I stood watching Qin, who was trying out the bass on stage. He was tucking his long hair behind his ears, and my dark gray T-shirt on him looked ridiculously cute. I smiled softly at him... Today is an important day—a big day for Qin. He was rehearsing for the real performance tomorrow, which is the faculty's major event. Honestly, I was a bit confused as to why a vocalist from the jazz department was playing bass for a first-year band. He didn't know the reason either.
Qin is the kind of person who says yes without hesitation when it comes to music. I'm happy he gets to do what he loves. Actually, he's singing one song too, but he already rehearsed with another band in the afternoon.
That's my talented boy.
"Start with Cool With It , then go straight into Knots. Phi Prae, a second-year, will sing here, and you finish with Deep. After this, you can step down and rest before singing with Pae's band."
My cute boy nodded.
He raised his eyebrows at me playfully before strumming an unfamiliar tune on his bass. He really was born to be on stage—no matter what instrument he touched, it was like he was made for it. And when he sings?
The dreamy atmosphere just wraps around everyone's hearts.
Damn, I'm so possessive over him.
"You're staring like a lovesick puppy."
"Wait—how did you even get in here?"
"I hooked up with the door guy once, so I slipped in easy."
"Seriously? Yam, Qin's classmate?"
"Dead serious."
"When did that even happen? I'm begging you, Jet."
"I told you, I'm not a lover—I'm a fighter." I shook my head, exasperated. Jet plopped down on the high chair next to me, watching Qin and the band as they started getting serious.
"One hair flip and I'm done for."
"That's why he grew his hair out."
"..."
"To keep me wrapped around his finger."
"Duang, please—those cheap jokes again? Have you ever loved anyone for real? If you love me, stop it."
"Asshole," I cursed under my breath, but he ignored me. We both kept our eyes on Qin. Jet leaned closer, whispering about how hot the drummer's body was, so I smacked him on the head.
I'll admit it—I wasn't looking at anyone else. My eyes were glued to Qin, and I felt guilty toward the vocalist. T_T
"That drummer, though..."
"Calm down. Is that even a guy? Do you go for guys too?"
"I go for everything. I'm a warrior."
"Alright, alright, fighter," I chuckled, still amazed. Honestly, I never pried into his sex life, but I knew Jet was the type to have fun. He was raised like a Western kid—totally carefree.
"Are you part Western or what?"
"My stepdad's American, what about it?"
"Wait, really?"
"Yeah, I never told you?"
"You never did, dumbass."
"And my nickname isn't even Jet."
"You son of a bitch." I turned to him in shock. He smirked and patted my cheek lightly.
"My real name's Jetana, but you guys just started calling me Jet."
"Then what's your actual nickname if it's not Jet?"
"If I were you, I wouldn't ask. Have some manners, kid."
"Idiot." We started bickering while the band moved on to their second song, and he still wouldn't tell me his real nickname. Maybe it was true—he always referred to himself as Jetana with Qin and hardly ever called himself Jet. And during the freshman orientation, his name tag was written by a senior anyway. Jetana does sound pretty badass, though.
My head hurts.What's my friend's real nickname, for real?
"Give me a hint—what's your name?"
"Two syllables."
"Too hard. What does it start with?"
"Not telling, dumbass. If you wanna know, ask my mom."
"Fine. Don't let me meet her, though."
"You won't—unless you're my wife, then maybe I'll bring you home."
"I'm gonna puke."
"Same. Just thinking about doing the dirty with you gives me the creeps."
"The creeps?"
"Don't ask. It's official language."
"Official language, my ass," I muttered. I always told him to stop learning weird things from the internet. His vocabulary was getting out of hand—especially when he got obsessed with some random joke. He'd repeat it like a broken record, copying voices and everything. I had no idea why he did it.
Is someone like this even gonna find a girlfriend? Seriously.
"Damn, Qin's so pale."
"Watch yourself, man."
"Can't I even compliment him? Fine, I'll change it."
"To what?"
"I really like him. I wanna be his man."
