Tears of bitterness streamed down her cheeks. Ruka opened her mouth after minutes of torment, her voice broke through all the shouts and the cheers. This isn't something anyone should be happy about, no one.
"It's so unfair."
Ruka yanked the elder away as she lifted her feet up, her strength was an impulsivity. She knew it, by the time she showed her cry for survival, everyone's face spoke the same thing through different expressions.
That this is new, that this never happened.
That other children who submitted their lives were blind to this,
Murder.
She stumbled against her other feet, crawling as she rolled in haste. Her face was a mix of fear and resentment, she wasn't planning to submit her life that easily. She never gave consent in the first place, yet luck doesn't even favor her side.
The elder held her in place, as he caught her just in time with the help of his subordinates.
"You are crazy…! I'm a sick person…!"
"Please help me, everyone!"
"I don't want to be a sacrifice!"
For the first time in her life, she barely recognized anyone around her. Her emotions are all jumbled up, there are eyes of uncertainty, confusion, hesitation.
Those were amongst the people that circled the altar, that prevented anyone from moving to help or pull Ruka from her situation.
Ruka felt her chest was going to burst from intense panic, her breaths were ragged as she screamed as much as she could, her lungs were unable to keep up with her voice.
Her eyes glared over her parents, Ruka looked at both of them.
"I'm your daughter, am I?!"
Their feet glued to the ground, and there was an inevitable feeling that Ruka felt that night. They won't even try to save her.
Instead of having her heart broken, her anger overtook her senses. She barely has a choice but to point at every single person there with hatred, including her own parents.
Despite the fact that a small portion of people there were actually against these rituals.
While being dragged back to the altar, Ruka cried her loudest while both of her bloodied arms were held by the elder's subordinates, ignoring the cuts and the injury of those fresh scars.
"CURSE YOU AND YOUR RITUALS!"
A quick slash of a blade came across her throat, slitting everything on its path. Ruka felt her voice vanish into nothingness, as she couldn't feel her legs.
A pool of blood forming on the cold mat beneath her knees.
Each time she tries to speak, Ruka could listen to her own inaudible sound. Blood gurgled inside her mouth, eventually spilling out and escaped her lips.
"I barely feel it anymore, my head is spinning.", as much as she thinks of a way out, it's futile.
Hands hurriedly holding the slitted throat, not like it's going to close the disgusting gash wound along her neck. Ruka's tears dropped to the cold altar alongside her spilling blood, her wrath unexpectedly exposed bare against everything around her.
"If only I knew that this was coming."
"If only I made a run before they sacrificed me."
"If only I was healthy."
Things would be different.
…
…
It will.
"This body is mine.", a voice reached out. It filled Ruka's head with numerous kinds of evil, hatred, and unpleasant stench of a spirit.
"Whatever."
"I'm just tired."
Ruka's inner voice responded silently. But her consciousness wavered, even on the brink of death that clearly should've been her demise. Her blurred vision remains still, and her bleeding stopped for a reason.
It's not her grit.
It's not her desire to survive.
It's hatred.
She accepted her death, and that's all to it. But the dark, deep greenish shield with a flicker of white formed around her, stopping her blood from seeping out through her wounds. Still, she has no voice due to the barely healed gash on her throat.
As Ruka looked down, eyes still locking against the pool of blood on her feet, she cocked her head and glanced over the elder with a resentful look.
The elder shouted happily, laughing maniacally as what just happened in front of him was like a testament of his consistent offering and that so-called, disgusting worship.
"Perish."
Ruka jumped at the elder, shield tapping with force before the elder received the same cut, his throat slit while the girl barely touched anything.
That barrier, the one that absorbs, yet it could deflect force with an equal amount of the attacks' strength.
"I HATE YOU ALL!!"
"YOU AND THIS FUCKED MYSTICS!!"
Ruka screamed on top of her lungs, her body moved abnormally healthy. Her voice recovered, and the crowds were dispersing in hurry, looking at how she went berserk with tears wetting her cheeks.
A man held her from behind while her barrier was inactive, but Ruka reflectively reactivated her barrier and someone else in front of her, swung a stone hammer and directly aimed it on top of her head.
"Crash."
Both the attacker and the person who held Ruka from behind, received the same amount of impact. Their skull crushed simultaneously as their limp body plopped into the floor. She shouted with wrath seeping in every word that broke the screams and panic in the village.
"Why do you have to do this?!"
"How many children had suffered the way I did?!"
That simple consciousness, those very last bit of Ruka's consciousness fading away as moments passed. The spirit who was tangled against her soul kept ravaging through her insides, planning to overwrite her body.
But at the same time, she resented everyone. Her immense hatred pushes the spirit's futile attempts to break her mind. Because you can't break something that's already broken.
It went dark.
There are moments where her consciousness laid bare, faint images reeling in Ruka's mind.
