Min-jae sat frozen at his desk and shattered glass still scattered on the floor. The water had spread across the hardwood floor.
'It's not me. They're just deadweight.' Min-jae stared at the 'Delete Character' button highlighted in front of him. His cursor hovered for a moment and then click…
Character deleted.
He felt guilty, yet relieved.
"That's one chapter of my life over, I guess." His stomach felt hollow. Years of progression gone to waste over one loss. Everything is gone, it's as if KeuMinMin never existed. He didn't have a lot of money leftover from his salary after paying rent and his utility bills, but most of what was leftover ended up being spent on cosmetics in the game. On that character.
"This shit sucks."
At least he's safe?
Min-jae took a look around him, he needed something else to pass the time but his apartment was barren with just a bed, table, chairs, fridge and stove/oven. He had the other essentials such as enough counter space for food preparation, and a closet for his clothes.
This isn't how he pictured his life would be at age 23, but living on the outskirts of Busan on a Junior's wage was about as good as it could get for him. He had heating, a bed, and food which was enough for him to survive. He didn't need to care about anything else when he could spend all night/weekend on Eclipse Online.
Min-jae glanced at the window. The world was monochrome, but a silver light from the moon reminded him of the time. He needed to go to bed, he could deal with the rest later.
He completed his nighttime routine: used the bathroom; washed his hands; brushed his teeth; and went to bed. His bed didn't feel comfortable and a black hole of anxiety grew in his chest. He still had to go to work tomorrow and face Lee Jun-ho.
Tuesday 10 December:
The bags under Min-jae's eyes evidenced his lack of sleep. The anxiety in his chest from his boss, the game, and the dread of facing another day in this workplace.
Sitting up in bed, the white blanket fell. It was a very cold night, and his head felt like it was being squeezed between two solid concrete bricks.
His eyes first laid on the remnants on shattered glass.
"Ah," he vocalised to himself. Min-jae sauntered out of bed carelessly to pick up each individual piece and-
"Ack-"
Drip, drip, drip.
Blood trickled down from his palm and landed simply on the floor. He panicked and dropped the glass he attempted to pick up. Stung by a sharp pain from the glass penetrating his skin, he darted to the faucet and watched the blood mix with the rushing water.
"Oh good," he exhaled his words. There were no bandages or any first aid kits in his apartment, so instead he made a makeshift bandage by wrapping layers upon layers of tissue around his hand and went back for round two.
After the glass was successfully disposed of, he made an attempt at getting dressed. A white shirt buttoned down and a grey tie around his neck. Tight, black pants to complete the ensemble. He couldn't expend any effort to correct his collar, or tuck in his shirt and stumbled out of his apartment. A quick scan before he left showed no sign of a scarf or coat and Min-jae's head felt too fuzzy to recall where he took it off.
As Min-jae walked to the train station he stopped in his tracks and took a moment to stare up at the sky. He was caught off guard by tiny flecks of white snow that started to fall. One landed on his nose and melted all within a couple of seconds. His breath, visible with each exhale, he really started to regret not looking harder for his winterwear.
His hair, although tangled, was littered with snow. As he continued on to the train station, not exactly eager to get to work, the snow fell heavier and heavier and his breathing became progressively more laboured.
The clock read 09:14 in the morning, Lee Jun-ho peered at the empty desk where his junior is usually stationed at this time. 'He's late,' he thought to himself and his brow furrowed with a concern that hadn't been observed before.
In Jun-ho's eyes: while Min-jae is often useless, his punctuality was never an issue. He looked at his desk and the endless stacks of papers, then looked at his laptop on the edge of his desk. His firm hands traced the laptop lid for a moment, then reluctantly closed it.
Just as Jun-ho started to raise himself from his chair, the door to the main office opened and a dishevelled blur of brown, white and black sauntered into office and caused a slight commotion.
"Whoa, are you okay Min-jae?" A concerned Cha Daewon asked, as Min-jae sat down. Cha Daewon is one of Min-jae's colleagues, but works as a senior editor for the company. Daewon sits at the desk next to Min-jae and often works a different set of hours most days due to care for his pregnant wife who's in her third trimester.
Min-jae couldn't deny that he was slightly out of it. There was a dull ringing in his ears. He could survive for a few days and wait for the weekend to come, or at least try. He had a lot of work to get done, and the approval of his colleagues to win. After all, it's been drilled into him that if he wasn't dead, he could work.
The office was freezing, are the windows open?
He nodded and feigned a smile to his colleague. "I'm fine, please don't worry about me," he answered forcefully. "Just a sniffle from the cold weather." Min-jae set down his bag, forced a laugh and went to turn on his work computer.
Jun-ho entered the room.
"Oi," Jun-ho interrupted his actions. His previous concerned look had vanished before anyone noticed. "You're late, don't you own a clock?"