"You idiot, is that my line?"
"If you're that possessive, go copyright it. You're so dramatic."
"Wow, now I'm the bad guy? But still, no one else gets him—he's my boyfriend."
I raised my fist at him while he made a playful face and complained that I was possessive. But seriously, can you blame me? I can't say this in front of Qin—I can only vent to Pae and Jet.
Please, I'm begging you.
"They're playing old songs too."
"I've never heard any of them."
"Well, you don't really listen to international music."
"Pretty much. But since being with Qin, I've listened to tons of music."
"Tough boy, huh?"
"Seriously tough—I secretly bought a camera and got scolded like crazy."
Yeah, I really shouldn't have had it delivered to Qin's dorm. I should've sent it to mine and pretended I brought it from home. But no, he opened the package right in front of me with Fluffy on his lap. That day, the scissors almost stabbed me in the stomach. My boyfriend spends money like crazy,while I barely get to pay for anything.
'You already have one like this—just in silver.'
Can I cry?
His memory is so good, I wanted to die on the spot.
"I'm not talking to wife-fearing guys.""You're a warrior again, huh?"
"Yep, exactly."
"They're done!"
"Good, I'm starving."
"Wait, who said you're eating with us?"
"You'll see... Hey, Qin looks so fair-skinned."
"If I ever find out you have someone, you better be scared. I'll roast you forever—even after I'm dead, I'll carve it on your tombstone so people can keep roasting you."
"Someone like me would never be scared of anyone."
"Asshole," I cursed at him as he ran off to hug Qin's waist, resting his face against Qin's chest while shooting me a 'mistress' kind of look. I rolled my eyes—fine, whatever.
The moment Qin's not around, I'm gonna break his face.
"Did you wait long?"
"Nope."
"How did Jetana get in here? Did he tell them he's a friend?"
"Nope, they just let me in." Jetana said.
Liar. I hate how fake he acts in front of Qin. Why not tell him the same thing you told me, you bastard—that you hooked up with the door guard? I glared at him while he stood there all innocent. But the moment Qin reached for my hand and sweetly asked where I wanted to eat dinner, my mood flipped instantly—like I had bipolar disorder.
"What do you feel like eating?"
"Ooh, your voice got all sweet."
"If you're gonna be a third wheel, don't talk, Jet."
"Qin, he's bullying me."
"Talk nicely... I feel like eating crab fried rice."
I nodded and wrapped an arm around Qin's waist, leading him to his favorite seafood restaurant. Jet trailed a few steps behind us, seemingly talking on the phone with his mom. I slowed down—I wanted to eavesdrop and find out what name he used when talking to her. If he used his real nickname, I'd finally know.
"What are you doing, acting all sneaky?"
"Did you know Jet's nickname isn't actually Jet?"
"Yeah, I know."
"...What?!"
"Why?"
"Wait, wait, wait—how do you know?!"
"Jet told me."
"!!!"
I turned wide-eyed to look at the guy still on the phone with his mom—and he was speaking fluent English. Seriously, are we even real friends? We've known each other for a whole year, and I had no idea he could speak English like that.
Is he undercover or what?!
"So... what's Jet's real nickname?"
"I can't tell you."
"Qin!"
"I promised Jet I wouldn't tell anyone."
"Why did he tell you, though?"
"I overheard him talking to his mom once, and he referred to himself by his real nickname. You wouldn't catch it unless you were paying attention. And since he was speaking in English, I asked, 'Whose name is that?' and he said it was his."
"..."
"You really didn't know?"
"Not at all—I always thought Jet was short for 'Jetana'."
"Ridiculous," Qin said, pulling my car keys out of my pocket. I stood there with my arms crossed, watching that sneaky bastard laugh while chatting with his mom. I swear, he really is a foreign kid. When he hung up and noticed my judgmental stare, he immediately protested.
"What? Why are you staring at me so much? Dumbass."
"Did you tell my wife what your real name is?"
"I tell everyone who's hot. I'm easy like that sometimes."
