I am falling to my death, a horde of goblins tumbling along above me salivating about eating my artificially delectable corpse. I hear people get retrospective when they are about to die, thinking about their entire lives and what they'd do differently. Not like there's a lot to think about, I lived my entire life following the path of least resistance, like the world most uninteresting river. If I do one thing differently, it'd be to let that girl (or whatever the hell that thing was) get mugged and continue to head home, then I'd still be working my dead-end job, living the life of an extra.
Hmm, it looks like I suck at this introspection thing too. I'll add it to the list, right under staying alive. Well, in that case, I guess I should be angry; people who are betrayed usually are, using their last breath to curse the people who pushed them down. Yet, I feel no anger of the betrayed, no fear of my death, no regret of the paths not taken. No I feel nothing but… is this curiosity? The mirth of the insane? After my years of ineptitude lead to the final snapping of rational thought and emotions?
Regardless, my mind was not focused on my eminent death, my recent betrayal or the overwhelming stench of goblin slobber. My mind was captivated solely by the singular translucent floating in front of me.
[You have levelled up.]
"BOY! We got customers! Get in here!" A gruff voice bellows from the front.
Get up with a sigh, stashing my phone away and gulping down the rest of my sandwich as I got up. Only 15 minutes of my 30 minute lunch break had been used up but I'm not going to complain. Not like I was doing anything besides looking and random clips. Besides, as this places only waiter, if I don't serve these guys who will?
"Hello, sir and madam. How may I help you today?" I put on my best smile.
"Yes, may I get the menu. My darling has been craving peasant food as of late."
"Oh, honeybear," the darling giggles, "Don't say it like that, I was just a bit tried of the caviars."
"I bet that's no all that tires you out ;)"
My smile hardens. Where do I even begin? Let's just stick to my script, "Terribly, sorry sir but there is no menu. Here our chef, serves a custom dish to your pallette. I'm merely here to get you comfortable."
"Oh, my," the darling pulls out a fan and flutters it before her, "I didn't you're peoples kind of food to be like that."
My what? "We here do insist on a pay first policy, though, that'll be..." What's 1.5 times 37... eh, "$55." I blatantly overcharge them.
"Yes, yes," the honeybear waves an arm dismissively, causing a translucent blue window to show up in my face. I pull of a checking device and push it into the window. As I do, I glance over his information. Level 45! This guy could kill me with a sneeze!
"Not using your transfer window?" Honeybear askes.
"We are waiters anonymous serverts. We believe all that matter in these 4 walls are you and the food." I lie easily. Truth is, people tend to feel insulted when served by someone of my level. And this store can't afford any refunds.
"I wonder what we're going to get," Darling giggles as I stealthily made my exit.
I sigh. That guy living the life; high level, hot girlfriend, clearly rich... really makes you think. How can someone like that wonder what your going to get from a place called Steve's Spaghetti Slop.
***
"Nice work, today!" says Steve, the restaurant's cook, manager, owner and only other employee as he closes up shop.
"Hmm," I grunt in affirmation, wondering for the hundredth time whether he really need to hire me. I brought it up once and he bellowed jovially that one day, the restuarant is going to take off and if he needs a waiter ready for that moment to capitalize on it.
I do wonder what miracle would change the restuarants perception from big servings and cheap food to, quote: "THE place to go for premium spaghetti," but I'm not one to question to one who pays my rent.
On my walk home, I pull out my phone to see any alerts near my location. This is a habit I've been doing ever since I accidently ran into a group of hunters suppressing a dungeon break a few years back. I might look cool in a video but in person the mere shockwaves their attacks would put someone at my level in the hospital.
There's a dungeon break on my route? E-rank too... a guild's already on site but giving their average clear time, it'll take an hour before the road's monster free. Detour it is! Maybe, I'll pick up a snack along the way.
Come to think of it, aren't there people who purposely go to ongoing fights in person to watch? Madness, but I guess they're the reason I get variety in the videos I watch.
Fifteen minutes into my impromptu detour, I pass by an alleyway.
"I'm just saying you should help a fella out, you get me girlie?"
"And I'm just saying that I don't want to do that, you get me Thug #1 and #2?"
Down the alleyway, a girl whose face is obscured by her pink hoodie is up against the wall with two gruff looking dudes to either side of her.
"Haha, she called us thugs! Isn't that hilarious, bro?" Thug #1 bellows.
"Yeah, bro. HAHAHA" Thug #2 answers, "Listen girlie, we're not in fact we are the complete opposite of thugs. We're the guys who keep you safe at night without a dungeon break every day. That's right we're-"
"-Hunters! And pretty greats ones at that! Just the other day, the 2 of us cleared a D-rank dungeon!"
"But my bro here made some bad investments, girlie. So-"
"Hey, they're not bad! Just a temporary downturn!"
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, girlie, we just need a small cash injection to keep on being awesome and protecting everyone."
"Like taxes?"
"No girlie, it's like… yeah, taxes but awesome taxes without the government's messing everything up."
"Yeah… no thanks, see ya," the girl dodges between the two guys and begins to head out. She doesn't get far before Thug #1 grabs her and pushes her roughly against the wall.
I click my teeth in frustration as I press an app on my phone. There goes my evening, now I have to be answering a bunch of repetitive questions to the cops.
"I don't think you understand, we aren't asking." Thug #1 declares.
