Chapter 0158: Easy Win
Everyone, have you ever heard of the "Law of Smile Conservation"?
The principle states that smiles don't just disappear—they merely transfer from one person's face to another's.
At this very moment, on the living room couch of Sky City's first floor, this law is being perfectly demonstrated.
"Aww—"
Ho-Oh sat on the coffee table like a little chick, legs splayed out, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes with a tissue while wailing loudly, "Kaori! My Kaori! Waaah! Shouldn't this have been a happy ending?!"
Hayashi leaned against the armrest of the sofa, struggling mightily to suppress the laughter rising in his throat—No, no laughing! If he laughed now, Ho-Oh would definitely fly into a rage out of sheer embarrassment!
Must! Endure!
Ho-Oh's wings deftly held a tissue as she blew her nose hard, producing a multicolored snot ball that made Hayashi inwardly criticize: 'Are you the heroine of some decade-old Mary Sue fanfic? Even your snot is rainbow-colored—just how obsessed with seven colors are you?'
Wait a minute!?
'Hmm, I remember Ho-Oh leaves a rainbow-colored trail when flying through the sky…' Hayashi fell into deep thought, then glanced at Ho-Oh's lower half, thinking: 'Could it be… she's peeing mid-flight, sprinkling rainbow liquid everywhere?'
'Surely… probably… maybe… not, right?' Hayashi shook his head vigorously, trying to fling out this blasphemous thought that might provoke Ho-Oh into attacking his hair follicles with extreme prejudice.
"Hayashi!" Ho-Oh wobbled as she stood up on the coffee table, then turned around with a serious expression. "Let's go save her!"
"Huh?"
"Don't you have that door?"
Ho-Oh fluttered her wings and landed on Hayashi's arm, then excitedly waved them around. "Open a door, and we'll go give her a Sacred Fire! Any illness would be cured!"
"You're serious about this?"
"Is that not allowed?"
"W-well, it's not impossible, but… are you only planning to save Kaori Miyazono?"
"Eh?"
"Hey, hold on! Before we talk about saving anyone, let's watch Anohana first…" Hayashi adjusted his laptop and opened the first episode of Anohana. "This anime is also super healing, trust me! You won't regret it!"
Baffled but curious, Ho-Oh flew back and plopped down on the coffee table, patiently settling in to watch.
...
...
Four and a half hours later.
"Waaah—"
With an identical cry of grief, Ho-Oh sat in front of the computer, bawling her eyes out. "Menma, my Menma, sob sob, Menma… I found you too, waaah—"
'Wow, the God of Life has such a low tear threshold.' Hayashi sniffled and wiped the corners of his eyes, then shot a disdainful look at Ho-Oh. And here I thought you were the ancient, venerable God of Life—yet you're crying this hard over a tearjerker anime?!
He couldn't help but turn his gaze toward the distant sky, thinking: As expected, only a mature, reliable, and—key point—taken adult man like me has a truly strong heart!
"Waaah—"
Hayashi snapped out of his distant musings and looked back at Ho-Oh, who was still sobbing loudly on the coffee table. He dug a finger into his ear and asked, "You're still crying?"
"How could I not cry?! How could anyone not cry?!" Ho-Oh sniffled violently, choking back sobs. "Menma held on until the end to write letters for everyone!! She only moved on to reincarnation so she could see them all again! Such a good kid… sob sob, Menma, my Menma…"
"Wahh..."
Hayashi tugged at the corner of his mouth as he glanced at Ho-Oh, who was still immersed in sorrow. After a moment's thought, he softly asked, "What about Kaori Miyazono?"
"SCREEE!!!"
The next instant, Ho-Oh let out an even louder wail, as if fueled by premium gasoline. She even collapsed onto the coffee table, kicking her bird legs like a tantrum-throwing child who couldn't get a toy, wailing, "My Kaori, my Menma, boo-hoo—"
Wow, this one really has low tear resistance—
Propping his chin on his hand, Hayashi silently pulled out his phone to record this precious "Ho-Oh's Tearful Cry" moment—maybe he could even win a Nobel Prize for Comedy from Professor Oak.
"Hayashi! Hayashiii—" Suddenly, Ho-Oh flew right up to Hayashi's face, pressing her forehead against his and glaring at him with bloodshot eyes. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?!"
Hayashi feigned innocence. "Did what on purpose?"
"You're still pretending?!" Ho-Oh looked ready to spew flames in anger. "First 'Your Lie in April,' and now 'Anohana'—you deliberately picked these tear-jerking anime, didn't you?!"
"Ehe~"
"What do you mean, 'Ehe'?!"
"You were the one who said anything was fine as long as it wasn't horror!" Hayashi retorted righteously.
'But I didn't mean soul-crushing tearjerkers—' Ho-Oh twitched her beak, then shot Hayashi a glare before grumbling, "Fine, I'll let it slide this time—hurry! Let's go save Kaori Miyazono first, then Menma!"
