The divine light spat him out like a bugged respawn. One second he was glowing in front of the goddess, the next he was face-first in dirt, coughing leaves out of his mouth.
"Perfect landing," Aiden muttered, rolling onto his back. "Ten out of ten. Stick the dismount. Totally didn't eat shit."
Birds screeched overhead. The forest around him stretched endless, shafts of sunlight cutting through thick trees. No roads, no village, no Wi-Fi.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. The cracked screen flickered and words scrolled across like a bad boot-up.
System Initialization Complete.
Welcome, User: Aiden.
Class: [World Creator].
Displaying stats…
A glowing panel filled his vision:
Strength: 5
Agility: 6
Endurance: 5
Magic: 4
Luck: 7
Aiden stared. "...You've gotta be fucking kidding me. These stats are straight outta a bargain bin RPG. I'm supposed to be the chosen hero, not some random background villager with seasonal allergies."
He jabbed a finger at the air like he was arguing with a game dev. "Strength: five? What the hell am I supposed to do with five? Bench-press a fucking chair? Oh wow, big scary demon king, better watch out, I can almost open a Water bottle, The Fuc?"
The panel blinked patiently, like it didn't give a damn.
Aiden dragged his hands down his face. "And don't even get me started on Luck. Seven? That's not luck, that's just barely above stepping in dog shit once a week."
The phone buzzed again.
Tip: Growth is possible through quests and exploration. Please enjoy.
"Enjoy? Fuck you, tutorial text. I've seen this scam before. 'Enjoy the grind,' they say. Next thing you know, they push an update that delays half the content for another decade." He paused, eyes narrowing. "Yeah. Just like a certain game that promised 'soon™' for fifteen years and counting. You know what I'm talking about."
The forest rustled, something moving in the brush. Aiden froze, glancing around. "Great. Not even a minute in and they're already spawning mobs. Where's my safe zone? Where's my grace period?"
He pushed himself up, dusting dirt off his hoodie. "Fine. Let's test this busted-ass wish before I get eaten alive."
He held out his hand, focusing. "C'mon. Anything. Something from home."
Light sparked in his palm—then solidified into a cold, sweating can of soda.
Aiden grinned, popping the tab with a sharp hiss. "Fuck yes. Game-breaking cheat? Maybe not yet. But at least I won't be thirsty when I die again."
Leaves crunched nearby. Aiden froze, soda can halfway to his mouth.
The bushes parted.
Out hopped… a rabbit.
Aiden blinked. Then he snorted. Then he flat-out doubled over laughing, nearly spilling his drink.
"Oh my god. This is what had me sweating? A fucking rabbit? Look at this furry little huglin, I thought it was a wolf, or a slime, or at least some edgy skeleton with glowing eyes. But no. I get Bugs Bunny's broke cousin."
He wiped his eyes, still chuckling. "Grace period confirmed, baby. First mob they spawn is basically lunch. Hell, come here, little guy—"
He crouched, hand reaching out, wiggling his fingers like he was about to boop it on the nose. "Who's a harmless tutorial mascot? You are. You're not dangerous at—"
The rabbit's eyes flared red. Its mouth opened, revealing rows of jagged teeth. Muscles bulged under its fur.
Aiden froze mid-finger poke. "…The fuck?"
A system window slammed into view.
[Hostile Mob Detected: Forest Rabbit]
Rank: F
Description: Known for sudden, violent assaults. Pray it doesn't multiply.
The rabbit hissed like a leaking kettle. Then it lunged.
"NOPE—!" Aiden spun on his heel, bolting through the trees. His soda can flew out of his hand. The rabbit tore after him, claws shredding dirt, teeth gnashing like a chainsaw.
"This isn't a rabbit, this is a furry landmine!" he shouted, scrambling forward. "Where's the balance?! Where's my weak-ass slime fight?! Where's my chance to grind on mobs that don't want to eat my dick off?!"
The rabbit screeched.
