The fissure widened. Light poured out, dazzling and unearthly, shadows scattering like frightened prey. The swamp beasts slunk back, whining, their primal instincts forcing them to retreat from the overwhelming presence seeping out of the stone. Even the alpha, whose rage moments ago had shaken the cavern, bowed its head and backed away.
Ahmed clutched Nana to his chest, his trembling fingers digging into her tiny arms.
"I swear," he whimpered, his voice breaking, "if this is another beast, I'm quitting. I'm just going to lie down and let someone else inherit the curse. Done. Over."
Whorina purred inside his skull. "Oh, honey. Monsters? No, no… you've stumbled into something worse. Civilization."
The cracking pillar collapsed, and the cave wall fell away. Beyond it, Ahmed blinked into blinding daylight. His breath caught.
A village.
Nestled in a hidden valley, shrouded in mist and bamboo forests, the settlement radiated serenity. White-robed monks moved in precise patterns, their faces utterly expressionless as they carried out their daily tasks. Training in silence. Gardening in silence. Living in silence. Not a grin, not a smirk, not even the twitch of a lip disturbed their composure.
Ahmed's jaw dropped. "What… what is this?"
Whorina chuckled. "The Monks of the Thousand Shadows. Famous for their vow of stillness. They never laugh, never smile, never emote. For centuries, they have guarded the world from within their quiet discipline."
Ahmed sighed in relief. "Oh, thank the merciful heavens. They're monks. That means they're peaceful. No fighting, no—"
🔊 [NEW QUEST: MAKE ONE MONK SMILE. FAILURE PENALTY: YOUR FACE WILL FREEZE PERMANENTLY IN A "PRETTY USELESS" EXPRESSION.]
Ahmed went pale. "WHAT?!"
Whorina licked her lips audibly. "Mmm… this is going to be delicious."
The Mission of Madness
Ahmed stumbled forward, dragged into the valley like a condemned prisoner. His companions trailed behind, their reactions perfectly mismatched.
Liuyue scribbled furiously in her scroll. "Fascinating. A culture of unbroken stoicism. To disrupt this balance would be to tamper with centuries of spiritual cultivation."
Tsu Nan stroked his beard. "Indeed. A test worthy of a master strategist. If Ahmed succeeds, it will prove his divine mandate."
Ahmed spun on him, shrieking. "THIS ISN'T DIVINE MANDATE, IT'S TORTURE!"
Nana clapped happily, chewing on something shiny. "Mama! Rock yummy! Give monk yummy too?"
Ahmed gagged. "Nana, that's slime, not seasoning!"
And Whorina, whispering like poison, added: "Relax, darling. I'll coach you. You just need the right pick-up lines. Seduction works everywhere."
Ahmed's soul left his body.
The Monks Assemble
At the valley's center, a circle of monks gathered to greet the intruders. Their robes shimmered white against the morning light. They bowed once, perfectly synchronized, their eyes like calm, bottomless lakes.
The eldest monk, his face lined with decades of discipline, spoke in a voice so steady it could've been carved from stone.
"You have entered the Valley of Stillness. Speak your purpose."
Ahmed swallowed hard. His voice squeaked. "H-hello. My name is Ahmed. I was… uh… told I need to make one of you smile. Please?"
The monks stared at him in silence.
Ahmed felt sweat drip down his perfect, cursed face.
Tsu Nan's "Help"
Tsu Nan stepped forward solemnly, producing a talisman from his sleeve. Its surface pulsed faintly with strange script.
"Fear not, Master Ahmed. I anticipated such trials. This talisman shall aid you. With but a touch, it will unleash uncontrollable laughter in all who stand within ten paces."
Ahmed blinked. "Wait—really? That's… that's actually useful!"
He snatched it, activated the charm—
—and instantly, every monk within the circle collapsed onto their knees, weeping uncontrollably.
Tears streamed down their faces. Their bodies convulsed with sobs, their wails echoing off the valley walls. The silence was shattered, not by laughter, but by unending, heart-wrenching cries.
