"Ruby~ can you bring me more beer? I'm all out. Hic!"
I slumped against the sofa, my vision swimming and my words slurring. I was, to put it lightly, drunk out of my mind.
Ruby stood over me, arms crossed firmly over her chest. "No! You've had enough. You're starting to smell like Uncle Qrow."
I pouted, trying to muster the most devastatingly pathetic look in my repertoire. "Aww... but if you don't bring me beer, then no more sleeping in my lap. No headpats. And cookies? Gone. For-ev-er~"
I let out a small smirk as I saw Ruby's silver eyes twitch. The threat of a cookie-less existence hit her like a physical blow.
"Now hold on!" Ruby squeaked, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead. "Let's not get crazy here. We're adults mostly. We can reach a consensus, right?"
"If you bring me ten cases of beer," I said, leaning back with a lazy grin, "I will forget all about this."
"Nope. Five cases," Ruby countered, her hunter instincts kicking in for the bargain.
"Eight."
"Six!"
"Seven."
"Six! Final offer!" Ruby shouted, pointing a finger at me.
I chuckled, knowing I had her right where I wanted her. "Make it eight, and you get the cookies Sakuya makes."
Ruby froze. Her resolve crumbled like a stale wafer. "...Fine," she muttered, defeated by the allure of superior baking.
"Now go buy me that beer!" I cheered.
The moment the door clicked shut, my drunken facade sharpened. I waved a hand, tearing a Gap into the air. Through the purple rift, I saw a familiar figure: Westcott, sitting comfortably inside a private jet.
"He's almost here," I murmured, watching the target. "Once he arrives, my mission will be complete, and another character will be added to the roster."
I closed the rift, my mind drifting to the mechanics of my own power. Currently, I had Sakuya and Yukari two legendary figures. But I had always controlled them sequentially.
"Hey, System," I called out. "Can I control two different characters at the same time?"
[Answer: User is capable of simultaneous multi-character synchronization.]
"How do I do it?"
[Answer: Initiate transformation into Sakuya and Yukari simultaneously. The interface will adapt.]
I took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's try it."
I focused on the dual essence within me. In a flash of blinding light, the world didn't just change it split. When the light faded, my perspective was fractured. I was seeing the room from two different heights, two different angles.
Then, a searing, white-hot pain lanced through my skull.
"My head..." I groaned.
"My head..." I groaned again.
I blinked, and the sight was dizzying. I, as Yukari, was looking at Sakuya. And I, as Sakuya, was looking back at Yukari.
"This is weird," I said.
"This is weird," my other mouth echoed perfectly.
"Stop that!"
"Stop that!"
I rubbed my temples both sets of them. "This is going to take some getting used to."
After twenty minutes of mental gymnastics, I managed to desync their actions. It was an eerie sensation; speaking to myself felt like a conversation with a stranger, especially since their inherent personalities began to bleed into my control.
"Yawn~ why is Ruby taking so long? I want my beer," I (Yukari) complained, lounging on the gap.
"It has only been twenty minutes," Sakuya replied, her expression ice-cold as she adjusted her sleeves. "The nearest store is an hour away."
"Aww, don't be like that, Sakuya. Besides, you should start baking. Ruby is going to be hungry."
Sakuya sighed, a hint of a smile ghosting her lips which was weird, considering she was me. "Very well."
She disappeared into the kitchen, and soon, the heavenly scent of butter and sugar filled the apartment. I lay back, my brain aching from the effort of maintaining two souls.
The door burst open. Ruby trudged in, hauling the heavy cases of beer.
"I'm back, Yukari!" She slammed them on the table, then stopped, her nose twitching. "Cookies?"
She sprinted to the kitchen, only to skid to a halt. There stood Sakuya, pulling a fresh tray from the oven.
"Oh, you're back," Sakuya said calmly, placing the tray next to the beer.
"Finally! I was parched," I (Yukari) said, popping a cold can.
Ruby's eyes went wide, her finger trembling as she pointed between us.
"Wait... you can multiply?!"
"I will explain," Sakuya said, while I stayed busy shoving the beer into a Gap for safekeeping.
After a long, confusing explanation about character synchronization, Ruby finally sat down, her mouth full of cookies. "Anyway... when can you train me?"
"Train?" Sakuya asked.
"Yeah! My new powers! I can use Yang's, Weiss's, and Blake's Semblances now, and they're way stronger. I want to test them!"
I (Yukari) grinned. "We can do that right now."
Before they could protest, I opened a Gap beneath their feet. We tumbled out into a secluded forest clearing. Sakuya landed gracefully, looking thoroughly unamused.
"Chill out. Here, have a beer," I said, tossing a can toward my maid self.
"I will secure the perimeter," Sakuya said, ignoring the drink. She snapped her fingers, summoning four clones. "Secure the area. Report any intruders."
The clones nodded and vanished into the brush.
"How rude," I muttered to myself. "Wait... that's me. I'm being rude to me."
[Power Output Increased: Yukari Yakumo]
[Assimilation Progress: 50%]
[Power Output Increased: Sakuya Izayoi]
[Assimilation Progress: 89%]
Omake:
"These cookies are really good, da ze~" Marisa grinned, crumbs falling onto the script.
"Indeed," Yukari agreed, sipping tea.
Marisa looked up, breaking the fourth wall with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Hey! Author-san! Would you like one?"
A voice boomed from the void. "Wait... this feels like a trap."
"Hey! I'm being nice today! If you don't want it, fine!" Marisa huffed.
"Fine, give me one."
"Here you go, da ze!" She tossed a cookie into the air.
The Author took a bite. "Actually, this isn't half ba—"
"You... you did something, didn't you?" Cirno asked, backing away.
The Author's face suddenly hit the desk. While they were out cold, Marisa whipped out a permanent marker and began doodling aggressively.
"You know they're going to kill you, right?" Cirno whispered.
"Hahaha! Author-san ain't doing shi—"
The Author's eyes snapped open. The air pressure in the room plummeted. What followed was a Looney Tunes-style chase that ended with a metaphysical boot to Marisa's backside, launching her into the moon.
[Notice: The Author has been arrested for violating the Marisa Protection Act. Updates may be delayed.]