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-What is it that makes people feel emotions?
-Will it still exist if people are replaced by something else?
This was the riddle that pickled me the most during the beginning of my journey,the journey that made a man that I am today.
Looking back at those moments,I feel baffled and amused that I could question myself about those things. Even though the journey was quite long and peculiar,I still feel the need to return to those moments and relieve them again.
Yes, this is a story about how I became something that I never wanted to be, A person that even I, a huge narcissist would come to detest. The story began with simple things but unfortunately after a few moments of time, complications and troubles didn't stop to plague me even till this day.
The journey began on a clear sunny day, a day that I would want myself to bask myself in sunlight, enjoying company of a friend, but the reality was quite disappointing. The day was as good as it could be but me, I was at my worst. The moment I woke up I knew everything I had planned had gone awry. Looking back at that time I still wonder if I could have made a better choice, a choice that could have changed my fate, but in the contrast, I felt that I would have made the same choices that I made even if I could redo everything.
Getting back to those questions, I feel that emotions were the reason people became people. Even though I feel emotions make people whole, if by chance any other being had emotions, I could still put a hole through their hide and kill them mercilessly. But people were my biggest nemesis during the beginning of the journey. I, myself didn't associate with people during those time as everything that happened was the result of my own actions and choices. This stupid conscience of mine was the sole reason I had to spend moments with those bizzare yet resonating beings. I hated those beings yet they were the only remaining companions that kept me relatively sane.
I woke up from a long nap after making a really bold decision and found myself in a really unfamiliar situation. This situation really marked the beginning of my journey yet it was just so plain that everyone could mistake it for a common day occurrence but to me this simply wasn't possible. I was drenched in cold sweat with my one hand in the small stream and another in the green grass. To typical people it may appear as if I just dozed off near the water to shield myself from this moderately hot weather, but to me this was simply not possible. I was a man that may forget when he last ate but I had never once forgotten the moments before I fell asleep. Those blank patches before I woke up were the reason behind this simple situation being the worst for me. I had always managed to maintain my sleep properly but after that decision, I may have lost my composure. To others this may feel stupid to complain about but for me this was the lowest I had fallen down to in a long period of time.
Ever since I started lucid dreaming, I started to show some changes in my sleeping habits. These lucid dreams led to partial sleepwalking in the beginning but later on these became the foundations that led me to my current situation.
Even though I felt like I was at my worst, my intuition told me something, even if it was little, was good about the choices I made. These intuitions of mine helped me for few days in the beginning so much as to prevent me from getting killed thrice on same day. I felt like this intuition wasn't min but rather felt as if someone was planting thoughts into my head to guide me.
This was a genuine intuition of mine whose answer would be confirmed in a few days worth of time. And that time marked my beginning into world filled with bizzareness and a journey that I would want to relieve again and again for a very long time
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