"We've got a bit debt coming up today, so we can't delay any longer."
"Don't make this any harder than it has to be."
Hmm, well I've done all I could, time to gt out of here. The cops'll get here soon and eventually they'll swing by my house to get my statement. The girl will get a little roughed up until they come, but that's just life. A good little extra like me should just head home.
Umm, legs. That's the wrong way. No, stop that! No, mouth don't you dare say anything. Don't say-
"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
WHAT AM I DOING?!! After, 2+ decades of life, this is how I find out I have suicidal tendencies?!
"Run along, sonny. This doesn't concern you."
"Yeah, this girl promised us something and we're here to collect it."
"Actually, it does concern me," repay a blatant lie with another, "That girl is my friend and we've got somewhere to be." I've never met this girl before in my life.
"I've never met this guy before in my life."
Girl, that's true but you don't have to say it!! Can't you tell, I'm trying to help you?! Do you want to get mugged?! Just help me by for time!
"Looks like we've got someone trying to play hero."
"Idiot doesn't know how the world works."
"Heh," I confidently give a smirk, a bead of sweet dripping down my neck, "You losers have no idea who you are dealing with, do you?"
Please work. Please work. Please work. Please work. Please work. Please work. Please work.
"Some hero fanataizing idiot who spends to long watching Mu-sion videos?"
It didn't work. Idiots, now it time to pull out my Ultra Secret Deadly Technique of Doom. Background Character Ssecret technique, Grovelling!
I slowly pull my hands out of my pockets.
"Wait, hold up bro," Thug #2 put his hand on his brother, "I heard something about this. Enforcers going around in plain clothes to hunt criminal, secretly. Some of them even have the power you Brand you."
"What, bro! You seriously taking him for real? From a little twerp like him!"
"I'm not explaining to Ma that we got Branded 'cause we we're late on payment for your stupid investment. Just apologize to the guy and we'll be on or way."
I. AM. A. GOD.
Look at that, I got them to bow to me. To ME!
"Heh," I cockily run a hand through my hair, "I'm a incredibly busy person, so as long as you prostate yourselves and promise to never do this again in a squeaky voice, I won't bury my foot so far up you rear that you'll be tasting breakfast."
"Do we have to do this, brother?" Thug #1 complains.
"Just deal with it."
"Mhuhaha, I'm not seeing any sincerity. Go lower, taste the piss-filled paved pavement!"
"Gurgh!" Thug #1 suddenly jumps to his feet and reached into his pocket.
"What are you doing?" Thug #2 hisses
"Y-Yeah, get back down before I make you." I say, totally not wavering in my voice.
"I remember, I got that item that can reveal peoples levels. Even if this guy is Level 20, we can beat him if we team up bro."
"You idiot, beating him doesn't mean swat if we become Outlaws! I'm sorry, sir my brother…"
"I-It's okay as long as he stops, I'll-"
"IMPOSSIBLE!" Thug #1 bellows, looking through an monocle, "HE'S LEVEL 1!!!!"
...I'm dead.
"Level 1…"
"HAHAH, how is that even possible! Even six year olds can reach level 2! You left your diaper home, baby? Does your mama know your walking around by yourself?"
"I've been cautious of… been bowing to… a LEVEL 1!" Thug #2 bellows, smashing his fist into the pavement.
"Heey," I slowing back up. When is that cop going to get here? Five minutes response time, more like 5… something, "It's just a prank, br-ack!"
I fell flat as Thug #2's fist rammed straight through where my head was, hitting and cracking the wall behind me.
I didn't even see him mov, just saw his leg twitch and I ducked.
Should I just run away, with my skills I could-
"Lucky break, you friends with the cockroaches?" Thug #1 swept his foot at my body.
[(2 star) Leap]
I activate my skill, dodging out of the way just in time. Luckily, #1 is slower than his brother, but, from the way his foot dragged up the pavement, stronger.
"A level 1 with a skill? And that speed… a 2 star?" Thug #2 analyses me before shrugging, "Still, A level 1 is a level 1."
NO, be more cautious! Don't you think it's strange? I could be hiding super secret powers!
My vision's starting to blur, despite my skill, my stats as level 1 means I only have one more leap in me.
I've got to leave, enter the main street, the thugs will book it before the cops get here but I don't care, as long as they didn't hurt…
…hurt who? Why did I come here?
"Gotcha," one of the thugs, takes advantage of my hesitation, grabs my head and slams me into the wall.
Krisht!!
I heard my skull fracture, feel the warm blood run down the back of my neck.
Consciousness drifts, once clear voices becomes blurs. Time slows down in fast forward.
They continue beating me up, I feel kicks in my abdomen.
Voices stops, so do the kicks. Someone must've come.
"Interesting."
In this swirling world of uncertainty, the lone hooded figure stands clear in my vision, leaning casually on the waving mess that must've once been a wall.
"You'll do."
Her voice so clear, reaching me even in the state I'm in. Paradoxically, I feel my consciousness sharpen as I focus on her. Was she always standing there? Sometime after I intervened, I completely forgot about her existence.
From by low angle I can see her face, at least I should yet unlike her clear form, her face was unnaturally obscured in shadow.
"Heh."
As if mocking me, the shadow instantly disappeared, revealing her… no, his… no, its… no, that existence's face.
A completely featureless face looked down at me, a thin, long line growing from where mouths should be.
A N D I T S M I L E S