"I'd rather be dead," Jason had that thought many times, after all, it wasn't like he had the best life. Just 15 years old, he got kicked out of five different high-schools. It costed his parents a fortune to move him around from school to school. He hated all of them, the children were all immature, all brats. Their parents gave them everything they wanted, Jason wondered if it was because he didn't do everything he was asked.
Jason was scolded so many times, had too many heated arguments with his parents, and punched too many holes in the walls. Jason wished he could get away from his parents. Home was a place where he was constantly told what to do and how horrible he was. He tired to leave, but the police dragged him back home every time he ran away.
17 years old, Jason dropped out of high-school, and applied for a part-time job at small gas station that had only one gas pump. While Jason was working he liked to steal a cigarette pack, he figured he deserved it since he was barely paid. Of course, he was found out and promptly fired. His parents could barely believe him, being all overdramatic, and swore that there was nothing else that he could do to disappoint them more. He proved them wrong by getting fired from seven more jobs for similar reasons. Jason never saved a single penny from his paychecks, spending all of it on booze and porn, and whatever else he figured would feel good.
Jason hated everything, people laughing while walking past him, his parents look of disapproval every time he got up in the morning, and their sighs when he got home late. Ten years they endured his presence, but one night, an especially heated argument was all it took for his dad to finally kick him out of the house for good. He wished to get away, but now, he couldn't live.
No money, no job, and no home. he'd scavenge for food, but, mostly for thrown out porn. Sometimes he would stand at the edge of the big bridge near the edge of town, to scare his parents into thinking that maybe he'd jump, and maybe, they'd have enough sympathy to let him back into their home. He didn't even know if they saw him, or cared about him. After a week he started banging on his parents door, begging and crying to let him back in, only for his dad to shoo him away like an animal. He did it again, for the same thing to happen, and the sixth day his dad brought out a rifle and scared Jason away. He didn't go back after that.
His life was over. Wasn't it? Not a single job that would accept him, no parents who loved him, no money for anything. Only a 28 year old man, with nothing but shame. He couldn't do anything. He caused his life to be like this, he was the reason he got kicked out, reason why he was expelled so many times, the reason why he isn't able to be loved. Disgusting, pathetic, useless, childish, perverted. The world is better without him, he thought. "I should die," would have been his final words, but, they weren't. Despite everything telling him to die, to give up, to end it, he didn't. He made a singular good choice, something he could be proud of. He joined the military, was able to loose all the excess fat he kept around, and became sober for three years in the military. It was finally good. He felt good.
He got a girlfriend. An actual girlfriend, not just someone who he occasionally had sex with. They laughed, and talked on and on so often. She was a beam of light in his world. He didn't get to talk to her often, because of military training and all their strict rules, but even so, he loved her more than anything. She never spoke harshly, she always listened, she always apologized when she made Jason upset, even if it would have been unreasonable. Logic couldn't be used to understand what she found in him that was good, but she brought some good out of the man.
America declared war on Germany. It made sense, there was so much evil happening over there. He didn't want to join it, but, he was chosen to go to Europe, and fight a war he had nothing to do with. Just his luck. Death was certain, to be shot by someone who didn't even want to kill him, or torn to shreds by a Gatling gun. Jason, didn't want to die like this. Repeating over and over in his mind, prayers to some god, "please don't let me die, please don't let me die."
The thought of death, both gave him joy, because he would finally be able to get away from everything, but also, he wouldn't be able to do anything anymore. His girlfriend would be gone, his friends would be gone, his chance to maybe fix everything with his parents would be gone, but, maybe none of those things mattered, death would make them obsolete, after all.