I turned my gaze back to Simeon. I frowned as if urging him to say something, and he cautiously stepped forward.
"Mr. Hajae. Let's talk this through—"
I took a step back. I could feel the edge of the ground with my heel. Simeon realized too late and stopped, but I had no intention of stopping.
"I told you, didn't I? If you come any closer, I'll stab myself."
With those words, I mercilessly stabbed the sword into my neck. Not content with just that, I slashed it horizontally, and blood spurted out like a fountain. The sight of Raphael covering his mouth in a scream and Simeon running toward me played out in slow motion, like a scene from a movie.
Just as Simeon's fingertips were about to touch me, I threw myself off the cliff. I could see his despair-stricken face beyond the futile hand reaching out to grab the air. The sensation of cutting through the wind as I fell brought back distant memories.
Splash—!
All that filled my ears was the quiet white noise, as though I'd plugged my ears. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw sunlight spreading white on the water's surface. Bubbles flowed out of my nose and mouth, and below that, blood spread gradually. The bizarre sight was like red flowers blooming in the blue sea.
The cold sea drained the warmth from my body. My entire body gradually stiffened, and I could no longer feel the pain in my neck. Even without struggling to avoid floating to the surface, the sea naturally pulled me deeper. The sunlight slowly faded, and the sounds from the outside world gradually disappeared.
Finally, complete silence arrived. I fell into a tranquil stillness, wholly disconnected from the outside world.
I'd been sinking for a few seconds. Or perhaps a few minutes.
A sudden flash of light made me open my eyes to a bright blue sky. I'd hoped I was still in the sea, but the sky was indifferent. When I looked to the side, I saw Simeon soaking wet. His face was even paler than the frigid blue sea. He was saying something desperately, but I couldn't hear it properly because of the ringing in my ears.
Next to him, I saw Raphael holding a broken gem and sighing. The lack of pain in my neck was probably thanks to him. I was indebted to him once again. The actions I took to feel lighter only made my heart heavier.
Then, my hearing returned. The voice I heard no longer tried to hide its anger.
"What the hell are you doing!"
I knew why Simeon was angry but didn't want to understand.
"Why are you angry?"
"…What?"
"You were the one who ignored the warning not to come closer."
My cold rebuke left him speechless. As I struggled to sit up, Simeon habitually reached out to help me. His concern for me, even in this situation, made my blood boil.
Smack—!
I roughly slapped his hand away and sat up on my own, glaring at him.
"I'm not joking. I'll keep doing this until you give up on me."
"Mr. Hajae."
"Even if you treat me, it's useless. If you take away the sword, I'll bite my tongue, and if you tie up my hands and feet, I'll bash my head in."
Maybe it was because I had left all the unnecessary thoughts in the sea. My mind was cool, and I had no hesitation in my actions.
"So just say it. That you'll let me go."
Simeon seemed to be contemplating something for a long time, and just as he seemed to decide, I cut him off.
"If you're thinking of just saying something to get through this situation, forget it. I don't trust you, so I've already taken precautions."
Knowing how he always managed to smooth things over in difficult situations, I'd prepared in advance.
"I sent an email to a reporter. It contained all the information I know about The Apostles."
"What do you mean by that…?"
"It's a scheduled email, of course."
Simeon, who had somehow managed to keep his composure, finally broke under the weight of my last move.
"When the email is sent at the time I set,
Now that the mask I'd worn until the end was gone, his face was beyond pale, almost leaden.
"No matter how hard you try to cut it off, it's useless. Even the collar owner won't be able to remove it, and it will keep tightening. If I were to die like the queen, it'd stop quickly, but… you haven't forgotten, have you? That I can't die."
His face, frozen in shock, was a sight I had never seen before. Even so, he still didn't say he'd give up on me. Whether he was in a panic or still trying to outthink me in this game, I couldn't tell. So, I unknowingly drove him further into a corner.
"If you think the email is a lie, should we wait together and see what happens?"
"...."
"Simeon."
Maybe he was stunned by my unexpected move. Even when I called his name, he didn't react. Finally, I grabbed his collar and yanked him closer, forcing him to look me in the eye.
The face reflected in his wide, black eyes was utterly wretched. It was ghostly pale, smeared with dark red blood, seawater, and filthy sand. Like a living corpse, my face made me frown and burst into laughter.
