Chapter 234: The Cooper Family's Solution
Ron slept soundly that night, but Leonard was in complete misery.
When Ron saw him at breakfast, Leonard's eyes were bloodshot, his bags so pronounced they practically hung off his face, and he looked like death warmed over.
"Morning, Leonard, you look exhausted. Did you and Penny have a marathon session last night? Are you taking performance enhancers?" Ron asked curiously.
Based on the sounds from the bedroom across from Leonard's during previous stays at this apartment, Ron had deduced that Leonard usually lasted ten to fifteen minutes, twice a night at most.
Unless he was on some kind of enhancement, that level of exhaustion wouldn't be possible in one night.
"It's your precious brother Sheldon!" Leonard looked bitter, like a wife who'd just caught her husband cheating. "He woke up on his own last night and snuck into the ball pit at the McDonald's PlayPlace. Do you know how much trouble I had catching him?"
"I'm curious how he got into a McDonald's PlayPlace after hours," Ron asked with interest, taking a bite of his breakfast burrito.
"That PlayPlace's back door has a five-tumbler deadbolt and a basic security system. That kind of child-proofing wouldn't be a challenge for Sheldon, or any trained physicist, for that matter."
"Well, so studying physics can be useful in breaking and entering. Maybe you could start a 'Practical Physics for Felons' class and I'd have all my guys take it." Ron finished his burrito in two bites.
"But what was he doing in a McDonald's ball pit at midnight?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself." Leonard made himself a breakfast sandwich, poured himself a cup of coffee, and sat down next to Ron. Sheldon had just emerged from the bedroom.
His high energy didn't look like someone who hadn't slept for three days.
"I was planning to build a carbon atom model using balls larger than marbles, but when I asked Leonard to help me sort the protons and neutrons, he did absolutely nothing and rudely dragged me out!"
Sheldon accused indignantly.
"You should be thankful he didn't have a Glock, or I guarantee he would have emptied the clip into you." Ron sighed. "Next time I'll give you some zip ties. You can hog-tie him and throw him on the bed. That way he won't wander around."
Leonard nodded enthusiastically.
"Hey! Ron, I haven't mentioned this yet. Did you clock me in the head yesterday? I still feel pain at the base of my skull. I'm going to tell Mom!"
"Nope, I didn't. Don't even think about it." Ron denied it flatly. "You need evidence to make accusations like that. Do you have any? For all we know, you passed out from sleep deprivation."
"Really?" Sheldon was also somewhat doubtful.
In fact, he had no memory of Ron knocking him out, because he was completely absorbed in his scientific research at the time.
"Absolutely," Ron quickly changed the subject: "What are your plans for today? Continue obsessing over your physics problem?"
Ron certainly wasn't afraid of him tattling to their mother about this little incident. In fact, this threat had lost its power over him since Ron started earning his own money in junior high. He just didn't want Mary to be upset about conflict between her sons.
Having a son like Sheldon was enough to give the sweet lady chronic migraines.
"I think this genius has found the solution."
"What?!" Leonard almost choked to death on his coffee: "Have you solved the graphene problem?! You could compete for a Nobel Prize with this!"
"No, that problem is still unsolved." Sheldon waved dismissively: "But I've thought of an approach."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Sheldon approached the two of them conspiratorially, clutching his orange juice: "Einstein."
"Einstein? You planning to build a nuke to eliminate whoever posed this question? Great idea! You've got natural talent for black ops, Sheldon," Ron praised:
"Usually whenever I encounter a problem I can't solve, I just eliminate the person who created the problem, and voilà—problem solved. Old George always said that's how our family has always handled difficulties. You're a true Cooper. You can think of such an elegant solution."
"No, that's not what I mean," Sheldon explained: "When Einstein worked at the Patent Office, he developed the theory of special relativity. I think I can find a menial job that's completely different from mine. I only need to engage my basal ganglia, so my frontal cortex can focus on solving the key problems."
"Even though I don't quite understand what you're saying, okay, let's assume it's a brilliant idea. What kind of job are you planning to take?"
Sheldon glanced between Leonard and Ron, then said, "How about I try being a secret agent? It seems like menial work..."
Sheldon was halfway through his sentence when Ron drew his pistol with lightning speed.
"Bang!"
A hole was blown through Sheldon's orange juice carton, and juice splattered all over him. Sheldon froze in place, paralyzed with fear, letting the juice drip off him without reacting.
"Really? Sheldon, you think you can handle this line of work?" Ron, like a gunslinger from the Wild West, brought his revolver to his lips, blew away the smoke, spun it around his finger, and slipped it back into his holster.
"Holy moly! I'm so scared!" Sheldon's reaction was delayed until Ron holstered his weapon.
The poor kid was so frightened he could barely speak coherently.
"Hahaha, Sheldon, you wet yourself again," Leonard laughed uproariously.
He always enjoyed witnessing Sheldon's failures.
"That's orange juice!" Sheldon protested indignantly, wiping himself clean with napkins. Sheldon finally remembered the terror he'd experienced as a child under Ron's dominance, and he abandoned any thoughts of competing with Ron.
He could only refocus his attention on Leonard: "Leonard, can I come to your lab today?"
Leonard swore that he had never wanted to be as good a marksman as Ron more than at that moment.
"Forget it, Sheldon, come with me today. Don't you want a menial job? I can let you work as a janitor at my office building, or as a server at the diner next door.
The diner next door is also part of my operation. The manager there is Mr. Hannibal. Just tell him you're my brother."
Ron had had enough of Sheldon and took the initiative to find a solution for him.
"Yes, server—this job is definitely menial enough. Why didn't I think of it? I can go help out at Penny's workplace!" Sheldon suddenly realized.
But for some reason, his superhigh IQ and intuition made him directly choose the establishment where Penny worked.
He always felt that there seemed to be something off about the place Ron operated.
(End of this chapter)
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