14. "LOVE SOMETIMES"
Oh what a day, is this what life is like when you love somebody who isn't part of your life? I can't even bring myself to let somebody else touch my body, going back to kissing girls I don't love is something I don't want for myself.
Love sometimes I resent you, sometimes I need you so fucking much, makes me wanna jump out of my own body because I've grown to become weak to your power, without the one I love, I'll be no good.
Without my loved one, I'm kissing girls I don't love, fucking instead of making love, living in misery, using girls as company and nothing more, without my loved one, I'm having too much of meaningless sex, sharing nights with girls that I don't feel anything for.
Love sometimes I wanna erase you from my memory, turn you into a strange substance in my system, sometimes I just wanna fall in and live there, makes me wanna punch the wall because the pain in my heart is all because of you, without the one I love, there is nobody else that will open me up.
Without her, I'll be known as a fuckboy, so distant and never opened up for love, I'll be laying on this bed with girls that don't mean a thing to me, a bed that I was supposed to share with the one I love.
My homie always tells me there's a lot of girls out there but there's only one her in this world,she understands me, she gets me right when I'm losing my way, she enjoys the little things I give to show my appreciation for her, we can sit up the whole night, talking about.
Now it's just a sad memory.
15. "PHUM-PHUM"
The love made on the bed, the kisses exchanged on the old couch, memories of us butt naked under the covers while the sky pours down on the roof and to be honest, I haven't made love to anybody else since we broke up, what does that tell you?
If I had it my way, I'd be wrapped up in those warm arms, I'd listening to that fast heartbeat, some things die hard, for real.
You calling my name, making love faces, our acts of affection, the memories of us taking baths together after making love and I remember going home wearing my green hoody.
If I had it my way, I'd rewind time back to the moment we shared on the tenth of May two years ago, because that's the moment our love took the deeper leap and then everything unfolded to the best experience of love I've ever had.
I wish I could just visit in her dreams, make her smile in her sleep, be on her mind when she wakes up, stay in her mind the entire day, get her text by the end of the day.
The love made on the bed, the kisses exchanged on the old couch, memories of us butt naked under the covers while the sky pours down on the roof and to be honest, I haven't made love to anybody else since we broke up, what does that tell you?
16. "THE SAME NECKLACE"
She's wearing the same necklace that I bought her two years ago in every picture, I guess it fits everything she puts on or does she keeps it as a sentimental that connects her to me? We're oceans away but that's my first love.
I miss hearing her voice, I miss seeing her smile, I miss hearing her laugh, I miss feeling the warmth of her arms, I miss her with every piece of my being.
I hate the reality we're living in, I'm writing a long, sweet dream as a novel while we barely speak, creating a dream into a story that unfolds beautifully events, I guess this novel explains the depth of my emotion around this girl, something tells me that some things are better off unsaid.
It may seem like I'm turning her into a distant memory, it may feel like I'm faking it but that's just my blind love trying to fuck with my brain, I understand the reality we're living in and this is the best way I could handle this pain.
She's wearing the same necklace I bought her two years ago, I guess it fits everything she puts on or does she keeps it as a sentiment that keeps her connected to me in someway? We're not in each other's lives but that's my first love.
17. "WHY?"
Why can't I get her out of my mind, why do I keep seeing her in my dreams, why do I get excited when I get communication from her, why do I still see her as the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on, why do I define her as the girl of my dreams, why does my heart, mind, body and soul want nobody else but her, why can't I move on from the past, why is she still the focal point of my mind even when she has moved on from me, why does she still have that old effect on me, why can't it just end if we are not meant to be? Why can't I simply get along with the change, why can't I find a way forward and if she still loves me, why can't we be together, the angels in the sky know that my heart wants her, why can't my desires win because my intentions are pure, why do all these things occur in my path, all of this confusion and frustration about the same damn thing? Why do I still love her if that's not who I'm supposed to love, why do I keep coming back to "I love her", why can't I stop feeling emotions about her, why did I have to fall so deep in love with her if she would have to leave me, why did I find this love if it would hurt me like this to feel it, why did we share moments like that if she would eventually leave me all alone with the memories, why?
18. "AIN'T NOTHING NEW"
There was once a girl and a boy who fell in love at the age of 19, the girl fell out of love and ended the relationship, the boy found himself losing the meaning of life, he lost himself to girls, lust and destruction.
The relationship didn't make it for whatever reason, I shouldn't hold myself hostage for the faults that I couldn't control, I was young and I didn't know any better, the relationship ended and now life has to go on.
Things like this happen, in every breakup, there is always the one person that's stuck up but those people tend to wind up healing and letting go, maybe now that I'll put in the work, I will also get the same results.
Currently, I wake up with the thought of my pain, trauma and scars, I sleep with the feeling of loneliness, misery and emptiness but I write with hope that the next days bring a better life.
There was once a girl and a boy who fell in love at the age of 19, the girl fell out of love and ended the relationship, the boy found himself losing the meaning of life, he lost himself to girls, lust and destruction.
19. "I DECIDE"
For so long, I've been caught up in this dark space, chasing the ghost of the past and I didn't wanna let go and start over, I guess I was never ready until now.
I decide today that I'm letting go off everything in the past, this thing in my heart that I call "love" doesn't have a place in my life anymore, I'm walking out of this fucking hole and I will never look back.
For so long, I've been caught up in this dark space, chasing the ghosts of the past and I've wasted my life over something that was never meant for me, it had control over me but not anymore, I decide that today, I'm letting go.