Hearing the aggressive boom in his boss' voice, Min-jae froze mid-reach as he aimed for the power button on his PC. Jun-ho's eyes laid on the poorly wrapped, blood-soaked bandages around his palm.
Nobody else seemed to notice, as Min-jae did his best to hide it in his sleeve. But, Jun-ho was too quick; he stomped over towards Min-jae and dragged him into his office without muttering a word.
"Please, get off!" Min-jae tried to take his arm back with great difficulty as Jun-ho threw him into the office and closed the door. Min-jae was weak, probably from the lack of sleep, or from the illness he keeps trying to deny. His joints ached when trying to free his grip, and failed to do so. His boss was a much larger man and obviously built and healthy as opposed to Min-jae whose body type could be described as 'slim' or some might say 'feeble.'
Jun-ho pointed to his junior's arm and continued to hold on tight. He didn't realise just how strong he was when he heard the smaller brown-haired male whimper. "That hurts-"
And he let go.
Min-jae bowed slightly, eyes closed tightly in preparation for the onslaught of verbal abuse from his boss.
"What is this? First you show up to work late, and then-" he gestured to Min-jae's scruffy attempt at dressing himself. "You come in dressed like this? So you don't own a clock or a mirror? And what happened to your hand?" The barrage continued.
"Yes boss, sorry for being late, the snow delayed the trains and-" Min-jae couldn't get any more words in when Lee Jun-ho's voice became low and somewhat threatening. He winced, why was he defending himself? Did he have a death wish?
Min-jae couldn't hear the concern in his voice as only the venom hit his ears. "Your hand?"
"Ah," his eyes blinked open and stared at the floor below them. He couldn't face his boss at that moment. The next words stumbled out of his mouth. "I dropped a glass and cut myself picking it up."
He watched Min-Jae shiver. The ringing in his ears got louder, and his head still hurt. There was a moment of silence, before Min-jae slowly raised himself back up, vision twisting with every movement.
Min-jae swallowed thickly. That hurt, too. "I was in a rush to leave the house this morning." he heard a disapproving sign and felt a hand on his shoulder push him onto a spare chair. Resisting was not possible.
"Stay here. Sit." Jun-ho commanded and briefly left the room.
Min-jae waited in the chair, as instructed, and observed his surroundings. Head leaning against the wall next to him and the light above him was dimmed slightly. It didn't help that black cracks started to appear in the corner of his vision… maybe just for a moment he could let his eyes rest.
Jun-ho returned holding a small white and red kit, then placed it on his desk. "You can…" he trailed off when he noticed Min-jae had fallen asleep in his office. Jun-ho took a moment to examine his face, pale, yet dark eyelids as if blackened by a punch. He had soft, immature features on his face but couldn't seem to remember the colour of his eyes.
It then hit him that his junior was always too afraid to look into his eyes. There was a pained expression on the sleeping form, eyebrows knitted and eyes tightly clenched.
He quietly undid the latches on the box and opened the kit, then reached for Min-jae's palm. His junior flinched as Jun-ho felt his arm, his skin also pale, yet soft. The bandages were flimsy and easily fell off - they were attached to him with a loose paperclip that dropped to the floor with ease.
A few drops of fresh blood dropped onto the floor, and Min-jae writhed in his sleep. Of course it wasn't going to heal properly, there was no pressure to stop the blood.
Jun-ho's eyes widened. The cut was deep and dirtied. He pressed his lips together, steadying himself as he dabbed at it with a sterile wipe.. Min-jae's eyes flew open and yelped, he jumped out of his chair from the burning pain as the wipes came into contact with his skin.
"Boss? What are you…" he looked at his bandage-less hand and the small splotches of blood on the floor. He hadn't realised he fell asleep, but saw his boss crouched with one knee on the floor and antiseptic wipes in his hands.
"You need to clean that, then go home. Clearly, you're not fit to work today." Min-jae only heard 'you're useless' from that sentence, and couldn't discern any concern in his speech. Jun-ho passed him the wipes and motioned for him to take over.
Min-jae's voice cracked. "Yes, boss. Sorry, boss," he spoke formally. He winced as he cleaned his hand with wipes and allowed Jun-ho to assist with wrapping his palm with a fresh, clean bandage and even a gauze underneath.
The pressure was unbearable. It was far too tight but he couldn't say anything to the man showing him some rare compassion, despite it feeling like yet another way for his boss to berate him further. It felt like the only traits his boss could see was that he had no redeemable qualities, no matter how much work or effort he puts into the company.
"I don't know how you managed to do this to yourself, but be careful from now on." Upon hitting Min-jae's ears, that was translated to 'I don't get how you could fuck this up. Try paying more attention.'
"Yes, boss." Min-jae hung his head in shame, and fists clenched.
"Now go home, I don't want to see you for a week. You can't work like this," Jun-ho dismissed his junior and clipped the first-aid box back up. He placed it in a drawer in his desk.