"Just those two?" Hayashi blinked mischievously, repeating his earlier tactic. "How about we check out a few more—"
"No need! This is more than enough!" Ho-Oh immediately flapped over, clamping her talons over Hayashi's mouth in a panic. "I'm already super emo right now—if I watch any more, I might just snap on the spot!"
Are you some elementary school kid who just watched Tokyo Ghoul? "Snap on the spot"?
Wiping cold sweat from his brow, Hayashi put on a serious face. "Don't worry! I promise the next anime will have a happy ending—every character will find happiness!"
"..."
Hearing this, Ho-Oh hesitated (don't ask how Hayashi could read expressions on a bird's face) before slowly landing in front of him. "Really? A happy ending?"
"Absolutely!"
"Everyone gets a happy ending?"
"Guaranteed!"
"You're not lying?"
"Wouldn't dream of it!"
"Fine, one last chance!" In the end, Ho-Oh couldn't resist her own curiosity. She fluttered back onto the coffee table and settled down, urging, "Hurry up, I need to heal my wounded soul and fix my broken tear ducts—I can't take it anymore, my eyes are all red from crying! Ugh, does Ho-Oh have no dignity left?"
"?"
Hayashi opened his mouth, then closed it, staring at Ho-Oh's back. He really wanted to ask how she expected anyone to notice her "red eyes" behind those massive dark circles, but considering the threat of a pecking attack, he swallowed the sarcasm with a gulp. With a sigh, he pulled up Clannad for Ho-Oh...
No, why are you all looking at me like that!? Isn't Clannad supposed to have a happy ending where everyone finds happiness!? Isn't it about everyone getting their happily ever after!?
I, Hayashi, stand by my words!
...
...
The next day, at noon.
"You... soul..."
"...Screwing me over?"
"...Conscience..."
Hayashi faintly heard Ho-Oh's chattering voice in his ear as he slept. Groggily, he opened his eyes and asked with a hint of nasal tone, "Hmm? What's up?"
"You have the nerve to ask!?" Ho-Oh, seeing Hayashi awake, immediately started hopping up and down in front of him in anger. "You absolute jerk, did you deliberately trick me!? Do you even have a conscience?!"
"Huh?"
Hayashi propped himself up from the couch and yawned. "What are you talking about?"
Last night, he had stayed up with Ho-Oh until 3:30 AM before drowsily passing out on the couch. Now, freshly woken by Ho-Oh, his mind was still foggy.
"And you dare say 'What are you talking about?' like that!?" Ho-Oh was acting like Buggy seeing Shanks at Marineford. She pressed her head against Hayashi's forehead and fumed, "Do you have any idea how heart-wrenching Clannad was last night!? I cried through three whole packs of tissues—three packs!! And there you were, sleeping like a log while I was there, wiping tears one tissue after another, boo-hoo—"
Upon hearing Ho-Oh's words, Hayashi flashed an utterly shameless grin—his expression was exactly like Kagura's when he smiled at the crying Ultraman Z after filming wrapped up!
This conscience—big, big bad... No, his conscience was like Batman's parents, gone at a young age!
"And you still have the nerve to laugh!?"
"Wait, hold on!"
Hayashi raised a hand to stop Ho-Oh. With a serious face, he said, "Isn't Clannad a happy ending where everyone finds happiness?"
"Eh? Well, yeah, that's true..."
"Did I lie to you?"
"N-no."
"Then why are you mad?"
Hayashi spread his hands innocently in a helpless gesture. "I'm a model citizen, Ho-Oh-sensei!"
Ho-Oh opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again—she swore on her rainbow snot that Hayashi absolutely, absolutely had ill intentions, deliberately tricking her into watching Clannad, the ultimate tearjerker. But she couldn't even find a reason to vent!!!
Because it was a happy ending, and everyone did find happiness—just with a slightly bumpy journey. But the problem was, Hayashi had only promised a happy ending, not that the journey wouldn't be bumpy!
"I'm hungry, time to eat—" Seeing Ho-Oh speechless, Hayashi smirked and stood up, stretching as he headed toward the dining room. "Chocolate, Vanilla, help me prepare lunch! After eating, I'm heading to the training field to move around—"
"Meow! Understood, Master, meow!"
Chocolate popped up from the side, giving a playful salute before grabbing Vanilla's hand and cheerfully running off to the kitchen.
"??"
Ho-Oh stared dumbfounded at Hayashi's retreating back, which gave off the vibe of a heartless scumbag who'd just hit it and quit it. Unable to hold back, she fluttered up to perch on his head and started ranting, "Do you even have a conscience!? Do you know I cried all night? Believe me, one Brave Bird from me and I'll teach you how to be a decent human being, rawr!"
"Hey now, no need to get worked up—"
Hayashi smoothed out his slightly wrinkled clothes from sleeping on the couch and said calmly, "Let me finish my meal, do my daily workout, and then I'll take you to save Kaori Miyazono and Menma, alright?"
"You better mean that!"
"Come on, when have I ever lied to you?" Hayashi thumped his chest with a fist, declaring righteously, "You can count on me!"
Pfft, just a mere Ho-Oh—easily handled!