The smell of ashes, fire that burned houses, the smoke. The shrieks of children, the constant screams of adults trying to escape her wrath. The way those pathetic worshipers keep praying for the one they once believed, their sole protector.
"Muir!"
"O'Muir!"
Although, Ruka never cared. Despite her anger that blinded her. The strength that she obtained within a single night. The danger that everyone felt, the strength that infused within Ruka wasn't just a simple awakening.
It never happened, even if the elder has done it so many times, with so many lives. The people in the village were too uneducated for understanding such a condition that was bound to happen.
Again, it went dark.
She doesn't control her body. Yet her primal actions were simply a natural self-defense attempt. She sees everyone as enemies, kids to elderly.
Her hands bloodied, life after life that she took.
"I don't understand."
Ruka screams in agony, both for her own safety and her mixed emotions, her people met their deaths in instant as Ruka desired to end each of them. She attacks herself, deflects those impacts by her own barrier, and redirects it towards those around her.
And after an hour was passed,
Everyone else was dead. Yet there are two left, who were dragging their feet on the ground, groveling while looking at Ruka without a sense of fear.
But their faces was, sad?
They are kneeling.
Ruka walked towards them slowly, her eyes dull. Her throat still forming a deep gash, blood dried after exposure to fire and the regenerative effect from the spirit whomst overwriting her body.
"Don't give me that look."
Even with the stone lunged at Ruka's barrier, and she deflected it with sheer force that the blast affected the two, they looked at her without backing down. Instead, they walked towards her, barely thinking about what's going to happen to them.
After provoking them with so many threats, Ruka snapped at them and planted both of her fists against their chest. Arms gushed against their backs, crushing their vitals.
"H-Hey, get off me. Get off me!"
The man said, caresses her daughter's right cheek. He coughed blood, but it wasn't stopping him to tell his heart.
"After this, you will lead a heavy life. I'm sorry for not being by your side, Ruka. For not taking care of you when you're sick."
The woman on the other side, slowly pressing her hand to her daughter's left cheek. She weakly smiled, even if her tears were also swelling on her own eyes.
"He's right, and Ruka, Mom will always love you. I'm sorry for letting you suffer, for making you go through all this."
"We never agreed, nor let you be a sacrifice. The elder took you by… force.", Ruka's father coughed, the blood loss is significant, consciousness slowly turning faint.
But again, it's not about apology. Yet her honesty remains absolute, and that's clearly a message to Ruka who is still deep down, nestled under that thick shell.
Their voice reached her heart, the Ruka who is conscious of what she's doing, not the one who's affected by the spirit.
"I'm sorry, for giving you such a weak body. A body that prevents you to…live.", her mother added before her last breath escaped her very lips.
Their faces slowly grow paler, hands reaching against Ruka. Their arms wrapped against Ruka's back, caging like wings covering her small body. She felt it, her parents' lives fading away right in front of her. And her sense of self gradually returned.
Ruka shed her tears, she pulled both of her arms, ignoring the redness of their blood, she hugged her parents tight. After all, they died in their daughter's hands.
"Mom, Dad. No…No, don't leave me. MOM, DAD!!"
"I can't do this alone, I CAN'T!!"
That night, Ruka cried so loud, there were screams between her shrieks. There's no pain in her body, just a strengthened body that was combined with the infused spirits' powers. Yet her heart remains fragile, with everything in her sight, she has no choice but to break down, mourning.
"Please come back…"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done!"
No amount of tears could bring back the lives she took that night, not even her parents. She kept hugging their body.
"I promise not to be a bad kid!"
"I promise to eat and sleep well!"
Despite the growing coldness that is slowly taking over their lifeless form.
"I promise to be kind to others…"
Right after she gained the strength to live, pieces of her were taken immediately from her life. Just like how unfair, and harsh reality was.
Just as she took a look at her surroundings, her cries went silent.
Turns out there's no hatred to them that could be explained in words, because these people have nowhere to go. Putting a belief in something that is undoubtedly wrong, and still following it because they just had to calm their fragile soul somewhat.
And Ruka's resentment to her own hopeless condition, barely justifies what she had done. Taking their lives, simply because she's their sacrifice.
"I don't know what is right or wrong anymore…"
"Life is so…unfair."
"It took every single piece of my happiness."
Ruka felt exhausted as she fainted, passing out after everything that took an immense toll on her body.
Until morning, she barely regained consciousness while having her dead parents' embrace still sticking to her. Giving warmth even after their lives are barely present anymore.
Present time – Library
Ruka was still curled up on the floor, arms wrapped tightly around Muir, breath short and ragged. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Just when I started to forget…"
Muir didn't say anything. And for once, Ruka didn't push him away. "You're such an idiot."
The world felt quieter now, added by light taps of the doll's graceful steps. Muir barely wastes its time, it was done.