"You idiot."
"But I'm not telling you. Or Pae. Or anyone else. I'll let you all stay confused—it makes me seem like a mysterious and charming guy. Gotta keep up the character."
"Whatever. I'll find out eventually. Just wait and see."
"Be my guest."He slammed the car door and got in. At least he didn't annoy me by sitting in the front. Otherwise, I would've fought with him and given Qin a headache again. Damn it.
___________
"You, can you grab brush number eight for me?"
Qin nodded, walking over to fetch the brush for the person who hadn't stopped painting since we got back from the restaurant. Apparently, it was the last project before the break—a huge canvas with an image Qin couldn't quite make out. He figured he'd ask Duang later but didn't want to interrupt for now.
"You, can you get me the blue paint? The lapis shade—no, wait, cobalt is better."
"..."
"Qin?"
"Duang, what's lapis?" Duang wanted to bite his tongue when he turned and saw Qin sitting on the bed with an open book, looking completely confused. Even Fluffy tilted her head in curiosity, probably wondering what his owner was asking for. Shaking his head with a fond smile, Duang walked over, planted a firm kiss on Qin's cheek, and nuzzled Fluffy's furry head before grabbing the paint himself.
"Don't stay up too late, okay?"
"Are you going to bed already?"
"Not yet, but I'll probably sleep before you do... Fluffy, keep an eye on your Pa, okay? If he stays up too late, wake him up." Qin turned to talk to the dog like it was a serious conversation. Duang, watching the two of them play on the bed, couldn't help but smile. Working didn't feel tiring at all when his life was this happy.
"Duang.""Yeah?"
"Happy anniversary."
Duang just realized... it really could be this simple.
To be happy. To be in love.
"Is it midnight already?"
"Yeah."
"I don't want to work anymore. I just want to tackle you onto the bed."
"Come on, then."
"Qin." Duang scolded, but he couldn't stop smiling. Like he'd said before— he still liked Qin just as much as he did on the first day, and he loved him more and more every day, to the point that no words could describe it.
It was overwhelming.
"The project's not due tomorrow, anyway."
"Are you inviting me?"
"Can't I?"
"..."
"Come and get me."
Duang knew he was doomed—he couldn't hold himself back. Every time Qin teased him, it always ended with someone getting bruised. He couldn't resist biting him everywhere he could think of. And now, Qin had the nerve to toss his sleep shirt onto the floor and send Fluffy back to his bed.
She clearly had no idea what was coming."Qin, you have work tomorrow."
"Ever heard of vanilla sex? Not everything has to be rough. And one round is enough."
"Try being me for once. When I go easy, you tell me to go harder—I'm about to lose my mind."
Duang climbed onto the bed and straddled Qin. Honestly, he wanted to mess with Qin every day, but on days with early classes, he worried Qin wouldn't wake up on time. Even though Duang was the one doing all the work, Qin always seemed fully recharged by morning.
"No more... I'm tired."
"You're so damn tempting, do you know that?"
"I haven't even done anything."
"I'm already hard."
"Asshole."
"Watch your language." Warm lips pressed against his, moving into a deep kiss as Duang eagerly welcomed Qin's tongue. They kissed for a long time before Qin tugged off Duang's T-shirt, with Duang lifting his arms to help.
"Qin."
"Hmm?"
"Thank you for being with me."
"I should be the one saying that."
They locked eyes, long enough to know they still had a long way to fall. They weren't even halfway down this endless freefall of love yet. And they could love each other even more—more than anyone could possibly imagine.
"Thank you for being you, Qin."
"My pleasure."
Duang pressed his nose against Qin's cheek, his hand sliding to grip his hip before slipping under his short boxer briefs. Qin's legs spread wide enough for Duang to reach deep inside.
And that was only the beginning.
The owner of the sharp face leaned in to whisper against the other person's ear.
"Lift your hips up first."
"..."
"Vanilla sex, Duang can give you that anytime."
Qin's heart pounded hard.
He loved Duang in many aspects that the other person showed.
