Soren exhaled a deep breath, shoulders still hunched even as he tried to force them down, because the tightness didn't come from posture, it came from inside, a stubborn knot that refused to loosen just because he told it to.
"Do you want me to get it?" Louise asked, immediately noticing the tension in his body the way she always did, like she had a sense for things people tried to hide.
He hesitated for half a second.
Then shook his head.
"It's… fine."
It wasn't fine.
But it had to be.
Things would never improve if he let his anxiety win today, and he knew that, knew it in the same way he knew how to swing an axe or cast a spell, not because it was comforting, but because he had learned it the hard way.
What he had to do was simple.
Act normal.
Smile.
Laugh.
Show them he didn't care.
Only then would they feel safe enough to stop hovering around him like he was made of glass.
Soren stood from the sofa, careful not to move too quickly, careful not to look like he was bracing for impact, and as he walked he repeated the same thoughts over and over like a mantra, because if he kept the words running through his mind there was less room for everything else.
'It's okay.'
'It'll be fine.'
'It'll work out.'
He passed through the living room, crossed the dining area, and stopped in front of the clubroom door.
The handle looked stupidly ordinary.
Just a handle.
Not a guillotine.
He took another breath.
"It's okay," he muttered under his breath, like saying it aloud would make it true.
Then his fingers tightened around the handle.
Click.
The door swung open.
"Ah."
"Oh."
There, standing in the hallway, was everyone he had been waiting for.
Lilliana was at the front.
Her posture was stiff, ears twitching, hands held together in front of her like she didn't know what to do with them, and her eyes flicked over Soren's face before dropping almost immediately, as if she couldn't bear to look for too long.
Behind her were Felix and Esper, close enough that it looked like they had arrived together, but spaced with that subtle, sharp distance that screamed they had argued the whole way here.
Felix's jaw was set too tight, gaze sharp and restless, refusing to settle anywhere for more than a second.
Esper's smile was on, bright and familiar and practiced, and her eyes kept darting away the moment they met Soren's, like eye contact was a punishment.
Then came Olivia and Alex.
Olivia stood with her hands clasped, looking like she wanted to say something and didn't know how to begin without making it worse, while Alex was composed as always, but even he looked tenser than usual, eyes taking in the room behind Soren like he was assessing a battlefield rather than a clubroom.
And at the very back—
Amelia.
Amelia Indras Einhardt.
The Wild Wolf.
The strongest first-year.
She stood slightly apart from the others, shoulders not slumped but lowered, as if she were holding herself back, gaze hovering near Soren without quite meeting his eyes, then flicking away again.
Meek.
Anxious.
It was the first time Soren had ever seen her like that.
A strange pang hit his chest, not anger and not resentment, just something heavy and unpleasant, because he understood immediately what it meant.
'She noticed…'
Of course she did.
Amelia always noticed.
She was always watching him, always close enough to catch every shift he tried to hide, every fracture line he pretended wasn't there.
Soren swallowed.
If even Amelia looked like that, then…
"...Come in," he said finally, forcing his voice into something light. "You're blocking the hallway."
The words came out more casual than he felt, almost too casual, like he was trying to outrun his own fear.
For a split second nobody moved, subtle but unmistakable, like they were waiting for permission to breathe.
Then Lilliana nodded quickly and stepped forward.
Felix followed, hands in his pockets, shoulders stiff.
Esper came next, still smiling, still pretending it was normal.
Olivia and Alex entered quietly.
Amelia hesitated at the threshold just long enough that Soren's stomach clenched, then she stepped inside too, and the door clicked shut behind them, sealing all of them into the same space.
The clubroom looked exactly like it had before.
Warm cloth on the table.
Snacks set out.
Streamers and hanging charms making the room feel softer.
With everyone inside, it suddenly felt smaller, like the air had thickened, like the walls had quietly shifted inward.
Soren moved automatically.
He had learned the hard way that if he stopped moving, the silence would eat him.
"Okay," he said briskly, turning and gesturing toward the living room area. "Shoes off if you want, sit wherever, eat whatever, nobody's allowed to stand around awkwardly at the entrance."
Esper let out a forced laugh.
