Log 028-12-821, I don't know why I bother keeping these logs. Or why I keep making more of them. No one can see them, no one can read them. Only me, as I store them inside my Gem.
Maybe I write them to des-stress. To decompress. To try and understand and work through my feelings. Like a diary, or a journal. Not that I think writing these actually helps! But… I need something, something to trust to speak of… Everything I can't.
This is the second month of our Warp Travel towards Pink Diamond's New Colony. Or, well, a planet system that from what the reports tell me, is extremely resource rich. Though for such a rich world, it was lacking in biological fauna and matter, at least on the surface. I wasn't sure if that was due to the purging operations done to every planet containing such things, or if it was like that already.
If… If I was allowed to be frank… Which, well, this is my personal logs, no one is going to see them. So, yeah, I'm gonna be frank. I fucking hate this mission. I hate being the Fleet Commander, Admiral, or even having this position! I hated Pink Diamond only allowing me to outfit the 'Stalwart' with laser weaponry. LASER WEAPONRY CAN'T GET THROUGH THICK HULLS! I NEED RAILCANONS, TORPEDOS, CANNONS! NOT FANCY LIGHT LASERS!
But that… Wasn't really an issue. It is. Not a serious… Okay it is serious but I am… Sadly accustomed to this state of not being allowed to have actual proper weaponry in my fleet. I had seventy years of hopes dying of ever properly arming my fleet. I'm over it.
Though if that was the only issue I had at the moment I wouldn't feel so miserable as I do now.
There has been this… Curse ever since the second week of our Warp Travel, and temporary stop to watch the collision of two planets. It started with my Crew reporting experiencing ''Nightmares'', something that should be impossible as Gems don't sleep, or even know how to sleep. Or, well, no one in my fleet knew besides me. Perks of… Something, I'm not actually sure what allows me to sleep like a Human. Stars know that I am not one anymore…
Anyways, getting back on track. These Nightmares started spreading. I'm not sure of how, or why it was spreading. I had thought that the origin of these Nightmares was the collision of the two planets, or or the sound of the two planets crushing! But it wasn't that. Or at least the Peridots that I had go over the audio files haven't been affected by these Nightmares, or even reported anything strange with the sound waves.
I had a bad feeling, and I still do… Maybe it's actually guilt that I am feeling, I can't tell.
But… I have watched my Gems shatter. Right in front of me, through recordings, through reports from the other vessels in the fleet. I have seen my crew turning into… Into mindless beasts with cracked Gems. All because of these Nightmares.
Whatever this Curse was that afflicted us. We had to find a cure, a solution to this. Isolate it, if it's contagious. Something! And so, I ordered all the Peridots to fuse with each other. This… Has produced mixed results.
Many Peridots have presented me with their reports on the Curse, and Nightmares. Mostly were theories on their cause with no solution, but… I still had hope that they could find the answer to this Curse. Stars knew that if humans can find cures to diseases with inferior technology than we have, than it was only a matter of time for us to find it…
Time that I didn't know if we had. Rubies, Sapphires, Peridots, Jaspers, Amethysts, Rose Quartzes, Labrodorites, Ametrines, and various other Gems were shattering themselves. Their Gems cracking themselves because of these Nightmares. And the ones that were cracked and poofed? Reformed as mindless corrupted beasts! It all made no sense! It still doesn't! Not even after rereading my logs about this fucking curse do I have any clue on to what might be causing it!
''My Emerald?''
And it's so frustrating! My first mission wasn't meant to go down like this! This should've been an easy assignment! Not a fucking problem solving voyage! I was meant to be bored out of my mind for six months at best and five years at worst! And what do I get?!? MY GEMS ARE SHATTERING THEMSELVES FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON!
''My Emerald!'' Peridotite snapped her fingers in front of my eyes, and I growled at her interruption.
''What is it, Peridotite? Have you come to give me another useless Theory?'' I growled out at her and she quickly shook her head nervously. She was going to do that, wasn't she?
*Slam!*
''I am tired of these useless Theories Peridotite! My Gems need a solution! Not a hypothetical!'' I frowned at my now cracked table, before I glared at Peridotite. She was sweating and she slowly nodded before she cleared her throat.
''My Emerald, I, I mean- We, might have a… possible solution to these Nightmares…'' She trailed off for some reason. I took a deep breath, and massaged my Gem and eye.
''Please tell me you aren't going to suggest we simply poof them or something stupid? I already heard that solution thirteen times.'' I groaned in annoyance, and Peridotite was quick to shake her arms.
''No, no, no! Our solution isn't anything like that!'' Peridotite cried out, and I rolled my eye at her, ''Then tell me your 'solution'. It can't be as bad as what Frigate 012 came up with.'' I sighed and she quickly nodded.
''Our solution is… Fusing!'' She said and I… paused.
''What?'' I muttered in confusion as Peridotite pulled out a holotable and began showing me… Are those Gem matrixes? What the hell does this… No… It can't be such a stupid and simple reason as that, right? It couldn't be because their Gems are overloading themselves and their energy matrixes simply can't handle it… Right?
''-And as you can see here, if we compare the readings from this cracked Ruby and this shattered one it is clear as day that their matrixes are generating too much energy! We haven't narrowed down the cause, besides a few possibilities. Your suspicion of it being caused by a sound wave is still a possibility, my Emerald. But for now we actually suspect some type of radiation from the Collision is the one responsible for our losses and cracking of Gems!'' Peridotite continued with her explanation as I just… Processed it all.
''We have ruled out it could've been something outside of the Colliding. But I have two Peridotites still pursuing that line of thought just in case! If I, I mean, We are correct this should solve or at least stabilize our Gems having Nightmares! It might actually stop them all together!'' She said excitedly, and I just nodded.
Fucking radiation particles were the cause? The reason of why I lost so many Gems? Had… Had Apple Peridot shatter before my very eyes?!? BECAUSE OF A STUPID PARTICLE?!?
*crick!* *CRACK!*
''Ah!'' Peridotite jumped away in surprise, as I gritted my teeth before I focused my attention to her.
''You have my permission to perform experiments in Fusing. As long as it… As long as it solves these Nightmares. You are dismissed.'' I ordered and she was quick to vanish from my quarters.
''A fucking Radiation particle… Hahaha!'' I couldn't help it, I laughed.
I laughed, and laughed, and laughed until my voice ran course. I lost so many Gems because of a damn particle shifting things! Just like that stupid fucking speedrun that I half-remember! Isn't that funny?!? Isn't that funny?!? ISN'T THAT FUNNY?!?
I LOST MY FAVORITE PERIDOT TO A FUCKING PARTICLE! A PARTICLE!
She wasn't killed by filthy organics, she wasn't shattered because she tried to protect me, she- she- she died because of a fucking particle!
*Crack*
''H-H-Huh?'' I touched my face in confusion, this… What is… Why can't I see from my Gem anymore? Why isn't-
*Poof!*