Too quiet, Muir went back to its slumber.
Ruka sat back down at her corner in the library, hugging Muir tightly to her chest. Her legs were closed, and her eyes—still red from tears—stared blankly at the candle-lit table.
The book on her lap was still open, but the words meant nothing. She glanced down at the plushie.
Muir's button eyes stared straight ahead.
Unmoving.
Expressionless.
"Say something…" Ruka whispered.
There is no response beside a faintly lit candle, dim against the dark corners of the library. The skies outside turned orange, indicating time that passed too quickly.
"Fine, I was wrong."
Ruka pressed her forehead against his soft head.
No spark of life or even any sort of voice in her head.
Not even a flicker of that sardonic tone she'd grown so used to.
She shook him gently, exaggerating her attempts a little harder. Trying to win the doll's attention back, even if it's futile.
"Ugh. Can't be helped, I guess."
The air was cold, there was no sound besides folding papers each time Ruka switched a page by the book she's holding closely. The library is too quiet, while the front door remains still.
Evening, at least what Ruka perceived. Orange skies, warmth spread within the air. Even warmer when she sat close to the candle that dimly illuminates her face.
"Who are you talking to?"
Ruka gasped and nearly dropped Muir.
She twisted around, wide-eyed. There is no presence, regardless of what her eyes had overlooked. As much as she remained on guard, there was no sound, or even any door-creaking to notice.
Vila stood a few steps behind her, half-shadowed by the tall shelves. As usual, her face was unreadable, arms folded calmly across her chest, silver eyes watching.
"I didn't mean to scare you," she said flatly.
The elf continued to stare at Ruka before sitting down nonchalantly, settling herself down beside Ruka.
"You did anyway," Ruka muttered, voice low and shaky.
Vila glanced at her top to bottom, as well as giving a side-eye at the pile of books around Ruka.
"You've been here since noon." , the elf silently spoke while caught. Ruka's expression remained cautious. Usually, Ruka will stutter or act nervously around mostly anyone. It wasn't the case now, which intrigues Vila's undivided attention.
"Left after lunch break, while Yuxin was summoned by her cavalry and Blanche with her council…work.", Vila softly stopped a brief after that, her awkward take on topics were always like that.
Unnecessary and too much. No one knows how she managed to watch over them, but all they know is that Vila often disappears without any single remark, hard to find.
"But that's not what I planned to say."
Vila looked down at the plushie still clutched in Ruka's arms.
"You were crying. Just earlier."
Ruka immediately turned away, she can't believe she's that close to expose her secrets to someone that irrelevant. Thinking about how things are going to come into a sharp turn puts her in grave anxiety.
"No, I wasn't."
The elf tilted her head in confusion, she pulled Ruka's chin slightly up. She gave it a closer look as she noticed the redness of her swollen eyes, dried tears that wiped in hurry.
"You were simply shaking.", the elf huffed, she gave themselves a small space.
Ruka winced, she looked towards Vila with refusal. "I said I wasn't."
"It's okay, I won't pry.", without mockery, Vila responded flatly without any expression of emotions.
Her actions were unpredictable. Then Vila sat on the floor across from her, legs crossed neatly, gaze steady.
"You don't have to tell me anything."
Ruka felt anger rising under her voice, "Good. Because I won't." Not because she dislikes Vila, or even close to pushing her away. She can't bear having anyone, and found out that she stained her hands with blood.
"But I'm not leaving either, maybe I'm just hard to get."
Ruka blinked. That caught her off guard.
"Why?"
"Don't you have better things to do?"
"Besides sticking your nose to places you never belong.", Ruka glared towards Vila, her eyes were unconsciously darting against the elf's golden eyes.
"Should I ignore you then?"
Ruka stared at her for a long second.
Then slowly—without fully realizing it—she let out a soft exhale. It doesn't represent any relief whatsoever. It's just a brief moment of silence that explained her bitterness.
Just like a breath she had been holding in for years. The library felt colder now.
Not because of the temperature—
—but because Ruka's silence had weight to it.
She sat hunched over her lap, Muir nestled quietly in her arms.
Across from her, Vila remained cross-legged, hands resting on her knees, back straight, as if she had all the time in the world.
Neither of them spoke for a while, Vila blankly stared to nothingness as she sat beside Ruka who was planning to ignore her for as long as she could.
Just the distant flutter of a turning page somewhere, and the low hum of an Æther lamp overhead. Ruka tightened her grip around Muir.
"You know," she said at last, her voice barely above a whisper, "I used to think if I could just forget it… I'd stop being hurt."
Vila didn't react. As much as she expected Ruka to break the silence first, she didn't shift nor blink. She totally lends her ears, listening to what troubled Ruka for so long, probably putting a hope that she's willing to release them to make her life, lighter.
Ruka's eyes stayed on her plushie.
