The car ride home later is torture. Not because that horoscope's glare through the rear-view mirror feels like a heat laser. Not because Ella's humming to herself like everything is sunshine and daisies. No, it's torture because my brain won't shut up replaying that moment.
Lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere.
LIKE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! WHY DID HE SAY IT LIKE THAT?!
And why does my chest feel like it's about to explode every time I hear it echo in my head?
"Jay."
I jolt upright, nearly slamming my head into the car ceiling. "What?"
Aries raises one brow, eyes still on the road. "Why do you look like you're about to have a stroke?"
"I—uh—PE homework! We're running laps tomorrow!"
Ella snorts softly, hiding it behind her hand. That horoscope doesn't buy it, I can feel it, but he lets it go. Barely.
The rest of the ride, I glue my face to the window. Pretend the trees are super fascinating. Try not to combust.
By the time I'm in my room, I flop onto my bed face-first and groan into my pillow.
"Useless," I mutter. "Completely useless."
Keifer doesn't even have to do much. Just a few words, a look, that calm-but-dangerous tone—and suddenly my brain melts into soup. Do people die of embarrassment? Because I think I'm halfway there.
My phone buzzes. I leap for it like a maniac, praying it's not Kuya checking on me again.
It's Ci-n.
Ci-n: JAY JAY.Ci-n: U alive or kidnapped?Ci-n: if kidnapped drop ur location i'll bring pudding.
I choke out a laugh into my blanket.
Me: Not kidnapped. Just dead. From stress.Ci-n: mood.
For five blissful minutes, I let Ci-n's ridiculous memes distract me. But the moment my screen goes dark, my brain goes right back to chaos.
Keifer's voice. His eyes. His stupid calmness.
"Lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere."
UGH.
JAY FOCUS! You have an exam tomorrow and that even MATHS!
This is was last minute practice looks like!
I throw my phone aside and sit up cross-legged on the bed, textbooks spread around me like some kind of ancient summoning circle.
"Focus," I whisper. "Exams. Maths. Survival."
I flip a page. Equations stare back at me like they want to fight.
Find the value of x.
"X? I don't even know the value of my life right now!" I groan, dragging a hand down my face. "Why are you hiding, Yuri? Why is Kuya glaring at me? Why is Keifer—"
I slam the book shut. "NO. Focus! Quadratics, not Keifer!"
I force the book open again. Scribble on my notebook.2x + 3 = 11Eh... I look through David's totally neat notes.
... Yeah why did I think that would help?
Let's just skip to the next question right?
Next problem:(x² + 3x + 2) / (x + 1)
OH HELL NO! I ain't doing that!
SINCE WHEN DID MATHS AND ENGLISH BECOME ONE THING!?
My pencil snaps.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME."
I flop onto the desk dramatically, cheek smushed against the notebook. "This is it. I'm going to fail maths. Then fail life. Then die. SUCH A GOOD PLAN!"
My phone buzzes. Again.
Ci-n.
Ci-n: Remember when Sir Alvin said "math is love"?
Me: no.
Ci-n: well guess what… I failed love too.
I wheeze into my notebook. "Why am I friends with him?"
But then—another buzz. Different ringtone. My stomach drops.
I text Ci-n back, fingers shaking:
Me: If I die in the maths exam tomorrow tell my story.
Ci-n: already making ur funeral PowerPoint.
Ci-n your totally so helpful!
By midnight, my page is a battlefield: fractions massacred, formulas crying, random doodles of... STUFF? My head spins, if i was ever in charge of the education system maths would never be a thing in life!
But finally—FINALLY—I scribble something that actually looks… right? Maybe? Possibly? "TAKE THAT, ALGEBRA!" I shout, raising my pen like a weapon.
I lean back, arms raised in victory.
Silence. Then my stomach sinks.
Because in my head, I hear his voice again. Calm. Steady. Too close."Lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere."
OH SHUT UP! YOUR NOT HELPFUL!
I slam the book shut.
…Yeah, I'm doomed.
From: Pres. Yuri
Don't worry she is next.
HUH!? WHO'S SHE!?
To: Pres. Yuri
Huh!? what who's she!?
YURI! MESSAGE BACK! YOU IDIOT ROOSTER!
From: Pres. Yuri: Message deleted
I stare at the screen like it personally betrayed me.
MESSAGE. DELETED.
OH. MY. GOD.
Maybe he accidently sent it?
But who is she!?
Wait is it me...?
No Jay! Stop overthinking about that idiot!
My brain immediately goes:
Who's she?
Me?
Ella?
WAIT WHAT IF IT'S ELLA?
I groan and roll off my chair dramatically, hitting the floor with a loud THUD. "That's it. I'm done. Bye world."
But of course, the universe doesn't let me stay down. My phone buzzes again.
It's not Yuri.It's not Ci-n.It's…
Keifer.
Keifer: Don't stay up too late. You'll ruin the exam.
Excuse me??What is this, a concerned husband text??
WAIT WHAT AM I THINKING?! OMG YOU HAVE GONE CRAZY JAY!!!
I slam my forehead into the notebook again. "NO. STOP BEING NICE. I CAN'T HANDLE NICE."
I freeze. Then slam the book shut. "SHUT UP, KEIFER!"
The walls do not respond.
The worst part? My cheeks are hot. Again. Why.
I flop into bed, blanket over my head like it'll suffocate the embarrassment out of me. Nope. Doesn't work. All I can think about is tomorrow.
The math exam.The deleted message.And Keifer. Always, stupidly, Keifer.
I grown into the pillow "I HATE LIFEEEE!"
The pillow swallows my muffled scream. If Aries heard that, he'd probably come banging on the door like "stop being dramatic and SLEEP."
I roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling. It stares back. Mocking me.
I flop to my side. The clock on my nightstand blinks 1:37 a.m. Lovely. Amazing. Exactly the time normal people should be snoring peacefully.
Me? Nope. I'm wide awake. Brain running a marathon without permission.
Deleted message."She is next."Who's she??Ella? Me?
And Keifer. Always Keifer. His stupid words just looping in my head like a cursed lullaby. "Lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere."
I grab the blanket and pull it over my head. "STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!"
Spoiler: I cannot stop thinking about him.
My phone buzzes again.
I nearly throw it across the room, but then—Ci-n.
Ci-n: U still awake?Me: no im a ghost.Ci-n: cool tell the math gods to have mercy on me tmr.
I snort so loud I scare myself. "This idiot."
Pfft he is gonna get 100% anyways...
Because the moment my screen goes dark again, my brain flips right back to Keifer.
His calm eyes. His stupid smirk. That protective tone that makes me want to scream and melt into the floorboards at the same time.
I roll around on the bed like a fish out of water. "WHY."
By 2 a.m., my textbook is on the floor. My calculator is under the bed. My dignity is probably in another galaxy.
I close my eyes, forcing myself to breathe slow. "Sleep, Jay. Think of something boring. Think of… math. Yes. Think of math."
……
BAD IDEA.
Because the moment I think of math, my brain betrays me and imagines Keifer sitting beside me during the exam tomorrow, leaning over with that voice—
"Careful, Jay. Don't mess it up. I'm watching."
I jolt upright, face flaming. "NOPE. BRAIN, YOU'RE FIRED."
I grab my pillow and throw it at the wall. It bounces off and lands with a sad little flop. Just like my life.
Eventually—eventually—I drift off, muttering, "Please let me pass, math gods… and please let me dream about me passing the test, not Keifer."