Chapter 243: Dr. House: Ha! Chuck, I Finally Caught You Making a Mistake! Come Beg Me!
New Jersey.
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.
"You're here!"
A middle-aged male doctor in a white coat opened the door of a ward, peeked inside, relaxed slightly, and couldn't help but complain, "Why aren't you watching 'General Hospital' today?"
"We recently got a new doctor on the show, Dr. Drake Ramoray."
A disheveled middle-aged man with stubble sat on the edge of a bed where a vegetative patient lay, his legs propped up on the mattress, flipping through a magazine. Hearing the middle-aged doctor's words, he didn't even look up and said, "I have to say, he really portrayed the stupidity of an intern perfectly. I can't help but wonder—is this brilliant acting or just him being himself?"
"General Hospital" is a classic American medical soap opera that has been running for decades and remains popular, constantly adding new characters, making it a true evergreen in American daytime television.
The disheveled, stubbled middle-aged man before him was also a doctor who enjoyed watching soap operas about his profession, especially during work hours.
"What do you think?"
the doctor in the white coat chuckled.
"I think it's a natural performance,"
the disheveled man said, lowering the magazine slightly, glancing at the doctor, and teasingly adding, "Luke agrees with me too."
He tilted his head toward the hospital bed.
"..."
The doctor in the white coat glanced speechlessly at the medical chart on the bed, unsurprisingly finding the patient's name was Luke, but he was already in a vegetative state and completely unable to refute the disheveled man's forced agreement.
His friend enjoyed spending time with corpses and comatose patients watching soap operas, eating, and chatting.
"I think he acted quite well."
"Of course you would think so."
The slovenly man sneered, "After all, although he perfectly portrayed the clumsy intern, he's quite handsome and has that distinctly Italian charm. That's incredibly alluring to women.
Women prefer a pretty face over a brilliant mind. With his performance, male doctors are now seen as rich, talented, and handsome by those who don't know the truth. Your recent uptick in dating activity is proof of that."
The new character they'd just introduced, Dr. Drake Ramoray, was played by Italian-American actor Joey Tribbiani.
"You're a doctor too,"
the man in the white coat said with a smile, not denying the conclusion.
"That won't work on me,"
the slovenly man shrugged. "You know I never go on dates. I just pay them to come to my place. They won't lower their rates just because I'm a doctor!"
He added with a mocking grin, "Believe me! I know they're too busy making money to watch soap operas like 'General Hospital,' so I specifically mentioned it! They looked at me like they'd just seen Dr. Drake Ramoray himself."
The doctor in the white coat was speechless.
This was astonishing and embarrassing, yet it seemed perfectly normal for his friend, making him instantly believe his friend was capable of such a thing!
His friend was clearly talented; if he wanted to, he could easily find dates. But his friend preferred paying for services, leaving many uninformed people bewildered.
However, the doctor, who knew the situation, understood that his friend was physically disabled, emotionally devastated, and constantly suffering from mental and physical anguish. He no longer wanted to experience love and only wanted to simply spend money to release his hormones.
Of course, this might just be an excuse for his friend to try something exciting and indulge in unrestrained behavior!
Who knows?
"House, are you really that bored?"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat complained.
"Not as bored as you."
The disheveled Dr. House shifted his gaze back to the magazine and casually retorted, "You're bothering me with other people's medical cases again."
"How did you know?"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat was taken aback.
"Come on! Wilson, you've been with me for so many years, and you're still asking such an obvious question? The case you're holding isn't from your oncology department. Someone as friendly as you, who's been married several times and still manages to get all your ex-girlfriends and ex-wives to speak highly of you, coming to me with someone else's case now—what other reason could it be besides trying to help someone again?"
Dr. House sneered. "Looks like this fake doctor Drake Ramoray's influence is really huge. Not only does it make it easier for real-life doctors to pick up women, but it also drags down the IQ of real-life doctors to his level. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
He then feigned sudden realization: "Oh, I forgot—most doctors are this stupid! It has no effect at all!"