"Woww… bossy," she said, voice a touch too loud. "I thought we were here for a club meeting."
"I tricked you all," Soren replied. "Now you're stuck here."
Esper's smile twitched.
Felix scoffed, but it wasn't his usual sharp scoff, it came out flatter, like he didn't have the energy to commit.
Louise stood up from the sofa, eyes brightening as she took in the group.
"Oh! Everyone's here!"
The way she said it, like it was obviously a good thing, like there wasn't any tension at all, loosened something in Soren's chest, not enough to fix him, but enough that he could breathe again.
Louise walked over without hesitation, clasped her hands behind her back, and beamed at them all.
Esper's smile shifted into something more genuine, if only because Louise's energy was impossible to ignore.
"Of course we came," Esper said, a touch too loudly, "Professor Roseblood told us to."
Lilliana flinched slightly, then mumbled.
"I just… asked."
Esper waved her hand quickly.
"Same thing."
Felix's eyes flicked to Soren for half a second, then away again.
He said nothing.
Soren pretended not to notice the way Felix wouldn't look at him properly, didn't want to, because if he acknowledged it, he might start thinking, and thinking would drag him right back into the hole he was trying to climb out of.
So instead, he pushed forward.
"Food's there, I made it," he said, pointing at the table. "Dessert's over there, Sis brought it. Drinks are…"
His gaze flicked instinctively toward the high shelf.
"…strategically placed."
Esper followed his gaze, eyes widening in surprise.
"…You hid them."
"I didn't hide them," Soren replied, already tired. "I relocated them."
"That's literally—"
"Relocated," he repeated, more firmly.
Louise giggled softly from the side.
Olivia, hovering near the doorway like she wasn't sure where she was allowed to stand, finally took a step forward.
"Soren," she said gently, voice careful, "thank you for inviting us."
His chest tightened.
Olivia hadn't wronged him.
She didn't deserve to sound like she was stepping on glass.
So he smiled.
A bright smile.
A normal smile.
A smile that didn't feel natural at all.
"Obviously," he said, forcing the cheer into his tone. "It'd be weird if I didn't."
Olivia's expression softened, though her eyes still looked apologetic in a way that didn't make sense, while Alex's gaze slid to Soren's face and then away again, like he had noticed something in the way Soren was holding that smile.
"Where should we sit?" Lilliana asked quietly, fingers twisting together.
Soren blinked.
Of course.
If he didn't give them direction, they would hover.
If he gave them direction, it might feel too controlled.
If he hesitated, awkwardness would only grow.
He forced a laugh.
"Anywhere. Seriously. It's not a formal dinner."
Esper marched forward like she had been waiting for permission to move.
"I'm sitting first," she declared, then paused, like she had realised she sounded too normal, too confident, and her smile faltered for a fraction of a second before she hurried to patch it with extra words, "not because I want to be near anyone! Just because… I want the best seat."
Felix snorted under his breath.
"Sure."
Esper shot him a glare, then sat on the edge of the seat like she was afraid the cushions might bite her.
Felix didn't sit immediately.
He hovered near the dining table, gaze flicking across the snacks, the decorations, then to Soren and away again, like his eyes physically refused to settle.
Amelia lingered at the back of the room.
Not watching from a distance like she had during the week.
Not leaving.
Just standing there, as if she didn't know what she was allowed to do now.
That was worse.
Soren's forced smile tightened.
He stepped toward her without thinking, voice light on purpose, like this was normal.
"Amelia, sit down."
Her eyes snapped to him.
For a second she looked almost startled, then she nodded once.
"…Okay."
She moved slow but obedient, sat at the far end of the table, not too close to anyone and not too far either, hands resting neatly on her lap, posture careful in a way Soren had never seen from her, like she was trying very hard to behave correctly.
That same heaviness returned.
'I know she was watching me all week…'
Which meant she'd noticed his face.
That pained expression he had failed to hide.
Soren turned away before the feeling could spread.
"Alex, sit," he said quickly, waving a hand. "You're making the room feel like a training hall."
Alex paused, then sighed faintly.
"…Alright."
He sat with the same calm precision he always had, but his eyes stayed alert.
Olivia sat beside Alex, close enough that she could lean toward him if she needed to, and Lilliana hovered near the dining table, still not sitting.
