Regret, the most painful emotion and the most useless one. The painful feeling of knowing that no matter what , you cannot fix your mistakes wishing you could prevent the disaster but being too useless to do anything. The most painful feeling is knowing that all this could be avoided, all the pain and suffering did not have to occur and knowing that there's no one to blame but yourself because your choices put you in this situation. I was filled with that painful feeling as I stood in the middle of a situation I never thought I would be part of , with two lifeless bodies beside me and my white dress covered in blood as I heard the sound of the police siren coming closer , I stood there paralyzed . My name is Isabelle Brown and welcome to my fucked up life.
___ ____ ___ ___ ____ ___ ___ ____ ___ _____
TWO YEARS AGO...
"Isabelle, get up already; we're late." I heard my friend , Tasha, call out loudly. I got up from my bed lazily and checked the time, closed my eyes, and checked the time again, realizing that I was late. I grabbed my towel and ran to the bathroom while putting on my playlist. I knew it was no time to have a mini party in my bathroom, but I couldn't help it; I just absolutely cannot do without music. "Isabelle, get your ass outside now. I don't even care how you smell right now," Tasha shouted tiredly. I could only imagine how much I stressed the poor girl. "Hey, I have to look pretty too." I screamed and ran to get my makeup kit and hurriedly put on my makeup and my bridesmaid's dress. "How do I look? Or are the earrings too small?" I asked, smiling at an exhausted Tasha doing a little shimmy till she finally broke character and smiled, " You look amazing," she replied, rolling her eyes.
Tasha had been my best friend since high school; she was the only person I felt like I could totally be myself around, and I didn't have to act out a certain character around her. She was the opposite of me in the sense that she was always confident and socially active, while I could be confident, I had horrible anxiety. She was one of those people who always knew the right things to say no matter the situation, which I always admired. She was fun to be around, and she felt more like a sister than a friend. "You look stunning too," I said, staring proudly at her and her outfit. "So can we go now?" She asked, smiling as I nodded back at her in approval, grabbed my shoes, and entered into the car.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … ....
"I can't believe Jamie is actually getting married, "Tasha exclaimed as she got out of the car once we arrived at our destination.. Jamie Melrose was Tasha's sister, and for most of her life she was anti-men. I had never seen someone who hated men just as much as Jamie. She would always say when God was making men, his original plan was to make a woman, but something went wrong. Even though Jamie was probably the most stunning woman you would ever see , she turned down every man that came her way, but then came Nick, and as stone-cold as she was, he found a way to melt her frozen heart. She liked him because she felt like she could absolutely be herself around him, which, according to her, was the most relaxing thing in the world, and he didn't try to change her like some men do; she was still Jamie,, but only in love. Entering her room, we gazed in amazement at Jamie in all her splendor; she wore the most stunning wedding dress I had ever seen and her hair was styled in a lovely bun with diamond accessories. "You look absolutely stunning, oh my goodness," we said in unison, staring at Jamie as she smiled beautifully and extended her arms for a hug, which we ran into. "I'm so happy my favorite people are finally here; it's been so hectic," she said, staring at us with her big, beautiful brown eyes like a doll. "Are you nervous?" I asked, "Baby, you know I don't get nervous." She replied, smiling at me, "Now can you guys help me with my accessories? I've kept my groom waiting for too long," she said, handing us her wedding accessories to work away.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …....
"Jamie Melrose, will you have this man to be your husband; to live together with him in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful unto him as long as you both shall live?"
The pastor said to Jamie who was busy beaming at her husband to be before she replied "I do". I was almost moved to tears staring at the couple who looked absolutely captivated by each other, I did not always believe in love because I did not have the perfect examples of it growing up, my parents practically hated each other and one morning my mum packed up her things and never came back, so to me Love was imaginary, a fairytale delusional create, till I met the person that changed my whole perspective, Liam Anderson, my boyfriend of three years. Liam and I met in college during my second year; I didn't like him at first because I never really had romantic feelings for anyone and considered myself unable to love, but eventually, like Jamie I fell head over heels for him; sometimes I wonder how it was possible for someone to be so perfect in every way; he was the top of his class in college, absolutely handsome, but most importantly, he was the most caring and kindest man I had ever known. I felt like I could expose every part of myself to him and he would accept it because he loved me too.
"I can't find Liam anywhere. "I said as I looked around for him, "Not you flexing your healthy relationship on me, can all you couples let me breathe? We are literally at a wedding already, isn't that enough?" Tasha said smiling and slightly shoving me with her arm. "It's just that he said he was going to be here by…" I was saying before being interrupted by a beep from my phone and reading a message from Liam informing me that he couldn't make it. "Hello I'm literally right here, I'm way more fun than that trust fund baby." Tasha said making me laugh, Tasha didn't have much problem with Liam, except for the fact that according to her, he was way too smiley and she couldn't trust men like that. I rolled my eyes at her and stepped up to congratulate the newly wedded couple with a hug. "I'm going to surprise him after the wedding at home "I whispered excitedly to Tasha as we followed the beautiful bride down the aisle.
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. . .. ...
I checked the image of myself before entering Liam's house; I had brought lots of cake, food and drinks from the wedding. I was wearing a skimpy dress with a coat on top. I set my belongings on the kitchen table and looked around for him. I stared at the clothes on the floor in confusion because Liam was basically OCD about his hygiene and I walked up the stairs looking around for him. I stopped in my tracks as I heard strange sounds coming from his room. I started hoping and praying it was coming from the Television and it wasn't what I was thinking because there was no way the man, I actually allowed myself to love would do anything to hurt me.