"Now that you know, come and take a look at this case!"
Despite being mocked for his stupidity by his friend, Dr. Wilson in his white coat wasn't angry. He held up the medical record in his hand as a reminder.
"I'm not as bored as you."
Dr. House held up the magazine in his hand. "Aren't Chuck's gossip and scandals more interesting than your boring medical cases?"
"You're following Chuck again."
Dr. Wilson in the white coat finally shifted his attention from the cover model on the magazine, walked over, and saw the gossip about Chuck inside, revealing a knowing look.
"He's in New Jersey. If you really miss him, just go see him. Why bother secretly following his news all the time?"
"Oh! Oh! Oh!"
Dr. House immediately interrupted with an exaggerated cry: "What do you mean, 'miss him'? You're talking like we're in a bromance! I'm a man, and I like women! I don't want to be suspected of having some weird relationship and getting blackmailed!
Besides, that guy is even more boring than you!
Even the most interesting gossip becomes depressing when he discusses it. What does he know about Detective Chuck's gossip?
No tabloid is as professional and interesting as this!
I'd have to be crazy to go see him!"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat laughed: "Then why don't you read other people's gossip news? Admit it! You just miss him."
"Stop being so weird."
Dr. House held up the magazine in his hand: "If you're not bored, don't get in my way. After all, like you said, I'll have to leave first~"
"..."
Knowing he couldn't win an argument with his friend, Dr. Wilson in his white coat took the magazine from Dr. House's hand, placed his own medical record in his friend's hand, and explained the situation: "Female, thirty years old, after being pushed to the ground by her husband, she suddenly started laughing uncontrollably. No underlying issues could be found..."
"Boring!"
Dr. House didn't even glance at the chart, got up, picked up his cane from the bedside table, and limped out.
"You haven't looked at the record yet!"
Dr. Wilson, in his white coat, followed after him with the chart.
"No need to look."
Dr. House limped out, casually remarking, "Abusive husband, desperate housewife, sudden breakdown—she shouldn't be looking for me, she should be looking for Dr. Drake Ramoray! In every sense of the word!"
Dr. Wilson in his white coat was speechless.
As a friend, he understood.
Dr. Drake Ramoray was a neurosurgeon on General Hospital, and Dr. House was clearly implying that the patient was mentally unstable and should see a psychiatrist for a quick fix.
Hmm.
Given his friend's unserious and sharp-tongued nature, he probably also implied that the more important reason this suddenly laughing housewife should see Dr. Drake Ramoray was because he was a womanizing Italian-American playboy, so he could address both the symptoms and the root cause...
Dr. Wilson in his white coat watched his friend's limping figure, and even though he was used to it, he still thought this guy's mouth was just too vicious!
He glanced at the medical record in his hand, his eyes flickering a few times, then strode forward, blocking his friend's path. He said seriously, "She's my cousin!"
Dr. House, leaning on his cane, looked at his friend, his frivolous expression slightly softening. "You won't like my diagnosis."
"I know,"
Dr. Wilson in his white coat nodded. "If I had any other option, I wouldn't have come to you."
This friend of his was a troublemaker, a headache for everyone, including hospital administrators, yet he could still practice medicine at the hospital for one reason only: Dr. House was a true medical genius.
Hospital administrators wanted to leverage his reputation and abilities, so they created a unique department specifically for him: the Department of Diagnostic Medicine!
Any difficult cases that other departments couldn't handle were assigned to Dr. House, hoping he would solve them. The approved budget and the priority of his authority within the hospital made other doctors envious.
But this also indirectly indicated that those who sought out Dr. House were all difficult cases that couldn't be treated elsewhere.
Dr. House's treatment methods were rather radical, sometimes making them unacceptable to patients, hospital administrators, his fellow doctors, and even his friend.
If possible, he would rather Dr. House be unemployed and remain perpetually idle and bored.
But the reality was, with so many difficult and complex cases, Dr. House was still able to save patients who would otherwise be waiting to die, at a rate of about one per week.
This was what his friend was proud of about Dr. House!