"I'm not negotiating. I'm threatening you with my life."
So why did he look as if he were about to cry?
For quite some time now, I have liked to see my face reflected in his eyes. Thanks to him, I learned the habit I unknowingly had of closing my right eye as if winking when playing pranks or twitching my nose slightly when smiling brightly.
Every moment, I was vividly alive in those black eyes. So, I always wanted to show only a happy and bright side. On that day when I disappeared from this world, I wanted to be remembered only with a smiling face.
But that desire had been in vain.
In the end, the last thing that will remain in his mind will be a face immersed in grief.
"Are you listening to me?"
When I let go of his collar, Simeon, who'd been lost in thought, finally opened his mouth.
"When is the scheduled time for the email?"
"I'm not sure. Was it tonight…?"
I deliberately trailed off. If this were the usual Simeon, he would've immediately realized it was a lie. But it seemed he didn't have that luxury right now. As he turned his body toward the guard behind him, I couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh.
Give up. Just one word would be enough… But you still don't intend to let me go.
"Don't try anything. No matter what you do, it's useless."
Only then did his dark eyes return to me. His lips, which had parted as if to say something, only released a trembling breath. Was the emotion mixed with his sigh because of betrayal or feelings of resentment? Whatever it was, I hoped he would hate me.
"The collar will start tightening when that email is sent as scheduled. Then, I'll do anything crazy to escape the pain. Even someone like me, who can't die, still has their survival instinct."
I cornered him so he couldn't think of anything other than giving up on me.
"My nails might get shredded trying to tear off the collar… Maybe they'll even be bent back and ripped out. Meanwhile, the veins in my neck will all burst, pierced by the thorns, and soon the area will be soaked in blood… Just like now."
As I roughly wiped the blood splattered on my cheek with the back of my hand, Simeon's pupils trembled.
"There's no need to bother with a transfusion. I won't die anyway."
I should have done this from the start. I should have cut things off decisively from the beginning.
"If by any chance you think of treating me, don't bother. The crown's power won't stop, so it will only prolong my pain… Though maybe if the bones are exposed, it might look unsightly to you."
There's always a scar left after a breakup, so why did I hesitate so much?
"The information you've worked so hard to protect about the apostles will spread to the public in an instant, and in return, I'll suffer eternal pain. As a result, I'll remain by your side… Is that really what you want?"
Did you think about how to end this with even a little less pain?
"Will you wrap your hands around my barely attached bones and say good morning?"
There's no such thing as a beautiful farewell in this world. Haven't I painfully realized this after experiencing it time and time again? When Mom abandoned me, when Dad had his accident, and when I left the orphanage and the church behind, I vowed never to hold someone dear again after enduring the repeated wounds of parting.
"Now, choose."
So, before the regret deepens any further, we need to end this relationship, which will only lead to a tragic ending.
"Are you going to watch me suffer to the end? Or… will you let me go?"
As I looked at his pale face, I sensed victory. But there wasn't a hint of joy in it. What tightened around my heart was severe self-loathing.
I touched on his trauma to get the answer I wanted. I intentionally jumped into the sea in front of him. I reenacted the scene he feared most right before his eyes. And then, I clung to the death he feared most and threatened him.
I'm sick of myself, who doesn't shy away from any means to achieve my goal. It feels like I'm becoming more and more of a monster.
No, maybe I've been a monster since the moment I gained an undying body.
Silence lingered for a while. He and I stared into each other's eyes without saying a word. Only the sound of the rough waves crashing broke through the heavy quiet. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as he shut his mouth tightly.
Just as I was about to press him again, his dry lips parted.
"…Mr. Hajae… I'll do as you ask. So, delete the email… right away."
His dry voice held fear and anxiety.
"Are you so afraid of the information about The Apostles leaking out?"
I responded calmly, testing him, and his face contorted into a pained expression.
"Do I… really seem like I'm afraid of just that?"
No, you seem more afraid of losing me. Even though I knew that, I asked. I wanted to remind you that you can never win against me. After all, isn't it said that in human relationships, the one who loves more is the one who loses? So I'm really glad.
Love makes people foolish, and I'll never love you in my life.
"I'll cancel it once I get home safely."
"…Okay."
"But I'll schedule the same email again every morning and cancel it that night. I'll repeat it."