Soren caught it.
He stepped closer, voice softer.
"Lilly, sit down. You've done enough."
Her ears twitched.
She looked like she wanted to argue.
Then she nodded and sat at the dining table, hands folded tightly.
Felix finally sat too, opposite Lilliana, position chosen with the kind of unconscious distance that suggested he didn't trust himself not to say something stupid.
Soren stood there for a second, looking at them all.
Everyone was in the same room.
Everyone had come.
This should have been the moment his anxiety eased.
Instead, it spiked.
Because now he had to make it work.
Because now there was no excuse.
His hands clapped once, too loud.
Esper jumped slightly.
Olivia blinked.
Lilliana's shoulders tensed.
Soren's smile widened, trying to cover it up.
"Okay!" he announced, voice bright.
Too bright.
"Party rules," he continued quickly. "One: eat. Two: talk. Three: if anyone apologises, I'm throwing them out."
Silence.
Then Louise laughed, delighted.
"That's a good rule," she said warmly.
Esper's smile returned, strained at first.
"Wow, Hubby… you're scary."
Soren pointed at her.
"Don't call me Hubby."
Esper's lips twitched.
"…Okay."
The way she said it, too quick, too obedient, made Soren's stomach twist.
She was trying.
That should have made him feel better.
Instead, it made him feel worse, because it proved how bad the week had been if this was what "trying" looked like now.
He cleared his throat.
"Anyways, eat," he said quickly, stepping toward the food like he needed something to do with his hands. "Seriously. I made it for you. If you don't eat it, I'll get offended."
Louise immediately reached for a pastry with bright eyes, as if determined to set the tone.
Olivia followed more cautiously.
Lilliana took something small and held it without eating, like she forgot the point halfway through.
Felix picked at a snack, chewing like he couldn't taste it.
Esper grabbed something at random and forced a bite, smiling too hard.
Amelia took food but didn't touch it yet, gaze drifting to Soren's hands as he fussed with cups.
He poured water into several glasses with exaggerated care, as if the act required concentration.
It didn't.
He just didn't know where to put himself.
'Say something normal. Say something normal.'
"So," he said abruptly, turning back to them, "how were classes today?"
Esper almost choked.
Felix stared.
Olivia blinked like she didn't know whether to answer honestly.
Soren's smile didn't waver.
It was beginning to hurt.
"…Normal," Lilliana answered after a beat, voice small. "A bit tiring."
"Same," Alex added flatly.
Louise nodded enthusiastically, like she'd been waiting for the chance to contribute.
"I had a good day," she declared. "I went to see Shirone earlier, and we had the cutest cake ever."
Soren's smile almost became real for a second.
"So what you brought is just the leftovers?" he asked, deadpan. "That's horrible, Sis…"
Louise giggled again.
And for a fleeting moment, just a second, the room loosened, not much, but enough that Soren could feel it, enough that he could breathe.
Then Esper's voice cut in, too quick.
"So… uh… when do we drink?"
His heart jumped, not because of alcohol, but because it was familiar, something that sounded like the old Esper, except the way she said it wasn't playful.
It was desperate.
Like she wanted the alcohol to fix what her words couldn't.
Soren's smile sharpened.
"Later," he said firmly. "After people eat."
Esper nodded immediately.
"Okay. Yeah. Sure."
Felix's fingers tightened around his cup.
Lilliana's gaze dropped to her lap.
Amelia's eyes stayed on Soren, watching him in that quiet way she always did, like she was tracking every crack he tried to paste over.
Soren felt his own desperation flare.
'Please work.'
'Please.'
He lifted his hands again, forcing a laugh.
"Alright," he said, bright and loud, like volume could crush the awkwardness. "Eat more. Talk more. Somebody tell me something stupid. This is a party, not a funeral."
No one laughed.
Not immediately.
Then Louise, as if she'd taken it as a personal challenge, leaned forward with sparkling eyes.
"I have something stupid," she announced proudly.
Soren latched onto it like a lifeline.
"Hurry up and tell us."
Louise smiled, and the party, awkward and forced and fragile, finally took its first real step forward.
————「❤︎」————