The afterglow of the pizza party lasted exactly forty-eight hours. The app was running smoothly, their user base was growing organically through word-of-mouth, and Kairos had almost forgotten what impending doom felt like.
Almost.
It started subtly. Ares was the first to notice it during her nightly review of the admin panel.
Ares: Hey, are you seeing this? Ares:[Screenshot of the admin panel] Ares:The 'Trending Issues' page is getting… weird.
Kairos pulled it up. The trending section, his pride and joy, was supposed to promote issues with the most upvotes in the last 24 hours. It was supposed to highlight urgent problems: plumbing leaks, electrical hazards, broken doors.
Instead, the top trending issue was:
**Title: **The Pigeon Near the Library is Judging Me Category:Other Upvotes:147 **Description:**He sits on the same bench every day and stares into my soul. I feel seen. And judged. It's affecting my ability to study.
Kairos blinked. Then he scrolled down.
**Title: **The Vending Machine in Miller Hall Owes Me a Snickers Category:Other Upvotes:118 **Description:**Took my money. Gave me nothing. This is financial and emotional theft. #JusticeForMySnickers
**Title: **The Stairs Between Floors 2 and 3 in the Tech Building are Cursed Category:Structural Upvotes:98 **Description:**I have tripped on the exact same step three times this week. It's personal now. Needs an exorcism OR better lighting.
Kairos's blood ran cold. His beautiful, well-intentioned algorithm had been hijacked. The students of campus had discovered the upvote button and were using it for chaos. The system was working perfectly—it was just promoting the wrong kind of problems.
Kairos: Oh no. Ares:'Oh no' is right. This is a disaster. The head of maintenance is going to think we're lunatics. Kairos:I can tweak the algorithm! I can add a weight to certain categories! Make 'Plumbing' and 'Electrical' votes count for more than 'Other'! Ares:Do it. Fast.
Kairos dove into the code. He implemented a quick fix, a weighting system that multiplied votes for critical categories by five. He deployed the change.
An hour later, Ares messaged again.
Ares: It's worse. Ares:[Screenshot]
The trending page was now a bizarre mix of the absurd and the critical.
1. LEAK IN CHEMISTRY LAB - ACID DRIP (Plumbing - 605 upvotes)
2. The Pigeon Near the Library is Judging Me (Other - 147 upvotes)
3. BROKEN RAILING - 4TH FLOOR STAIRWELL (Structural - 585 upvotes)
4. The Vending Machine in Miller Hall Owes Me a Snickers (Other - 118 upvotes)
The serious issues were now inflated by the multiplier, but the jokes remained, stubbornly clinging to the top of the list like weeds. It looked even more insane.
Kairos: I'M MAKING IT WORSE! Ares:Okay, stop. Stop coding. Breathe. We need a different approach.
But Kairos was in full panic mode. The chaos he'd been avoiding for weeks had found him, and it was coming through the one thing he was supposed to control: his code. He decided on a more nuclear option. He'd implement a word filter. He'd ban the word "pigeon." He'd ban "Snickers." He'd ban "cursed."
He wrote the filter, a clumsy function that checked new issue titles against a blacklist of words and blocked them from being posted. He deployed it, feeling a grim sense of satisfaction.
The satisfaction lasted approximately three minutes.
His phone rang. It was Robin.
"DUDE," Robin yelled, the sound of the pub loud behind him. "Your app is broken! Me and the guys tried to report a legitimate issue!"
"What legitimate issue?" Kairos asked, his heart sinking.
"The urinal in the west wing pub bathroom has terrible water pressure! It's a genuine plumbing concern! And your app rejected it!"
"What did you write as the title?" Kairos asked, already knowing the answer.
"'This Urinal is Weaker Than My Will to Live'! It's poignant! It's art! And your fascist app blocked it! It said it contained 'inappropriate language'! Since when is 'will to live' inappropriate?!"
Kairos put his head in his hands. His filter had banned the word "weaker." It was a disaster. He was censoring real reports.
Ares: [Screenshot of a notification from the system] Ares:Kairos. Why did the app just block a report titled 'Flickering Lights in Lecture Hall B'? What word did you ban?! Kairos:…Flickering? It might have been 'flickering'. It sounds too much like… something else.
There was a long, terrifying pause from Ares.
Ares: Revert. The. Changes. Now. I am turning off the trending page until we have a human moderation system. This is a dumpster fire.
Defeated, Kairos rolled back his code. The trending page went offline. The flow of ridiculous issues continued, but now they were just scattered through the main feed, a constant, mocking testament to his failure.
He had tried to automate order. He had instead created a different kind of chaos. The universe, it seemed, would always find a way to make his code, and his life, just a little bit absurd. He stared at his screen, at a new issue that had just popped up.
**Title: **The Guy Who Built This App is Probably Having a Rough Night Category:Other Upvotes:27 Description:Sending good vibes, bro. We appreciate you. Also, please fix the urinal pressure.
Kairos let out a sound that was half-sob, half-laugh. Even the chaos had a heart. He was going to need a lot more pizza to get through this.