Chapter 3
Finally. Home.
After running for my life, tripping twice, almost being sliced in half, and somehow surviving through sheer stupidity and luck… I'm back.
I kicked the door open, collapsed inside, and made direct contact with my beloved bed. "Oh, my sweet fluffy heaven… I'll never cheat on you again," I muttered, hugging the pillow like it was a long-lost lover.
…But the universe, as usual, hates me.
Something shiny caught the corner of my eye. Against my better judgment, I tilted my head toward the mirror across the room.
The crown.
Still there. Sitting perfectly on top of my head as if it had grown roots into my skull.
"Oh, you again," I groaned. "Didn't I tell you we were done? I tried taking you off. You didn't listen. Don't give me that smug look."
Yes, I was arguing with a reflection. Don't judge me.
I stood up just enough to shuffle toward the mirror and poked at the thing. No use. Stuck tighter than my debt to the artifact dealer.
Honestly, I wanted to ignore it again like I usually do with my problems. But the more I stared, the weirder it felt. That faint glow around it wasn't there before, was it? Or maybe I was just seeing things from exhaustion. Yeah, let's go with that.
…Still. Why the hell me? Out of everyone in this town, why slap a crown on me, a guy who considers breathing too much effort?
I sighed and flopped back on the bed, covering my face with the blanket. "Nope. Not dealing with it today. Crown, monsters, angry guards, oversized meathead… forget it. Today, I'm dead. Officially retired from life."
The smell of dried blood on my clothes reminded me otherwise. Oh, right. Speaking of which…
The reason I was soaked in red earlier? Yeah. Let's rewind a bit.
The blood thing? Yeah… that was a whole disaster.
So, there I was like the professional at doing nothing that I am lying on a rock, taking the best nap of my life after that whole crown incident. The forest was peaceful, the breeze was nice, and the ground? Surprisingly comfortable. Honestly, five stars. Would sleep there again.
Then… monsters showed up.
Now, don't ask me what kind, because I wasn't paying attention. All I remember was this awful smell, like rotten meat stuffed inside wet socks, and the sound of claws scratching against stone. Oh, and drool dripping on my face. Yeah. That one woke me up.
Naturally, I did what I always do when danger appears. I pretended to be dead. Worked before, might as well work again, right?
Wrong.
These things weren't that dumb. They sniffed me like I was a midnight snack. And considering how fragile my body is, I might as well have been.
Luckily for me, Rena was there. Unluckily for her, Rena was there.
The moment she saw the monsters closing in, she went berserk. Her blade flashed, her steps blurred, and in seconds the peaceful forest turned into a gore festival. Trees got painted red, monsters got sliced in half, and me? I got more blood on me than a butcher's apron. all without lifting a single finger.
She screamed at me a few times too, something about, "LAIRN, DO SOMETHING!" But come on. What did she expect? I had, like, three artifacts on me and two were nap-related. Was I supposed to sleep the monsters to death?
So yeah, Rena handled everything while I watched the clouds. A perfect division of labor, if you ask me.
By the time it was over, the ground looked like a meat grinder exploded. Rena stood there, panting, her clothes soaked through, glaring at me like I was the biggest idiot alive. Which, to be fair, I might be.
And that's how we both ended up walking home drenched in blood, like we'd just lost a fight with a paint bucket.
I snapped out of the memory with a sigh, slumping deeper into my chair.
"…Man, that was exhausting just remembering it."
Finally. silence. Peace. Rest.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
My eye twitched.
"…No way."
The knocking came again, harder this time. My whole body stiffened like a kid caught stealing cookies.
"They've come for me," I muttered, reaching up to clutch the stupid crown still glued to my head. "The guards finally tracked me down…!"
Cautiously, I peeked out the window. Sure enough, armor glinting in the sunlight, swords at their sides, and those serious, no-nonsense expressions.
"Crap… they do look like the type that'll lock me up without a word. Am I really about to become a prisoner?!"
I paced in small circles, panic clawing at my chest. Then a thought hit me.
"…Wait. Jail has beds, right? Meals… three times a day? And no one would bother me if I just slept all day?"
I actually paused to seriously consider it. Prison didn't sound all that bad. Kind of like… a government-sponsored vacation.
Then the knocking turned into banging.
"Oi, we know someone's in there!"
I shot upright. "Nope. Not worth it. I'm not letting them take me alive!"
I scrambled for the back door, each step creaking loudly enough to announce my escape. My hand gripped the knob.
"HEY! Stop right there!" one of the guards shouted as soon as I slipped outside.
My blood ran cold. "See!? They are after me!"
And so, I bolted through the alleys like a true fugitive, crown glinting under the sun like a giant glowing target on my head.
My lungs were already begging for mercy after two turns down the alley.
"Why… why is running so hard… I swear I'm fast, just… not conditioned for this…"
I ducked behind a barrel, crouching low. My heart hammered as the sound of armored footsteps echoed nearby.
"Check over there!" one of them barked.
I froze, clutching the rim of the barrel like my life depended on it. Then, squeak.
The wood groaned under me.
CRASH!
The whole barrel tipped, sending me rolling out into the street like a human-sized pinball.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow…!"
I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the scraps of cabbage sticking to my clothes, and dashed forward again.
The guards blinked at me. "…Is he. running from us?"
"Looks like it."
"Why? We're literally trying to-"
"Shh, don't question it. Just follow."
Meanwhile, I hurled myself over a low fence, landing right into someone's laundry line. A pair of pants slapped onto my face.
"Damn ambush!" I cried, ripping them off and tossing them aside. The old lady down the street screamed about her missing laundry, but I didn't look back.
One of the guards scratched his head. "Is he… fighting laundry?"
I bolted again, weaving through the streets, but every corner I turned, I swore there were more guards closing in.
"They've mobilized the whole army for me, haven't they!?" I shouted, gripping my crown. "It's over! I'm surrounded!"
In reality, it was like… six guards. And half of them were just jogging casually behind me, not even winded.
I ducked into another alley and pressed myself against the wall, gasping for air. My crown tilted slightly, reflecting the sun.
…And that's when I realized.
"They don't want me. They want the crown!"
The paranoia hit me like a thunderbolt.
"Of course! That cursed, stuck piece of junk glued to my head! It's the source of all my problems! Guards, bandits, monsters. everyone wants a piece of me because of it!"
My fists clenched. I nodded firmly to myself.
"…There's only one option left. I've got to get rid of this crown… even if it kills me!"
Chapter Ends