"I only wanted them to stop… I didn't want to kill them..." I stammer, my voice breaking."I'm a murderer. I killed people. They had lives families, someone waiting for them. And I just erased their existence." Like it's nothing.
"That's right… it's my birthday today."I close my eyes, shaking with grief."I wish all of this had never happened. As if life at home wasn't enough now this, I feel like the world hates me, well then, happy birthday to me."
I was covered in blood, hungry, confused, shocked, and at a loss of what to do. Absolutely no words, at least none that I knew of, could describe how I was feeling. Amidst all this chaos, I couldn't help but wonder if my father had even tried to look for me.
My limbs trembled as I pushed myself up. There was nothing I could do, as much as I wished I could go back and change everything. The past was unchangeable, at least that was clear.Then, a name echoed in my blurry mind, Leniva.Aunt said that was my mother's home, but it seems too familiar.Where had I heard or seen it before?My head ached as I tried to solve this puzzle.
It finally hit me, and it hit hard. I remembered where I had seen the name Leniva,it was my neighbor's house. I mean, my aunt's house.I felt like a prisoner who was about to break out of jail, but as he got to the gate, he remembered he forgot the keys he had stolen in his cell.The silence made me feel uneasy; my heart pounded with a mixture of anger, sorrow, and of course, fear.Would I have to go back?
Back to the place I had fled from.Back to that torture house of a home.Back to that beast of a father.No way, but then again, what choice did I have?I'm just a sixteen-year-old girl, drenched in blood, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. With a monster that calls himself my father waiting to devour me like a predator. I, a sixteen-year-old girl, who all of a sudden is supposed to be a princess but just unalived five fully grown men without knowing how.So indeed, what choice was there?In the end, the need for answers outweighed even the great fear I had for my father.
Honestly, it wasn't him I feared anymore.I was afraid of myself.Afraid of what I had done… and what I might do again.
I clenched my fists, determination burning inside me. I was going to survive. How? I don't know but one thing I was sure of was that I will get answers.My life had changed into something unrecognizable. It had never been perfect, in fact it was far from that but at least before, I had my sanity. Now, even that felt like it was slipping away. If I didn't find an explanation soon, I fear I might lose myself completely.Making my way out of the cave, I made up my mind to return to my aunt's house. My skin itched uncontrollably due to the dry blood. I finally felt the hunger which had been pushed out due to fear. I wandered through the forest, searching for anything edible, anything at all which could ease this feeling.At last I managed to find a few wild berries, I had lived in the forest for all my life so I could tell it was edible. I ate them quickly, unable to stop myself, but it wasn't nearly enough.My feet were sore, I didn't realize how far into the forest the cave was. I dragged my legs trying my best not to fall.A part of me prayed I wouldn't run into my father. He's probably out getting drunk, like always. Goodness knows where he gets the alcohol.
At last I arrived. Just as I had hoped, he wasn't there. My aunt's house was a few trees away from mine. I slipped past the trees and made my way quietly to my aunt's house. My shoulders loosened up and I let out a small sigh of comfort and relief as I stepped inside.
For a moment, it felt like my aunt was still here. I could still hear her gentle yet commanding voice as she gave me the necklace in this exact spot. But reality struck again. The aunt I saw as a kind neighbor was gone with no explanation at all.
My skin crawled. The dried blood still clung to my body like a leech. Like any reasonable person would do, I rushed to the bathroom, turned on the shower. I scrubbed as hard as I could as if trying to wash away the memory of what had happened in the cave.It was a cold night but for some reason the water was warm, warm and so very comforting.As the warm water poured down on me the images came flooding back.The blood.The bodies.The mocking laughter.My screams.Tears rolled down my cheeks, mixing with the water. I scrubbed harder, using every bit of strength left in me but no amount of washing could make me feel clean.After drying off, I stepped into my aunt's room and opened the wardrobe. It was still filled with beautiful long gowns, each one neatly arranged. I smiled faintly, remembering how i used to admire my aunt when she wore them, so elegant, so graceful. Aunt had always worn a scarf wrapped tightly around her head.I had never once seen her without it.The smile quickly faded from my face with the haunting thought that I might never see her again. All my bones were weak, my strength drained completely. I made my way to the room. Lying on the bed, I felt an unexpected sense of comfort wrap around me. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to lie in a real bed. Hugging the pillow, I silently thanked whoever had invented it. Before long, sleep pulled me in.