"But about the 'only one round' thing..."
Come to think of it, he loved him in every aspect.
"No promises."
He loved everything about Duang.
__________
It's true that they don't allow beer on campus, but trust me, sneaking it in isn't hard at all. Especially at a music event like this. I'm wearing an oversized light blue polo shirt that Qin had bought last month. He wore it once and then tossed it to me again. We share clothes to the point that everyone around us knows and teases us about it. The only thing left is shoes. I'm one size bigger than him. Otherwise, I'd wear his too. His shoes are more expensive than my entire life.
"Duang, can we take a picture together?"
"Oh, sure."
I nodded, Jetana stopping and waiting with a look that seemed to tell me,
'I'm watching you. If you mess up, I'll tell your wife immediately.' But he won't get the chance to tattle. I'm super careful.
I stood with my hands behind my back, leaning down slightly to be at her height but keeping a respectful distance. I gave a small smile, and once she finished taking the photo, she thanked me.
"So... um, didn't you come with Qin?"
"Qin's backstage. He'll be performing at 7:30. You can check it out."
"Oh, thank you!" She smiled brightly, her face turning red as she walked away.
"Dude, she doesn't like you. She likes Qin. But since Qin isn't here..."
"Asshole."
"He has you as his husband, but he can have anyone as his wife."
"I'm gonna punch you, Jet."
"I'm joking! Geez." He playfully flounced around when I raised my hand to smack his head. This time, it was his turn to have someone ask for a picture. Being the smooth single guy he is, he casually put his arm around her and gave his most charming smile. The prettier they are, the more he stares like he's about to eat them alive.
Pathetic.
"You know, I really want you to have a girlfriend.""Geez, what's your problem? You keep saying that. You, Pae, all our friends."
"I just want to know what kind of person could tame you. What kind of person could make you settle down like a puppy?"
"No one!" Then he switched to English, saying that such a person doesn't exist.
"Why not? What kind of person do you like?"
"Like your Qin—ouch! I'm joking! You're too possessive, Duang."
"When it comes to my boyfriend, there's no such thing as too much."
"I like people who are confident and don't care about me."
"Masochist, much?"
"I like people who aren't crazy in love with me. Not like you, okay?"
"Geez, stop dissing me." I took a sip of beer through a straw in the bucket, pretending it was Italian soda. Everyone does it. The beer smell is strong as hell.
"I like people who love me but could leave me. Someone who can live without me, whether they want to or not. But that kind of person doesn't exist... I'm too awesome. Who wouldn't care about me?"
"..."
"Am I wrong? Everyone wants me."
I pounded my chest because I choked. It's both funny and pitiful. How can someone be this self-deprecating? I slung my arm around his neck as we walked. He grumbled, telling me to stop before people thought I was his wife. But seriously, Jetana...
"Dude! It's Gump!"
"Isn't that Moo? Damn, he looks fine as hell with that buzz cut."
"The only guy who can pull off a buzz cut. Usually, people just look like eels."
"Including you?"
"Me too. My face isn't sharp enough." He laughed out loud. Speaking of which, where's Pae? He hasn't called. Probably arguing with his girlfriend again. She's a bit clingy.
"So, where did you leave Fluffy? Who wouldn't want to come to this event?"
"With Qin's literature friends. School friends."
"Oh, everyone wants to play with your dog."
"Shit, this guy really showed up."
"Who?"
"Shinta. Qin likes him. Says he has a good vibe."
"Jealous yet? Go stab him with a pencil."
"I can't. He's too damn tall."
"Is he here with his boyfriend? They're holding hands."
I looked at the small guy being held close. I don't know how old they are because I don't follow them, but they all seem super grown-up now.
"Dude, he looks so soft when he's with his boyfriend, petting and fussing over him non-stop."
"Yeah, his boyfriend is pretty cute too.""I'm noting this down to report to Qin later, gotta earn some points."
"Enough already. Sometimes Qin actually gets sulky, and I end up having to coax him for a whole day, you idiot."