"But as much as I wanted to forget, those memories flood back to me."
Vila gave her a nod, a small one. Just reassuring Ruka with her presence, and a place to stay. Shoulders to lean on, as much as Ruka wants to. Right after that, Ruka raised her voice.
A single question.
"How can I be like you?"
Vila blinked repeatedly, unable to comprehend what just Ruka said. It's not a hard thing, really, to understand such a trivial question. Yet Ruka doesn't even strike a random question and plans to validate her unsolved emotions.
Ruka is genuinely clueless.
"Say again?"
Ruka didn't follow up. Didn't even bother to repeat.
At the same time, she didn't want to know the answer, nor expect Vila to answer that question she finds stupid. Really.
She looked down at the threads on Muir's arm, idly tracing the stitching with her thumb.
"How can I forget it, my past?"
Vila looked away, her gaze hesitant. Talking about the past brings something into the plate, as critical as things could be. The elf responded so lightly.
"I don't know, you asked the wrong person."
"I don't forget my past. They're a part of me."
Ruka shuddered, she lightly perked her eyes up as she listened. What Vila did was literally the exact opposite, bracing herself with truth and reality. Unlike her, who denied herself since then.
Vila lived longer than a century, yet she braved her past and just lived on.
"How do you do that?"
"How could you even act like this, when you bear so much weight."
"Why are you so eager to live…?"
Ruka's voice cut through the dusty air. Her confusion was mixed with hopelessness, one that Vila could understand. It is distasteful.
Vila couldn't help but to show a melancholic smile, as it seems things reached this particular moment.
"Do I seem like a good, positive, bright person to you?"
"This face never tells how crude life is, Ruka."
For the first time in ages, Vila felt she had to tell someone. About what makes her so strong that others would perceive her as special, unique, or even weird.
"This might sound like I've been lying this whole time, but I used to be someone full of energy and laughter.", Vila continued.
"One smile from me made their days, my people said."
"Even though it doesn't last forever, pondering in the past won't do any good."
Vila responded abruptly, she closed a book beside her and stared at Ruka with her winced, slightly baffled expression. To be honest, both of them had their fair share of conflict for expressing themselves fully.
"I never told everyone, yet my fixation simply lies on that one night."
"I was powerless, all I can do is hide. Yet this boiling anger won't bring justice to those who destroyed my world. I'm an elf, and even if I found their traces, they might be dead already."
Humans.
They're full of greed, pathetic weaklings who thrive for sin and lust. They act all mighty and boast their adjustability for life, yet a simple matter that they couldn't even afford escaped their grasp.
"Time. It's the only lethal weapon that could kill the strongest foe."
"Even right now, if I found them one by one. I might've found them laying on their beds, sick and all prickled. Standing toe to toe in front of the gate of their deaths."
Underlying her bitter look, Ruka felt uncertainty. There's a hidden message behind her words, something that she could take notice of. She's sensitive.
"Your point?", Ruka briefly spoke to give Vila a small pause.
Vila blinked, she answered with a light smile.
"I lived for vengeance. But my point of survival immediately ended when I realized the fact that humans are so frail, because their short lifespan didn't match their endless possibility of committing selfish sins."
"You don't have to get weirded out by my sense of distrust. Although I might be stupid sometimes, right now- I could tell if anyone's up to no good or not."
The elf prodded Ruka's forehead, letting the smaller girl yelp slightly. A light huff escaped Vila's lips, while she looked away and crossed her legs.
"You- stuttering shorty, the classy noble, and the chirpy shadow. I guess the three of you were fine, even if every single one of you acted outside of my comprehension."
"Anyway, I'm done."
Vila stood up and looked at the door, while Ruka glaring over the elf with doubt and a hint of confused look. Instead of going to the door and getting outside normally, Vila climbed to the side, wooden windows, opening it before jumping down with constant wind crashing inside the library.
The books and some papers falling out, some places and spots had gotten messy because of that humorous elf again.
"That elf is quite different.", Muir showed up and scared Ruka, slightly doing a small jog to her heart. Always been like that, Ruka panting softly before striking a sharp glance over the doll.
"Why do you always need to pop out of nowhere?!", Ruka snapped.
"Meh, I do what I want. Besides, that elf friend of yours is worthy of someone that you could call a friend. I sense no malice, but I'm a little bit afraid."
Ruka pulled the doll close to her, a surge of calmness enveloped her and shortly her personality turned back into her usual demeanor. The one who stutters, expressing shy attitude now and then.
"Hmm, why? Don't you think she's a little bit…"
The doll lets out a small grunt, intrigued.
"I know."
"Her hatred is stronger than yours."
Some papers still cascaded from the shelves, the wind stopped after some time, Ruka climbed to the windows where Vila escaped through, closing it and let the library struck quietness after some time. Solace emerges to the dimly lit library once again.