Aiden spotted a tree — tall, thick branches just barely within reach. He didn't think. He ran straight at it and jumped, fingers scrabbling at the bark.
He climbed like his life depended on it, which it did. Feet slipping, nails breaking, hoodie catching on branches. "Oh god—why didn't I got points for upper body strength? This stat sheet is fraud!"
Below, the rabbit slammed into the trunk, Bark splintered.
Aiden clung higher, gasping, legs kicking for purchase. "I swear, if this thing learns to wall-run, I'm uninstalling life right now."
The rabbit clawed at the trunk, splinters flying, its glowing red eyes locked on him like it could already taste blood.
A system notification slid across his vision.
Tip: Use your skill, [World Creator], to defend yourself.
Aiden clung to the branch, panting. "Skill? Right. My one busted-ass wish. Okay, brain, think of something useful. A stripper as a distraction?" he paused, confused at his own mind's first thought, it was a killer bunny, not a horny ass bandit. "think good Aiden, think some right shit"
"A sword? Nah. Too medieval. Magic? Don't know the spells yet."
He glanced down at the rabbit gnawing bark like a maniac. His lips curled into a grin. "Alright then… let's go modern."
He focused, picturing it in his head.
Light sparked in his hand. The weight appeared, solid and cold.
Aiden stared. "No way. Holy shit. A Glock 17? Baby, you came to papa."
He gripped it with both hands, aiming down at the rabbit. His streamer instincts kicked in. "Alright chat—oh wait, no chat. Fine. This one's for the highlight reel."
He pulled the trigger.
The gun roared. The recoil slammed back into his arms like a sledgehammer, nearly throwing him off the branch. "FUCK! Holy shit, that's way harder than in games!"
The shot cracked the rabbit square in the skull. Its body twitched once, then collapsed, glowing red eyes fading to nothing.
System text popped up.
[Forest Rabbit Defeated.]
XP Gained: 30.
Progress to Next Level: 1/3.
Aiden clung to the branch, shaking his hands. "Damn… I thought I was built different, but I'm built like a noodle. Respect to anyone who does this for real. I almost headshotted myself."
He glanced down at the corpse.
Loot Acquired: Rabbit Hide, Rabbit Meat.
Inventory Unlocked.
Another tip blinked in front of him.
To store items, focus on them and flick your finger.
Aiden slid down the tree cautiously, side-eyeing the corpse like it might get back up. He pointed a finger at the hide. A flick. The body shimmered and vanished, replaced with text.
[Rabbit Hide x1, Rabbit Meat x1]
He grinned. "Inventory system unlocked. Flicking stuff into a magic backpack? Clean. No more sticky pockets."
Another notification:
Level Up Requirement: Kill 2 more Forest Rabbits.
Aiden groaned. "Oh, great. First quest: rabbit genocide. This game really does hate me."
He holstered the Glock awkwardly into his hoodie pocket, muttering. "At least I got my cheat unlocked. Glock beats carrot every time."
The forest stretched quiet now, the air thick with pine and damp earth. Aiden wandered forward, kicking at the dirt, Glock in hand like it was a lucky charm.
"Kill two more rabbits to level up," he muttered, reading the glowing text still floating in his vision. "Piece of cake. I'll just find a couple more furballs, pop-pop, and boom—level two. Easy grind."
He sipped the last of his conjured soda, tossing the can into his inventory with a flick. "Man, if only real life had this feature. My room would've been clean for once."
A branch cracked ahead. Aiden froze, crouching like a wannabe soldier. He parted the bushes—
And his stomach dropped.
Not one rabbit.
Not two rabbits.
A whole furry convention. At least twelve of them, hopping around a clearing, twitching their noses like they owned the place.
Every single one stopped. Red eyes glowed as their heads turned toward him in perfect sync.
Aiden's voice cracked. "…Oh, fuck me."
The system chimed.
[Hostile Mob Group Detected: Forest Rabbit Pack.]