"I'm just stirring things up."
"Qin always believes whatever you say, though. I don't get it at all."
I smack the head of the guy laughing like a maniac. Sometimes, all it takes is him dropping a comment during lunch that I complimented a senior's legs when she wore short shorts, and next thing I know, I'm practically begging Qin in our room to talk to me. If I ever lose him, I'm dead. I really am the guy Jet always says I am—hopelessly in love.
"You gonna eat anything? It's almost 7:30."
"Nah, let's hurry and get to the front so Qin can see me."
"Ugh, sure."
"My boyfriend's cute."
"Can't argue with that. Ever since that day when someone sat on your lap and you went out to clear things up, I've believed it with all my heart."
"Huh? You followed me?"
"Duang, why are you grilling me? I'm just a simple man who loves my country, religion, and the monarchy with all my heart."
I could honestly facepalm at how ridiculously my best friend dodges questions.
"You seriously followed me?"
"Yeah, yeah. I dragged Pae with me, too. Don't just get mad at me."
"Damn it."
"When I saw Qin apologizing to you that day, I knew he's really sweet."
"I'm gonna make you forget about that."
"Jeez, you're so dramatic—possessive much?"
"Can you blame me? Look at him."
I nod toward the stage where the screen behind it shows the band's name and the members who are about to perform. The crowd is screaming like crazy. And when it's Qin's turn, as soon as his serious face appears, people lose their minds.
Why does my boyfriend have to be so popular?
I'm pissed.
"If you're gonna be mad, be mad at yourself for loving him too much."
"That's so unfair."
"I mean, who wouldn't like him? He's the definition of a dream."
"Honestly, every time I wake up next to Qin, I feel like I'm still dreaming."
"Such a show-off, bitch!"
He insults me in English. I don't fully understand it, but from his tone, I know it's definitely not a compliment. At that moment, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I quickly answer and nudge Jet, telling him I'll be right back. I slip away to a quieter spot, worried Qin won't be able to hear me.
[Duang.]
"Yes, what's up?"
[You.]
"Are you okay? Is everything alright? Do you want me to come over?"
[...Come backstage, I'm waiting.]
"Don't hang up yet. What's wrong? You can tell me."
[...I'm feeling pressured.]
As soon as I hear that, I immediately say okay. Qin always feels like a little kid when it comes to things he's serious about. I speed-walk through the crowd until I reach the back of the stage. The staff guarding the area seem to recognize me, and there he is—waiting for me. He's supposed to go on in
just ten minutes.
Oh, my adorable little guy.
"Come here, let me hug you."
"..."
"Come on."
Without a word, he walks into my arms, not caring if anyone's watching us. I press a kiss to the top of his head, murmuring about how amazing he is— how it's okay to mess up, to hit the wrong note, or even to miss a high note. I rock him gently, trying to warm up his cold body with mine.
"Feeling better?"
"Mm."
"Did you use my perfume today?"
He nods. I stroke his cheek, thankful for the dim lighting. Otherwise, we'd definitely be catching everyone's attention.
"I just wanted to feel like you're close to me."
"You keep saying things like that, and I'm gonna grab a chair and sit right next to you on stage."
"You're being dramatic."
"Your hands are freezing. If you play the bass like this, your fingers are gonna fall off."
"Then hold my hand. You should hold my hand."
I feel like I'm melting inside. I tighten my grip on his hand and bring it to my cheek. He quietly complains about the crowd and says that after the concert, he wants to leave right away to avoid people asking for pictures. I nod and promise to find something tasty for us to eat later.
"Do you want to eat anything from the festival? I'll get it for you."
"I want Tokyo pancakes."
"Okay, how many?"
"Ten."
"Whoa, ten?!"
I talk to him like he's a little kid. He smiles because I'm complaining about Jet. Soon enough, I have to let go of his hand because a staff member comes to fetch him. I give him a quick kiss on the head and tell him I'll be watching like always—there's nothing to worry about.
"If you feel bad, look at me."
"Okay."
"Okay, my good boy."