"…Okay."
Simeon nodded mechanically. His shoulders slumped weakly and caught my eye repeatedly. But now, even if my heart wavered, it would be useless. To firm my resolve, I clenched my trembling hands and spoke as if spitting out the words.
"Don't ever appear in front of me again."
Simeon closed his eyes and murmured.
"…I promise."
The moment I heard those words, an overwhelming wave of emotion surged over me.
I don't need to wonder why you tried to hold onto me. I don't need to give meaning to the smiles you directed at me. I won't be swayed by you anymore. Though the shackle remains around my neck, you won't be able to capture the bird that's flown far away.
Ah, the door to the cage is finally opening.
This is liberation. True freedom. The guilt will soon fade away and disappear.
So, then, why did it feel like this...…?
.....
...…
"Mr. Hajae!"
The horizon was tilting. No, was it my body that was tilting? As my vision blurred, I collapsed onto the damp sand. I wanted to at least walk out proudly, but now I'm just a burden to him until the very end.
"Raphael. Quickly…."
I must apologize to Raphael, but my voice won't even come out anymore.
Swoosh—.
I could hear the sound of the waves beyond my fading consciousness.
Swoosh—.
The relentless waves crash against the cliff. The shattered waves leave nothing behind but white foam and disappear without a trace. Isn't it tragic that they rush in with all their might, knowing their fate is to simply crash against solid land? Maybe that's why I've always felt a sense of kinship when I looked at the sea.
****
When I regained consciousness, I was in a car.
As expected, the person behind the wheel was the bodyguard. Just to be sure, I looked to my side, but fortunately, no one was there. The bodyguard, as usual, said nothing to me. He just quietly drove me home and then disappeared. I watched silently as the car headed toward the main street.
The shadow of the past that had followed me for years had finally vanished. I had finally returned to my normal life. But rather than feeling relieved, I felt a void, like a hole in my chest. What is this emptiness? I didn't want to know, so I turned away from it in my mind. I canceled the scheduled email as well. From now on, I'll live in the present, not the past.
"Pay this month's rent… repair the air conditioner…"
As I climbed the stairs, going over the things I needed to do one by one, I quickly arrived in front of my apartment. Even though I'd only been away for a few days, flyers covered my front door. As I peeled them off one by one, I glanced at the watch on my wrist.
It was the watch Simeon had given me before we entered the rift. It seemed to have cracked after hitting something, but the watch itself was still working fine. I noticed the numbers displayed when I looked at the cracked glass.
[00:00:00]
I should have stopped it as soon as I left the gate, but I'd lost consciousness and forgot all about the timer. I briefly considered whether I should get it repaired and return it, but then I laughed.
"We won't meet again anyway, so what's the point?"
I immediately removed the watch and stuffed it into my coat pocket before entering the house.
Only the essential furniture was in the small studio apartment. Since I didn't cook and only used the place to wash and sleep, there was no sign of anyone living there. Even though I'd tightly shut the windows, the house felt cold. Though I had lived here for years, it felt strangely unfamiliar.
"It feels like someone else's home…."
Dad would be upset if he knew I was living like this… When that thought crossed my mind, I felt a bit more alive.
Maybe I should start cooking again, something I'd stopped doing for a while. Perhaps growing some plants might help change the bleak atmosphere. I should also finally clear out the boxes I hadn't touched for fear of confronting old memories.
I rolled up my sleeves and started on the overdue housework. I did the laundry that had piled up, opened the windows wide, and cleaned the house. I even pushed the medicine bottles deliberately piled in the corner of the room to the front door to throw them away. It's strange, but as I cleaned the house, my mind seemed to calm down, too.
Yes. I can do this. I'll forget everything and start over.
I picked up the trash can with a light heart. It was overflowing with a chaotic mess, just like my mind. As I tipped it over to empty the trash into the bag, a small piece of paper fell to the floor. I bent down to pick it up, but my eyes caught the sentence written on the note.
[To my beloved.]
The moment I saw the familiar handwriting, I froze.
".....Ah."
The trembling that started at my fingertips quickly spread throughout my entire body. The emotions I'd bound tightly to keep from overflowing collapsed all at once. The poorly constructed dam crumbled with just the slightest breeze—a single letter. As soon as I sank to the floor, I burst into tears.