Ahmed's jaw dropped. "THEY'RE CRYING! WHY ARE THEY CRYING?!"
Tsu Nan blinked calmly. "Ah. My mistake. That was the Grief Talisman. I must have mixed them up."
Ahmed turned on him, shrieking. "HOW DO YOU FORGET WHICH ONE IS WHICH?!"
Tsu Nan bowed. "Truly, your genius shines brighter in adversity. I shall observe quietly while you continue."
Liuyue's "Welcoming Gesture"
Desperate, Ahmed glanced at Liuyue. "You're smart! Do something!"
Liuyue adjusted her robes with precision. "Very well. In my sect, the traditional method of gaining favor is to perform the 'Welcoming Gesture.' Observe."
She unsheathed her sword. The monks' heads tilted, eyes narrowing slightly.
Then, with fluid precision, she executed a complex form: her blade slicing elegant arcs through the air, her body moving like flowing water, every step grounded in ancient technique. She concluded with her blade leveled directly at the eldest monk.
Liuyue smiled softly. "You see? It conveys respect."
Ahmed stared at her in horror. "Respect?! That looked like you challenged him to a duel!"
The monks, their tears barely drying from the talisman disaster, rose silently to their feet. They unsheathed their own weapons in perfect unison.
Ahmed shrieked. "YOU JUST STARTED A WAR!"
Whorina's "Modern Advice"
Before bloodshed could erupt, Whorina whispered seductively in Ahmed's mind.
"Relax, darling. You just need to break the ice. In my world, when you want someone to smile, you compliment them… aggressively. Try this: 'Hey, nice robe. Bet it'd look better on my floor.'"
Ahmed froze. "WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT?!"
Whorina purred. "Trust me. Works every time."
Ahmed, trembling, turned to the nearest monk. His lips quivered. "…Hey. Nice robe. Uh… bet it'd look better on my floor?"
The monk's hand moved faster than lightning. SLAP!
Ahmed spun three full times before collapsing in the dust, his glowing hair now full of mud.
Whorina laughed so hard she nearly broke. "Oh, honey… priceless."
Nana's "Gift"
While Ahmed lay groaning, Nana waddled up to the eldest monk with a wide grin. She held out her little hand. In her palm rested a slimy, half-chewed rock, glistening with spit.
"Mister monk! Yummy rock! You try!"
The monk looked down at her. His expression didn't change. His hand reached out.
Ahmed scrambled upright, screaming. "NO, DON'T EAT THAT! IT'S—"
The monk placed the rock in his mouth. He chewed once. Twice. Slowly swallowed.
The valley went silent.
Every monk turned toward their leader, waiting.
Ahmed's heart stopped. This is it. Please, smile. Please!
The monk's face twitched. His lips parted—
—but instead of a smile, he coughed once, swallowed again, and resumed his perfectly blank expression.
Ahmed collapsed to his knees, wailing. "EVEN SLIMY ROCKS DON'T WORK?!"
The Breaking Point
The monks now stood in silence, weapons drawn, their leader impassive, their tears not yet dried, their patience thinning. Ahmed's companions each looked on with varying degrees of calm amusement.
Tsu Nan: "Your restraint is admirable, Master Ahmed. Few would endure such humiliation with such grace."Liuyue: "Technically, none of this is my fault."Whorina: "Darling, you're killing me. Literally killing me. I haven't had this much fun in centuries."Nana: "Mama sad? Mama want more slimy rocks?"
Ahmed tore at his hair. "I HATE YOU ALL!"
The eldest monk finally raised a hand. The circle stilled. His voice was low, but it carried through the valley.
"You are unworthy of Stillness."
Ahmed's stomach dropped. "Wait, what does that—"
Epilogue Cliffhanger :
The valley shook. The air itself seemed to ripple. The monks raised their weapons, their auras flaring like a tidal wave of pressure.
Whorina whispered, her tone deliciously ominous.
"Oh, honey… you failed the smile test. And now? They'll show you what happens to the unworthy."
Ahmed screamed again, clutching Nana, as the monks surged forward in perfect unison.
[TO BECONTINUED....]