The words stung Min-jae. He shuffled his feet and his quivering became more noticeable. Jun-ho didn't say anything, except he walked over to his door to open it up.
Min-jae left and took his belongings with him, and waved good-bye to his colleagues.
He arrived back at home after what felt like an impossible journey. His vision blurred, and the pain in his head flashed hot and hard. As if his body knew exactly what he needed, he found himself in his bed without realising. Head buried into pillows that have never felt softer.
Wednesday 11 December
The blanket lay half on the floor, half on the bed, with Min-jae not seeking refuge under it. No longer did he feel like he was three seconds away from freezing to death, but instead he felt as if he were three seconds away from burning to death.
He'd slept the entire day (and most of the night) away. Min-jae comforted his head with his hand, and he glanced at the clock next to him. It was four in the morning, and it didn't look like he was going back to sleep any time soon.
A groan escaped his lips along with a deep exhale. He dug his hands into his sheets and pushed himself off the bed to get a glass of water and brush his teeth.
After the discussion with his boss yesterday, it was evident that he wasn't allowed back to work. He wasn't feeling better, but the weight of the guilt was an anchor on his soul. Moreover, the snow hadn't stopped falling since yesterday and a thick blanket lay on the floor outside of his apartment. From his building, the view was cozy and the snow shimmered as it fell softly on the ground.
The thought of food at this moment in time disgusted Min-jae, even his stomach agreed with him. 'Absolutely not,' his internal monologue hummed after opening the fridge. Eggs, milk, various old and nearly empty jars of pastes and sauces… there wasn't a lot to cook with anyway. Maybe if he feels up to it later, and if the weather settles, he can go to the convenience store and eat.
As if by pure habit, he was already in front of his computer: switched on with Eclipse Online loaded up. His face, deadpan, as he stared at the empty screen in front of him. Min-jae was in autopilot mode.
'Ah, yeah. I guess I did delete my account.'
He leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head and legs kicking out of boredom. His browser loaded up and he scrolled through videos, cringing at the abundance of videos commentating his last guild war.
He clicked one out of curiosity but grit his teeth and clenched his fists as he saw that name… HJKaioss77.
That bastard. He got lucky, surely he was cheating right? More videos flew by, all were talking about the same topic. That reminded him - he loaded up his phone. Hundreds of texts from his IRL friends 'Yunnie' and 'Eunnie'. Oh, he completely forgot to respond to them. His phone has been on silent since the nightmare, due to bombardment of notifications from the forums he follows and messages from in-game friends who had his ID.
He pretended to not see the comments or the forum posts but typed back to Kim Eun-woo, Eunnie. The last messages in the chat were variations of "?" or "Are you alive?"
"Am sick." He typed the message and hit send. "I quit the game, not died, you moron." Send.
He immediately received a call from Eun-woo, which he declined and typed back. "You idiot. Didn't I say I was sick? Do you want me to die?"
There were a few moments of the "..." typing symbol as Eun-woo took too long to respond. Another message popped up from another chat Kang Yu-jun, Yunnie. His profile picture was him with his dog, one of those little yappy ones with scruffy fur. The message read, "Eun-woo told me you're…" and the message was cut off.
Looks like they're with each other IRL now? At this time?
"I'm going back to sleep. Good night." Text sent. He briefly saw a message pop up from Eun-woo, but put his phone down to the side instead of reading it. Min-jae sighed, he didn't enjoy social interactions. Even sometimes talking with his friends was mentally exhausting.
One painfully long hour had passed and he loaded up Eclipse Online again. He contemplated the start game button and subconsciously brought an anxious finger to his trembling lips.
Maybe a new character wouldn't be so bad?
The character selection screen. He never made any alts previously, so it's been years since he'd seen this screen. He'd avoid choosing the same as last time, just in case it would be too obvious if anyone saw him using his same rotations and playstyle. It was a shame, really. He liked the way that elves looked - they had an edgy look to them and always looked cool on the MVP screens.
Clicking through the races, he had a few options that he didn't hate. He could be a Human, or maybe a Demon? It was tempting, but eventually settled on the Chimera class. The Chimera lore was closely linked to the Elf lore as the birth of Chimeras happened due to experiments from the Elven and Demon war in the second expansion. They had a lot more options when customising the appearance, too, which is always a positive.
This time he was going to make his character look the opposite. Fluffy fox ears and tail; silky, long white hair; shining blue eyes and adjusting his height to roughly 1.65m, slightly shorter than his real life self. KeuMinMin, his previous character, was set to slightly taller than his real height (1.71m).
Min-jae was the type of person to spend hours in character creation, and he did. With his character now completed, he chose his class. Assassins always looked pretty cool, he told himself previously if he ever made a new character, it would be an assassin. The Shadowblade specialisation that Eunnie chose looked badass when using the ultimate ability. As an Assassin, he also had a good chance of taking down that nobody who ruined his Eclipse Online career.
And with that, he was ready to start again.
"And here I thought I was done."