would be safe, before he himself might have to say goodbye.
So, despite his sinking heart, Do-hyun tried his best to smile.
"Yes, Eomeonim. I would love to."