Seeing his friend's reaction, Dr. House took the medical record, glanced at it, and his eyes immediately lit up: "Wow! What a beautiful young woman!"
Then a smirk appeared on his lips: "Wait! That's not your cousin!"
"Why do you say that?"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat feigned surprise.
"Because this cousin is too beautiful! She doesn't look anything like you!"
Dr. House became interested, staring intently at his friend, trying to uncover the truth behind his lie.
"She's my distant cousin!"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat patched up his lie, then said somewhat indignantly, "And am I really that unattractive?"
Although he wasn't exactly handsome, he was confident in his looks, and his friend's comment annoyed him.
"If you had even a fraction of your cousin's looks, you wouldn't have so many ex-girlfriends and ex-wives; you could just drop the 'ex' from all of them."
Dr. House glanced at the beautiful young woman in the medical photo and said sarcastically, "You could have them all at once, and most of the time it wouldn't be a problem."
"..."
Dr. Wilson in the white coat paused, then suddenly laughed, "Like Chuck?"
"A brilliant counterattack!"
Dr. House looked at his friend in surprise.
Thanks to tabloid news, everyone on Earth knows about Detective Chuck's romantic escapades; so many beautiful women are in his orbit, he's practically a six-winged archangel.
"That's right!"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat had finally gained the upper hand and teased, "When it comes to arguing with the famous Dr. House, you can always trust Chuck, and you can only trust him!"
He might not be able to out-argue his sharp-tongued friend, but his friend's sharp tongue was practically useless against Chuck—he had no advantage whatsoever.
Using Chuck to counter Dr. House was his strongest defensive tactic.
"Still not right."
Dr. House, teased by his friend about Chuck, glanced down at the medical record, then looked up again, a knowing smirk playing on his lips. "This isn't your cousin! Tell me! Who is she? And who are you asking me for?"
Before Dr. Wilson in his white coat could speak, he began speculating, "For you to go to such lengths, and specifically avoid letting me know, it must be your friend and my rival—ha! It's Chuck Wolfe! Right! Don't lie to me, a quick check will tell!"
"Alright."
Dr. Wilson, seeing this, knew he couldn't hide it any longer and said helplessly, "It is indeed Chuck. She is Chuck's physics professor."
"I knew it!"
Dr. House excitedly lifted his cane, resting his chin on his hand, pleased that he had uncovered Chuck's roundabout scheme.
"Since he's the one asking me, let him come ask me himself! I'll be waiting for him!"
This medical case was certainly getting interesting.
"House, don't be like this,"
Dr. Wilson in the white coat advised. "You know Chuck... Don't let your rivalry delay the patient's treatment."
"Yeah, right!"
Dr. House scoffed, then looked at the beautiful Professor Alicia Harper in the medical photo, a smirk playing on his lips. "I'm going to dig deep into what his relationship with this young woman really is! It's rare for him to make such a big mistake. If it were me, instead of saying 'cousin,' I'd definitely say I've fallen for this beautiful young woman, this desperate housewife, and want to save her—that's more in line with your persona, and won't arouse suspicion."
"Chuck didn't make a mistake..."
Dr. Wilson in the white coat hesitated.
"What do you mean?"
Dr. House's smile froze, a sudden sense of foreboding creeping into his heart.
"Anyway, he didn't make a mistake, so don't ask anymore..."
Dr. Wilson in the white coat clearly didn't want to say more, but under Dr. House's urging and pressure, he finally had to tell the truth: "Chuck had foreseen this, but he still made me say it was my cousin because if I said it like you suggested, he said..."
He hesitated for a moment, then continued, "He said that because she's my dream girl, you'd be even less motivated to treat her..."
Dr. House, who jokingly claims he's not into bromances, was outmaneuvered by Chuck's prediction: "..."
(End of Chapter)
[Milestone: 500 Power Stones = +2 Chapters]
[Milestone: 10 Reviews = +1 Chapter]
Enjoyed this chapter? Leave a review.
30+ advanced chapters on P2treon Soulforger