The day started normally. Which, in my life, means Goblin Coupon Gang showed up at 7AM in ninja outfits, claiming they were on "spy patrol."
"We'll catch the rival's saboteurs, Boss!" Globby announced, tripping over his own feet and smashing into the snack shelf.
"Fantastic." I muttered, sipping coffee. "Please sabotage my store less than the enemy does."
At noon, Mirae leaned across the counter.
"Customers are complaining again. Someone's been spreading flyers that say your food is made of..." she squinted at the paper "rat meat?"
"WHAT?!" I grabbed it. Sure enough, in bold red ink:
"Han's Dungeon Diner - Now With 100% Authentic Sever Rat Flavor!"
I rubbed my face.
"They don't even use proper grammar. If you're going to ruin my reputation, at least proofread!"
Before Mirae could reply, the front door slammed open.
In marched a group of rough-looking adventurers. Not the usual quirky dungeon delvers who wanted snacks mid-run. No, these guys looked like they'd been hired specifically to wreck things. Scarred, armored, and glaring at everything like my shop had killed their parents.
"You Hanseok?" the leader asked, cracking his knuckles.
I blinked. "...no, I'm his twin brother. Uh... Danseok."
Mirae smacked me.
"That's him."
"Traitor." I hissed.
The adventurers began overturning tables, shouting insults, and throwing snack packs around like grenades. Mirae immediately armed herself with a frying pan.
"Get out or I'm rearranging your skulls!" she yelled.
One of them laughed.
"Cute girl thinks she's tough."
CLANG.
The frying pan hit his helmet so hard he spun three times before collapsing. Mirae smirked.
I, meanwhile, was busy defending the counter by throwing hot coffee at another attacker.
"BEHOLD! THE LEGENDARY HAN-BREW BURN!"
The guy screamed, clutching his face.
"IT'S SO BITTER!"
"That's just how I make it." I said proudly.
Suddenly, the back door burst open.
The Goblin Coupon Gang charged in, armed with... coupon guns?
"50% OFF BULLETS!" they shouted, firing wads of paper at the intruders.
A coupon smacked one adventurer in the face. He peeled it off and squinted.
"Buy One Potion, Get One Half Off?'"
Globby pointed dramatically.
"EXPIRES NEVER!"
To my shock, the man actually froze in confusion long enough for Spicy, my fireball of a familiar, to shoot a tiny flame at his boots. He shrieked, hopping around while yelling,
"MY SHOES! THEY'RE LIMITED EDITION!"
Just when it seemed we might hold our ground, the leader pulled out a scroll. Dark energy swirled around it.
"This shop is over." he snarled.
"Boss's orders."
The floor trembled. A summoned beast, hulking and grotesque, clawed its way into the store.
Customers screamed and bolted.
Mirae's eyes widened.
"...Hanseok. That thing is huge."
"Yeah. But on the bright side, at least it's not asking for a refund."
Before the beast could smash through the counter, an arrow whistled past my ear, striking its arm.
"Oi" came a gruff voice from the door. It was the rugged old archer gray-haired, eternally miserable.
"I was gonna buy lunch. Now I gotta save your sorry ass again?"
He loosed another arrow, this one exploding on impact. The beast howled.
Mirae swung her frying pan like she was born with it. The goblins swarmed with coupons, and Spicy zoomed around screaming "HOT HOT HOT!" while setting minor fires everywhere.
And me? I grabbed the mop. Don't judge. It was the closest weapon I had.
"FOR THE STORE!" I yelled, charging in.
After what felt like hours (but was probably ten minutes), the beast collapsed into smoke. The adventurers, beaten, groaned on the floor.
The leader spat blood and glared at me.
"You'll regret this. The rival dungeon won't stop."
I leaned on my mop, panting.
"Yeah, yeah. Tell your boss I said thanks for the free labor. You cleaned up half my shelves just by smashing into them."
Mirae facepalmed. The goblins cheered. Spicy coughed smoke. The old archer muttered something about "idiots everywhere."
But inside, I was shaking. This wasn't just a prank war anymore. The rival dungeon was playing for keeps.
Points Update
• Before Fight: 1365
• No deliveries today.
• After Rival Clash Reward (Dungeon bonus): +150
• New Balance: 1515