I watch him walk away with the staff until he's out of sight, letting out a sigh because I wish I could take care of everything for him. He's so fragile...It takes me forever to push through the crowd and get back to Jet."Here you are, you slut. They're about to start—where'd you go?"
"To find my wife."
"Ugh! I hate you."
"Qin was feeling a bit stressed, so I went to comfort him."
"Why couldn't it be meee that day?!" I shrug, telling him to shut up because Qin's band is taking the stage. He looks amazing as always—if anything, even dreamier because of his lucky necklace that he always wears when performing.
"He's so freaking good."
"Yeah, seriously."
I reply dreamily to Jet. With his longer hair, Qin seems even more ethereal. Besides playing the bass, he also does backing vocals sometimes. I hear the girl next to me screaming herself hoarse for him.
Should I scream too?
"Is he going to sing next?"
"Yeah, just one song."
"Then what?"
"We're leaving right after. Qin said he doesn't want to meet anyone."
"Makes sense. You should leave too—your face steals my spotlight."
Jet says, turning his attention back to the concert. Not that I'm any different—I answer him, but my eyes never leave Qin.
And then, it happens. Our eyes meet. The girl next to me screams at the top of her lungs, shaking her friend and claiming Qin just smiled at her. I glance over, amused, but her friend shuts her down with a deadpan voice.
"Girl, he smiled at Duang."
"Where's Duang?"
"Right next to you, duh."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"
"It's fine." I replied to that girl.
I laugh it off. She's not wrong—Qin really did smile at me. Part of me swells with pride that people love him for his music, his voice, for simply being himself. But another part of me? I'm so possessive it drives me insane—I want to keep him locked up where no one else can see him.
He's my whole world.
"Qin's going backstage now."
"I'm nervous, man."
"Why?"
"I don't know what song he's gonna sing. He practiced with the next band while we were in class."
"Lowkey hoping he sings for you, huh?"
"He sings for me every night."
"God, I hate you. I wanna cut you off, Duang."
"Tough luck, Jet. You'll never be me."
"Asshole."
He stomps his foot in frustration just as the MC announces the next band and—of course—people lose their minds when Qin's name is mentioned again. I sigh and shake my head.
Whatever.
It's the last day.
When break starts, I'm taking him back to Bangkok and keeping him all to myself. Ordering delivery for every meal. Just wait and see.
"Hello, everyone! We have a special guest singer joining us today. I'm sure you've all been waiting for him!"
"KYAAAAA!!!"
"QINNNNNN!!!"
"I wanna be your wife!!!"
"He already has a boyfriend! He's taken! My heart's broken too!"
I widen my eyes, clapping a hand over Jet's mouth as he yells at the top of his lungs. I'm not embarrassed—just worried we'll draw too much attention. I'm literally just standing here minding my own business, damn it.
"What? I'm just being a voice for the people."
"Shut up."
"Please give a warm welcome to our special guest singer today!"
I kick Jet as he keeps chanting 'Sing! Sing!' while the crowd erupts into deafening screams. Looking around, I can tell everyone's genuinely excited as Qin steps onto the stage. Up there, he transforms—there's no anxiety, no fear. Just freedom.
We lock eyes again. I smile at him, knowing he'll see it.
He grabs the mic, and the crowd goes wild. Everyone says he's got an incredible voice and total stage presence—but that's not his dream. His real passion is jazz. He wants to make music for his Mama and Papa, who love jazz more than anything. That's what he told me.
My sweet, sweet boy.
"This song is for you."
I don't even know who's screaming louder, Jet or the girls around us. He's hitting me non-stop because Qin really means it when he says the song is for me.
My heart is pounding.
Just like it always does.
"There comes a time in a young man's life, he should settle down and find himself a wife... but I'm just fine 'cause I know that you're mine."
And I am his.
Just like the song says.
"Looking back on 2009... when people said that it was raining all the time."
And he's mine.
Qin is mine.
"I see sunshine 'cause I know that you are mine."
We belong to each other.