Estimated Threat Level: Suicidal.
Tip: Run.
The first rabbit hissed, a low demonic growl. Then another. Then the whole pack.
Aiden's hand shook on the Glock. "Okay. Okay. Think. Twelve bunnies. I've got one gun, seventeen bullets… maybe. This is fine. Totally fine. Nothing like being outnumbered by killer Easter decorations."
One rabbit twitched. Then the entire pack bolted toward him, dirt spraying.
"YUP, NOPE, FUCK THIS."
Aiden spun on his heel, sprinting like his ass was on fire. Branches slapped his face, lungs burned, but behind him came the chorus of screeches and thudding paws.
"This isn't a tutorial! This is a goddamn raid boss encounter!"
He skidded around a tree, almost tripping. The pack thundered closer, snapping teeth inches from his legs. Aiden's thoughts spiraled. "This is how it ends? Mauled by nature's mascots? I'm not dying to discount Nikachu with rabies!"
(You know the reference)
He stumbled into another clearing and turned, breathing hard, Glock shaking in his hands.
"Alright. You fluffy fucks want round two? Fine. Let's see who's getting turned into stew tonight!"
The rabbits spread out, circling, their glowing eyes locking on him from every angle. Red fur bristled. Teeth clicked.
Aiden's hand trembled on the Glock. "Seventeen bullets. Twelve rabbits. That math's not mathing. And my aim? I couldn't even land headshots in shooters without aim assist."
The pack crept closer.
Aiden swallowed hard, brain racing. Okay, what's something that'll deal with this many mobs at once?
His gaze darted to the rabbits. Their twitching noses. Their furry, flammable asses.
Then it hit him. His lips curled into a manic grin.
"Oh my god. I'm about to....i would rather not say it"
He raised a hand, focusing, picturing it. The weight appeared across his back, heavy, metal, with the tube snaking forward into his grip. A tank sloshed with liquid fire.
Aiden almost teared up. "No way. M2 Flamethrower? Straight outta my loadout. God bless World War Two games."
The rabbits hissed, ready to leap.
Aiden yanked the trigger.
FWOOOOSH.
A pillar of fire roared out, washing across the clearing. Rabbits screamed—high-pitched, unholy shrieks—as flames consumed them. Their red eyes flickered out one by one, fur charring, smoke curling into the air.
Aiden cackled, sweeping the nozzle side to side like he was pressure-washing hell itself. "YEAH, BABY! WHO WANTS TO BE TONIGHT'S BARBECUE?!"
The forest glowed orange. Leaves curled, grass blackened. By the time the flames sputtered out, the clearing was littered with smoldering corpses. The acrid scent of burnt meat hung thick.
System windows flooded his vision.
System windows exploded across his vision, stacking faster than he could read.
[Forest Rabbit Defeated x12.]
XP Gained: 360.]
Level Up! You are now Level 2.]
Level Up! You are now Level 3.]
Level Up! You are now Level 4.]
Rewards Unlocked: +20 Stat Points.]
Aiden froze, the flamethrower still hissing faint smoke. His jaw dropped. "…Wait. I just prestige-leveled off bunnies?"
He blinked at the stat screen, numbers glowing back at him. Twenty free points. Just sitting there, waiting.
"I went from tutorial scrub to raid boss in five minutes. All because I turned the forest into a buffet."
Aiden dropped the nozzle, panting, sweat running down his face. His grin twitched wider.
The system chimed again.
Loot Acquired: 12x Rabbit Meat (Roasted), 12x Rabbit Hide (Charred).
Aiden flicked a finger, sending the loot straight into his inventory, the items vanishing one by one in bursts of light.
He sniffed the air. "…Smells like I just wiped an entire NFC menu."
For a long second, silence fell over the clearing. The smoke curled up through the trees. His chest heaved. Then Aiden laughed, manic and breathless.
"First boss fight? Cleared. First war crime? Probably."
"If you call toasting rabbits as warcrime"